Stocking drama - lol

[y4m]

SIL had a grand plan to surprise my sister with a fancy stocking, except to pull off the surprise, she told my sister that some other third party was handling all the stockings for their Christmas morning (which is not true).  So Christmas morning, SIL was going to bust out a killer surprise stocking for my sister, but leave sister in a position with no stocking at all for SIL.

My gut said I would be super pissed if my husband did that to me (my excitement over an awesome stocking would pale in comparison to mortification/guilt over leaving my spouse with no stocking).  So I texted my sister just vaguely like "you guys might want to get on the same page about stockings--it seems like there's a disconnect."  But then rather than just figuring it out between them, sister threw me under the bus to SIL and I start getting texts from SIL about how I ruined Christmas.

Learnings: 1. Stay out of it. 2. My family evidently takes stockings very seriously.

[y4m]

I should probably ask a question, huh? If your spouse did that to you, would you want someone to warn you?

[dr.girlfriend]

LOL, I don't even understand the drama. Why are in-laws doing stockings for each other? Isn't that the spouse's job? Are there multiple stockings for each person?

[heyrebekah]

I am so confused. I'm just glad that in my family stockings only come from Santa, there is none of this preparing a stocking for anyone else, especially other adults.

[Deleted]

Are your SIL and sister married in this story?

I'd never get in the middle of a couple surprise. Nope.

[y4m]

This year is the first year we ever haven't done Christmas morning at my parents house - so my parents have always done stockings for everyone, kids and spouses. So when SIL told my sister her family would take care of it, it wasn't weird. Except it also wasn't true.

[yentl]

I would want a warning, yeah.

I'm confused why your SIL had to say a third party was handling them? Why couldn't she still do a killer fancy stocking and still be the one doing it?

[y4m]

Dec 23, 2014 11:42:46 GMT -5 @tokenhoser said:

Are your SIL and sister married in this story?

I'd never get in the middle of a couple surprise. Nope.

Oh I can see how that is confusing.  Yes, Sister is married to SIL.

[y4m]

Dec 23, 2014 11:43:24 GMT -5 yentl said:

I would want a warning, yeah.

I'm confused why your SIL had to say a third party was handling them? Why couldn't she still do a killer fancy stocking and still be the one doing it?

This is where I am.  Contents of the stocking can still totally be a surprise.  Not fair for the existence of the stocking to be one though.

[jerseyjaybird]

So your sister will be the only one getting a stocking?

[y4m]

Dec 23, 2014 11:46:29 GMT -5 jerseyjaybird said:

So your sister will be the only one getting a stocking?

I think their Christmas is two other adults (SIL's Dads) and a bunch of kids.  So kids get stockings from santa/parents, Dads either do each others or don't care, and SIL made one for sister.  But no one made one for SIL.

[Deleted]

Why in the world would you even want to be in the middle of this? lol

[msmerymac]

My mom does stockings for us and it's just like lip gloss and book marks. I really couldn't care less about stockings. And if the awesome stocking is SIL's major gift to sister, then whatever. I'm sure sister is buying gifts for SIL, even if they aren't stockings. I can't begin to get worked up about this.

[Deleted]

What does a "killer stocking" consist of? I want one!

Honestly - I'd feel a little bad if my SO got me something major and I didn't, but if he had clearly wanted it that way and gone out of his way to ensure I didn't get him something like that in return, I would let it go. I think in this story SIL is ok with the fact that your sister isn't getting her a stocking, and seems to actually want it that way. I would be worried that my SO was disappointed or hurt at my thoughtlessness, but it sounds like SIL won't be either of those things.

I do think this is unnecessary drama though. It would have been easier for SIL to suggest exchanging stockings, and then just doing the one for your sister extra awesome or something.

[jerseyjaybird]

Yeah, then, I would have just had an easier cover story ("let's take care of stockings for each other!") or whatever. Seems like needless drama all around. I hope the stocking is excellent, though.

[dr.girlfriend]

Dec 23, 2014 11:43:52 GMT -5 y4m said:

Dec 23, 2014 11:42:46 GMT -5 @tokenhoser said:

Are your SIL and sister married in this story?

I'd never get in the middle of a couple surprise. Nope.

Oh I can see how that is confusing.  Yes, Sister is married to SIL.

Oh, gotcha.  Yes, your SIL was being silly, but you were stepping out of line to give the heads-up to your sis.  You should have told SIL, "I don't think you're thinking this through, Jane will be upset to find out that you got this amazing stocking and she got you nothing..."

Still a lot of drama for stockings, though!

[ESF]

Dec 23, 2014 12:03:01 GMT -5 @buckybells said:

What does a "killer stocking" consist of? I want one!

This.

[SJ]

You aren't even going to be there for the stocking opening? Yeah, I definitely would have stayed out of it.

However, if anything, you just should have told SIL "hey make sure you have thought about who is filling your stocking so my sister doesn't feel awkward" with no mention to your own sister.

[nessness]

I love awesome surprise gifts, and I can't imagine who wouldn't. The cover story makes it a little weird, but whatever.

[WinterWine]

Oh man, this is far too complicated for me. Reminds me of the first time I went to H's family's for Christmas - everyone contributes to the stockings but I had no idea so didn't have anything to offer. My family doesn't do them, so I didn't think about it - definitely felt like a giant moocher.

[msmerymac]

Dec 23, 2014 12:03:01 GMT -5 @buckybells said:

What does a "killer stocking" consist of? I want one!

Honestly - I'd feel a little bad if my SO got me something major and I didn't, but if he had clearly wanted it that way and gone out of his way to ensure I didn't get him something like that in return, I would let it go. I think in this story SIL is ok with the fact that your sister isn't getting her a stocking, and seems to actually want it that way. I would be worried that my SO was disappointed or hurt at my thoughtlessness, but it sounds like SIL won't be either of those things.

I do think this is unnecessary drama though. It would have been easier for SIL to suggest exchanging stockings, and then just doing the one for your sister extra awesome or something.

I'm hoping it has an iPhone, a Hourglass blush palate, and a shit ton of ferrero rocher. 

[Balki.Bartokomous]

That's a lot of drama over a stocking, but I agree with you & would be pissed if that happened to me & would want someone to warn me.

At my first Xmas with DH I surprised him in front of my family with a PSP after agreeing to no gifts & he was embarrassed he didn't have something to give to me in return (we were poor college students so any gifts were $ we didn't really have). To this day, we now align on the caliber of gifts we're giving each other at the family Xmas. If we want to do extravagant surprises, that happens when there's not an audience.

Let SIL learn her lesson the hard way. If she's smart, she'll only make this mistake once.

[aurora]

Dec 23, 2014 11:43:52 GMT -5 y4m said:

Dec 23, 2014 11:42:46 GMT -5 @tokenhoser said:

Are your SIL and sister married in this story?

I'd never get in the middle of a couple surprise. Nope.

Oh I can see how that is confusing.  Yes, Sister is married to SIL.

This makes a lot more sense.

Still a lot of drama over a stocking, but I agree with your two main takeaways.

H and I don't exchange stockings so I'm having a hard time thinking what I would really want.  I guess if I was happy with what I had gotten him in general I wouldn't be particularly bothered if he got me a fancy stocking and I didn't get him one in return.

[cjeanette]

You're a mean one.....Mister Grinch......

[raangoli]

I would have stayed out of it, but yea, I'd probably be mortified if I had nothing for my SO and there were witnesses to this.

[doobeedoo]

I definitely would have stayed out of it, but agree that the plan your SIL concocted is very strange. I, too, would like a killer stocking, though.

[ECB]

I may be in the minority on this, but if my DH said "someone else is doing our stockings" all in a plan to surprise me, when Christmas morning came and I didn't have one for him - I wouldn't be mortified or feel guilty. I would assume that in telling me this, he was doing so knowing full well that it would mean he wouldn't be getting one from me.

So clearly- I would have stayed out of this scenario.

[mbcdefg]

I think I need more coffee, because for the life of me I'm not getting what's going on here.

[ddi741]

My H did a stocking for me our first year of marriage but I didn't do one for him. I felt so bad. I had bought him plenty of stuff but I still felt terrible that his stocking was empty and mine was full.

I don't understand putting someone in that position deliberately though so I agree with you that they needed to be on the same page. I maybe would have brought it up more to SIL instead of your sister but I understand where you were coming from.

[Deleted]

Dec 23, 2014 14:45:48 GMT -5 ECB said:

I may be in the minority on this, but if my DH said "someone else is doing our stockings" all in a plan to surprise me, when Christmas morning came and I didn't have one for him - I wouldn't be mortified or feel guilty. I would assume that in telling me this, he was doing so knowing full well that it would mean he wouldn't be getting one from me.

So clearly- I would have stayed out of this scenario.

I'm with you.  Why in the world would I feel guilty about not getting someone a present - when I had no idea, especially based on past history, that they would be getting me one??

However, H and I have a good balance.  He's a great giver and I'm a fantastic receiver.  lol