I'm losing my mind - high needs baby

[redheadk]

Dd was a difficult baby but she's a fabulous toddler. I can't remember when it got better but it was definitely much better by 1 and GREAT by 18 months. It's only improved from there.

Hugs bc it is crazy hard. We were lucky that she responded well to sleep training at 6 months. She's a good sleeper at 2.

[oliviapope]

How old is he now?

[Deleted]

Hugs. DS was/is a high needs baby/toddler. I can relate to your post- he needed to be constantly soothed as a baby and now requires nearly nonstop attention. He was a terrible sleeper and still fights naps. My motto has been whatever works I try to take it one day at a time, and then one hour at a time during difficult days. Do you have a stress relief- either family help or something to look forward to after bed?

I found consolation in the fact that other people have been there and survived- both the board as well as the fussy baby network. Have you ruled out all physical possibilities? I think that with DS, he needed activity to distract him from pain. He scored off the charts in acid reflux quizzes on refluxrebels.com and I think that he would have been a different baby if we'd gotten that figured out sooner. He also seems to be an extrovert and needs a lot more interaction/stimulation than I was used to.

Also a comfort to me was realizing that it wasn't anything I was doing, it was just him, and that if he was clean and fed that sometimes he just needed to be angry to self soothe. Hang In there- DS is still challenging at 15 months but 1000x better than as a baby.

[AlpineSlide]

so sorry you are having a difficult time. i didn't really have the same sitch with my ds when he was that age, but some similarities. if i wanted him to sleep longer than 20 min i had to hold him (or someone else, but he had to be held). that got a lot better around 6 months.

he still isn't great with independent play at a year old. he's fine playing alone for like 10 minutes but then he's pulling on me after that.

the never getting a break thing is the worst. so tiring. i get snippy too. so, no advice but i can relate. hugs.

[gibbinator]

Sounds a lot like my ds1.
I will say that in my case, our whole first year was tiring and difficult, I was so touched out. But things got much better at 14 months, and every month after has been better. He's the easiest, sweetest, cooperative 2yr old I know

[cricketwife]

I don't think I have/had a difficult baby, but fwiw 4 months was really hard. It was like the 4 month wakeful was during the day for us. He would go the whole day without napping but then sleep well at night.

[shelbyann]

Hugs. That sounds so hard.

I don't know if DD was high needs, but so much of what you wrote describes her when she was younger. I never had a baby that would just chill out in a swing or bouncer or whatever. Things like the jumperoo I'd only get a few minutes, and even then I pretty much had to drag it into the kitchen with me to make my coffee because I had to be RIGHT THERE. She really just wanted to be held or actively played with all of the time and needed a change of scenery constantly. My H and I would trade off these 10 minute shifts of occupying her in various areas of the house. And the crappy napping. Ugh!

What helped us was:

- Going out in public. A LOT. She liked stimulation so I'd try to get her out and about at least once a day.

- Wearing her. First in the Ktan and then the Ergo/Tula. Sometimes it was the only way I'd get her to take a nap. And if she wouldn't nap at least she was occupied looking at things as I did stuff around the house or ran errands.

- Time. Things started to get better around 5-6 months when she could sit on her own and play with toys that way. They got a LOT better when she became truly mobile - rolling back and forth easily, crawling, moving in and out of a sitting position on her own, pulling up. Most of this happened around 7 months. She is seriously a different baby now that she can move around on her own. We think maybe she was frustrated before, wanting to go places but unable to. LOL.

Naps also started getting better for us around 6-7 months. She still takes crappy naps sometimes though. But most days I get at least one 90+ minute nap out of her and having that break makes such a difference in my happiness.

Hang in there. I'm also in ATL - if you ever want to do a play date or something let me know! Sometimes watching other babies/kids is a great distraction for a needy baby.

[mlvmd]

DS1 was like that. We logged so many miles of walking around the house (thankful that it is built in such a way that you can walk in a circle). We also got out of the house as much as we could.

I was finishing up grad school and studying/writing papers so I would balance DS on my legs and gently shake as it was the only way I could get five minutes to do what I needed to do. I took my last final when he was a month old and was so excited.

DS was always just a little angst and wants to go go go. I have spent much of the last year teaching him how to play independently to give me some sanity.

[matildasun]

My daughter was much like that. Learning to wear her on my back, made a world of difference. She was happy, because she was with me and entertained. I was happier because I could get things done, because my arms were free.

[Deleted]

Teeah- embarrassing confession: I didn't really like DS (granted, I had overpowering, fiercely protective feelings) until about 6 months and it took until maybe 9 months before I had those gushy mom feelings. It gets better as high needs babies get older.

[laurao]

My DD did no really sleep for close to two years. It took until she was 8 months or so for maps to be longer than 38 minutes (one sleep cycle for her). My sanity was baby wearing, she loved being close and wore. I wore her everywhere. I also made sure we got out daily. It's gets better! I remember someone telling me that they would take a toddler over a newborn any day, and I get it now. She's such a cool little person at 28 months, it took until 12 or so for us to start seeing her little personality.

[Jalapeñomel]

Many hugs to you.


Please ignore if you don't want advice, but if so, do you wear him?

[dulcemariamar]

I would say my DD was high needs in a lot of ways because I was stuck holding her in my arms for almost all her naps the first six months. If we were lucky she might every once in a while fall asleep in the stroller. She hated hated the car. She hated hated being worn. And she really hated any containment devices. The mat was okay for a few minutes. Being a FTM I thought that was normal. So I am always shocked when I see an easy baby. It blows my mind.

The only thing that helped our sanity was time and ST and having very low standards about everything.

As a toddler she is really one of the most active, always getting into everything, non stop movement. But I love having a toddler. She is really sweet and fun. She is spirited but I wouldn't call her hard.

[sent]

Sounds like my non-napping active baby. Mine also hated/still hates the car seat so taking her out wasn't fun either. These days if I take her out, she will often fall asleep in the car and wake up as soon as I reach the destination. Sounds like you should just head outside with yours more since he will sleep for you if you.

As we approach 1, DD needs to be around people all the time. She gets clingy if she senses I'm trying to leave the room. I started understanding what "touched out" meant about a month ago. I've been snippy for a long time because no one IRL understands my frustration of never getting a break.  (Even at night I don't feel like I get a break since she doesn't believe in STTN yet either.)  Things got better for me mentally when I stopped having any expectations of naps or getting anything done. I am also starting day care for her next week because I decided she needs new companions besides just me and I need time to get crap done. I guess this doesn't help you since it hasn't gotten better for us yet but I feel your pain.

[ringstrue]

First kids are so hard with high needs. I dunno how breezy you are but would you be ok with turning on Nick Jr. Or a baby DVD? It could help lengthen baby gym or jumper time.

DD was really hard like that. Honestly, we just got used to functioning at a much slower pace until she was like 3.

[arch01]

I promise you, it gets better. DS was so happy when we were out and I wanted to punch people in the face that said he was such a happy baby. He was happiest away from the house.

I really didn't like him for the first 6 months. Months 6-12 were better, and months 12+ have been great.

Don't forget it's ok to let him cry for a bit. Regain your composure and come back. I wish I would've taken that opportunity more. DS was colicky and we had feeding issues-but I do promise, it gets so much better.

[dcn]

My ds was a really shitty napper too at that age and it was so exhausting for all of us. I wore him a lot so I could at least get dishes and laundry done. We went for a lot of walks because he liked to look around outside and would occasionally fall asleep.

I put him in the jumperoo at that age because he always was kicking and he really loved it. It gave me a few mintues to eat breakfast with two hands.

The worst of his sleep/napping was 4-5 months. I did two weeks of nap bootcamp and after that, plus him jsut getting older he consolidated naps more and it got better.

Hang in there.

[imimahoney]

My son was the same way, just a miserable infant but he started to get easier around 7 months. I remember I would drive around for hours to just get him to nap.

Being out of the house helped me and him tremendously. I joined a moms group just to have something to do.

I hope he starts to get easier for you!

[rbp]

Ugh. I'm sorry. I feel like I'm losing my mind on days when M doesn't want to nap. And he gets the bags under his eyes, too!

[formerlyllizzyb]

Mobility and sitting helps a lot. Motor control with toys does, too.

I have empathy and sympathy. My DS was very similar.

I know this is a long way away, but 18 months was HUGE. Like a different child. He just needed all the developmental skills and he became such a happy toddler. Aside from his picky eating, he's really not a hard 2 yr old.

[asoctoberfalls]

So much of what you've said resonates with me. My son was very similar to @republicrat 's. He never slept and was only happy when you were actively engaged with him, and even then he required a change of scenery often. I also used to dread holiday weekends, because the thought of entertaining him for 3-4 days straight was exhausting.

He's 3 now, and things are much easier. He's still an extrovert who gets bored at home. He still needs constant entertainment and can't play by himself. I still am glad to get back to work after a 4 day weekend. however, he will watch tv (not by himself, but at least I can play on gbcn while he watches). He sleeps well now. And even though he's still exhausting, he's also very fun and has a great sense of humor, so the days don't drag as much.

You mentioned an older child - what about letting them entertain the baby? I get the impression that you work. If so, send him to daycare on days they're open and you're off work. Hire a sitter. All these things help. I'm not sure when it gets easy...we're not there yet... but it does get easier.

[kershnic]

I'm sorry you're dealing with this, it's so stressful. Babies are hard. It sounds to me like he's really tired during the day. Oddly enough overtired babies nap for crap, and even babies who sleep well overnight can be overtired. Do you out him down for naps before he seems tired? I would try first after he's been awake about 90 minutes. And honestly if try CIO if that doesn't work. If it improves your other 8 waking hours a day it's so worth it to me, though I know some disagree.

[leonard131]

M was like that. He was colicky as well. I remember it got better when he was around 6 months and could sit up. Before that it was just a lot of walking and walking. He had to be moving.

I did wear him a lot and this allowed me to do things like the laundry but not getting a break is super hard.

Can you and your H just set up a schedule of who will be watching him so at least you know for a little while you get a full break?

[shelbyann]

Nov 29, 2014 15:25:27 GMT -5 teeah22 said:

Sometimes I wear him out in public, like grocery shopping. I don't really wear him around the house anymore (I did sometimes when he was tiny). Wearing him in the house just feels like another burden to me.

I get this. It used to piss me off when people would say "oh just wear her" because that wasn't really a break for me. I did/do wear DD often and most of the time (now) I enjoy it but there were many times when it was the best option of a crappy set of options.

[thejen626]

I'm sorry. My 2nd was/is like this and it's very hard for me. Honestly the only thing that really helps me is time away. I'm a sahm and I cherish the rare babysitter times that I get. Also, do you know if he's eating enough?

[everafter07]

DD was exactly like that. I'd see other babies her age that were perfectly content just sitting in a bouncer playing with a toy. Not my kid.

She started out with 4 very short naps a day, then around 5-6 months she started taking 3 naps a day, and then around 9 months started taking 2 naps a day. At nearly 17 months, she's down to one nap a day.

I seriously questioned my decision to stay at home part time with her more than once . The only thing that worked was time, and it does get better!

She liked taking walks and she loooooved being read to. One day when she was a few months old and she was fussing relentlessly, I was out of ideas and opened a Real Simple magazine and just started flipping pages. She was completely enamored, and still is.

[Deleted]

This post reminds me of how important it was to have support in those early months from moms with fellow fussy babies and how much I got from the board. It seemed like everyone I knew IRL had easy babies. (((Group hug)))

[livinitup]

Has no one recommended to run a blow dryer or same-such sound? Really??

Highly recommend it. Search YouTube videos for a little confirmation- silly but fun to watch.

Anyway, this is a silly, may not "fix it" post, but I couldn't skip something that may give you a few moments of peace. Maybe.

[meij]

Nov 29, 2014 20:18:01 GMT -5 teeah22 said:

I'm totally not opposed to sleep training and may get serious about it when we're off between Christmas and New Year's. We tried a little today, basically we decided he's staying in his crib for an hour during nap time. It went better the second nap than the first so we'll see. I'm confident he's eating enough, we combo feed and he eats 32-36oz a day.

DS1 was an easy, chill, STTN early baby but now he's a five year old with his own set of problems (speech, social issues). I'm hoping this one will be difficult now and easy later. Part of what makes it so hard is that day to day life with DS1 had gotten so, so easy, and now we're starting it all over again but with a difficult baby.

Ditto! My first was a super easy baby, sttn at two months but we've dealt with a lot of speech and social issues. DS screamed for his first two months and was just...fussy until he could crawl. We had had it soooo easy then started over with a hard baby. He was a whole new baby once he could crawl. Luckily he crawled early! He's still a crap napper but during the day he's really happy crawling around and doing his own thing. I was convinced he was going to be miserable his entire life lol. I am still a bit surprised he's so happy now. He's still much harder and needier than DD ever was, but it's a lot easier on me now. (He's 9 months now)

I also hated the just baby wear them advice. I felt like a shit mom because I wanted to be able to have a break from my baby and not be touched for bits of time not carry them around more. It just stressed me out more. Also why I don't like to cosleep regularly. I need space and time just for me so I don't get touched out.

[IndiaInk]

Nov 29, 2014 14:35:43 GMT -5 shelbyann said:

Hugs. That sounds so hard.

I don't know if DD was high needs, but so much of what you wrote describes her when she was younger. I never had a baby that would just chill out in a swing or bouncer or whatever. Things like the jumperoo I'd only get a few minutes, and even then I pretty much had to drag it into the kitchen with me to make my coffee because I had to be RIGHT THERE. She really just wanted to be held or actively played with all of the time and needed a change of scenery constantly. My H and I would trade off these 10 minute shifts of occupying her in various areas of the house. And the crappy napping. Ugh!

What helped us was:

- Going out in public. A LOT. She liked stimulation so I'd try to get her out and about at least once a day.

- Wearing her. First in the Ktan and then the Ergo/Tula. Sometimes it was the only way I'd get her to take a nap. And if she wouldn't nap at least she was occupied looking at things as I did stuff around the house or ran errands.

- Time. Things started to get better around 5-6 months when she could sit on her own and play with toys that way. They got a LOT better when she became truly mobile - rolling back and forth easily, crawling, moving in and out of a sitting position on her own, pulling up. Most of this happened around 7 months. She is seriously a different baby now that she can move around on her own. We think maybe she was frustrated before, wanting to go places but unable to. LOL.

Naps also started getting better for us around 6-7 months. She still takes crappy naps sometimes though. But most days I get at least one 90+ minute nap out of her and having that break makes such a difference in my happiness.

Hang in there. I'm also in ATL - if you ever want to do a play date or something let me know! Sometimes watching other babies/kids is a great distraction for a needy baby.

This sounds just like the course we are on with Clara. She is just like everyone is describing their high needs babies...in need of constant,novel stimulation. Her mood greatly improves with each major milestone. When she started to be able to sit up unassisted at 5 months, she was MUCH happier. And now she can roll around and is trying to crawl which both makes her happy and super frustrated. I think she will be much more bearable when she can crawl and then walk. I think it just gets easier with time. Thankfully around 6 mo she began napping better. But damn, it's exhausting to be home all day with a baby like this.
I'm actually relieved reading the other responses. I don't know anyone else with a baby as demanding as mine and sometimes I feel pretty alone. It's nice to know that you're not the only one and that it gets better.