first official appointment underwhelming

[polarbearfans]

I warned my husband that my obgyn is kind of akward, and he was as usual. My husband has decided he is super conservative, especially since he was unhappy I was continuing with a medication he feels is unsafe and untested for the baby. He actually tried to see if I would switch to medications he feels are safe... those meds he suggested gave me terrible side effects and allowed my condition to progress so far I thought I would die. I told him I am staying on the meds. My GI, who wants me on the meds, is very well respected in his field and is constantly doing research and publishing. I trust my GI when he says the medication has shown to be safe with no known side effects, and that regardless I need to be on them. Based on comments with another med i was on, my GI thinks my doctor is reading outdated material when researching my condition, and he is the one that referred me to a high risk ob to see in addition.

The picture from the ultrasound was terrible. He used the abdomen wand and it was so fuzzy. We could see the baby moving around which was cool since i didn't think the baby moved so early (I really should read a book or something since i was shocked to see arms). I think he didn't use the stick because he felt weird with my husband there. He looked at him before deciding. To show the family, my husband is going to use the pic from a couple weeks ago when i had some heavy spotting and was called into the office. The pic from today looks like a fuzzy white circle, nothing like a baby. He may have not done a closer look since the other doctor on call had looked around and noted everything previously. I am kind of upset at myself for not speaking up that we would prefer a clearer look, and selfishly want a nicer pic to show the families since this is the first child in our age group. i am due back in a month, not sure if they are doing another ultrasound at that time (would be about 13/14 weeks at that point), but a few days later I have a level 2 ultrasound with my high risk ob. My husband opted for the Ultrascreen to be done at that appointment. I'm not sure how I feel about that.

[achi]

I'm sorry you had such an underwhelming appointment. Your OB kind of sounds like a hack, IMO.

[Brie]

Dec 18, 2014 17:13:08 GMT -5 polarbearfans said:

I warned my husband that my obgyn is kind of akward, and he was as usual. My husband has decided he is super conservative, especially since he was unhappy I was continuing with a medication he feels is unsafe and untested for the baby. He actually tried to see if I would switch to medications he feels are safe... those meds he suggested gave me terrible side effects and allowed my condition to progress so far I thought I would die. I told him I am staying on the meds. My GI, who wants me on the meds, is very well respected in his field and is constantly doing research and publishing. I trust my GI when he says the medication has shown to be safe with no known side effects, and that regardless I need to be on them. Based on comments with another med i was on, my GI thinks my doctor is reading outdated material when researching my condition, and he is the one that referred me to a high risk ob to see in addition.

The picture from the ultrasound was terrible. He used the abdomen wand and it was so fuzzy. We could see the baby moving around which was cool since i didn't think the baby moved so early (I really should read a book or something since i was shocked to see arms). I think he didn't use the stick because he felt weird with my husband there. He looked at him before deciding. To show the family, my husband is going to use the pic from a couple weeks ago when i had some heavy spotting and was called into the office. The pic from today looks like a fuzzy white circle, nothing like a baby. He may have not done a closer look since the other doctor on call had looked around and noted everything previously. I am kind of upset at myself for not speaking up that we would prefer a clearer look, and selfishly want a nicer pic to show the families since this is the first child in our age group. i am due back in a month, not sure if they are doing another ultrasound at that time (would be about 13/14 weeks at that point), but a few days later I have a level 2 ultrasound with my high risk ob. My husband opted for the Ultrascreen to be done at that appointment. I'm not sure how I feel about that.

Uh, your husband sounds like a controlling jackhole here.  It's your body and YOU get the final say on medications and tests you get.

Also, I'm sorry the ultrasound picture wasn't great, but they're not done because "we would like a clearer look" and to get pictures.  They're  done so your doctor can see what HE needs to see (which, at this point, is basically a beating heart).

[achi]

Dec 18, 2014 17:21:40 GMT -5 Brie said:

Dec 18, 2014 17:13:08 GMT -5 polarbearfans said:

I warned my husband that my obgyn is kind of akward, and he was as usual. My husband has decided he is super conservative, especially since he was unhappy I was continuing with a medication he feels is unsafe and untested for the baby. He actually tried to see if I would switch to medications he feels are safe... those meds he suggested gave me terrible side effects and allowed my condition to progress so far I thought I would die. I told him I am staying on the meds. My GI, who wants me on the meds, is very well respected in his field and is constantly doing research and publishing. I trust my GI when he says the medication has shown to be safe with no known side effects, and that regardless I need to be on them. Based on comments with another med i was on, my GI thinks my doctor is reading outdated material when researching my condition, and he is the one that referred me to a high risk ob to see in addition.

The picture from the ultrasound was terrible. He used the abdomen wand and it was so fuzzy. We could see the baby moving around which was cool since i didn't think the baby moved so early (I really should read a book or something since i was shocked to see arms). I think he didn't use the stick because he felt weird with my husband there. He looked at him before deciding. To show the family, my husband is going to use the pic from a couple weeks ago when i had some heavy spotting and was called into the office. The pic from today looks like a fuzzy white circle, nothing like a baby. He may have not done a closer look since the other doctor on call had looked around and noted everything previously. I am kind of upset at myself for not speaking up that we would prefer a clearer look, and selfishly want a nicer pic to show the families since this is the first child in our age group. i am due back in a month, not sure if they are doing another ultrasound at that time (would be about 13/14 weeks at that point), but a few days later I have a level 2 ultrasound with my high risk ob. My husband opted for the Ultrascreen to be done at that appointment. I'm not sure how I feel about that.

Uh, your husband sounds like a controlling jackhole here.  It's your body and YOU get the final say on medications and tests you get.

Also, I'm sorry the ultrasound picture wasn't great, but they're not done because "we would like a clearer look" and to get pictures.  They're  done so your doctor can see what HE needs to see (which, at this point, is basically a beating heart).

I'm glad you posted this. I wasn't sure if I was reading things correctly but I 100% agree with Brie.

polarbearfans is your H always like this?

[polarbearfans]

my husband wants me on the medication. He really likes my GI. my obgyn wants me off the meds. I don't see how he saw anything on that fuzzy picture. the other doctor looked all around with that stick trying to figure out why i had bleeding. I have had bleeding for 3 days again, with today being the first day without, and he barely looked at anything. I just don't see why he would go with the less clear picture if he could get a better look at everything with the stick. He told me to take it easy and rest until I have a week without bleeding since they see nothing wrong, thankfully.

Like I said, I selfishly wanted a nicer picture for the family :/ We are hours from our family, and see them a few times a year. it would have been nice to be able to show a little picture over the holidays, but not the end of the world that we cannot.

[polarbearfans]

my husband thinks the DOCTOR is super conservative.

[achi]

Dec 18, 2014 17:35:13 GMT -5 polarbearfans said:

my husband wants me on the medication. He really likes my GI. my obgyn wants me off the meds. I don't see how he saw anything on that fuzzy picture. the other doctor looked all around with that stick trying to figure out why i had bleeding. I have had bleeding for 3 days again, with today being the first day without, and he barely looked at anything. I just don't see why he would go with the less clear picture if he could get a better look at everything with the stick. He told me to take it easy and rest until I have a week without bleeding since they see nothing wrong, thankfully.

Like I said, I selfishly wanted a nicer picture for the family :/ We are hours from our family, and see them a few times a year. it would have been nice to be able to show a little picture over the holidays, but not the end of the world that we cannot.

This is not selfish at all, I think we all want the perfect US picture.

[krystee]

My first appointment was a super fuzzy abdomen scan too (after several clear transvaginal ones at the RE). She said they just want to see a beating heart at that stage. I didn't get a picture.

That part wouldn't concern me, but if you are not confident in his care because you feel his knowledge is outdated, you should switch doctors.

Also you mention a lot about what your H thinks and not much about what you think. It might just be this one post, but I just want to make sure you pick a provider who YOU are very comfortable with and like, make sure you are driving the decisions about your care so you are confident and at ease with your decisions.

[whiskeyandwine]

Ok, for real, if my dr looked at my H before doing a tans vaginal u/s I would find a new doctor. Stat. Not ok.

[polarbearfans]

i probably should look for another doctor. He has been fine for my limited needs in the past. I wasn't super fond of the other doctor I saw in this office. the other offices are incredibly far away from where I live, but if I clicked with someone I could make it work. My husband had wanted me to do hospital tours to explore my options, and this doctor exclusively delivers at the hospital I thought I wanted (without even considering others). The hospital is like 45 minutes away. We have several closer, but I am not familiar with the system they are in and have no doctors affiliated. All but one of my doctors are part of the network of this one hospital I'm leaning towards. So, if i liked one of the local hospitals, I would have to find a new obgyn regardless.

[dearprudence]

Dec 18, 2014 17:21:40 GMT -5 Brie said:

Dec 18, 2014 17:13:08 GMT -5 polarbearfans said:

I warned my husband that my obgyn is kind of akward, and he was as usual. My husband has decided he is super conservative, especially since he was unhappy I was continuing with a medication he feels is unsafe and untested for the baby. He actually tried to see if I would switch to medications he feels are safe... those meds he suggested gave me terrible side effects and allowed my condition to progress so far I thought I would die. I told him I am staying on the meds. My GI, who wants me on the meds, is very well respected in his field and is constantly doing research and publishing. I trust my GI when he says the medication has shown to be safe with no known side effects, and that regardless I need to be on them. Based on comments with another med i was on, my GI thinks my doctor is reading outdated material when researching my condition, and he is the one that referred me to a high risk ob to see in addition.

The picture from the ultrasound was terrible. He used the abdomen wand and it was so fuzzy. We could see the baby moving around which was cool since i didn't think the baby moved so early (I really should read a book or something since i was shocked to see arms). I think he didn't use the stick because he felt weird with my husband there. He looked at him before deciding. To show the family, my husband is going to use the pic from a couple weeks ago when i had some heavy spotting and was called into the office. The pic from today looks like a fuzzy white circle, nothing like a baby. He may have not done a closer look since the other doctor on call had looked around and noted everything previously. I am kind of upset at myself for not speaking up that we would prefer a clearer look, and selfishly want a nicer pic to show the families since this is the first child in our age group. i am due back in a month, not sure if they are doing another ultrasound at that time (would be about 13/14 weeks at that point), but a few days later I have a level 2 ultrasound with my high risk ob. My husband opted for the Ultrascreen to be done at that appointment. I'm not sure how I feel about that.

Uh, your husband sounds like a controlling jackhole here.  It's your body and YOU get the final say on medications and tests you get.

Also, I'm sorry the ultrasound picture wasn't great, but they're not done because "we would like a clearer look" and to get pictures.  They're  done so your doctor can see what HE needs to see (which, at this point, is basically a beating heart).

I agree with all of this.  Even in your follow up you talk about your husband wanting you to take hospital tours.  What about what you want?

And I'm doubly confused about the ultrasound annoyance.  You had one a couple weeks ago, so have a useable picture and this one was clear enough for you to see arms....

[estrellita]

Yeah.. that doctor sounds weird. He's a medical professional, he should be able to do whatever he needs to in front of your H. My u/s tech had no problem using it in front of my H. Of course I was covered and inserted it myself, but I would assume that's pretty typical. How far along are you? I feel like any u/s you get at this point isn't going to be great if you're not very far along. Assuming you're still early, it's tiny and doesn't look much like a baby yet anyways. Plus it's not super common to even get an u/s at that point. If I hadn't had spotting I would have only had the a/s done. I was always a little jealous of people that announced with u/s pictures! But yeah.. if you had one from before, couldn't you just use that?

[achi]

I agree with PPs. Other than the part about the ultrasound I have not heard what YOU want once.

[polarbearfans]

Dec 18, 2014 18:57:19 GMT -5 dearprudence said:

Dec 18, 2014 17:21:40 GMT -5 Brie said:

Uh, your husband sounds like a controlling jackhole here.  It's your body and YOU get the final say on medications and tests you get.

Also, I'm sorry the ultrasound picture wasn't great, but they're not done because "we would like a clearer look" and to get pictures.  They're  done so your doctor can see what HE needs to see (which, at this point, is basically a beating heart).

I agree with all of this.  Even in your follow up you talk about your husband wanting you to take hospital tours.  What about what you want?

And I'm doubly confused about the ultrasound annoyance.  You had one a couple weeks ago, so have a useable picture and this one was clear enough for you to see arms....

I am uninterested in looking at any hospitals. Due to my husbands work, he has seen some things that make him nervous about the hospital of my choice, and is also concerned about the distance. I just know I like the level of care I have received at that location in the past. We saw arms at one point, but the pic he took is a white blob of nothing. I was just venting annoyance at the apointment. It seems like since I had problems and had to go in early, this apointment was rushed and not as thorough as I was expecting from a first visit. I get that the other ob did the orginal dating because I was there, but she is not my doctor. I want my actual doctor checking things out. I thought my husband would have to give his medical history, but none was taken. This was treated more like what I would expect at a later visit.

[achi]

Dec 18, 2014 19:11:13 GMT -5 polarbearfans said:

Dec 18, 2014 18:57:19 GMT -5 dearprudence said:

I agree with all of this.  Even in your follow up you talk about your husband wanting you to take hospital tours.  What about what you want?

And I'm doubly confused about the ultrasound annoyance.  You had one a couple weeks ago, so have a useable picture and this one was clear enough for you to see arms....

I am uninterested in looking at any hospitals. Due to my husbands work, he has seen some things that make him nervous about the hospital of my choice, and is also concerned about the distance. I just know I like the level of care I have received at that location in the past. We saw arms at one point, but the pic he took is a white blob of nothing. I was just venting annoyance at the apointment. It seems like since I had problems and had to go in early, this apointment was rushed and not as thorough as I was expecting from a first visit. I get that the other ob did the orginal dating because I was there, but she is not my doctor. I want my actual doctor checking things out. I thought my husband would have to give his medical history, but none was taken. This was treated more like what I would expect at a later visit.

This is my first real go-round at this, so maybe I'm misinformed but my doctor didn't ask about my H's detailed medical history. She asked if either of our families had a history of downs syndrome or other birth defects, and she asked about his ethnic background to determine if specific prenatal tests should be ordered but that was it. 

But in general, this OB seems very very odd. I would seriously look at switching if I were in your shoes. 

[whiskeyandwine]

I think part of your disappointment is due to your expectations being ... high for lack of a better word.

I also agree that we aren't hearing much about what **you** wants and are hearing a lot about what your H wants. He gets a say, but YOU are in charge here.

Re the trans-vag-situation, my H has seen a bunch of them, nobody has even looked twice at him except the very first time to tell him that some husbands pass out, so sit if he is dizzy. And I have never put the wand in myself.

[cheeseandcrackers]

Your H sounds kind of controlling... also now is a good time to switch while you are still early on. I switched practices after my old practice didn't seem to give a crap about my miscarriage and I  haven't looked back (been with my old practice for 10 years).

[polarbearfans]

My expectations were from a list I read online of what to expect, so maybe I was expecting too much. We are 9/10 weeks. This was a surprise pregnancy so I don't have much information and am just now starting to read up on things. I also have been trying to stay detached a bit since I have had so much bleeding and it's still early. My husband is looking like a jerk, but he really isn't. He is more of a planner, and I am more of a take life as it happens type.

I really should look into other options for an obgyn. This guy was fine when I just needed someone to insert my IUD, but he is a little too uneducated about my medical condition. I don't like that he tried to suggest I change my medications when he knew I already met with my GI to discuss my pregnancy and treatment plan. He is a 45 minute drive, but another 15 and I can go to another office with 6 more doctors. I have another doctor in that other office so the drive is manageable. We recently moved to a more rural area, and I am still very established in our old city, so I don't mind the drive. I also work in the city still.

This is all so new, I cannot talk to anyone about it, and I was really just looking to talk to someone about my disappointing experience. He didn't even put the heartbeat up. That kind of made it real for me when I heard it, and I wanted my husband to get to hear it too. I wish I let him come to that first appointment since it was so much more detailed. I didn't want him to leave work in the middle of the day... It was so last minute.

[estrellita]

Yeah TBH your expectations are high. My first appointment at 9 weeks was just going over history and they did some labs. Didn't even do an u/s but I didn't need a dating one. I didn't hear the heartbeat until 12 weeks and only had an u/s done because I had some spotting.

Anyways, I do think though that finding a new OB would be a good idea if you're not comfortable with him. You need someone you are ok seeing many many times over the next months and delivering your child. Sometimes you have to see a few to find the right one!

[Deleted]

You're not comfortable, period. Get a new OB. The scan is unfortunate, but what you know right now is that the baby is healthy.

As for your next appt @ 13/14 weeks, we didn't do any U/S in the office after 11 weeks, but did do the NT scan. So look into that, if you're interested. Otherwise you may not get any other U/S until the anatomy scan later on.

[Deleted]

I was surprised my doctor didn't really go through much with me at my first appt. Friends confirmed they had the same experience with other doctors.

I think there are a lot of online checklists that don't align at all with how most physicians/midwives practice.

Please do feel free to post questions here for women who have been through it before or ask friends/family that have been through it in the last couple of years. I know I texted my sisters some pretty ridiculous questions:)

[626]

So I had ultrasounds at 4, 5 and 6 weeks with my RE that were done transvaginally. This basically just showed a white circle and a heartbeat.

I saw my OB/MFM at 8 weeks and it was not done transvaginally. The moving image on the screen showed a head, body and nubs for arms and legs. We saw the head move from side to side. The actual pictures we got looked more like a fuzzy blob.

So I wouldn't be alarmed about the fact that the ultrasound wasn't done transvaginally or that the images weren't very clear. I think you're reading into it too much that he looked over to your husband first. It's normal it's not done transvaginally at that point.

Regardless of all of this, you aren't happy with this doctor and you shouldn't feel obligated to stay with him. I mean you'll be seeing this person for months to come and he'll be delivering your baby - you need to feel comfortable with your doctor.

Also, your GI doctor and OB should be talking to each other about your medication. I have asthma and my pulmonologist has told me that if/when I need to go on meds he will choose ones that are safe for the baby (he attends yearly conferences specifically discussing meds for asthma/respiratory disease and pregnancy). And even still he said that if it makes me feel more comfortable he would still talk to my OB to make sure she was ok with everything as well.

I also have GI issues and my OB has been in contact and discussed my history with a GI surgeon - who will need to be present at birth. Communication is key.

Your GI doctor and OB should be communicating with each other.

[kellsbelles]

Im sorry you had such a negative experience. I have never felt anything but 100% supported and happy with my midwives and I think you deserve the same. If you are uncomfortable for any reason including his awkwardness then I think looking into other providers would be beneficial to you. This is supposed to be a special time and not having questions answered, feeling uncomfortable and not feeling a thorough appointment and your needs not being met is not that. It may help for you to take a list of written down questions next time you go and asking in advance about expectations including ultrasounds, medications, medical histories etc.

Plus it may only get worse as the pregnancy goes on if you're already feeling this way now. But hey take a deep breath and organize your and your husbands thoughts and concerns so they can be answered by your doctor. Also have a convo directly perhaps with your DH about expectations from a provider, how he feels about your pregnancy and what he wants in a doctor. But keep in mind your the pregnant one and carrying the child so at the end of the day you deserve to be happy and taken care of before what anyone else thinks.

[polarbearfans]

Thanks everyone! The advice is very helpful, and I have some stuff to think about.

It looks like in a few weeks I have the NTscreening ultrasound, few days later the monthy appointment with my obgyn, then a couple days later the fetal growth ultrasound and consult with the high risk obgyn. A couple days later, I have another medication infusion.

I will start preparing my questions. Seems like a lot of appointments so close to each other. A few days before the NT screening I have an appointment with my hematologist. I'll have to remember to update them that I am pregnant now. Hopefully she will use some of the recent bloodwork I had done.