Do you find that people are totally inappropriate?

[Pom]

People lately are so rubbing me the wrong way with their unsolicited opinions, bold questions, tactless intrusions.  I guess I am not used to this since we've lived far from people we know for more than 10 years.

Long Story---

So Sunday night, Mr. P's telephone rang and someone he hasn't spoken to in literally 20 years called.  This person is a neighbor of FIL and said he'd stopped over to see FIL in September and noticed FIL was failing and he was just there around Christmas and noticed that the house was quiet.  He wanted to know where FIL was, what Mr. P plans to do with the house, etc...  It was not said in a caring way, but more how dare we not keep people informed?  We suspect that Mr. P's cousin, who is also a neighbor and the same kind of nutty FIL has always been, put this guy up to it.  How else did he get Mr. P's work telephone number in TX?  Mr. P directly asked how this guy got the number and he said that FIL gave it to him in September.  We very highly doubt that.  

None the less, the rest of the story is that we were having old stuff cleaned out of the basement...old canned food, old stuff in the freezer, because we had the house winterized since FIL is now in an assisted living facility.  This neighbor who is the cousin, went over to harass the company's employees-who some also were care givers for FIL about what they were doing at the house and on whose authority.  They asked him to call Mr. P and shut the door on him.  He did not call but instead Mr. P called him and said that we had hired those people to clean out the house and that we had hired security and applied for the Sheriff's office to check on the house as well.  Mr. P was firm, but nicely said, this is not your business to intrude. 

Another neighbor who wants to buy the house for his daughter and he called Mr. P and was all snotty about the company we hired to install a new hot water heater, furnace and have some exterior repairs done.  Um, until you write a check to buy it, you don't get to have an opinion.  

Fortunately, Mr. P has matured into a quite the "business-like", no bullshit person and he seems to shut their shit down pretty well.  I am so proud of him.  Still, how fucking ballsy.

I am so sick of the whole mess.  I feel depressed, sad and angry.  It's been hard enough without people acting like jackasses.  Is this a thing for people to butt in?  We've got 2 rentals of FIL's with major problems, we have still not been able to navigate FIL's supplement insurance at BCBS for an answer as to if he will have coverage 1/1/15, FIL is having trouble swallowing and needs to have tests and we've not been able to get an answer about that or another test for Parkinson's.....the list goes on.    I want to lay down and cover up my head and stop answering the damn phone.  You guys must be sick of me venting but people in my IRL are going through so much stuff of their own, I don't have anywhere else to bitch.  

[mbcdefg]

I'm sorry. What a bunch of asses

It's funny that the people who bitch the loudest are always nowhere to be found when help is needed, right?

[youhadmycuriosity]

Ugh, I don't know what to say to this besides I'm sorry you all are dealing with these people, they are being really gross.

[Deleted]

I'm sorry, that is absolutely none of their business. Good for Mr. Pom for saying so. You can vent here all you like.

I spent 5 days back home in my tiny hometown. The bold questions were insane. My family wasn't any better.

[tine]

This is ridiculous! So sorry you have to deal with it...

[UnderProtest]

People suck. Feel free to vent here anytime. I can't imagine all that you are dealing with.

[Pom]

Dec 30, 2014 11:50:16 GMT -5 mbcdefg said:

I'm sorry. What a bunch of asses

It's funny that the people who bitch the loudest are always nowhere to be found when help is needed, right?

Right?  If he was so concerned, why didn't he call us in September was my thought.

[shopgirl07]

Seems like these people thought they might be able to take advantage of the situation. The promise of money can turn people into assholes. Now they're mad that they're not going to get something.

[mskitkat]

People suck. I'm glad Mr. Pom is doing a good job at shutting that nonsense down.

[genet313]

Pom, honestly, ignore this.   Ignore ALL of this.   It's your money, it's your FIL, you guys do what's best for you guys and ignore everything else.    WTF is wrong with people.  

You're doing an amazing job handling all of these issues with your FIL.  He's so lucky to have such caring children.  

[magdala]

Dec 30, 2014 12:44:23 GMT -5 shopgirl07 said:

Seems like these people thought they might be able to take advantage of the situation.

That is my take on this situation too. Vent away Pom, isn't that one of the benefits of joining a forum like this?!

[nomad100]

Dec 30, 2014 12:37:13 GMT -5 Pom said:

Dec 30, 2014 11:50:16 GMT -5 mbcdefg said:

I'm sorry. What a bunch of asses

It's funny that the people who bitch the loudest are always nowhere to be found when help is needed, right?

Right?  If he was so concerned, why didn't he call us in September was my thought.

Ugh, people and their opinions!  ((hugs)) to you and Mr. Pom.  

Since I am a bitch and give no fucks, I just say inappropriate stuff right back.  Like "Oh, so you were concerned about FIL but didn't let anyone know?  That's a great friend right there.  Good job." Or "last I checked you don't own the house so that means we have no need for your input."  Or "next time you harass the people who work for me, the person paying them, there will be consequences."  But my favorite is to just sit and stare at them when they ask/do something stupid - though sadly that does have less of an impact over the phone.

I am too old and too tired and too busy (and TBH, too cranky) to play around with people.  Of course this is why half my extended family doesn't really like me since I let them know when they are being totally inappropriate but I don't really mind. Less that I have to listen to them bitch about how this family member didn't respect them or did them wrong.

[Pom]

Dec 30, 2014 12:44:23 GMT -5 shopgirl07 said:

Seems like these people thought they might be able to take advantage of the situation. The promise of money can turn people into assholes. Now they're mad that they're not going to get something.

Sadly, we both assume this is the motivation.  We aren't trying to preserve his resources for us in anyway, only for FIL's care.  It feels pretty icky these attitudes that have been expressed.

[Deleted]

Pom, people are jerks. I'm glad that Mr. Pom has found the ability to officially give no fucks. Hang in there!

[Deleted]

I've been appalled by the number of people who have asked me directly when we're having another baby. Distant family members that I see once a year!

[ddi741]

Ugh, sorry about all that. It's amazing how many people come out of the woodwork with opinions when they think there is $ available to them. Why they even think that is beyond me but people are twisted.

And to answer your question, yes, people have gotten more rude and more ballsy. I see it all the time and even in my own family with the way some people talk to my FIL. It drives me nuts but he is very good an shutting it down.

[doobeedoo]

I wish I could say I can't relate. But I so can. My mom and dad both had long illnesses (my mom had dementia for about 8 years before she finally passed). Nothing makes you realize how shitty people can be more than a long illness. One of my mom's supposed best friends was nowhere to be found from before diagnosis on, and was all boo-hooing at the funeral. And then turns up at the house without offering a bit of sympathy to ask what we were going to sell it for? Excuse me?

Hugs to you--it does get better, I promise.

[lime]

Sorry you are dealing with this.

Yes, I find this to be true as well.

Being firm (or a down right aggressive asshole) and not caring what other people think are pretty much the only way to get through it.

((Pom))

[Deleted]

Oh gosh, those nosy mofos, I'm sorry.

I feel like situations like this always bring out the assholes. My parents managed everything for my grandparents and we managed a lot for FIL before he passed. It has always amazed me how so many people suddenly have an opinion when the elderly have assets they're no longer utilizing, everyone wants to know all about it. And sadly, it's often extended family members and friends.

[irene adler]

I'm sorry you are dealing with this--it's awful to have to deal with busybodies on top of everything else. . It sounds like you and mr. Pom are handing it like champs.

I, on the other hand, am in a position where I can burn this shit up (down?) Just tell me where to show up to commence with the laying down of the smack on Nosy McAsshole (all of them)

[mrsfarmer]

Yes. DD2's adoption day turned into attack Mr and Mrs Farmer day by DH's aunt about not having bought the family farmsite and bail out the underwater relatives. People still ask us what's going to happen to it - we don't own it, not our problem!

[Pom]

Dec 30, 2014 13:39:47 GMT -5 mrsfarmer said:

Yes. DD2's adoption day turned into attack Mr and Mrs Farmer day by DH's aunt about not having bought the family farmsite and bail out the underwater relatives. People still ask us what's going to happen to it - we don't own it, not our problem!

This makes me sick.  I am so sorry.  Every happiness to your family on DD2's adoption though.  That should only be a day of celebration!

[mrsfarmer]

Dec 30, 2014 13:52:27 GMT -5 Pom said:

Dec 30, 2014 13:39:47 GMT -5 mrsfarmer said:

Yes. DD2's adoption day turned into attack Mr and Mrs Farmer day by DH's aunt about not having bought the family farmsite and bail out the underwater relatives. People still ask us what's going to happen to it - we don't own it, not our problem!

This makes me sick.  I am so sorry.  Every happiness to your family on DD2's adoption though.  That should only be a day of celebration!

Thanks!  It was.  I shut the discussion down quick.  I know I rub my MIL the wrong way as I stand up for myself and DH backs me up, but I steered the conversation off that topic quickly!

I feel for you with your FIL.

[WinterWine]

Hang in there. I'm continually amazed at the lack of filter some people can have - good for Mr. P for standing up to them and putting them in their place. Hang in there!

[my3bears]

Ugh that is awful. Vent away.

Didn't SueSue have some good strategy for this in one of the other posts? I feel like it was either to get them involved with something you KNOW they won't follow through with (and then you can do it yourself anyway and hope they won't intrude again) and/or give them EASY simple tasks to do so they feel like they're helping (but really you're just keeping them busy so you can do the important things in peace).

"Oh thanks for calling! It would be great if you could research and get quotes from 3 different ______ by Friday!" or "Oh I'm so glad you called. It would be great if you could walk around the house and see if the gutters are clogged anywhere!"

At the end of the day though, some people just suck and there's no helping them. You shouldn't *need* strategies.

[Pom]

Dec 30, 2014 17:01:17 GMT -5 my3bears said:

Ugh that is awful. Vent away.

Didn't SueSue have some good strategy for this in one of the other posts? I feel like it was either to get them involved with something you KNOW they won't follow through with (and then you can do it yourself anyway and hope they won't intrude again) and/or give them EASY simple tasks to do so they feel like they're helping (but really you're just keeping them busy so you can do the important things in peace).

"Oh thanks for calling! It would be great if you could research and get quotes from 3 different ______ by Friday!" or "Oh I'm so glad you called. It would be great if you could walk around the house and see if the gutters are clogged anywhere!"

At the end of the day though, some people just suck and there's no helping them. You shouldn't *need* strategies.

I think it was songforyou.  But at the end of the day, you are right.  It's too bad we need strategies for dealing with unthinking assholes.

Thanks everyone, as always, for validating my pissed-off-ness.
 

[imojoebunny]

I am sorry. Complain away! It is a suck situation for everyone. Hopefully, you can get the house(s) sold in time and have that off your plate. I sometimes feel like a bowling pin with the continual nuisance crap that comes down our lane. Everything is awesome, except the crisis of the day.

My grandfather once told me to take one difficulty at a time. He was the happiest guy I have ever known.

Hope you are soon to less crisis and more awesome.

[mellymel]

Ugh, I'm sorry. People can be such nosy jerks in these situations. In glad Mr. P. has been very direct and no-nonsense with them. I hope they get the message and stop asking inappropriate questions.

[compassrose]

Ugh. I'm so sorry you guys have to deal with crap from these assholes. Like you need anymore on your plate in regard to FIL. ((hugs))

[awick14]

Yikes. I'm sorry that they are in Mr. Ps face like that.