And while you're incredulous that she didn't say "thank you", I'm sure she's incredulous that you didn't say "OMG! Of course, we'll clean that up ASAP" the first time she said something to you.
Team neighbor. If they are elderly, its not like they can do it. And I'd be pissed if someone just said, well too bad no one is available so you'll have bricks all over your driveway for weeks. I get it was an accident but its NOT your neighbors fault it happened and they are already having to deal with finding a new car.
I am a bit incredulous that you 1) didn't offer to clean it up as soon as the insurance adjuster was done especially knowing that they are elderly and it could be difficult for them to do it themselves 2) had to go buy a broom and shovel and 3) are upset she didn't thank you for cleaning up your mess.
Dude, your mother damaged their property and made it so they couldn't use half their driveway. If it were me, I would likely have cleaned up the brick and dumped it in the middle of your drive after 2 weeks.
Seriously? You thought it was their responsibility to clean up the mess your mother caused? Wow. Yeah, I think you have burned that bridge with your neighbors and her daughter. Don't expect them to go one iota out of their way to help you in the future. I know I wouldn't.
Team neighbor. Sorry, but I would be really annoyed if my neighbors behaved like this. They have to deal with getting a new car because of an accident your family member had. The least you can do is clean up the debris on their driveway in a timely manner. If it only took 30 minutes, it doesn't sound like the sort of clean up that required a professional. They do not owe you some huge thank you for doing what you should have done two weeks ago.
Honestly, I would bake some cookies or cinnamon rolls or something and take them over with a note about how sorry you are for the inconvenience this whole mess has caused them.
Why didn't the daughter just do it herself? You all seem pretty stubborn here over 30 mins of work. But if I had to pick a side, it would be your neighbors'.
Because she was in no way responsible for the accident caused by her neighbors.
Team neighbor. I understand why you thought insurance would handle it, but it sounds like it wasn't that big of a deal to just do it yourself so I'm surprised this has gone on this long. While it was not the daughter's responsibility, I too am surprised she didn't just take care of it. I would have if it was my parents, and then I'd be annoyed that the neighbors who caused the accident didn't do it.
Ok, so I think you've gotten the point here, OP. We don't need to drill team neighbor (cough, which I am, cough, cough;) ) into your head anymore. However, I hope you've had a bit of a realization here, after reading everyone's thoughts. If it were me, I'd honestly be very embarrassed @ the situation & you & your H's slip-up here. I'm not trying to rub in your face how wrong you guys were/are, but I highly recommend you write an apology note/card trying to explain the misunderstanding. Maybe that you didn't understand the wait was going to be this long on the mason guy?
I dunno how to cover your butts, but as someone who is pretty friendly with my (almost all elderly) neighbors, it's a huge advantage to my life satisfaction enjoying the people I live among. And I highly recommend you might do your best to amend this lousy situation. Maybe accompany the note w/ a plate of Christmas cookies?
I'm obviously team neighbor, but I'll go a step further and say that your mom should pitch in something extra towards the purchase of their replacement car. I know she's not legally, or even morally required to do it, but I would push for it to happen if these were my neighbors. This wasn't a traffic accident. Their car was sitting on their private property, minding it's own business when your mom destroyed it. As the owner of an old, reliable, perfectly maintained car, having it totaled is my nightmare. They are very unlikely to be able to buy a comparable car for what they get from insurance. After this blunder, it would be well worth $500 or $1000 not to look like an uncaring neighbor.
So I mostly lurk here but thought I'd share an experience from the neighbor's perspective. A few months ago somebody from across the street backed into our mailbox during the night. We don't know if it was someone who lived there or was just visiting there. They destroyed the mailbox and left their freaking back windshield in the gutter below the mailbox, so there's absolutely no way the driver didn't know what he/she had done. Nobody ever said a word to us. There was no apology for destroying our property and leaving a big mess, no offer to pay for the damage or help with cleanup and repair. DH left it alone for a couple days to give them time to notice. They did nothing. DH replaced the mailbox and cleaned up the glass himself. Suffice it to say, we do not think highly of those neighbors and would not rush to their aid like we would for our other neighbors. Please don't be that neighbor.
Your neighbors and their daughter are right. You are wrong. I also think it's hilarious that you are miffed about not getting a thank you for doing something you should have done a long time ago.
This. I can't believe you just let a pile of bricks sit on their property for over 2 weeks. Of course she was complaining about it!
For those saying the daughter should have done it, remember if the neighbors are "elderly" they could be 80 and the daughter could be 60. She may not be able to do that kind of physical labor either. My mom could but my inlaws couldn't physically do that much bending and lifting.
I am surprised they aren't lawyered up by now. It's funny how you mentioned your kid too, like you guys were really inconvenienced and had to do it after the kid was in bed. Having a kid doesn't mean you can't get stuff done during the day or be a good person/neighbor. lol
I'm obviously team neighbor, but I'll go a step further and say that your mom should pitch in something extra towards the purchase of their replacement car. I know she's not legally, or even morally required to do it, but I would push for it to happen if these were my neighbors. This wasn't a traffic accident. Their car was sitting on their private property, minding it's own business when your mom destroyed it. As the owner of an old, reliable, perfectly maintained car, having it totaled is my nightmare. They are very unlikely to be able to buy a comparable car for what they get from insurance. After this blunder, it would be well worth $500 or $1000 not to look like an uncaring neighbor.
Yup. 2 days after Thanksgiving someone plowed into my mom's parked car and totaled it. It was 11 years old but well maintained and in good enough shape to drive for several more years which was her plan. The money she's going to get from insurance isn't all that much and it's a nightmare to deal with. Fortunately for her we recently thought about getting rid of one of our cars since we don't need 2 in the city and so I think we're giving it to her. But not everyone has that option, obviously, and if this happened a few months ago before we moved she would be scrambling to find another solution.
The attitude I get from the OP is just oops, mistake happened, insurance will handle it. Yes mistakes do happen but understand this is a real inconvenience for your neighbors in many ways.
For those saying the daughter should have done it, remember if the neighbors are "elderly" they could be 80 and the daughter could be 60. She may not be able to do that kind of physical labor either. My mom could but my inlaws couldn't physically do that much bending and lifting.
Or maybe the daughter has a job, kids, and other obligations she has to juggle while also helping her elderly parents with many random things, including now finding a new car on a limited budget, and had to draw the line at literally cleaning up someone else's mess.
I can understand wanting the insurance to send someone to clean it up, and/or not knowing if they needed to send an investigator to look at the damage in order to piece together the accident. I mean, first, you pay for insurance to have them deal with and pay for things when they happen. And also, even if it was my fault, I wouldn't want cleaning it up before the investigation was through to end up causing more of a headache down the line. Buuuuuut that accounts for like 48 hours.
BUT I would have been in constant communication with my neighbor about it, confirming with my insurance when they were done, and making sure the elderly couple next door was inconvenienced as little as possible. I also have elderly neighbors and I'd feel mortified to just leave their property looking like crap and completely unusable for a lengthy period of time.
Obviously team neighbor. However, our elderly family members live on our road and on a curve. There have been many many people miss the curve and end up plowing into their yard or mailbox. Often no one cleans it up and it is so annoying for my husband or one of his uncles or aunts to go over and pick up all the tiny pieces of glass, wood and metal so no one gets hurt when we mow. Occasionally, (when it's a kid who does this) their parents are involved and the kid comes back over when it's not raining and light out to pick up the yard for them. It's the right thing to clean up their driveway. I agree that you should apologize for the misunderstanding.
I think you and your husband need to view this from the perspective of the neighbors and their daughter. They're elderly, financially strapped, and without a vehicle. Between them not having a vehicle and searching for an adequate vehicle, it's further stressed their finances and their daughter may even be picking up the slack, doing errands, helping them car search, hell, maybe even paying some out of her own pocket.
If anything, you should be thankful that they aren't complaining that you hired a mason who is so backed up he can't even give you a timeframe when it will be done.
So is your thirty minutes of picking up bricks from their driveway so horrible compared to how this accident is effecting them? Their daughter does not owe you a thank you, you're lucky she didn't respond with "about time, assholes!" Because if someone did this to my parents that's the response you would get. Having insurance does not exempt you from acting like a decent neighbor.
Why didn't the daughter just do it herself? You all seem pretty stubborn here over 30 mins of work. But if I had to pick a side, it would be your neighbors'.
Because she was in no way responsible for the accident caused by her neighbors.
Well yeah, I know. But it seems like less effort than complaining for 2 weeks. Also, if my neighbor's tree fell on my yard, I would be responsible for cleaning up my own yard. While this may be different because it wasn't an act of God, I think I would have just cleaned it up myself.
Post by hbomdiggity on Dec 9, 2014 14:07:55 GMT -5
As I read the OP I thought to myself why is a mason required to pick up the bricks?
Now if I was the neighbor I would have prob done it myself instead of complaining and being considered difficult. But if it not something they are physically capable of then you just do it.
Post by youhadmycuriosity on Dec 9, 2014 15:11:30 GMT -5
I want to add that if you want to have any sort of amiable relationship with your neighbors going forward, I would send over some cookies with a sincere apology that you let the bricks lay in their driveway for as long as they did.
That said, I'm enough of a sucker that, in the neighbors' daughter's shoes, I would have cleaned up the brick myself after asking once, but I would have shit talked about you to my husband and best friend for a lonnnnng time if an apology was not forthcoming.
It was your job to make sure that clean up happened in a timely fashion be it by getting insurance to take care of it or doing it yourselves. However, I question why you thought insurance would manage the clean up. Was it included in the quote from the mason? If it truly was on your insurance to pay for clean up, then why didn't you ask the company how to proceed with getting the bricks removed when the mason was delayed? I mean 2 weeks is a really long time to live with half a driveway, especially if the timeline of when it would happen was unclear and still a week or two off. If I were in their shoes, I would have been asking you when it would be done too. I also think her "Great!" was a perfectly acceptable response to the clean up being complete.