Would you say this is fair punishment?

[soozy87]

yes. Maybe not after the first time or the second time. But she did it again.... something is not getting through to her.

[shell24]

Yes, it is absolutely appropriate .

[ilikedonuts]

yes

[cjeanette]

I think that is fair.

[turtlegirl]

Seems fair to me.

[GotWine]

It sounds fair to me.

[lindsaymg]

That sounds fair.

[heygrey]

yes.

eta: i agree with @starry about consulting the therapist. if this is just a kid pushing her boundaries to see where they are, hell yes, i'm taking away everything i have to so she gets it. if there are extenuating circumstances, like she's acting out because of abuse, i'm not sure what the appropriate "punishment" would be. she's got to know that even though she's hurting, that it's not appropriate to steal and there are other ways to express hurt and anger, but i'm not sure taking away a birthday party would be the answer.

[fayeelle]

100% yes

[greencrayon]

Absolutely.

[undecidedowl]

Hm. I guess I'll be the dissenter. It's seems a bit far off and unrelated to the crime. I would rather make her correct her actions by asking someone at the church how she could earn back that money, in addition to returning it obviously.

But I've never had an 8 year old.

[azurely]

Yes I think it's fair.

[MadamePresident]

It seems like a reasonable consequence. Its not like a child is required to have a big party.

[vanillacourage]

OMG. I don't know if canceling just the party would be enough. I am not raising a sociopath - life as they know it would be over for the foreseeable future.

[spk926]

Yes!

Sent from my SM-G900P using proboards

[greencrayon]

Dec 22, 2014 23:00:16 GMT -5 undecidedowl said:

Hm. I guess I'll be the dissenter. It's seems a bit far off and unrelated to the crime. I would rather make her correct her actions by asking someone at the church how she could earn back that money, in addition to returning it obviously.

But I've never had an 8 year old.

When I was growing up, my punishments weren't related to the crime.

If I did something bad, something I liked got taken away. Computers, books, my bike. If it was small I had to sit in a corner or on the stairs. 

In adult life its not like that either. If you steal from work you get fired - your boss doesn't steal your TV.

You kill someone, you don't have to work at a morgue. 

Idk. I think that taking away something the kid was looking forward to is a good motivator to not do it again.

[hermione]

Third offense for stealing? Taking away the party is where the punishment would start. Pretty much her little eight year old world would get rocked by a harsh dose of reality.

ETA: assuming there are not bigger emotional issues at play of course.

[Deleted]

Yes.

And I would be doing a ton of legwork myself (therapy is a great idea) to try to get my child to communicate with me and get to the bottom of this problem.

[mandapanda18]

Absolutely fair!

[momof2boys]

Sounds fair to me, and it definitely sounds like there are bigger problems. I don't think its normal for an 8 year old to steal 3 times. I would also consider having her make a donation to the church, perhaps one of her birthday gifts could be money and she needs to donate it.   Also, maybe make her "work off" the money she stole from her grandmother by having her clean her house etc.  One time I"m pretty forgiving, but three times?!  

[arch01]

Yep.

[CloudBee]

Yes. But I also feel they set her up to fail by allowing her to pass around the offering bowl, considering her recent history of stealing.

[katiecj6]

Yes. I think it's appropriate.

[auntie]

Therapy is a big to to this.

Serial theft is a big red flag. She's too old for this to be a magical or impulsive behavior.

When one of my nieces did this, it was mental illness. Though the first incident where she was caught, she was being extorted by bullies at school who said they'd be her friend if she bought them dessert at lunch.

[mlt]

For sure party would be cancelled. I would also be consulting the therapist for ideas on other appropriate punishments for a kid that age.

[bearbaby]

Taking the info at face value, absolutely that's fair - and I agree, there would be even more over-arching consequences (I would be big on "how do you earn our trust back?") but the party would definitely be off.

I will second other PPs in that I would also be concerned given the therapy situation if this behavior pattern indicated more worrisome issues (mental health, abuse, etc.)

[Deleted]

As an outside observer, yes this punishment seems fair, but I don't know the child or her circumstances so I can't really say.

[Deleted]

I don't think I can answer that question--there has to be something going on if she just started randomly stealing. I'd ask the therapist what is appropriate.

[Deleted]

Punishment a month off isn't going to change anything. I can see cancelling the party, but that isn't going to impact the behaviour at all.

I'd probably do something else, but I wouldn't be like "That's bad parenting!" if someone else did this. And yeah, the therapy and working through WTF is going on with that kid is much more important than punishment.

[countthestars]

@bluesky - are you coming back with more details?