A question about virginity

[dulcemariamar]

If someone decides to wait to have sex until they get married, but then they end up divorced or having the marriage annulled, if they decide to get married again, do they have to wait until the wedding night for sex or it doesn't matter?

I was just wondering about Jessica Simpson. I remember how she told the whole world she waited with her first marriage but obviously she didn't the second time around.

[dorothyinAus]

I think that is a personal decision.

It's not like you become a virgin again magically just because you get divorced or the marriage is annulled -- unless the reason for the annulment was failure to consummate the marriage.

[clogged]

There is a ton-o-what-ifs in that scenario. It would depend on why they waited.

From a Catholic point of view, no sex outside of wedlock. So yeah, you must be remarried. In the church. Because a civil wedding alone won't cut it (and if you are Knitty, yes there is an exception to this but that's getting into miniscule fine points). I would assume other non-liberal religions are the same. So, it has nothing to do with virginity or first time, but everything to do with in or out (ha! a bad pun) of marriage.

Which is NOT Jessica's situation. Some how she doesn't grab as the on-knees-in-church-once-a-week type.

[lolo]

I think for some people, it's not a matter of 'having' to wait, but for wanting sex to be a thing only shared when they are married. For some, this is for religious reasons. For others, that little piece of paper might be what gives them the security to give themselves up.

I don't think it's strange to want to wait until marriage a second time, whatever the reason, nor do I think it's strange if views on sex change over time.

[clogged]

OMG!!!! I LOVE OUR WORLD!!!!!

You can haz virginity back. urogyn.org/hymenoplasty.html

[lolo]

Yeah, that surgery made me laugh at first, until I read an article about how women in more traditional cultures do it because the are afraid of the repercussions if they don't bleed on their wedding day.

[dorothyinAus]

Well, I guess you can magically become a virgin again for the second marriage. Might be a bit unbelievable if you come into the second marriage with children though.

[bugabean]

Nobody *has* to do anything with regards to sex. To me, this is kinda like asking "if you lose your virginity, do you have to keep having sex?" What does one have to do with the other? Without some greater context (e.g. wanting to follow religious doctrine), the question doesn't really make sense to me. Each and every time you do or do not have sex should be up to you.

[crimsonandclover]

I think it completely depends on the reason you waited, as someone else said. I waited for religious (but not Catholic) reasons, and if DH were to die and I wanted to remarry, I would also wait for marriage again.

[Deleted]

If you waited because you think sex has no place out of wedlock, then I would assume you would wait again until you are married before having sex. But obviously people can change their minds about what is important for them. I also know some who didn't wait the first time around and are choosing to wait it out this time.

[GilliC]

May 16, 2012 3:38:30 GMT -5 clogged said:

and if you are Knitty...

Oh! Do you think Knitty has joined us?
Knitty, are you here yet???
(It won't be IN without Knitty! )

As for the original question, I know there are some girls on Starting Over who've only been with their first husbands, and it does cause some anxiety. I guess it's a personal decision, but I think the "stigma" of being divorced can have quite an effect. You've already "screwed up" one marriage in a lot of people's/religion's opinions, so I think some of the societal and/or familial pressure is off.

I know my mother has an issue with living together before marriage. She actually still calls it "living in sin." When XH and I moved in together because it was way cheaper than signing a 6-month lease until the wedding, I was actually a little worried that she'd flip out, but she said that it was fine "as long as there was going to be a wedding."

Well, considering how much she's flipped out over the divorce, I could give a crap what she thinks now. DBF doesn't want to get married again on general principle, and when I think about it, if I could file a civil union status wherever we end up, I don't feel the need to get "married" again. And my mother can learn to deal with her daughter living in sin!

I would guess that some people have similar reactions to the "sex before marriage" question: "Screw it! I'm already not following the rules, so who cares if I do some bonking out of wedlock?!"