Newbie with a work vent

[rightawaynow]

There isn't anyone I can talk to about this in real life and I need to get this off my chest.  I recieved a promotion at work to manager.  It has not yet been announced because they are waiting for the person currently in the position to announce his retirement.  That means I  privy to management info, but my co-workers don't know that.   I work with one of my best friends, she made a really big mistake at work today and is going to be terminated tomorrow.  She has been calling me distraught about it all evening.  I can't tell her without putting my own job in jeopardy, but I feel like a big fat fake trying to make her feel better.There is no way I could tell her just for her own peace of mind and ask her to keep it quiet, she will fly off the handle and take me down with her.  There isn't a solution, I just needed to get this off my chest.     edited because I cannot proofread on this tiny screen!       t

[calle28]

Oh man, what an awkward situation to be in!

[calle28]

Sorry about your friend.

Congrats on your promotion. I'm sure it feels bittersweet right now.

[iamali]

Well, if you're going to be in management, you need to learn to separate any friendships you have, QUICKLY.

[rosiedozie]

That's awful

Just stay strong, it will all be out in the open tomorrow.

[lilac05]

That's a really crappy situation. Your friend will be very hurt if she finds out later that you knew, didn't tell her, and try to comfort her and tell her everything would be OK. She'll (eventually) understand if you are there to support her, but don't tell her what you know and don't try to tell her things will be fine.

Do your best to just listen to her vent and help her figure out what she will say when she is addressed by management about her mistake. It's hard, but you can be there for her and support her without lying to her about the future of her job or putting your job in jeopardy.

[leeluu]

Luckily, you haven't publicly transitioned into the position yet and don't have to be the one to fire her.

[olegregg]

Man, that is hard. Don't tell her anything though. And be prepared to have to button your lip a lot at work, since there'll probably be more instances in this vein where you need to be mum. And yeah, management...it sure isn't easy!

[SKP82]

That is a really difficult position to be in. I'm glad you realize that you cannot tell her because that would put you in jeopardy as well. I'm glad that this is happening tomorrow, though, so that you don't have to keep this secret for long.

[onomatopoeia]

Oh man, that stinks. That does put you in a bad place. I honestly wouldn't even answer the phone or talk/text to her at all. If she flies off the handle tomorrow when they actually terminate her, the last thing you want to happen is for her to say something like "but, rightawaynow said everything would be okay!!!" or something like that. Slim chance, but you never know.

Good luck with your new job (and I hope your friendship survives).

[MixedBerryJam]

I know it's hard and you're probably feeling like you're having to choose between being a manager and being a friend, but you don't, and you're absolutely doing the right thing keeping your mouth shut about this. Good luck tomorrow. I'm sure it won't be easy, but it sounds like you're handling this perfectly.

[EmilieMadison]

That blows. 
Definitely keep your mouth shut. 
But what kind of best friend would blow her top and take you down with her? And what kind of mistake did she make that would require immediate termination? 

[lobstertail]

I'm glad that you can get it off your chest here. If it helps, there's nothing that can really be gained from her knowing in advance. An extra 12 hours to update her resume is all that I can think of, and it's not much. Unfortunately, she'll have to go through a really bad day tomorrow :/

[rosiebear]

Agree with the others. Telling her now won't help her and could only hurt you. You're in a tough spot, though, and I'm sorry for that.

PS. What did she do?

[Deleted]

Uh, I would never consider someone who would "take me down" as a result of their mistake a best friend. Also, how hard it is to keep this under your hat for 12 hours? And since she's being terminated tomorrow and the person you are replacing hasn't even announced a retirement date yet, how would she ever find out that you were privy to this information?

This whole situation doesn't pass the smell test, plus you are brand new. I'm suspicious.

[rightawaynow]

She let someone she thought was a vendor into a secure area without checking Id. It turns out the guys ex wife works there and she has a restraining order. The information we deal with is highly sensitive and and the security breach had to be reported to corporate, they made the decision. No one at our office level wanted to fire her. She wouldn't intentionally set out to take me down with her, but she is not rational when she is angry. If I told her there is no way she could calmly pretend she didn't know. And they would know where she got her info.

[onomatopoeia]

Nov 19, 2014 20:01:27 GMT -5 @lorelaireadsagain said:

Uh, I would never consider someone who would "take me down" as a result of their mistake a best friend. Also, how hard it is to keep this under your hat for 12 hours? And since she's being terminated tomorrow and the person you are replacing hasn't even announced a retirement date yet, how would she ever find out that you were privy to this information?

This whole situation doesn't pass the smell test, plus you are brand new. I'm suspicious.

Are you saying you think she's a troll?  I don't know, it's a weird thing to troll about.  I can see this situation really happening.

And I also what to know what your friend did!
ETA: Oooh, that's bad.  She's lucky the worst consequence was her getting fired.  (I hope it was the worst - he didn't do anything, did he?)

[rightawaynow]

She may never find out that i knew but just because she may never know doesn't mean I don't feel bad about the fact that it is happening.

[rightawaynow]

No, the woman was out today and when he tried to enter a second secure area one of the guys that works with his ex wife recognized him and had security escort him out.

[everyjuan]

Oh no. What a shitty position to be in. I guess it's good (for you) that it's happening tomorrow so you don't have a long time to keep it to yourself, but that must be so difficult. I'd be tempted to say something and would feel awful, but ultimately, it was a huge mistake and it's best that you just let it run its course. If a decision has already been made, it won't help her at all and could put a target on your back before you even start.

I'm sorry That stressed me out just reading it.

[EmilieMadison]

Nov 19, 2014 20:15:47 GMT -5 rightawaynow said:

She let someone she thought was a vendor into a secure area without checking Id. It turns out the guys ex wife works there and she has a restraining order. The information we deal with is highly sensitive and and the security breach had to be reported to corporate, they made the decision. No one at our office level wanted to fire her. She wouldn't intentionally set out to take me down with her, but she is not rational when she is angry. If I told her there is no way she could calmly pretend she didn't know. And they would know where she got her info.

WHY NOT? 
Jesus fucking christ on a whole wheat cracker. She did something egregious and potentially dangerous and no one in the office, including the woman who had the restraining order, wanted her to be fired?

Also, someone who is not rational when angry and couldn't help but ruin your career while she ruins hers because she's, apparently, a fucking immature moron, would not be on my list of things for "best friend material". 

[CurlyQ284]

I was an executive assistant to an HR director and I always got the layoff list 2-3 weeks in advance so I could get paperwork ready. There were 4 layoffs and I felt horrible knowing but unable to say anything. I'm sorry you're in this position, in all honesty i spent a lot of time getting sick in the bathroom from the stress. Hopefully the time will go by quickly.

[Deleted]

Nov 19, 2014 18:52:06 GMT -5 kevin arnold said:

Keep our mouth closed and don't even think twice about about it. Telling her now does nothing to help her, and you have a lot to lose.

THIS!

[rightawaynow]

Emile, fair enough. She and I have been friends for a long time, long before we started working together. She was with me when I delivered my son. She has her flaws, as i do mine, i choose to see beyond them. She has never done anything to intentionally hurt me and I don't believe she ever would. As to your question about why no one wanted to fire her, there are several reasons; first, security is supposed to credential anyone who comes on the property, he got past the gate before he made it to our office Second, he was wearing the uniform from one of our official vendors and did flash her a badge. We were super busy, so she did not stop him and double check his paperwork and badge. Apparently, he used to work for them. Third, she was not aware of the restraining order, only management and the 12 people that work in the woman's actual department knew. She screwed up, she wasn't the only one, three people are going to be terminated over this. The management on our office wanted 2 week unpaid disciplinary suspension and a mandatory security re-training.

[CurlyQ284]

Holy crap I'm glad the woman wasn't there. I don't know why I figured he was there by coincidence, he's a psycho!!