I did Match for awhile. It was nice because it helped me figure out what I want and what is most important. It also let me "practice" dating and get back in the game. It also let me be more picky.
I met a lot of super sweet guys and got some nice dates out of it but overall, it was just too much work. It takes a lot of time to respond to emails and keep everyone in order and look at profiles. It was annoying to go home and get on the computer after awhile. I even met guys pretty quickly after contact online but still it was just too much online work for me.
Also, so many times you have awesome email exchanges and you think you totally click only to have a weird date. I also found so many guys on there were afraid to make a move in real life. I left a lot of dates feeling a friend connection vs. a romantic connection as a result. Not many of them plan dates - it's mostly happy hours (which could be b/c of where I live). Happy hours get old fast. A lot them also seemed like they didn't care who you were, they just wanted a wife ASAP.
My suggestion is just never get invested in someone you meet online no matter how great the convos or emails are. Go into in-person dates with low expectations regardless of the online connection. Also, meet with them pretty fast (I say after a few emails) or else you can easily just get stuck online and only waste time. Always meet for something brief the first time - like coffee - so you can leave quickly if it gets bad.
But overall, I recommend ditching online dating. Instead, try meetup.com. You can meet people in group settings, in person doing activities you like to do. I am part of an AWESOME hiking group that seriously changed my life. I also met my bf hiking with the group. I do writing and social groups too. It's great b/c you meet people while also interacting with your community and doing stuff you love. I personally hate sitting at home on a computer.
My boyfriend was actually on Match the same time I was on and we never "matched." I feel like online you can easily miss good matches because people just don't represent themselves accurately. It's not on purpose most of the time. I mean I read my profile and it hardly captures who I am.
I tried match a few times, briefly and I had some success with it. I dated a few guys for a little while on there.
I totally agree with jade. Keep your expectations REALLY low and try to meet with them right away. Otherwise you'll unintentionally get invested in someone that you may have ZERO connection with. If their picture looks good, be prepared that they might not look that good in person or you might not feel a connection when you meet. This might sound negative but it's just based on the experiences that I've had.
Post by margaritagirl on Aug 3, 2012 15:36:30 GMT -5
I had great success with match - I met my bf on there. Post current full-body pics. Don't spend endless days winking. Send an email right away and then plan to meet quickly. Any douche can put together a decent email. OK...almost any douche. It's horrible to waste weeks emailing and the meet up in person and know instantly it isn't going to work.
My advice - give guys a try that aren't perfect on paper - I enjoyed most of the dates I went on and learned a lot about what I truly wanted in a partner.
I second that don't feel that you HAVE to date at all...life is actually much easier when I don't date so I joke sometimes why I do it! But overall? I've had a decent experience with the online dating thing. I've done Match, eharmony and OkCupid. They're all different...and I've had successes depending on how well you define success. eHarmony-tended to match wtih people I just was NOT attracted to. Had pretty decent dates that always led to at least a date #2. I felt the guys had their sh!t together for the most part, but didn't get the feeling many wanted something serious. hard to get to know the guy via their "profile" page. Match-much better in terms of the attraction thing. I like that I get to "pick and choose" vs. what the system defines for me (like eharm). BUT after a while, I kinda felt like it was the gym or a bar. guys not looking for serious. OKC-since it's free, there is ALOT of weeding out to here...but connected with a few decent guys and dated one guy for a while.
I second the whole "dont' go back and forth TOO much by email" because even though you may have great email chemistry, it may not be that way in person and then you get your hopes up. And if you do go online, feel free to ask us for help wtih your profile-we're pretty good critics, I'd say!
I have some hang ups about my weight to, which is why I made sure to post recent pictures. I figured if guys messaged me or responded to me, they must not mind seeing someone my size.
I'm pretty shitastic when it comes to writing about myself. I'm definitely gonna need some help.
And...I realize I don't HAVE to date. I'm ready to date, but I think my weight/self-confidence has been a major factor me and has held me back.
I've gained weight since my divorce and I've been insecure about it. My mindset is as long as my pictures are current and accurate and a guy is interested, he already knows what I look like, he's probably not going to meet me and decide I'm not skinny enough, cuz he already knows what I look like.
I actually met a guy once who LIKED that I had big thighs haha I keep reminding myself "There ARE guys who like big strong thighs!" hahaha
Post by dakotadangerdog on Aug 3, 2012 15:57:43 GMT -5
I would put on your favorite outfit, do your hair and makeup nice, and go out for a "photoshoot" with a friend in a park or something. Nothing beats having current pictures.
Ok, this is what I wrote in my "about me" section:
I've been single for awhile and I was ok with that, but I decided it's time to start looking. I'm looking for someone that's genuinely kind, that cares about all people, funny, laid back, and doesn't take himself too seriously.
It's horrible, right?
It's not horrible, but.....it doesn't say anything about YOU! What do you like to do? What are you interested in?
Post by dakotadangerdog on Aug 3, 2012 16:27:37 GMT -5
Yes, I got matched with a guy I was friends with in highschool, we still have some mutual friends. If they are on the site they obviously don't think there's anything weird about being on there! It's no big deal.
Post by lyssbobiss, Command, B613 on Aug 3, 2012 17:28:03 GMT -5
I got matched with my boss once. Hello, awkward.
Ditto the others about current full-body pics. I'm bigger than you and I feel better meeting someone once they've seen what I really look like.
I also think if possible you need to stop communication with your ex. I had a person I was extremely hung up on for a while but I told him I couldn't talk to him for at least a month. In that time I was able to be more invested in meeting new people. I don't know your situation, but I think it would help you move on.
"This prick is asking for someone here to bring him to task Somebody give me some dirt on this vacuous mass so we can at last unmask him I'll pull the trigger on it, someone load the gun and cock it While we were all watching, he got Washington in his pocket."
It's not horrible, but.....it doesn't say anything about YOU! What do you like to do? What are you interested in?
Well, there's other sections that ask about that.
Here's what I have:
In my free time, I love watching movies (at home or the theater) what type of movies?hanging out with friends/familydoing what? , trying new restaurants all kinds? Favorite type of food?, reading,maybe your favorite kind musuems/festivals, etc. I love to go out and do things, that's so general.. I might like to go out and have civil war reenactments and you might like volunteering at homeless shelters.. Like maybe a little more about what these' things' arebut I definitely need to my time to unwind at home.
I seriously hate writing about myself. Idk how to sum up my personality in writing.
I tried to underline where I think you could add stuff. Of course you don't want everything in your profile, you want to be able to have something to talk about but it's just to vague.
I hear you about the weight thing. I'm the same size and I feel like it's a deal breaker for shallow guys. I am really hung up on it and know I have weight to lose. It's hard, but there are guys that like bigger girls out there....somewhere.
I hate online dating. I am not photogenic at all and I think men are way too shallow to see anything other than how a person initially looks in a picture.
Post by imalwaysme79 on Aug 4, 2012 14:38:38 GMT -5
I look at pictures first too, but if I feel enh about someone I still might message them. Guys, I find, seem to be much more shallow than women and if they don't like what they see then they move on to the next.
I do judge on how their profile is written. Spelling, text-lingo, grammar (to an extent) and also what they actually have written. I also judge the guys with the mirror pics and duck face pictures.
"Everything happens for a reason, people change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so you can appreciate them when they're right, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can come together." ~Marilyn Monroe
I look at pictures first too, but if I feel enh about someone I still might message them. Guys, I find, seem to be much more shallow than women and if they don't like what they see then they move on to the next.
I do judge on how their profile is written. Spelling, text-lingo, grammar (to an extent) and also what they actually have written. I also judge the guys with the mirror pics and duck face pictures.
I was too lazy to type all this out but I feel the same way. I also don't respond to a message that only says "hi". Or if I do, I am totally snarky and say something about the lack of creativity in their intro email to me.
I think I forgot that I don't like online dating from when I was on POF.
Is it horrible to judge based on spelling and punctuation skills?
Also, do you respond to emails/winks if you're not interested?
This guy sent me a wink...he seemed alright. Until I saw he had a really lame joke about making out on his profile? I'm judgmental.
I hated POF. Every weird-as-hell email I got came from there. Well, except for the dude who offered to spank me. He was my only oddball on OKC.
I'm a language teacher. Repeated in language drive me nuts. I feel the urge to get out my red pen and start fixing crap, which makes me stabby. That said, no, I don't think you're shallow. If they can't be bothered to string a coherent sentence together, then it makes me wonder where else in their lives they show careless behavior.
I admit that I was picky on online dating. I'd give people a chance, and I would be polite, but if I wasn't interested, it wasn't happening. If you're not interested, you're under no obligation to respond.
I'm definitely not looking forward to getting back into the dating world once I'm ready. Right now I'm a 26/28 and working on losing weight. But I know when I'm actually ready to start dating, I'll still be a large size.