WDYT family situation

[mrsg123]

My parents live about 600 miles away. They did not call us on christmas or otherwise show any interest in our 5 yo and 2 yo dds. I called and briefly spoke to my mom that morning, she said they would call us later. No call. Nothing the 26th either. I am super offended and hurt that they are acting like this. WWYD? Be offended? Move on? I'm
Not sure what the deal is. It buns me out especially to see and hear of very involved grandparents. TIA.

[jeaniebueller]

I would be very hurt. Did she send your kids any gifts or cards? NOT that material things should matter, but I would be hurt by that as well. Is this a new development or is there something else going on in their lives?

[mrsg123]

Dec 30, 2014 14:14:41 GMT -5 jeaniebueller said:

I would be very hurt. Did she send your kids any gifts or cards? NOT that material things should matter, but I would be hurt by that as well. Is this a new development or is there something else going on in their lives?

No cards or gifts. She had surgery last month. I don't care about the cards or gifts but they didn't even call to ask what they got for christmas, or ask for photos.

[Deleted]

I would be really upset. I'm sorry. How was your relationship with them prior to this?

[CloudBee]

I have a similar relationship with my parents. I'm hurt, but slowly teaching myself not to be. I can't control their actions, and for whatever reason, they seem to be unable to control their own.

I have made the effort, and they have not. I'm starting to NOT want them to be involved.

Try setting your expectations low, and go into these situations telling yourself you KNOW they aren't going to even meet you halfway.

It's hard. And it will always hurt to an extent. But in time, I think you can train yourself to not feel so raw about it all.

I'm sorry.

[mrsg123]

Thank you for the responses. TBH it has really cast a dark cloud over an otherwise lovely holiday. I just don't get it.

[mrsg123]

Dec 30, 2014 14:19:37 GMT -5 @notquiteblushing said:

I would be really upset. I'm sorry. How was your relationship with them prior to this?

It's been ok. I am almost always the one who calls them. They do not visit us, but it is because of health issues now. They were here in September 2013.

[Deleted]

My parents don't call us on holidays either, but I've posted before that they basically suck as grandparents. They always think I should be the one to call and DS should call and wish his grandparents a Happy Holiday vs the other way around.
Im sorry it tarnished your holiday.

[browneyedgirl9]

Im really sorry. I would be hurt by that too. Sorry your dealing with this.

[ECB]

Of course it hurts. And ditto everything Cloudbee said. Unfortunately, this is who they are. It's time for you to not let them hurt you so much. Change your expectations. Only give them what you feel you can give w/o being upset when you don't get anything in return.

It sucks. I'm sorry.

[Velar Fricative]

I'm sorry. I would be so upset if my mother suddenly didn't return my calls or just overall acted like she didn't care about us.

[crazygame]

That would make me really sad, so please don't feel like your feelings aren't valid. I would call my mom and ask her what is up. Maybe things are worse healthwise than you know and they are trying to shield you from it? Or maybe they are having financial problems and don't want you to know? I would want an explanation. If they just say they got busy, I'd be really angry.

[ringstrue]

Is this typical or new due to the surgery? Depending on what she had done she might feel like hell even a month later. She might even be pissed that she isn't getting more help and attention on her end. Either way I'd let it go. I know it's hard.

[bunnymendelbaum]

Would you want to just call her and ask what's up?

[pinkdutchtulips]

I was talking to my dad a few days after Christmas when I had FAR better reception that in so cal and he reminded me that for YEARS when I was a kid my grandparents wouldn't acknowledge us kids at Christmas w/ a call or cards/gifts. we lived in the Midwest/east coast and the g'parents were in so cal.

my parents made the choice to move past it and not dwell on it bc it was their loss not ours. even this christmas, I had an aunt give a gift to all of the cousins EXCEPT myself and dd. it was utterly heartbreaking having her look at me and whisper to me 'where's my present ?!?' as she's watching her cousins open gifts. killed me and killed my cousins, aunts and uncles there that she didn't get even dd something (said aunt was NOT at the family Christmas eve or day festivities). I didn't make a stink about it and decided its best for all involved NOT to make a scene and I'm not dwelling on it either.

all that said, its a maddening situation as I have experience with it as well. personally, I'd do what my parents did - move past it and not dwell on it. if they do something GREAT !!, if not, no biggie. it's about lowering expectations as pp have said.