writing assignment. please help. --NIQ COME HELP.

[jennlin]

i'm helping a friend re-write his online dating profile, bc i told him it sucks, that's why everyone who "wanted to meet him" was very old (he's in his 40's, and attracting 50 and 60yr olds).

i rewrote it for him, and it turns out, now they're worse, or he's not getting any hits. he showed a female friend of his, and she said "it looks like it was written by a girl". ugh. i can't win. this is what i wrote for him...how can i fix it? what do YOU want to see in an online dating profile?

My name is John, I was recently in a long-term relationship where our differences were too great. I'm looking for steady friendships to expand my social circle, and if a romantic relationship forms, that would be a bonus. I am loyal and have strong work-ethic (I've been working for the same company for over 20 years). I enjoy high-adrenaline, and water sports. I am a certified scuba-diver, and I have spent some time racing hydroplanes. I enjoy fine dining (Metropolitan Grill, Cabbage Patch), watching comedy movies, and traveling internationally. My favorite vacation was when I visited Southern Asia earlier this year. I don't smoke, and only drink on social occasions.

Let's meet at a coffee-shop where we can talk and get to know each other better. I believe men should always pay on the first date.

[Deleted]

My name is John. I'm looking for lasting friendships to expand my social circle, and hopefully I'll find a special lady along the way. I enjoy high-adrenaline, and water sports. I am a certified scuba-diver, and I have spent some time racing hydroplanes. I enjoy fine dining, watching comedy movies, and traveling internationally. My favorite vacation was when I visited Southern Asia earlier this year. I don't smoke, and only drink on social occasions.

Let's meet at a coffee-shop where we can talk and get to know each other better.

[Deleted]

Totally, it does seem really formal. No offense, Jenn, but the original seemed more like he was applying for a job.

It needs more personality.

[amandasw]

Jul 31, 2012 12:16:11 GMT -5 @uwhuskygirl said:

My name is John. I'm looking for lasting friendships to expand my social circle, and hopefully I'll find a special lady along the way. I enjoy high-adrenaline, and water sports. I am a certified scuba-diver, and I have spent some time racing hydroplanes. I enjoy fine dining, watching comedy movies, and traveling internationally. My favorite vacation was when I visited Southern Asia earlier this year. I don't smoke, and only drink on social occasions.

Let's meet at a coffee-shop where we can talk and get to know each other better.

:Y:

I like this, I think something about the original was just a little too shmoozy or something. Guys are not long-winded, so that was probably the odd part, lol. But you're an awesome friend for helping him out with this!

[amandasw]

where is Niq when you need him!?

[jennlin]

Jul 31, 2012 12:20:41 GMT -5 @uwhuskygirl said:

Totally, it does seem really formal. No offense, Jenn, but the original seemed more like he was applying for a job.

It needs more personality.

totally offended! you're mean! i hate you all! i was just asking for advice!! good bye cruel GBCN!

[jennlin]

and really, i have no idea if online profiles are supposed to have humor. and yes, he's funny. his name rhymes with a baiter that is master. y ou know. mastur..... and he says "name name, the MB". his name also rhymes with a bunch of other things. i'm not sure. he's got "old guy humor"

[Deleted]

hahaha, insert some old guy humor in there.

[Deleted]

Yes, where is Niq! It sounds a bit too formal, and if he is a funny guy, then it definitely needs some humor in there. Most women I know like guys with a sense of humor and it's important that their types the appreciate match. However, I wouldn't use an MB joke in a dating profile

[emyinpink]

I'm John, an adrenaline junkie, scuba-diver, and hydroplane racer. Looking for friends to experience great food, comedy, and traveling the world. Finding a special lady along the way would be a plus. Non-smoker, occasional drinker. Let's grab coffee and chat.

[jennlin]

Jul 31, 2012 13:33:03 GMT -5 @emyinpink said:

I'm John, an adrenaline junkie, scuba-diver, and hydroplane racer. Looking for friends to experience great food, comedy, and traveling the world. Finding a special lady along the way would be a plus. Non-smoker, occasional drinker. Let's grab coffee and chat.

i love this. but now he sounds so young!!!!

[Deleted]

Jul 31, 2012 13:44:09 GMT -5 @lauralynne said:

Jul 31, 2012 13:35:00 GMT -5 jennlin said:

i love this. but now he sounds so young!!!!

Let them look at his actual age - this is a great into paragraph!

I really like this too.

[jennlin]

on a side-note...anybody know a woman looking for a friend? he's either 42 or 49..i forgot. he told me he was 49..and then when i believed him, he said "YOU BELIEVED ME?! i'm 42.". so i believed him. then somebody told me he lied again, and is actually 49.

he said late 30's is okay, early 30's is too young.

[emyinpink]

yay, I feel talented, haha.

[jennlin]

Jul 31, 2012 14:41:52 GMT -5 @emyinpink said:

yay, I feel talented, haha.

you should write online dating profiles for a living