This could also be a flameful to some people...I went shopping at Hobby Lobby yesterday. At first, I felt liberal shame, but man, it is like a fucking Christmas jackpot in that store. Half the store was Christmas stuff. I was finally able to find the ornaments I wanted (at 50% off!)
I am also trying to comfort my liberal heart by telling myself that they aren't all bad - The are closed on Thanksgiving and don't open obnoxiously early, their workers actually get paid a decent wage, and their health plans do cover a majority of BC options...they could be worse.
My BFF left her H and moved to Cali at the end of January (a few years ago). By Valentine's day her XH had a serious GF. They were engaged a few months later and married the following July.
Don't get me wrong, I like his new wife and they seem very happy together. But BFF and I are just patiently waiting for this marriage to crash and burn just like theirs did because he made NO attempt to figure out his own role in the dissolution of his first marriage. He just dismissed and blamed it all on BFF because "she left him." It takes 2 to tango and he is pretty much doomed to repeat his mistakes with wife #2.
I gotta be honest - I think my exH will stay with his new wife forevah. He is a simple man with simple needs, and she seems to be a simple woman and able to meet his basic needs. I don't say that to be negative - but due to childhood abuse, I don't think he'll ever be able to be on his own and grow to his full potential.
Makes sense.
But I'll give you an example of something I saw that made me go, "And it begins..."
Some background so this makes sense: XH and my BFF's XH are still friends. They're VERY (scarily) similar. Even though I was never super close to him, we are still friendly and before XH and I split, we hosted him and his GF at our house (they live OOT) and we attended their wedding.
When they came out to visit, we were out having drinks and talking. He is a very smart person; in fact, he seems to have problems not being the smartest person in the room. This was an issue between him and BFF before they divorced. So we start talking about creationism. And he suddenly starts spouting creationist bullshit and arguing that it should be taught alongside evolution in schools. His GF-at-the-time/now wife is an EVOLUTIONARY BIOLOGIST. She TEACHES evolutionary bio. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! So they are debating a bit and he is just adamant. He will NOT back down. He doesn't even realize he's telling his future wife that he thinks her entire career is bullshit. Eventually, she can tell that it's making everyone uncomfortable, so she backs off and tries to end the discussion. He finally stops, but there was SO much tension for the rest of the night.
He was so disrespectful and I just felt SO bad for her. Not just because her husband dismissed her whole worldview, but because she KNEW that all of us were thinking, "Are you SURE you want to marry this? Are you SURE you believe him that his divorce was 100% his XW's fault??"
Post by jojoandleo on Nov 21, 2014 14:06:49 GMT -5
Oh, I guess this is flameful-I wear Younique. I love it.
I totally censor my FB (and my posts on here). That thread were people are like, "Wha? FB isn't fake!" Mine isn't fake, but it doesn't tell the whole story. Partly because I know I have FB friends (and GBCN posters) who would revel in my down times. I should just delete these people, but I want to make sure they get fat before I do.
Oh, I guess this is flameful-I wear Younique. I love it.
I totally censor my FB (and my posts on here). That thread were people are like, "Wha? FB isn't fake!" Mine isn't fake, but it doesn't tell the whole story. Partly because I know I have FB friends (and GBCN posters) who would revel in my down times. I should just delete these people, but I want to make sure they get fat before I do.
I'm with you. Rarely do I post my sad times - I am not fishing for sympathy amongst my FB friends, I don't want their pity - but I also don't want people to feel smug that I have hard times. And you know there is always *someone* that will feel smug about it.
YES! It's mostly flameful because SOMETIMES, I am that person. Never when it is anything horrible, but when that girl who talked shit behind your back posts vaguebook sappy statuses, I snicker a little. (A LOT)
Post by cuddlyevil on Nov 21, 2014 14:24:56 GMT -5
JoJo, I vote not flammable. I keep most of my FB posts censored too, but that is mostly because stbxil's are still FB (though restricted access) of mine.
Post by 1confused1 on Nov 21, 2014 14:48:25 GMT -5
jigsy for me and the MLM thing it's the pushy sales person. For example, I logged into facebook today and bam, someone added me to a jamberry group. Didn't ask if I was interested, just added me.
And I also use Younique and love it, but I will buy it when I want, and will block your ass if you continue to push the product on me.
jigsy for me and the MLM thing it's the pushy sales person. For example, I logged into facebook today and bam, someone added me to a jamberry group. Didn't ask if I was interested, just added me.
And I also use Younique and love it, but I will buy it when I want, and will block your ass if you continue to push the product on me.
I have that same problem with a friend. She was adding me to these groups and I kept removing myself. I was glad when FB added that option that does not allow anyone to re-add you
I cannot wrap my head around how people have time to be a in a relationship wanting to be in a relationship. Between work, my friends, my family and having downtime I don't know where they would fit in or really what they would bring to my life. And I'm not a crazy over programmed person. I'm sure this is some sort of defensive mechanism but I just am really unwilling to give my time to someone who has not proven to be a person worthy of it.
I cannot wrap my head around how people have time to be a in a relationship wanting to be in a relationship. Between work, my friends, my family and having downtime I don't know where they would fit in or really what they would bring to my life. And I'm not a crazy over programmed person. I'm sure this is some sort of defensive mechanism but I just am really unwilling to give my time to someone who has not proven to be a person worthy of it.
No, you have it wrong. How can you do all this WITHOUT a husband, PDX! I mean, YOU ALREADY WORK FULL TIME!
I cannot wrap my head around how people have time to be a in a relationship wanting to be in a relationship. Between work, my friends, my family and having downtime I don't know where they would fit in or really what they would bring to my life. And I'm not a crazy over programmed person. I'm sure this is some sort of defensive mechanism but I just am really unwilling to give my time to someone who has not proven to be a person worthy of it.
No, you have it wrong. How can you do all this WITHOUT a husband, PDX! I mean, YOU ALREADY WORK FULL TIME!
Good point! I mean it's exhausting. I even have to TAKE OUT THE TRASH???
I don't get how it's fake not to post about the bad stuff on FB.
If you looked at my FB, you'd see a handful of "I saw this thing and thought of you" posts on peoples' walls, some shared articles or funny things, an occasional check in somewhere fun, and a few pictures of stuff I did with friends, family, or BF. I did post one negative thing earlier this week about wanting to get a job offer, but I haven't posted that I didn't get the job because I don't really want to be an AW and just get a million posts about how something better will come along (that's what GBCN is for, lol).
Now there are some people who are always posting "My life is THE BEST!" " I have the BEST HUSBAND IN THE WORLD! I AM SO LUCKY!!!!" and those people are maybe laying it on a bit thick. But I think it's normal and actually ideal to mostly post positive updates and share the good stuff with other people. I dont' think that's fake, I think it's prudent. Nobody cares to hear about my boring weekend watching Netflix at home and avoiding cleaning my house, and if I posted daily about my negative job stuff that would get annoying and boring.
Now if you assume that because people only post positive stuff, their life is perfect - I think that's more a problem with your assumption than it is a problem with them trying to mislead you.
I agree @buckybells I judge people who post negative stuff way more than those who broadcast the great stuff. And honestly most of the people I know who have great lives on Facebook have great lives irl. I think it's more about how attention seeking the person is versus the status of life. I mean we all attention whore in facebook in our own way. Some people post how awesome their husband is, some post tons of selfies (they may not directly say it, but let's be honest that's a pretty blatant look how hot I am post), others check in at every cool place they can or post pictures of their vacations. I'm guilty of three out of four. I mean isn't the purpose of facebook to show off?
I keep thinking it's a good idea to go hang out with my friend M and think I want to have sex with him but I don't want to when I go over and I end up just watching tv. I'm glad I keep chickening out but I just shouldn't hang out there.
I don't get how it's fake not to post about the bad stuff on FB.
If you looked at my FB, you'd see a handful of "I saw this thing and thought of you" posts on peoples' walls, some shared articles or funny things, an occasional check in somewhere fun, and a few pictures of stuff I did with friends, family, or BF. I did post one negative thing earlier this week about wanting to get a job offer, but I haven't posted that I didn't get the job because I don't really want to be an AW and just get a million posts about how something better will come along (that's what GBCN is for, lol).
Now there are some people who are always posting "My life is THE BEST!" " I have the BEST HUSBAND IN THE WORLD! I AM SO LUCKY!!!!" and those people are maybe laying it on a bit thick. But I think it's normal and actually ideal to mostly post positive updates and share the good stuff with other people. I dont' think that's fake, I think it's prudent. Nobody cares to hear about my boring weekend watching Netflix at home and avoiding cleaning my house, and if I posted daily about my negative job stuff that would get annoying and boring.
Now if you assume that because people only post positive stuff, their life is perfect - I think that's more a problem with your assumption than it is a problem with them trying to mislead you.
I think this is where I am, too. I don't post negative stuff on FB because really, it's no one's fucking business. Yes, I only post happy stuff. I'm sure that half of the people who see my posts probably don't even know that I'm going through a terrible divorce from an abusive husband because, hey, I'm not airing my dirty laundry on FB for others to look at and be "OMG, what a trainwreck". From my posts and pictures, and check ins, yes, it looks like everything is awesome and perfect right now. I don't think that's me being fake.
I'll also add that I avoid posting some negative stuff on FB because EVERYONE is on it. I may not want my mom to call me to follow up on some whine I made or someone I knew 10 years ago and never talk to to know personal details of my life. I'm selective about who I want to get into the bad stuff with, but I don't try to pretend I have the perfect life and anything good I post is genuine. I am using myself as an example here, not because I am taking it personally but because I assume I'm pretty normal and most people use facebook in a manner similar to the way I do
I agree @buckybells I judge people who post negative stuff way more than those who broadcast the great stuff. And honestly most of the people I know who have great lives on Facebook have great lives irl. I think it's more about how attention seeking the person is versus the status of life. I mean we all attention whore in facebook in our own way. Some people post how awesome their husband is, some post tons of selfies (they may not directly say it, but let's be honest that's a pretty blatant look how hot I am post), others check in at every cool place they can or post pictures of their vacations. I'm guilty of three out of four. I mean isn't the purpose of facebook to show off?
Well, I will say that I post a lot of selfies, but they're usually selfies with my son because I don't have anyone around the house to take pictures of us. Selfies are pretty much the only pictures I can get of the two of us together, and it's not because I want people to see how hot I am.
I don't get how it's fake not to post about the bad stuff on FB.
If you looked at my FB, you'd see a handful of "I saw this thing and thought of you" posts on peoples' walls, some shared articles or funny things, an occasional check in somewhere fun, and a few pictures of stuff I did with friends, family, or BF. I did post one negative thing earlier this week about wanting to get a job offer, but I haven't posted that I didn't get the job because I don't really want to be an AW and just get a million posts about how something better will come along (that's what GBCN is for, lol).
Now there are some people who are always posting "My life is THE BEST!" " I have the BEST HUSBAND IN THE WORLD! I AM SO LUCKY!!!!" and those people are maybe laying it on a bit thick. But I think it's normal and actually ideal to mostly post positive updates and share the good stuff with other people. I dont' think that's fake, I think it's prudent. Nobody cares to hear about my boring weekend watching Netflix at home and avoiding cleaning my house, and if I posted daily about my negative job stuff that would get annoying and boring.
Now if you assume that because people only post positive stuff, their life is perfect - I think that's more a problem with your assumption than it is a problem with them trying to mislead you.
I said mine isn't fake, but it's not REAL. It's not real life. It's the highlight real. If someone looked at my facebook, they would think I have it pretty easy. I don't remember who posted on here about being sad about someone's fabulous life on FB, but that's just what I meant. I f you looked at my FB, you would think I lead a pretty great life. Great friends, amazing shoes, etc., but you wouldn't see the hard times.
I agree @buckybells I judge people who post negative stuff way more than those who broadcast the great stuff. And honestly most of the people I know who have great lives on Facebook have great lives irl. I think it's more about how attention seeking the person is versus the status of life. I mean we all attention whore in facebook in our own way. Some people post how awesome their husband is, some post tons of selfies (they may not directly say it, but let's be honest that's a pretty blatant look how hot I am post), others check in at every cool place they can or post pictures of their vacations. I'm guilty of three out of four. I mean isn't the purpose of facebook to show off?
Well, I will say that I post a lot of selfies, but they're usually selfies with my son because I don't have anyone around the house to take pictures of us. Selfies are pretty much the only pictures I can get of the two of us together, and it's not because I want people to see how hot I am.
Right why do people post photos of themselves at all. They are usually pics they are proud of. Most people don't post photos of themselves looking awful. Hey no shame in your game. I do it all the time.
Well, I will say that I post a lot of selfies, but they're usually selfies with my son because I don't have anyone around the house to take pictures of us. Selfies are pretty much the only pictures I can get of the two of us together, and it's not because I want people to see how hot I am.
Right why do people post photos of themselves at all. They are usually pics they are proud of. Most people don't post photos of themselves looking awful. Hey no shame in your game. I do it all the time.
Actually, a lot of mine are terrible of ME, but the kid looks cute so I post anyway
I agree @buckybells I judge people who post negative stuff way more than those who broadcast the great stuff. And honestly most of the people I know who have great lives on Facebook have great lives irl. I think it's more about how attention seeking the person is versus the status of life. I mean we all attention whore in facebook in our own way. Some people post how awesome their husband is, some post tons of selfies (they may not directly say it, but let's be honest that's a pretty blatant look how hot I am post), others check in at every cool place they can or post pictures of their vacations. I'm guilty of three out of four. I mean isn't the purpose of facebook to show off?
Post by lyssbobiss, Command, B613 on Nov 21, 2014 16:27:10 GMT -5
I totally censor myself on FB and frequently here as well. I see people oversharing on FB all the time - bitching about exes and ex-in-laws, and partners and shit, and I just think it looks lame. It looks passive-aggressive. I have friends to complain to if I need to, but public forums where I'm still friends with my ex and his family aren't the places for me to bitch about him.
"This prick is asking for someone here to bring him to task Somebody give me some dirt on this vacuous mass so we can at last unmask him I'll pull the trigger on it, someone load the gun and cock it While we were all watching, he got Washington in his pocket."
I totally censor myself on FB and frequently here as well. I see people oversharing on FB all the time - bitching about exes and ex-in-laws, and partners and shit, and I just think it looks lame. It looks passive-aggressive. I have friends to complain to if I need to, but public forums where I'm still friends with my ex and his family aren't the places for me to bitch about him.
And I only post selfies where I look cute. IDGAF.
Okay, I guess sometimes I think about if certain people on FB (or here) knew certain things, what would they think? And am like, Psh, FUCK THAT! Haters gonna hate no matter what, so let them hate me for being fabulous (cause I am).
Oh, and I have totally typed a passive aggressive FB post, stared at it, and deleted.