Ongoing MIL issues

[wanderingenough]

Wow, that's crazy how they treated you. I'm sorry you are feeling lonely, but glad your H has stood up for you.

I'm not quite sure how I'd respond in this situation. H has some relatives he has cut off as well. I'm like you. Sometimes I encourage him to at least be civil for his family's sake, but he isn't interested in rebuilding those bridges. The reasons he cut them out have nothing to do with me, so I don't push him on it.

I guess you just need to feel it out. Is it worth it to him to potentially not see his mom and dad, in order to avoid everyone else?

[travelbug]

((hugs)) I am so sorry that you are having IL drama. They definitely should NOT have treated you that way. I guess I would just leave it up to my H since it is his side of the family. If he is set on not going then I guess he gets to choose. I'd just try to be supportive of his decision and occasionally ask if he'd like to go to family events or see his parents and just go from there. What a hard situation, sorry you have to go through this.

As for the lonely thing, I totally get it. When we moved to the location we are in now I didn't know anyone and still rarely have people to hang out with. I don't know if the library or somewhere else offers a book club or something that you could potentially get involved in to be low key

[MrsMB]

PP's have some great suggestions....just sending you lots of hugs. I pray that some sort of resolution can be made.

[Deleted]

Thanks wanderingenough, travelbug, and MrsMB. It's up to H, and I'll support him in his decision. I'm hoping once MIL cools off she will be more reasonable. At this point I'm willing to attend pretty much anything in order to keep the peace. I really don't like being in this position.

[Deleted]

((hugs)) I'm sorry that they treated you like that. Sometimes being in a big family is not as great as you would think it would be. I would let your H make the decision. If his parents want to decline your offer, that's on them. You guys tried to reach out to them. Hopefully they will come around and realize what is going on. I would let your H make the decisions concerning his family.

[katespade]

That is a really tough situation. I'm sorry that you're dealing with all of that.

When it comes to my ILs, I leave the decisions up to H and support him whichever way he chooses. Since I prefer not to spend time around the SIL who tried to turn his entire family again me the night before our wedding I definitely don't mind when he chooses to turn down invitations, but I make sure to also be 100% supportive when he chooses to accept invitations to see them. At the end of the day they're his family, so I don't feel comfortable making the decision for him.

[HoneySpider]

Just want to say I'm sorry you're dealing with this, how crummy I hope you find a resolution that makes things at least a little bit better.

[mac08]

That sounds incredibly difficult, and I am so sorry you are dealing with such toxic family members. Does your MIL know the extent of what happened, as you described it here? I can't even believe they would do that/say that to you. Were they like, drunk or something?? In no way would that make it okay, I just honestly can't fathom people saying such incredibly hurtful things in their right minds. I think it's ridiculous for your MIL to not understand how hurt you are. Are they the type of people who frequently say terrible things in the heat of the moment but then move on quickly and never think about it again?

Since you said you were willing to put it behind you, I would just let your H know that you are willing to see them again and move forward, but leave the ultimate decision up to him since it's his family. I completely understand though how you've cut them out of your lives til this point, and it would be totally justified to continue that forever. You are really being the bigger person here for even being willing to see them after what they did.

[Deleted]

mac08 Sadly they said all of this totally sober, around the table at my parents' house . MIL was right there with them and did not defend us. She saw and heard it all.

They are really blunt women who say whatever they want to, to everyone. This was the first time they turned against my H and me, though. My MIL says that they didn't mean it etc etc, and we should forgive them because they're family. She said she "thinks they feel bad" about it, but....? lol

I also find it hard to believe people actually act like that when not high/drunk. I'm trying to stay out of it, as it's H's family. He knows I'm willing to attend things, but he is not ready for that yet. He says that coming back will just show them it's okay to be cruel all over again.

[Deleted]

jjwritergirl Moving isn't really an option right now, but it's not a bad idea. In the spring I'm hoping to get involved in...something lol, maybe a small group of some sort.

[ginkgoleaf]

Wow, I'm sorry they treated you like that. If you're willing to see them again, maybe try once if your H agrees? Who knows, maybe they do feel bad and want to see you and apologize in person. If so, great. If not, you can never bother with them again. I know easier said than done. I can't believe they said that when they were at your parents' dining room table... what did your parents say about that?

[Deleted]

ginkgoleaf My parents were stunned into silence at the time, but afterward they were appalled and quite angry about it. They have since not seen any of those people either. They would only attend events if we do, so they don't go to anything either.

[awick14]

((@moonbeam)) I am so sorry you are going through this. I have no advice that hasn't been said, but I really hope your MIL gets her head out of her ass and realize that this could end her relationship with her son and you.

[mac08]

I really hope you're able to find a resolution you're both comfortable with... Keep us posted, and hang in there!

[spankswife]

Oh wow, I am so sorry. That's a terrible position to be in.

TBH I would probably do whatever DH wanted, out of respect for him, but I would hope he wouldn't want to see them anymore. That's just terrible, and unacceptable. Unfortunately that means you alienate yourselves from the family, but I don;t think you should have to be around people who are mean to you just because they are "family."

It also gets be riled up that "religious" people could be so hateful and judgmental, but that's another topic.