I would keep your mind open and just see how it goes. I was very adamant that I wasn't going to want visitors all he time when my daughter was born but I was wrong and loved having the help. I am so much closer with my mom since my daughter was born. I was not close with my in laws before she was born either but our relationship has real gotten closer and I enjoy having them come visit frequently. I can go grocery shopping alone or just take a long shower or clean.
Keep your mind open and just set some ground rules (cleanliness, quiet hours, no unsolicited advice, etc) about staying at your home if you have them. I wish I was closer with my grandparents so I think it's great your mom wants to be involved.
It depends on the relationship. My mom and I are very close. Our one area of contention is neatness. I would spend ALL week leading up to it stressed about my house. Then all weekend as we'll. It would make my life miserable. Not wanting to go through that doesn't make me a bitch. Luckily my mom agrees
But she'd be in your house anyway, visiting with you and the new baby. Â With a new baby around, the house is going to be messy. Â It's just a fact. Â If the mess bothers her, she can choose not to come. Â But to tell her she's not welcome to stay over in your house, when you have the room for it, is kind of crappy. Â Especially when she's offering to pay for a flight a month to be a part of her grandkid's life. Â
Sorry I disagree. Someone living with me is quite different than visiting in a room or two. And it's not crappy to not want someone to stay with you especially when you just had a baby.
My MIL is moving out here in March and will be our full-time childcare. This is something that's been discussed A LOT and something she really wants to do. We are very grateful and happy to have her out here. That said, I think she understands my boundaries better than my own mom does and is far less sensitive. I don't have any qualms about telling her I need some space like I do with my mom.
Is your mom the competitive type? MIL doing child care could be prompting this.
Um, included in this conversation today was how many times H and I have been out to visit his family this year, how many times we've been to see her, and how many times she's come to visit us. She seems to be keeping score, like whoa.
I do realize that behavior like this isn't rational and I'm not going to be able to make sense of it.
It sounds like once a month, you'll be able to go out to brunch without your child. I fail to see how this is a bad thing.
Honestly, it seems like no big deal to me. She wants to be in her grandkid's life, and it sounds like you're unwilling to go visit her, so she's being proactive. And when you're talking about two nights a month, you'd be a pretty serious bitch to not let her stay in your guest room.
Post by fivechickens on Dec 15, 2014 21:21:07 GMT -5
My inlaws live 2 hrs away and come every other weekend each month. It doesn't bother me. However, When the girls were young she stayed for 4 months. I really appreciated her help at the time but that is a long time to spend with your MIL and I was definitly ready for her to go home at the end.
This is excessive to me and I would shut that shit down. I don't know anyone I'd want as a house guest one weekend a month.
Voice of reason! Lol
I contend that I don't like a single soul on this earth enough to desire spending that much time with someone besides my H. This is why I have like two friends. In fact, I have my two best friends here and I see both of them maybe once a month, like for lunch. Yeesh.
My parents live 2hrs away & they come up once a month to spend time with our girls. They love it and our girls (and me) love it. They were just here this past weekend and we went shopping, got ice cream, went for a drive around the neighborhood to look at Christmas lights. They come up on Friday afternoon and leave Sunday afternoon. They stay in our guest room and we look forward to their visit every month.
This is excessive to me and I would shut that shit down. I don't know anyone I'd want as a house guest one weekend a month.
Voice of reason! Lol
I contend that I don't like a single soul on this earth enough to desire spending that much time with someone besides my H. This is why I have like two friends. In fact, I have my two best friends here and I see both of them maybe once a month, like for lunch. Yeesh.
I agree with this. I don't think I'd be up for a houseguest every month. It is a lot of work and working full time, sometimes I just need to be home, and having a houseguest would not allow me to relax. Even my mom. Of course, this is me speaking pre-baby. Post baby, I may be begging her to come help me. That remains to be seen.
Ultimately, I would not commit to any kind of visitation schedule now. You have no idea how things are going to go. Tell her you need to play it by ear while you guys figure out this new change. There is no reason this needs to be decided now and after baby, once you and H settle in and get a routine going, you'll be much better equipped to decide what you can handle.
Post by mrsukyankee on Dec 16, 2014 3:09:28 GMT -5
Could you talk to your mom about doing a trial run and see how it goes? Because it is YOUR baby and you should be able to live how you like. So if it's helpful or okay then you can keep going, but otherwise you can say 'no'.