Post by stealthmom on Nov 28, 2014 17:36:20 GMT -5
The thing about dw is that families and friends are so far flung these days most weddings are dw to somebody. Even though my wedding was local to my nuclear family it was a dw to 80% of our guests. I don't blame couples for having their wedding some place other than their home town cause most are probably travelling to it anyway. In hindsight I wish we had had a dw. About an hour after we arrived at our hm destination I saw a wedding chapel and immediately wished we had gotten married there instead.
A bunch of us from grad school went to one in Cancun this past summer. We were all so disappointed. None of us were impressed by the hotel or location. It was a huge waste of our time dragging us to Cancun to have a reception in a bland convention room that could've been in Anywhere, USA. But the couple's families were really really into the all-inclusive resort vacations and so maybe they picked the hotel to cater to them since 50 of them flew in from California for the wedding. All of us from the east coast wished we had spent the money to go to California instead. My husband stayed home with the baby and I was able to share a room so I saved on some of the costs but I was still out probably $1500 for it. My husband went alone to one in Florida right before DD was born. He probably spent $1000.
After the Cancun debacle, we are going to be very picky about the location and who is getting married. I don't think we have a limit if it's the right person in the right place. I still have several close friends and my brother who are all unmarried and if any of them have a destination wedding, we will go.
Depends on who it is, how much I like them, where it is, and how desperate I am for a vacation.
My BFF will probably have a DW in Hawaii, and I will spend whatever we need to make it a great trip. If it was a close family member or really good friend, I would be willing to spend a few thousand. I wouldn't miss an important person in my life's wedding day unless there was extenuating circumstances.
Yes, we went to Vegas for the wedding of close friends (and the DH is my DH's business partner). Because of the business relationship, it really wasn't optional. We probably spent a good $4k when all was said and done.
DH and I both went to college and grad school far from our home towns, so our close friends are scattered across the country. As a result, we have attended a ton of weddings that, while not DWs, required us to travel and pay for expensive hotels. The NYC weddings were probably the most expensive for us, just because hotel rooms there are pricey. The only DWs we have been to were in Sonoma, New Orleans, and Newport (two of the latter), which, while not cheap, could have been worse. The only wedding we have ever been invited to abroad was in India, and we didn't go because of cost and lack of anyone willing to watch our kids for long enough to make a trip to India worth it.
Nope. That isn't reasonable to expect other people to spend that much money. Destination weddings at so incredibly selfish.
I'd rather go to a nice beach for a wedding than travel to some random town in the middle of America where the bride hasn't lived since high school. I actually think DW are a great compromise for brides and grooms whose family and friends would have to travel anyway. Almost no one I know has married someone who also happens to be from the same city they grew up in.
Post by momof2boys on Nov 28, 2014 19:42:13 GMT -5
In this situation (and most) there is no way i'd be going. Aside from a very close family member, and even then i'm not sure we would/could swing it financially. First I hate weddings anyway, second if i'm going to drop $5000.00 or even $1000.00 on a vacation I want it to be where I chose to go. That said we never go on vacation, its just so expensive and we are constantly throwing money into our house. So a "kinda" friend we see once a year, no way would I attend.
No and I doubt I would for anyone other than close family and friends. There are a couple I regret turning down (million dollar wedding in Miami, society wedding in New Orleans), but most I don't. I assume it's code for "please don't come."
Post by mollybrown on Nov 28, 2014 19:59:00 GMT -5
As others have said, how much I would spend depends on how much I want to go the the location mainly. The wedding activities are probably no more than 1 or 2 days, so I would just extend my stay by a week or so and enjoy an awesome trip planned by me for most of the time. I'd rather spend $5000 to go someplace I really want to vacation than $2500 to go to Nowheresville, MT.
I don't get the hate that people seem to have for destination weddings. The couple likely expects most people not to make it. It's not selfish for the bride and groom to have their wedding wherever the eff they want. As others have mentioned, most people have to travel from SOMEWHERE. I didn't have a destination wedding, but at least 90% of my guests had to fly. Such is life in flyover country. Maybe those that get bent out of shape about destination weddings have mostly local friends and family, but for many people, it's going to cost marginally more to go to Mexico than to get to another random domestic location.
Nope. That isn't reasonable to expect other people to spend that much money. Destination weddings at so incredibly selfish.
I'd rather go to a nice beach for a wedding than travel to some random town in the middle of America where the bride hasn't lived since high school. I actually think DW are a great compromise for brides and grooms whose family and friends would have to travel anyway. Almost no one I know has married someone who also happens to be from the same city they grew up in.
There is a huge cost difference between flying to middle america and a night at the local Hampton inn vs an international flight and a $400 a night resort.
I'd rather go to a nice beach for a wedding than travel to some random town in the middle of America where the bride hasn't lived since high school. I actually think DW are a great compromise for brides and grooms whose family and friends would have to travel anyway. Almost no one I know has married someone who also happens to be from the same city they grew up in.
There is a huge cost difference between flying to middle america and a night at the local Hampton inn vs an international flight and a $400 a night resort.
Of course there is, but sometimes it is worth not having to rent a car in Detroit and then drive three hours north to some town with either no airport of its own or outrageously expensive flights to get there and have to take a whole day off of work to do so to be sure I don't miss the rehearsal dinner. Then I'm in I-don't-even-remember-the-name-of-the-town for two more days, where the most exciting recommendation is that I drive to the year-round-Christmas town another 2 hours away if I want something to do. Or there's Target. And no one else my age at the wedding has any clue where to go or what to do, either, because none of us is from there and the bride hasn't lived there in 12+ years herself.
On the whole, I'd much rather fly NY-San Juan direct, be met at the airport by the resort shuttle and then not have to drive myself anywhere or figure out how to entertain myself for the rest of my stay. Plus, the food is about 10,000x better in Puerto Rico than in Christmastown, Michigan.
But I've done both because I genuinely like the people who've gotten married in both of these scenarios. I don't think either one is selfish for choosing where to get married.
I'd rather go to a nice beach for a wedding than travel to some random town in the middle of America where the bride hasn't lived since high school. I actually think DW are a great compromise for brides and grooms whose family and friends would have to travel anyway. Almost no one I know has married someone who also happens to be from the same city they grew up in.
There is a huge cost difference between flying to middle america and a night at the local Hampton inn vs an international flight and a $400 a night resort.
Yes, this. I am going to attend a wedding in Dallas early next year. I can control a lot of costs on a trip in the US - stay at a cheaper hotel, Priceline a car, possibly use points for the flight, etc. If you move the wedding a bit south to a resort in Mexico, I control much less and the cost is way more.
Post by imojoebunny on Nov 28, 2014 22:01:26 GMT -5
I spent $2k to take my DD to my cousin's wedding this summer. I left my DH and DS at home or it would have been more like $3500. It wasn't really a. Destination, it is were my cousin lives, which happens to be far from me.
I skipped on of my very good friends weddings because it was in New Hampshire, and I live in the ATL. I was really honest about the cost being out of my budget. Instead, I went to a drivable, but out of town shower with him for the weekend, and gave him a really nice wedding gift. I was down about $600 (we crashed with friends, so that was all gift and meal tabs), but we had an amazing weekend where I got to know his spouse, and I think he understood that even though I was not going to the wedding, I was really happy for him.
I don't think destination weddings are selfish, I think they are a good excuse not to go. I am not hauling my family of four to Aruba or wherever for your wedding, unless I want to go to Aruba, or I really love you, like more than sending my kids to college love. I had another cousin who got married far away a year ago, where no one lives or wants to visit, and did not invite my kids. Needless to say, I did not feel even remotely bad sending a gift and saying regrets.
Nope. That isn't reasonable to expect other people to spend that much money. Destination weddings at so incredibly selfish.
I'd rather go to a nice beach for a wedding than travel to some random town in the middle of America where the bride hasn't lived since high school. I actually think DW are a great compromise for brides and grooms whose family and friends would have to travel anyway. Almost no one I know has married someone who also happens to be from the same city they grew up in.
this is why I wish we had done it. I think more people may have cone that way. I LOVE my hometown but it ain't key West!
Post by mollybrown on Nov 28, 2014 23:02:05 GMT -5
Heh. I forgot to answer the question. No. I've only been invited to one pricey DW, and I'm not close to the person that invited me and not interested in visiting the island it was being held on. I've also declined domestic weddings because I wasn't close to the couple, and it wasn't worth travel costs to get to whatever city it was being held in that I wouldn't otherwise visit.
Post by Shreddingbetty on Nov 28, 2014 23:06:01 GMT -5
It would depend on whom it would be for and where it was at. We kind of had a destination wedding. It was only 45 minutes from where we live but it was at an expensive resort. It was a very small wedding but my family is in Europe. We knew every one could afford the rooms (it was only for 2 nights) but for my family we ended up paying for their rooms since they already had to cough up expensive airfare and then also a longer stay (which they all used to travel around).
We were just invited to our 2nd DW. We missed the first and I expect will miss this one too. Neither were outrageous, but $3k for a trip is just so much money. And both have come at especially bad times.
LOL, it was a ton...maybe 7K? Our friends got married in Thailand and we all went for 10 days, so we spent a lot. I definitely think that DWs depend on the circle of friends/family and their disposable income. We are fortunate enough to be able to do this kind of thing with friends, but I completely understand how most people would be annoyed at DWs when travel budgets are tight and the wedding would count as the vacation for the year.
Nope. That isn't reasonable to expect other people to spend that much money. Destination weddings at so incredibly selfish.
I'd rather go to a nice beach for a wedding than travel to some random town in the middle of America where the bride hasn't lived since high school. I actually think DW are a great compromise for brides and grooms whose family and friends would have to travel anyway. Almost no one I know has married someone who also happens to be from the same city they grew up in.
I read this and thought, "huh, none of my college or law school friends have gotten married in random towns in Middle America. That's lucky!" Then I realized that I am the one who got married in Middle America (albeit in an actual city--just not one people would generally want to travel to from the coasts), and now I feel kind of bad. I am sure our OOT guests (~150 of them) were all less than thrilled with the destination, but both my grandmothers were too ill to travel, and I couldn't bare to not include them.
Well I'm from Nigeria, so I've definitely travelled to Nigeria for weddings. Many people also travelled to Boston for my wedding. Most of my family and friends live all over (US, UK and Nigeria for the most part), so we do tend to travel for weddings. These are not destination weddings to me. I'd actually love to attend what I consider a real destination wedding and I'm kinda nudging my younger sister to have one.
Post by irishbride2 on Nov 29, 2014 11:34:38 GMT -5
H's best friend got married on the top of Aspen mountain. H was in the wedding. AND the rehearsal dinner was two days before the wedding. So we had to be there 3 nights minimum, but because of flights we ended up having to do 4 nights.
It was insanely expensive. I don't want to add it up because I might cry even though it was 3 years ago lol.
I'd rather go to a nice beach for a wedding than travel to some random town in the middle of America where the bride hasn't lived since high school. I actually think DW are a great compromise for brides and grooms whose family and friends would have to travel anyway. Almost no one I know has married someone who also happens to be from the same city they grew up in.
I read this and thought, "huh, none of my college or law school friends have gotten married in random towns in Middle America. That's lucky!" Then I realized that I am the one who got married in Middle America (albeit in an actual city--just not one people would generally want to travel to from the coasts), and now I feel kind of bad. I am sure our OOT guests (~150 of them) were all less than thrilled with the destination, but both my grandmothers were too ill to travel, and I couldn't bare to not include them.
And if you were my friend, I would have still traveled for you! I'm just saying that people pick their wedding sites for a variety of reasons and I don't get the DW hate. If its that objectionable, don't go.
I read this and thought, "huh, none of my college or law school friends have gotten married in random towns in Middle America. That's lucky!" Then I realized that I am the one who got married in Middle America (albeit in an actual city--just not one people would generally want to travel to from the coasts), and now I feel kind of bad. I am sure our OOT guests (~150 of them) were all less than thrilled with the destination, but both my grandmothers were too ill to travel, and I couldn't bare to not include them.
And if you were my friend, I would have still traveled for you! I'm just saying that people pick their wedding sites for a variety of reasons and I don't get the DW hate. If its that objectionable, don't go.
Aw, thanks . I agree, FWIW. I am mostly just laughing at myself for thinking "how nice that my friends all got married in fun major cities--wait, I am the one who got married in a Oklahoma." My DH's youngest sister will probably be the last wedding among our close family and friends for a while, and DH and I are encouraging her to do a destination wedding abroad just so we have the excuse to travel. For our close friends and family we are pretty willing to go wherever if we can swing it. I actually love weddings wherever they may be.
Post by purplecow0206 on Nov 29, 2014 12:56:38 GMT -5
My wedding was a DW for a lot of friends/family. My family and friends are in upstate NY, my H's family is from CO and we live in the DC area.
That said, I'm really said I can't go to New Zealand for my friend's wedding. I wouldn't have an excuse to go any other time, but we couldn't swing it financially. She and her fiance live in NZ.