I think it's appropriate but I'm more concerned that there is something bigger going on. I don't think taking away her party is going to fix it, kwim. So i guess I'll say at this point I'm not convinced any punishment is the right one and I'd be talking to the therapist.
I think the punishment is too remote and unrelated. I would definitely make my child issue an appropriate apology and do something to work off their debt to the church, and I would talk to the therapist to get insight into the motivation behind the behavior and the best way to approach it. I would definitely be concerned that a pattern of stealing reflects issues larger than anything canceling a birthday party can solve.
I think the punishment is too remote and unrelated. I would definitely make my child issue an appropriate apology and do something to work off their debt to the church, and I would talk to the therapist to get insight into the motivation behind the behavior and the best way to approach it. I would definitely be concerned that a pattern of stealing reflects issues larger than anything canceling a birthday party can solve.
I'm coming in to vote "it depends." If this girl is having social issues and the party was a way for her to connect with her peers, then maybe taking it away will only make the behavior worse. Without knowing more about the situation, it's really hard to determine the best way to handle it. I'm sure the therapist would have some suggestions, and I would certainly discuss it with him/her prior to issuing the punishment.
Though the first incident where she was caught, she was being extorted by bullies at school who said they'd be her friend if she bought them dessert at lunch.
I disagree with canceling birthdays or Christmas as punishment so I'll say no. It sounds like there is something pretty serious going on with this girl.
I know my kid had a small blush with stealing when she was about 5. It was fixed by giving her a set allowance so she could have money to buy things, because she didn't know how to get the things that she wanted so badly when mom and dad would just say no you need to buy it with your own money.
The situation is a the child is having many issues. Both parents can talk to her forever and she insists she will improve but only seems to get worse. Her parents divorced a few years ago and I think it's a constant struggle for her. She needs so much attention and whatever she gets does not seem to be enough. The therapist ended up not working out.. she was an older lady and could barely hear and not even speak clearly and was going nowhere
Oh... and the punishment of canceling the party was ok'd by the therapist. The child was told that the money saved by not having a party was going to be donated to the church.
Fair enough but it sounds like they need to find a new counselor for the DD and consider family counseling for all of them together.
This makes me very sad for this little girl, it sounds like she's really struggling and I hope the parents are willing to put in the time and effort to truly help her.
I don't agree with canceling birthday parties. You are having a party to celebrate their birth. Canceling it seems to imply they are personally not worth celebrating. Also I live for planning kids parties so I would basically be punishing myself. I would find a new therapist and also make her do service for the church.
Post by shellbear09 on Dec 23, 2014 12:15:03 GMT -5
This sounds very sad. I don't agree with cancelling birthday parties. Maybe scaling back but I can't imagine cancelling. I hope she can get a new therapist.
Post by InBetweenDays on Dec 23, 2014 13:01:50 GMT -5
Having an 8 year old DD at home, this makes me very sad. There is obviously much more going on than just a child misbehaving and pushing boundaries.
I'm not sure what I think about cancelling the party or putting the money saved towards the church. Sure she'll be sad about not having a party, but I don't think she'll truly understand the financial aspect of the situation. I think it would be more effective to have her do something to earn/work towards paying the money to the church.
I don't know. Based on what you've posted it seems this girl needs support and strong guidance more than punishment.
I think there needs to be a balance between consequences that communicate the severity of her poor choices (taking away of something meaningful/important to the child - if that is a bday party, so be it) and consequences that teach the child the skills she is lacking (if that is a new therapist, great, if not, some other intervention).
Part of the punishment at this age is for kids to realize that 'this is why we don't get nice things', so to speak. You don't get all the nice things in life if you make choices that affect others' nice things.