friend experiencing a late loss, what to do?

[pugz]

If you went through this was there anything that friends and family did for you that was helpful and appreciated?  A good friend found out earlier this week at her anatomy scan that her daughter has Trisomy 13.  Everything was totally normal up to the halfway point in her pregnancy.   She started miscarrying last night and is in the hospital delivering the baby.  We are all just so devastated for her and her husband. This is their first child and the road til now has not been easy, and now this.  

Do you think sending flowers is appropriate or not?  I know there are differing opinions about this.  I am not local so I can't bring food over, but I could coordinate with a local friend possibly.  

[Brie]

I didn't have a late loss but I would avoid flowers. After m/c they made me kind of depressed because they died. Sending them isn't inappropriate but they weren't my favorite.

I have heard good things about this soup delivery company: www.spoonfulofcomfort.com/

[pugz]

yeah that was kind of my thought with flowers.

she is a vegetarian so I will look into options that might work.

[pb127]

I had a late loss and I agree with not sending flowers. I know everyone meant well but that was rough.

Heartfelt cards and texts (over time, not just immediately) and food were most appreciated. A close friend who is a genetic counselor sent me "empty cradle, broken heart" (book) which helped a ton. I find remberance jewelry to be very personal so I don't pick those out for others and wouldn't haven't wanted something chosen for me (maybe a GC to etsy at some point later to choose something).

I'm actually preparing a package for a friend of a friend in a similar position and I'm sending her that book, a shawl and a letter.

(((Hugs))) to your friend. The Loss Board (not m/c, it's actually called "loss") on TB is pretty supportive. Oh and at some point ask if your friend gave a name or nickname to the baby, and the use it in your cards if you feel she might appreciate that (most do).

ETA- if you want to do something more immediately, send an email. It helped me so much to have those thoughts from friends as I went in for delivery before the cards came in.

[jeaniebueller]

Dec 19, 2014 14:14:26 GMT -5 pb127 said:

I had a late loss and I agree with not sending flowers. I know everyone meant well but that was rough.

Heartfelt cards and texts (over time, not just immediately) and food were most appreciated. A close friend who is a genetic counselor sent me "empty cradle, broken heart" (book) which helped a ton. I find remberance jewelry to be very personal so I don't pick those out for others and wouldn't haven't wanted something chosen for me (maybe a GC to etsy at some point later to choose something).

I'm actually preparing a package for a friend of a friend in a similar position and I'm sending her that book, a shawl and a letter.

(((Hugs))) to your friend. The Loss Board (not m/c, it's actually called "loss") on TB is pretty supportive. Oh and at some point ask if your friend gave a name or nickname to the baby, and the use it in your cards if you feel she might appreciate that (most do).

ETA- if you want to do something more immediately, send an email. It helped me so much to have those thoughts from friends as I went in for delivery before the cards came in.

I remember you from way back on the loss board. <3

Empty Cradle is a good suggestion. Definitely do a card. I would probably send food or a gift card for food. In the weeks following my losses, the last thing I felt like doing was cooking or keeping up with basic household stuff. If you are local, and she wants company, visit and just listen. Or do her laundry, cook, clean, etc. I am sorry for your friend, pugz.

[pugz]

thanks guys. 2 of the friends in our circle are local to her so I know they will do a lot, but the rest of our core group are all far away. Her parents are also overseas so they can't be there with them, it just breaks my heart.

so many of my friends have been through truly traumatic things this last year, I hate it.

[longtimenopost]

It's kind of you to seek help with this. This blog has some good suggestions thelossblog.blogspot.com/p/how-to-help.html?m=1

[redpenmama]

A close friend of mine lost her baby at 36 weeks. I sent her a card with a note in it and made a donation in the baby's name to the March of Dimes. Several of us, myself included, started to coordinate food deliveries and the like (they were living in another state at the time), but she did not want it, which I totally understand.

I'm sorry for your friend's loss. It is heartbreaking.

[stretchad]

I had a 16 week loss. I appreciated the cards I got.

[potatopie]

My friend had a similar loss last year. I sent a potted yellow rose bush.

[drloretta]

I've never been one to associate flowers with death, but you know your friend better than we do. If you think it wouldn't be the best idea, definitely go another route. Even a heartfelt note would be appreciated. And if they had already named their child, saying her name and acknowledging her would be appreciated as well.