Console me

[isabel]

with stories about your crazy parents. Please.

My mom and MIL have both been hounding me for Christmas gift ideas, so I finally made a gift registry with ideas from various sites. I sent the link to both of them. I told my MIL to make sure she communicates with my mom what she buys, she's totally cool about it. I say the same thing to my mom and the following conversation takes place (via text):

Me: Make sure you let MIL know if you plan on making specific purchases off that list since you both have it.
Mom: Too late ::inserts annoyed face::
Me: Just shoot her a text and let her know what you got. There's not many items on there really and I'm happy to double up on the gift card stuff.
Mom: I have been working 15-18 hour days. I haven't even had time to look.
Mom: No. You don't understand.
Me: I don't understand what?
Mom: I can't get into it now. I got home at 4 this morning, and came back at 10 and will be working past midnight tonight.
Me: Ok.

What in the actual fuck? I know she's pissed at me and I haven't the faintest clue why. Is she mad because I sent the list to my MIL? Because I expect the two of them to have the ability to text each other regarding what they buy? Because there are other people in my life who want to buy me presents? I don't fucking know! You guys, I cannot deal with this anymore. There's lots of back story and my mom has shown her crazy a lot in the last couple of years. I don't know if this will seem as fucked up to you guys as it does to me.

Anyway, please tell me your stories so I can feel slightly better about my fucked up relationship with my mom.

[Nicole]

If in fact your mom has been working such crazy hours, I don't think she's being that out of line.

I get real pissy when I have to work long hours consecutively.

[Nicole]

And this is over a gift for YOU which I would keep in perspective.

[isabel]

Dec 4, 2014 20:43:44 GMT -5 Nicole said:

If in fact your mom has been working such crazy hours, I don't think she's being that out of line.

I get real pissy when I have to work long hours consecutively.

There's so much more back story here that I can't even begin to go into. She's being a martyr. And even if she is annoyed about it, why is it a big deal? She and my MIL talk, it's not like they don't know each other. 

eta: And in response to your other post, I told them both that I didn't need anything and if they wanted to buy stuff, they could get things from the baby registry. They were both adamant that I give them ideas, so I made a tiny list of stuff.

[Nicole]

Dec 4, 2014 20:45:37 GMT -5 isabel said:

Dec 4, 2014 20:43:44 GMT -5 Nicole said:

If in fact your mom has been working such crazy hours, I don't think she's being that out of line.

I get real pissy when I have to work long hours consecutively.

There's so much more back story here that I can't even begin to go into. She's being a martyr. And even if she is annoyed about it, why is it a big deal? She and my MIL talk, it's not like they don't know each other. 

eta: And in response to your other post, I told them both that I didn't need anything and if they wanted to buy stuff, they could get things from the baby registry. They were both adamant that I give them ideas, so I made a tiny list of stuff.

Yeah, there has to be a bigger underlying issue between you and your mom.

[gogadgetgo]

If your situation is anything like mine, I understand your frustration. I went through something similar earlier this week with my parents.

All I can say is try to step back and look at it from a third party view. I know you're frustrated but try to take what your mom said about working long hours at face value. If you get a doubled up gift, it's not the end of the world. Maybe text your mom and ask her when a good time to talk might be.

Parents are hard. Hugs.

[Deleted]

Hugs!  Don't even get me started about my mom.  Lately she's making me insane.  It's what they do...ugh!

[isabel]

Dec 4, 2014 21:00:25 GMT -5 gogadgetgo said:

If your situation is anything like mine, I understand your frustration. I went through something similar earlier this week with my parents.

All I can say is try to step back and look at it from a third party view. I know you're frustrated but try to take what your mom said about working long hours at face value. If you get a doubled up gift, it's not the end of the world. Maybe text your mom and ask her when a good time to talk might be.

Parents are hard. Hugs.

Yeah, the doubled up gift thing was more for her benefit than mine. I know she'll be upset if she finds out that she and MIL both bought the same things, so I was trying to avoid her being upset about that. Now I regret saying anything and not just returning a duplicate myself.

I feel like I try to do things with her feelings in mind and it always backfires on me. We are not similar people and we do not think the same way.

Thank you for the empathy. I really do appreciate it.

[rupertpenny]

I think it is kind of annoying that you asked them to check in with each other. That is something that they could have easily done without instructions if they cared to do so.

I am really crotchety about gifts. I want what I want and would love people to coordinate and buy me things according to a wish list. That would be my dream come true. But I've come to realize that most people just don't operate that way and I can't make them. I have finally let go of any and all guilt I ever felt about making exchanges.

[papie]

Well to be fair, I don't expect people to coordinate off a list. I usually mention different items to whoever asks, that way they can buy whatever off their list.

[isabel]

Dec 4, 2014 21:05:59 GMT -5 rupertpenny said:

I think it is kind of annoying that you asked them to check in with each other. That is something that they could have easily done without instructions if they cared to do so.

I am really crotchety about gifts. I want what I want and would love people to coordinate and buy me things according to a wish list. That would be my dream come true. But I've come to realize that most people just don't operate that way and I can't make them. I have finally let go of any and all guilt I ever felt about making exchanges.

Yeah, I mean you're right that they could have. She's just really sensitive and I got worried that she would buy something and then get upset if she found out I already had it or that someone else had purchased the same thing. I've never actually done a wish list thing before. I don't really need or want anything specific this year, but they were both so insistent about it.

Anyway, I need to just let it go, I guess. 

[isabel]

Dec 4, 2014 21:11:14 GMT -5 freedom said:

Why couldn't you have given them each a separate wish list?

Because it literally has like 5 items on it.

[kyah]

I have no relationship with my mom. I haven't seen her in over a year. She's a complete narcissist, perpetual victim, irrational and crazy, super judgmental about everything and everyone, never wrong (so of course never apologizes) and completely devoid of empathy. So you are doing better than me! Hehe

[adhdfashion]

Making them share a list! Rookie move dude.

[TC]

It kind of sounds like she got you something not on list? I have no idea, this would drive me nuts. I would probably try to smooth this over for the sake of the holidays and then file Christmas gifts away as another thing to not engage in with her, and remember to check in with her before bombarding her with information in the future to avoid lighting her fuse. Dysfunctional family members involve an endless evolution of boundaries and fancy footwork.

[tacoflavoredkisses]

Does your mom like your MIL? If I asked my mom to be in touch with my MIL, it would not be pretty.