I'm officially freaking the fuck out.

[bananapancakes]

Oh my! Yes, that is worthy of a freak out.

[madringal]

I am sorry, but there isn't really anything you can do. I know it is hard to watch people you love make horrible decisions.

[pantaloons55]

I'm sorry to hear this, it sounds a little odd, but your Mom is entitled to do as she wishes. There are a lot of kids that do this to their parents too... its not nice, but you have to trust they are adults. 

It sucks that your bro is having a hard time with it, and believe me that I don't mean to sound snarky, but there isn't much you can do but let them figure it out. He's a grown man and can leave his mother's home any time he wants to.

I understand the feeling of wanting to protect/fix it (I have a needy mother and a little brother too) but may be best to sit back on this one. See what happens

[cinnamoncox]

I'm sorry this is is worrisome. What does your brother think? Since he lives there, maybe he can get a better handle on the situation. I mean, I know she's an adult and can do what she wants, but I completely understand your concern for her. I may have missed in the op, but are you local to her?

[pantaloons55]

Nov 8, 2014 14:05:23 GMT -5 letsgetweird said:

Omg. This is worrying me so much. She could easily get involved with some bad person, someone that wants to take advantage of her because she's so vulnerable.

I'm bawling my eyes out.

I'm sorry you are so upset (please don't take my previous post as uncaring) but I think the best thing you can do is keep calm yourself. Seriously, because reactions tend to cause even more problems (My Mom lived this with her Dad finding and re-marrying very, very quickly, like less than a year). My advice (having watched this) is as much as you can, take a calm, collected, wait and see approach

[Eagles]

Nov 8, 2014 14:14:39 GMT -5 mofongo said:

Nov 8, 2014 14:10:43 GMT -5 pantaloons55 said:

I'm sorry to hear this, it sounds a little odd, but your Mom is entitled to do as she wishes. There are a lot of kids that do this to their parents too... its not nice, but you have to trust they are adults. 

It sucks that your bro is having a hard time with it, and believe me that I don't mean to sound snarky, but there isn't much you can do but let them figure it out. He's a grown man and can leave his mother's home any time he wants to.

I understand the feeling of wanting to protect/fix it (I have a needy mother and a little brother too) but may be best to sit back on this one. See what happens

You may not be aware that her father very recently passed away. 

LGW - I'm so sorry:( She's making, quite frankly, dangerous decision. 

I'm in agreement with Mofo, here.  She's known him for a week.  This would concern me greatly.  Has she been in counseling since your dad passed, LGW? 

[pantaloons55]

Nov 8, 2014 14:14:39 GMT -5 mofongo said:

Nov 8, 2014 14:10:43 GMT -5 pantaloons55 said:

I'm sorry to hear this, it sounds a little odd, but your Mom is entitled to do as she wishes. There are a lot of kids that do this to their parents too... its not nice, but you have to trust they are adults. 

It sucks that your bro is having a hard time with it, and believe me that I don't mean to sound snarky, but there isn't much you can do but let them figure it out. He's a grown man and can leave his mother's home any time he wants to.

I understand the feeling of wanting to protect/fix it (I have a needy mother and a little brother too) but may be best to sit back on this one. See what happens

You may not be aware that her father very recently passed away. 

LGW - I'm so sorry:( She's making, quite frankly, dangerous decision. 

Thanks mofongo, I read her last thread. I guess because I've seen this happen (my grandpa) I know that sometimes this actually works out, as strange as it seems to us. It hadn't even been a year and my g-pa was re-married...its been 20 some years since then, and they are still around, and happy. Its definitely something to watch closely. However, my Mom freaked the fuck out and it has caused problems for years. She understand now that it what was best for her Dad, but it was messy for a long time. I think if my Mom had been able to keep a little calmer (no blame here, I know this is awful) I think it might have taken a diferent road for her and her step-mom


ETA: All that to say, just my 2 cents, which are meaningless. just trying to come at it from all the angles, because while this is WTF-worthy, a careful approach with her Mom is my best advice.

[cinnamoncox]

Oh, I just read you previous post. Your brother won't be any help here. I didn't realize the back story. I'm so sorry, but I can understand your mom trying to figure out how to move on. She is so young still and having been caretaker. What an emotional time. I'm sorry, LGW. I hope your mom finds happiness, and this man isn't trying to take advantage. I think right now you have to just trust your mom's judgement and be supportive of her. Good luck.

[Eagles]

Nov 8, 2014 14:18:42 GMT -5 pantaloons55 said:

Nov 8, 2014 14:14:39 GMT -5 mofongo said:

You may not be aware that her father very recently passed away. 

LGW - I'm so sorry:( She's making, quite frankly, dangerous decision. 

Thanks mofongo, I read her last thread. I guess because I've seen this happen (my grandpa) I know that sometimes this actually works out, as strange as it seems to us. It hadn't even been a year and my g-pa was re-married...its been 20 some years since then, and they are still around, and happy. Its definitely something to watch closely. However, my Mom freaked the fuck out and it has caused problems for years. She understand now that it what was best for her Dad, but it was messy for a long time. I think if my Mom had been able to keep a little calmer (no blame here, I know this is awful) I think it might have taken a diferent road for her and her step-mom

She has known the man for a WEEK.  A week.  And is moving him into her house.  That has danger signals all over it. 

[cinnamoncox]

Nov 8, 2014 14:21:12 GMT -5 letsgetweird said:

I cannot be supportive of my mom moving someone in after only a week. That is fucking insane.

I do want my mom to be happy and I was okay with her dating. But in no way am I okay with this.

I feel like I don't even know her.

Oh man. How did they meet? If it's a friend of a friend, maybe it's less risky than a complete stranger. I'm really sorry, this is a tough situation and I wish you (and her) well.

[pixy0stix]

First, I'm really sorry for your loss.

Second, this is shitty, for you and for your mom. You have every right to be worried, scared, angry, etc. However, the only thing you can do is be there for when she needs you. The best thing for YOU is to acknowledge that you can't do anything right at this moment.

[cinnamoncox]

Nov 8, 2014 14:25:07 GMT -5 letsgetweird said:

Nov 8, 2014 14:23:59 GMT -5 cinnamoncox said:

Oh man. How did they meet? If it's a friend of a friend, maybe it's less risky than a complete stranger. I'm really sorry, this is a tough situation and I wish you (and her) well.

I think she met him online. And he just moved here from Kansas. And doesn't have a job.

Yikes! Oh boy LGW, oh boy. I'm terribly sorry. I can't imagine. I would be worried too, very much so. I wish her well. I hope so very much that he is on the up and up.

[Eagles]

Nov 8, 2014 14:21:12 GMT -5 letsgetweird said:

I cannot be supportive of my mom moving someone in after only a week. That is fucking insane.

I do want my mom to be happy and I was okay with her dating. But in no way am I okay with this.

I feel like I don't even know her.

I'm sorry.  I really am.  When my mom's second marriage was breaking up, she had a nervous breakdown and lost her shit and it was like I could not get through to her at all, nor could my sister or aunts.  She was making a series of really poor choices in an attempt to hang onto him, and it's had some serious repercussions over the last several years.  I know what it's like when a previously normal parent sort of loses the thread and you just don't know what to do or how to reach her with sense.  I really want to give you a hug. 

[steph96]

Oh goodness. I'm so sorry.

Do you think you could get your mom to go to family therapy?

[tripleshot]

I'd be very upset too. Will she tell you his full name so you can google him and see if he has a record in Kansas?

[pixy0stix]

You know how you're seeing your mom make a bad choice and want to do something about it? That's what those of us here telling you that you can't do anything about it are seeing in you.

I wish you luck.

[rosiebear]

This sucks and I'm sorry she's making such a bad, frightening choice. I hope you can gather ALL the information on him and, even if he's the nicest guy in the world, talk her out of this insanity.

[pixy0stix]

Nov 8, 2014 14:50:17 GMT -5 mofongo said:

Nov 8, 2014 14:46:48 GMT -5 pixy0stix said:

You know how you're seeing your mom make a bad choice and want to do something about it? That's what those of us here telling you that you can't do anything about it are seeing in you.

I wish you luck.

I don't think this is fair. I don't get the feeling she's planning some huge intervention, just venting and feeling appropriately upset. There is nothing she can do, really. It's ok to have feelings about it, though.

ETA: If this were my mom, there's no way I could completely keep my mouth shut. lol. I think she has the right to express her feelings.

And I acknowledged that in my first post.

[pixy0stix]

Nov 8, 2014 14:53:40 GMT -5 mofongo said:

Nov 8, 2014 14:52:36 GMT -5 pixy0stix said:

And I acknowledged that in my first post.

Then why are you telling her she's about to make a 'bad choice'? A girl can vent.

I just don't like seeing someone beating their head against a brick wall and expecting a result. That's it. I didn't say anything about her venting here.

[sunshineluv]

Holy shit.

Do you have his whole name? I would research him a ton. I ran a background check on my moms (now husband) when they got engaged after three months.

Could you and your siblings confront her? I would be tempted to do something dramatic like intervention style.

[Dezi]

I would be freaking out too. This is obviously her strange way of getting over her grief and its so sad that your brother is stuck in the middle of it.

[cinnamoncox]

Nov 8, 2014 14:51:43 GMT -5 letsgetweird said:

I think it would be abnormal for someone not to express concern in this situation.

Have you spoken to your other siblings about it yet? I think you just found out very recently, right? Now that I've read she met him online and he's from out of state, it's way more concerning, for sure. I agree with triple shot, can you get his name and at least google him or see what you can find out about him? If they were just dating I'd say myob, but not if he's relocating and they've known each other a week.
Was she communicating with him online for while, then she just met him in person a week ago, or did she only "meet" him online a week ago and it's progressed this quickly?
I feel over invested, sorry if I'm prying.

[rosiebear]

Wow, she is really defensive. Go over when you can. I mean, of course you're trying to talk her out of it, because it's nuts. But you can approach it as just getting information: who is this guy, and why does she think this is a good idea? What would she say if it was you, or one of her other children? What would he say to his kids (if he has any)?

I'm just really sorry.

[cinnamoncox]

I'd definitely go over there and just meet him and talk to her. See how it goes. If she's defensive and stuff already, I wouldn't openly pry, because she may get more defensive and not give his name or other details.
Meet him, go from there. Google the daylights out of him though. Alternate spellings of his name, too. Once you meet him you'll know what he looks like so you'll know if it's really him.
Good luck!

[tulip]

Nov 8, 2014 14:59:25 GMT -5 mofongo said:

Nov 8, 2014 14:58:30 GMT -5 pixy0stix said:

I just don't like seeing someone beating their head against a brick wall and expecting a result. That's it. I didn't say anything about her venting here.

She JUST found out today. Some of the responses in here are so bizarre! 

I agree. My H went through something kind of like this with his Mom after FIL died and even the fact that he had known the men she dated and the one she eventually married it still is upsetting to him. It's a bunch of change to process on top of grief for everyone and this is beyond a totally normal reaction.

[flex]

Speaking from experience, grief makes you insane...seriously. You lose your mind for the first year. I hooked up with someone I shouldn't have four months after DH died. If I had been in my right mind I wouldn't have done that. But I needed some form of Band-Aid to get me out of my own head.

I'm worried about your mom too. Even if she wasn't still in mourning. Doesn't she read the news about all the murdering whackos out there??

[SKP82]

Oh man, LGW, I'm sorry you're going through this. I would also be freaking out.

I would probably sit down with her and discuss my concerns. Hopefully she will listen to what you have to say.

[lilac05]

I would be concerned, too, and would also talk to her about it. Yes, it may cause a rift in your relationship right now, but it's totally worth it if it keeps her from being taken advantage of, or worse.

If she was truly in a good place & confident in her relationship, she would invite you over to meet this new amazing guy, so you could see that there is nothing to fear. The fact that she is so defensive is worrisome to me.

This has NOTHING to do with your MOM moving on after your dad's passing, and everything to do with watching someone you love in a potentially dangerous situation. Make sure she knows that! (Even though I'm sure it's difficult to watch her move on, too...that's not what is upsetting you right now.)

[bonquiqui]

I would freak out too. My dad died in April, and admittedly, i would be sad if she moved on so fast.

Something is not right, since it's been 7 days and they are moving in. Ugh not cool

[RoxMonster]

I'm so sorry; this is worrisome. If it were me, I would totally want to say something to my mom too if she was doing this. It is a concerning situation.