Have we discussed this?

[Brie]

It's been popping up in my FB feed a lot the last few days.



Discuss.

[glitzy07]

A friend of H's posted this yesterday. I understand the sentiment behind it, but also don't really like being told what to do in my own home, IYKWIM.

[Brie]

IMO, you should do your best to teach your own kid to be humble, participate in charitable activities and giving, not brag to others, and be compassionate and sensitive. We can't change everyone's circumstances to be exactly equal all the time, but we can manage how we react to them.

Nobody should be made to feel shitty about what they can give their kids, whether it's a lot or a little or nothing.

[cilantro]

Awkward.

[cinco]

I think it's weird. My kids are 8 and 6 and don 't compare with the Joneses at this point. If they did, maybe they'd be too old for Santa anyway?

[catbus]

Yes, a friend posted it. I also understand where it's coming from, but guilt-tripping people isn't going to solve anything. And there are going to be disparities no matter what. It is sad, but it's not going to change.

I've been side-eyeing that friend anyway, though, because she's been "sharing" several posts every day from shitty online "boutiques" in attempts to win chevron infinity scarves, print leggings, and ugly tunics.

[cjeanette]

How about instead of this PSA they remind people to adopt families this time of year so no child ends up with only mittens?

[bunch]

Eye.roll.

[Deleted]

Meh. I definitely remember the "what did you get for Christmas" exchange but not "what did you get from Santa?" And I really doubt that any kids comparing Santa gifts would be comforted by the fact that Johnny Down the Block also got mittens from Santa but got an XBox from his parents.

[ewall]

I don't need anybody judging how I choose to give gifts or how I choose to do Santa. Weird.

[bearbaby]

I'm not on board. I think there are important opportunities every day of the year to teach your child about humility, gratitude, sensitivity and helping others.

I think it's no one's directive to tell me how to approach Christmas with my child. Santa brought all (or at least most) of the gifts in our house and my parents did a tremendous job of infusing us with the spirit of magic around the holidays. I am very much looking forward to doing the same for my son.

To think that it is my responsibility to temper how I approach the holidays to accommodate what is a big problem for our society (income divide) is unreasonable.

I think this blurb felt sanctimonious. As if something coming from Santa vs. Parents - if there's a big variance in what one child vs. another receives - actually makes kids feel better about the injustice? I'm going to do holidays as I want to for my family, and continue to teach my son about the importance of giving back and appreciating what he has all year long.

[spk926]

Not a fan. Rubs me the wrong way!

[Brie]

So, MMM unity horse, then?

[CloudBee]

I remember comparing what I got, but not where it came from.

[Deleted]

I remember discussing what we got for christmas but it wasn't about who gave us which gift. And like @notquiteblushing mentioned, I don't think kids pay attention to who have them the gift. So unless everyone only gets the same mittens the kids will still be bummed they didn't get the xbox. They won't care where it came from.

[cowboyjoe]

Huh. I was poor as a kid and we didn't believe in Santa. We got three gifts for Christmas, something you wanted, something you needed, and a surprise. I remember my something I wanted in 1st grade was a coat from K-Mart, so not exactly big spending for most families, but HUGE for mine. I never felt that my Christmas experience was scarred because of the lack of Santa or poverty. Why we didn't have Santa was never explained to me, but I didn't feel bad that he visited my friends' houses and not mine or that I had less gifts than my friends. I didn't realize the discrepancy in gifts until I was a tween.

You can't make things equal for all kids, as hard as we might try. I love the magic of Christmas and we donate our time and money to charities that make Christmas happen for those that have less resources. Santa will still be giving the large gift at my house, because that is my husband's family's tradition.

[karinothing]

Dec 19, 2014 13:45:51 GMT -5 cjeanette said:

How about instead of this PSA they remind people to adopt families this time of year so no child ends up with only mittens?

It isn't just kids that end up with mittens. DS cousin is spoiled with mega gifts from santa. Her bff is not. Her family is not poor but have multiple kids and do less gifts. His cousin asked me why santa got her so many gifts, but did not do the same for her friend. So i get it, it is awkward to explain.

[carolinagirl831]

I get it... but what? don't buy anything for your kids birthdays, don't do this.... how about donating to families in need and teaching your kids about giving, and being humble. I'm sorry but in no way will this make up to kids with less.

[catbus]

To expound on cjeanette's comment, this is basically saying, "Go ahead and continue giving your kids lots of presents. Just, you know, make it clear that you're using *your* money to buy the nice, expensive ones. That makes Jane with the Dollar Tree "Barbie" feel all better."

[karinothing]

Oh and kids here totally notice and compare!

[arch01]

I remember comparing what we got-not who it came from. And since there's no "right" way to do Santa, there is always going to be a discrepancy between families, mo matter their giving capability.

[cjeanette]

Dec 19, 2014 14:00:48 GMT -5 karinothing said:

Dec 19, 2014 13:45:51 GMT -5 cjeanette said:

How about instead of this PSA they remind people to adopt families this time of year so no child ends up with only mittens?

It isn't just kids that end up with mittens. DS cousin is spoiled with mega gifts from santa. Her bff is not. Her family is not poor but have multiple kids and do less gifts. His cousin asked me why santa got her so many gifts, but did not do the same for her friend. So i get it, it is awkward to explain.

At risk of sounding eye-roll worthy- how is this any different from life in general?  Birthday parties, size of house, the number of American Girl dolls one kid has over the other.  

I get people wanting to keep things simple so their kids appreciate what they have and understand how lucky they are.  Telling others how to handle Christmas morning?  Don't get it.

[karinothing]

Dec 19, 2014 14:07:50 GMT -5 cjeanette said:

Dec 19, 2014 14:00:48 GMT -5 karinothing said:

It isn't just kids that end up with mittens. DS cousin is spoiled with mega gifts from santa. Her bff is not. Her family is not poor but have multiple kids and do less gifts. His cousin asked me why santa got her so many gifts, but did not do the same for her friend. So i get it, it is awkward to explain.

At risk of sounding eye-roll worthy- how is this any different from life in general?  Birthday parties, size of house, the number of American Girl dolls one kid has over the other.  

I get people wanting to keep things simple so their kids appreciate what they have and understand how lucky they are.  Telling others how to handle Christmas morning?  Don't get it.

I think it is easier for kids to get that patents have different budgets than it is for them to get why a magical creature would treat kids differently.

I don't really care either way, but i do know that kids notice these things.

[havarti]

Well, and different people do Santa differently regardless of income. In my family Santa only gave stockings and I think we'll continue that tradition. It's not like there's some kiddie Reddit where kindergartners are tracking down the truth about Santa.

[cjeanette]

Oh and DS has it in his head that the parents have to pay Santa for his services. No clue where he got that but perhaps it was how he explained differences to himself?

[brooklyn]

I have the expensive toys come from Santa so H can't blame me for spending too much.

[stealthmom]

Dec 19, 2014 13:47:20 GMT -5 @notquiteblushing said:

Meh. I definitely remember the "what did you get for Christmas" exchange but not "what did you get from Santa?" And I really doubt that any kids comparing Santa gifts would be comforted by the fact that Johnny Down the Block also got mittens from Santa but got an XBox from his parents.

YES.

No matter who gave the prezzie the conversation is the same.

[greencrayon]

When I was growing up, I never got anything from Santa. I grew up just fine and didn't feel discriminated against. Its suggesting that all kids that aren't rich Christians are SOL. That's not what the holidays are about.

[lilac05]

I get it...and see the difference to some kids, though I don't know if I'll do anything any differently.

All kids who know enough to compare (& have feelings about) who gets what for Christmas know that some families have more to spend on gifts and some have less (or choose to spend more/less). Most kids understand this fairly easily (though they don't always like it).

The point of this is that Santa is one person to them. Santa doesn't have any connection to a family's wealth. So why would this one guy choose to give a bunch of stuff to one kid and only one thing to another.

There's really no solution. Life isn't fair & there's no way around it.

Christmas gifts are once again out of control in our family, but I get caught up in the excitement of Christmas morning (& all of the Christmas deals). I hate to think that my kids' happiness would mean another kid's unhappiness, but I don't think there's a direct relationship. Instead, we focus on giving to others, adopting a family, donating money and gifts when we see opportunities around town, etc.

[shelbyann]

Dec 19, 2014 13:45:51 GMT -5 cjeanette said:

How about instead of this PSA they remind people to adopt families this time of year so no child ends up with only mittens?

That was my gut reaction to this too. How about instead of limiting Santa gifts to a bare minimum, include the kids in shopping for your Angel Tree or whatever and be generous with those gifts too?