Pre K wants to kick my kid down to half day :(

[liveintheville]

I am so frustrated and anxious and feel like a failure as a parent. L is in pre K and in his teacher's words is "not succeeding." I get it. He's immature for his age but he's not doing anything harmful and I don't know how he's supposed to improve his coping skills by not being in school. Basically he doesn't like staying in his seat and will wander around at times. Will tantrum at times ( like when another kid isn't being nice to him or he's frustrated) and doesn't verbally express himself well. But he's not harming anyone and I sort of feel like this is just part of what you deal with teaching pre k?

Am I wrong? Is the teacher wrong? And what do I do? She says the school can decide to do this and it's what she's recommending. I feel so screwed here. She states he needs better coping skills but he doesn't act this way at home so I don't know how to help. 

[rikki]

I am so sorry. The teacher sounds nuts. He is a kid, for crying out loud, and he isn't a bad one at that. I don't really have any advice but I am so sorry. Hugs.

[cgpm]

Coming from a complete educational research background (with no kids of my own):

Half day pre-K and K are actually the best for kids psychologically at that age. Full day programs tend to try and teach more than their little brains can handle. (This is of course knowing nothing about your son's program). However, it very well may be that these behaviors are only exhibited at school because he's overwhelmed.

That being said, I can understand why her use of the word unsuccessful would feel harsh. And that totally sucks.

[LoveTrains]

I am so sorry. We only do half day pre-k where I work. Kids can stay later but it's just playtime. My understanding is that a whole day IS too long for them.

However I would push back if you don't think he is getting what he needs. Is this a public program??

[bostonmichelle]

I'm sorry. I don't have kids so take this with a grain or two of salt. If I was you, I would want to sit down with the teacher and maybe an administrator to discuss what the teacher thinks the issues are. I would want to know what she means by coping skills and ask her if she has any recommendations on how to work on them especially if he isn't behaving like this at home. You are not a failure as a parent and you are a great mom.

[liveintheville]

Nov 21, 2014 8:24:30 GMT -5 bostonmichelle said:

I'm sorry. I don't have kids so take this with a grain or two of salt. If I was you, I would want to sit down with the teacher and maybe an administrator to discuss what the teacher thinks the issues are. I would want to know what she means by coping skills and ask her if she has any recommendations on how to work on them especially if he isn't behaving like this at home. You are not a failure as a parent and you are a great mom.

Yeah I think we're all waiting for the dec 4th feedback. But she's already made up her mind a meeting will take place after that though.

[magdala]

Start asking questions about an Individual education plan and tests to determine if your child has special needs. A lot of children thought to be socially immature, in reality, have special needs.

[mswax]

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.  I want to start by saying that I don't think you are crazy.  However, I think that if this is how the school/teacher is approaching the situation, then maybe he's just not in the RIGHT pre-K program.

DS2 started pre-K this year after attending an in-home daycare for 4 years.  I hated to pull him from a place that both he and I loved, but he was more than a year older than all the other kids there, and with a summer birthday, I know he'll be one of the youngest kids in kindergarten next year.  He really needed to be in a place where he could "learn" with kids his own age.

I say "learn," because I strongly feel that there is very little that kids really need to learn (in terms of academic skills) prior to kindergarten.  I feel like at 4 kids should be playing, and learning how to interact, both with their peers, and with adults.  I kept this in mind when I was looking for places to put him in pre-K.

He is now at a Goddard School, and I don't know if it is the "brand," or just our school, but I love it and his teachers.  "Learning" happens in such a way that they don't really think of it as a lesson.  DS2 had a ROUGH transition...4 weeks of crying on and off for an hour after drop off.   He had never done this before.  But his teachers didn't call and tell us we should be doing something about it.  They helped him make friends and integrate into the classroom.  And now he is SO happy there, and has learned a lot of "academics" in addition to the socialization, but it's happened "naturally,' if that makes sense.

I don't know if your son is in a public or private program, but I would encourage you to explore some other options where he can thrive vs. be labeled as a troublemaker.  I worry that their early school experiences set the tone for their impression of school for years to come.  It should be a fun place to go and be with friends, and hopefully learn too.  If the school/teacher isn't fostering that kind of environment for your son, I'd be raising hell or moving him somewhere else.

Good luck.