Complicated 1st pregnancy - did/will you have 2nd kid?

[stretchad]

I am really really struggling lately as to whether I want to try to have another child...Getting pregnant was very difficult (fertility treatments), and staying pregnant was really hard and very risky for me and the baby. Delivering was scary (emergency c-section, blood transfusions), and it was hard on DS, being born early and being in the NICU for a month. 

Did anyone else have a really complicated pregnancy and/or delivery and decide to have another? Or, decide not to have another? How did you separate out your feelings?? For me, I can't tell if I hesitate to have another child because of how hard it'd probably be again, or if I am not sure I truly want a second child....

I might get a little more clarity at the end of Jan. when I go to my high risk doc to talk about what would happen IF I got pregnant again...but who knows. 

[MrsAggie]

((Hugs)) I'm only 2 weeks PP but I've been wondering the same thing. I threw up for 29 weeks, was in tons of pain walking from second tri on, was put on bed rest, was induced early due to preeclampsia, and developed PP preeclampsia a week PP. I was fortunate to make it to 36 weeks before my preeclampsia became out of control but I might not be so lucky next time. Maybe I just need more time but it's hard to imagine going through this again.

ETA I also have PCOS and conceived on clomid.

[pierogigirl]

Mine was not super complicated compared to some, but I was on modified bedrest at home from week 30, had 3x week monitoring (2 of them in the hospital), and was induced at 38 weeks all due to pre-e. I was nervous about doing it again, but my second pregnancy was uncomplicated.

[fbf2006]

My husband and I really don't want to do it again. I lost my first pregnancy at 22 weeks and needed a cerclage (cervical stitch) plus 17p shots the second time. Plus dealt with hyperemesis gravidarum both times. So I just really don't like being pregnant. Childbirth was actually pretty great for me.

[momof2boys]

My first pregnancy was pretty complicated. At 8 weeks I was told I would likely miscarry. That started the stress and the rest of the pregnancy continued to be stressful. I was on left side only bedrest for 2 months, hospitalized for 3 weeks, baby was diagnosed with IUGR and they thought I might have a clot formed on the placenta. He also had a bright spot on his heart which could be a sign of down syndrome. I became hyper thyroid and couldn't gain weight. I had three amnio's, one a week until he passed his lung test b/c they wanted him out asap. They took him out the day I passed the third amnio, we had a full nicu team and they warned us he might not come out breathing and they didn't know what was wrong with him. Thankfully he came out one month early, breathing and doing well. It was a complicated c section so recovery was hard. He did need 24 hour care(had to be held upright 24 hours a day), was failure to thrive and had surgery at 6 weeks.

After I had him I said never again! Then two years later I started to think maybe I could do it again. We set a date to start trying and I kept pushing the date back until my husband finally said "if we are going to have another, pushing it off isn't going to help anything, so lets just do it or not." I got pregnant that month. My second pregnancy was also complicated, but not as bad. He had bright spots on his bowel which can be a sign of Cystic Fibrosis, I was bleeding internally and ended up on bedrest for 5 weeks b/c of it. I had to have bloodwork done every other day for those five weeks. He was born completely healthy one week early. The day I had him I told my husband we were having a third. I ended up with a spinal headache but aside from that recovery was much easier and I had a healthy baby.

I waited three years and met with a high risk doctor to discuss having a third. He basically said he thought he could get me through it but he would recommend I stop at three and count my blessings. I intended on having a third but due to some health issues with me I've been on medications that cause birth defects for a few years and there is no end in sight. I have given up hope that we will have another, it was very hard to accept though.

[maybebaby]

Lurker, but I've been there. Had hyperemesis with my first, lasted until about two weeks pp. also caused new heart condition, that put me on meds and bed rest for about 4 weeks. Was induced at 40 weeks for above, DS got stuck in canal after long labor and 4 hours of pushing. Ended up with emergency csection. And because of a spinal fusion, my epi was not good and I had "hot spots" during the surgery. It was just one thing after another, and very rough.

So, I had always wanted 2/3 kids, but this made me think twice. I ended up getting pregnant when DS was only 8 months old, and I was terrified. It was not planned and I was still mentally recovering. But I didn't have any of those same complications with DD. But number three is out if the question, mainly due to csection complications. Good luck with your decision, hopefully things will become clear for you

[spk926]

I had a rough pregnancy and even tougher delivery. We will have a second though as we feel as it's the right choice for our family. I am hoping the next time around a lot easier though. I think whatever decision you make you'll think about long and hard and it will be the right decision for you and your family.

Sent from my SM-G900P using proboards

[mlt]

Yes had a very complicated first pregnancy. Massive blood clot, ICU, on bedrest in the hospital for a month, C-section in the middle of the night, etc. It was a horrible experience. I had another baby a little over three years later. It was scary but I got over it. I took tons of precautions to make sure I could minimize my risk of that happening again. Ultimately for MH and me, having another child is worth it. I hate pregnancy but it's only nine months. I can/will do anything for nine months. We are hoping to even have one more.

[dcrunnergirl52]

I had a complicated pregnancy with my twins: fertility treatments, Home bedrest at 20w, hospital bedrest for a month from 28-32w, strict bedrest until 36w (so 3 months total of bedrest), two soft markers for DD that left me worried sick, high BP at the end, etc. They were born healthy at 36w4d. At the time, I said that I couldn't do it again. But, DH and I talked to my MFM and OB, and they both said that none of that should hold me back from another pregnancy.

In any case, I got pregnancy with DS2, and since he was a singleton, I assumed it would be an easy pregnancy. Nope. Even harder than my twin pregnancy. Horribly sick, cerclage at 20w, very strict home bedrest for 4 months, BP issues, migraines, etc. The day that I came off bedrest at 36w, my MFM called as I was heading out the door by myself for the first time in 4 months to tell me that blood work from my last appt uncovered a rare blood antigen issue (anti-E titers) that causes issues similar to being RH+. That lead to several scary ultrasounds of DS2's cerebral artery to make sure the issue wasn't causing problems. I finally delivered at 37w6d when I reported lack of fetal movement for two days. DS2 was still passing all of his BPP's but they didn't want to risk it, and I was already scheduled for an u/s around 38w or so b/c of the blood issues. Thankfully, DS2 was healthy, didn't have any issues from the anti-E titers, and we all got sent home together.

So, now I've had two complicated pregnancies. DH REALLY wants another baby. I do too (at times...I go back and forth), so I've talked to my dr's again and they said that all of my complications are manageable, my cervix has proved to be strong by short (small but mighty , so they told me they would have no reservations with us trying again. It helps that all three kids were born healthy, with no complications and my life was never in danger b/c I could see how that could really impact things. It's a tough decision. I think a large part of it is how much you trust your MFM and OB, and what are their opinions. And, time can be a blessing b/c it really does help put things into perspective.

I wish that I had some wiser words. Big hugs b/c it is such a tough decision.

[Deleted]

Not with my first but with my second. We had weekly blood draws and ultrasounds with fear of in-utero blood transfusion or a blood exchange upon birth. I had a c-section at 36.5 weeks. I wanted a 3rd child but DH was adamant that we not, as the probability of the same issue is greater with each pregnancy. He thought it wasn't fair to the other two to bring a potentially sick baby into the mix.

[dcrunnergirl52]

Dec 23, 2014 9:18:03 GMT -5 @gingerbb said:

Not with my first but with my second. We had weekly blood draws and ultrasounds with fear of in-utero blood transfusion or a blood exchange upon birth. I had a c-section at 36.5 weeks. I wanted a 3rd child but DH was adamant that we not, as the probability of the same issue is greater with each pregnancy. He thought it wasn't fair to the other two to bring a potentially sick baby into the mix.

Sorry if this is too personal and feel free to ignore, but was this due to blood antigen issues? I was told that one treatment for our antigen issues would be IUTs, and it's not something that I hear about from others very often.

[soozy87]

I had a easy pregnancy until week 35ish and then was watched closely until around 36.5 when I was put on bed rest. That didn't last long, I was induced at 36.5 weeks for pre-e. Delivered a 4 pound, 4 ounce baby at 37 weeks. He was only in the NICU for a week though and took off after that.

So my experience was not nearly as scary or dangerous as others. I would do it again.

[Deleted]

My SIL had a 28 week preemie first, and her kids are 18 months apart.

Everyone processes in different ways; she was told that the reason for her premature delivery could probably be managed with a cerclage, and that did indeed work. She wanted 2 kids and was close to 40, so she went for it.

[bananapancakes]

My pregnancy wasn't complicated but delivery very much was and we almost lost our little guy. I always wanted more than one but for a short time afterwards I was on the fence about another. Now, 8 months later, I think I'm coming around to the idea of a second again. I know I want more than one kid but I'm sure I will be terrified when the time comes.

[Deleted]

Dec 23, 2014 9:22:39 GMT -5 dcrunnergirl52 said:

Dec 23, 2014 9:18:03 GMT -5 @gingerbb said:

Not with my first but with my second. We had weekly blood draws and ultrasounds with fear of in-utero blood transfusion or a blood exchange upon birth. I had a c-section at 36.5 weeks. I wanted a 3rd child but DH was adamant that we not, as the probability of the same issue is greater with each pregnancy. He thought it wasn't fair to the other two to bring a potentially sick baby into the mix.

Sorry if this is too personal and feel free to ignore, but was this due to blood antigen issues? I was told that one treatment for our antigen issues would be IUTs, and it's not something that I hear about from others very often.

Yes, that's exactky what it was. Anti-E and anti-c. The combination is apparently very unpredictable? Anti-E was detected early on, during my first blood tests. Ant-c didn't show up until later. My DD was born perfect despite all of this, very luckily. I don't think I've encountered anyone else who has heard of it before.

[dcrunnergirl52]

Dec 23, 2014 9:28:45 GMT -5 @gingerbb said:

Dec 23, 2014 9:22:39 GMT -5 dcrunnergirl52 said:

Sorry if this is too personal and feel free to ignore, but was this due to blood antigen issues? I was told that one treatment for our antigen issues would be IUTs, and it's not something that I hear about from others very often.

Yes, that's exactky what it was. Anti-E and anti-c. The combination is apparently very unpredictable? Anti-E was detected early on, during my first blood tests. Ant-c didn't show up until later. My DD was born perfect despite all of this, very luckily. I don't think I've encountered anyone else who has heard of it before.

Same here in terms of never encountering anyone who had heard of these issues other than the RH+ issues. They didn't discover mine until 36w when they sent my blood to be tested at a blood bank (they thought I might deliver that day due to high BP, so sent my blood to be tested for proteins and typed in case I needed a transfusion). They similar test for this at my first OB appt at 8w as part of their standard b/w, but no issues were found then. They think I got sensitized during my cerclage at 20w. By 36w, I was at 1:32, so I had a lot of monitoring and was told I had to deliver around 38w no matter what.

[Deleted]

For me personally, no. Pregnancy has been harder emotionally than I expected and I have had a relatively uneventful time conceiving and being pregnant to this point (30 weeks.). If it gets complicated, I will be fine stopping at one. I'm on the fence about 2 anyway I think.

[stretchad]

Thanks everyone for the responses. Such a tough decision.

[vigurl]

I had a complicated 1st pregnancy, a miscarriage and then a 2nd complicated pregnancy that was less stressful b/c I had the prior experience. Both kid #1 and #2 are perfectly healthy. We do plan on adding to the family as long as my body will let me.

[elocrates]

DS1's pregnancy/ delivery was relatively uncomplicated.

DS2's pregnancy was complicated by PTL/IC, 11 weeks of bedrest (many of which were in the hospital), lots and lots and lots of tocolytic medications, tons of appointments, etc. Delivery was at 36w5d and thankfully he didn't require any NICU time. Though he has a few lingering things that may be due to all of this (reflux, some bladder/ sensation stuff, nothing major).

After DS2 was born I met with my MFM and hashed out risks for any future pregnancies, a plan for increased monitoring and preventing recurrence, etc. We discussed a 20% risk of recurrence, 10% if I was on progesterone injections or suppositories throughout.

Well, despite the progesterone the PTL/IC issues happened again and even earlier. But things were much more controlled/ caught earlier because we were monitoring so there were fewer associated complications. He was born at 37w and now, at 2yo, seems to be doing fine. I do still worry about DS2 and DS3 and any potential side effects down the road from all the medications I was on, but ultimately it would have likely been riskier if I hadn't taken the medications and they were born as micro-preemies. Before we started trying for #3 we discussed risks/ benefits/ what-ifs. It was a very calculated decision and overall, while I would have preferred to not have the pregnancy be high risk, we are very glad with how things went overall.

We were on the fence between 3 and 4 kids. After DS3 we decided we were done.

I'm sorry you are in a position to have to think about this. It really is incredibly difficult.

[orangeglow]

My pregnancy and delivery were uneventful (except for the vomitting), so this doesn't quite apply to what you are asking.  BUT, if something had gone wrong I was given scary awful statistics on my mortality rates.  I was very closely monitored and got really freaking lucky.  After a lot of discussion DH and I have decided not to take the risk we took the first time.  It's a really personal decision you have to make for yourselves.  Good luck!  No decision is wrong.

[mlt]

Dec 23, 2014 14:29:44 GMT -5 @starry said:

I just know I want another and my doctor supports the decision. I feel much more ready now vs a year ago especially since I am in better health.

I did have a friend make a shitty comment about how she would stop if she was me and I tore her a new one. MUST BE NICE TO HAVE TWO HEALTHY PREGNANCIES / DELIVERIES AND JUDGE THE REST OF US

This is a great point. My SIL flat out said that she would stop at one if she was me. I was shocked and offended. She has two kids. Must be fucking nice. She's a B so I should not have been surprised. But it was hurtful to hear.