S/O a parent moving in and space

[ECB]

So, out of curiousity- if you had to have a parent move in with you, do you actually have the space for it? If not, what would you do?

We technically have the space - 4 bedroom house for DH, DS and myself.  But, if someone like my MIL had to move in,  it would mean giving up our bedroom.  She can't do stairs and it's on the  main floor.  

Then, the question is, do we make DS move?  He has what was the original master bedroom (ours is an addition).  It's the biggest room upstairs.  Do we take that over and make DS move to a smaller room?

This rolls through my head when thinking about this issue.  

[Pom]

We bought our current house intending for my mom to move in if it becomes needed. One story, one walk-in shower, etc... We saw a few houses that we kind of liked that we ruled out due to varied levels within the home and steps. Mr. P's dad living with us was never on the table.

[cheezer]

We live in a 1 bedroom apartment. There's no way we could have a parent move in with us. They'd have to move in with SIL or into some sort of retirement community.

[FishChicks]

Yes. We bought an overly large house in part because MIL intends to spend several months a year here when she retires. There are enough separate spaces in this house that I think we can all survive that eventuality.

[mbcdefg]

Right now, we could fit a parent, but there wouldn't be much privacy.

If we had more than one kid, they'd need to share a room, or we'd need to convert the basement into a bedroom. And, again, no privacy.

[rubytue]

We have a basement with a separate entrance and full bath. It doesn't have a door, and we use it regularly, but if it had to happen, it could.

[partiallysunny]

Of course you make your son move to the smaller room!

A parent could move in but space would be tight. And I'd go crazy.

[starlily]

Yes. We bought a house with a bedroom that had is own attached bathroom on the 1st floor, because we anticipated that at least one of our parents would need to move in with us at some point. There was enough of an age difference between our parents that we could have multiple sets, but now MIL looks like the only candidate down the road.

That bedroom is off in the front corner of the house. All the other bedrooms and a loft are upstairs, so hopefully privacy won't be too much of an issue.

[azurely]

Yes, we have an extra bedroom right now, but our house isn't ideal, since we live in a two story and all of our bedrooms are upstairs. Also, if we have more kids, we'd likely need that extra bedroom.

Our next (and forever) house will be a ranch, for this reason. I don't think the ILs would ever need to live with us, but my parents might. Both sets are in good health now, but I don't think my parents are in a great place financially and I worry about their future plans. I'd be fine with my parents moving in, but H and I have never discussed it.

[mskitkat]

It's just DH and I in a 4 bedroom, so yes, if it were absolutely necessary, a parent could move in.

[oswin]

Our house would actually work ok if one of my parents had to move in, especially because they're relatively young and in great physical shape so it would probably be 20+ years from now (and DD could be out of the house). Anyway, our house was originally 3 bedrooms, and our guest room is the old master - it has it's own full bath. We would never survive having MIL live with us, that's not even a question.

[h]

The previous owners had an elderly parent living with them and installed a washer/dryer hookup and kitchenette off the largest non-master bedroom for her. DS1 now has that room (and thinks having his own mini fridge is the coolest thing ever), but if we had to find space for one of our parents, we could bunk two of the boys together and give them the MIL suite. Although I am assuming that in the hopefully very unlikely event any of our parents needs to live with us, our kids will be grown, in which case we would have plenty of room and a good set up.

[LoveTrains]

I have a 3 br 1.5 BA house. That means all three bedrooms and full bath are on second story.

I have s finished basement do I suppose I could add a bathroom
down there. But the stairs are steep. I refuse to share my bathroom so that means all three bedrooms are mine. Well one we sleep in. Then H and I each have a closet room upstairs.

[delawarejen]

My house wouldn't really work - and definitely not for someone with limited mobility.

My mother wanted me to sell my house and get an apartment with her this coming summer, but she's only mid-60's and has no mobility issues. I prefer living alone, but I do anticipate that at some point this could be out of my hands. I suppose it comes down to what the 2 of us can afford at that point, and whether I can sell my house.

[daisypaloma]

We currently have a 3/2, so it's doable since we're DINKS.  So if/when we have a kid, there's room for my MIL.  The thought of having free babysitting\caregiving is a lot more appealing to us than the privacy issue.  But then we have good relationship with MIL so that makes it easier.

I always offered my dad to live with us but that's a lot less likely to happen since he does not like living in the State we're currently in.

 

[crashgizmo]

We currently rent a 3000 sq foot house with a second floor that that is so underutilized we have a baby gate at the bottom of the stairs, meaning we don't use it at all. So we could definitely take on any of our IL's without a problem. I would take my MIL in in a heartbeat- she's a fabulous woman. My parents on the other hand, not so much. We get along better having a couple of visits a year.

We are buying a house that will likely be 1100-1300 square feet and maybe 2 bedrooms, so having IL's live in would be tough.

[niq]

We have a 4/3.5, the 4th bedroom had been the office, but we also have a craft nook, so we just converted it

It's less than ideal for mom because she has to go up and down stairs. Our other option was to convert the TV room into her bedroom. Since she will only live with us "temporarily" (aka for about 2-3 years) we didn't really want to do that.

[UnderProtest]

My in laws will NEVER live with us. I told my husband that I would divorce him before I lived in the same town as his family, much less the same house. But our current house is definitely not conducive to anyone with any mobility issues. We have 5 levels with the kitchen being on the bottom level and the bedrooms on the third, fourth, and fifth levels. My MIL couldn't really cope with the stairs during her two week visit, there is no way she could do it long term. My FIL has been diagnosed with Parkinson's so he would never be able to live in a house like this. I don't know about my parents. I think I could deal with my dad more than my mom. He is less negative than my mom, but needs to be around people and doing something all the time so that would be tough to deal with. I'm not sure that they would even consider it. They had my grandmother live with them for awhile and know how tough it is (and she was the NICEST, most laid back person on earth).

[mlvmd]

I don't think we'll be living in our current house when the time comes to be thinking of a parent living with us. However, my mom stays with us a lot (which I like). Since we had DS2 and we have a three bedroom house we are finishing our basement to give my mom a place to stay. We have a separate entrance down there and will put a full bath in our second wave of renovations.

[drloretta]

That's why we bought a house with an in law addition. We just need to add a shower to the half bath.

I get agita thinking about the possibility, but at least we're set up if it happens

[ssmjlm]

We don't have the space.

It also would only be an option if it was one of my parents and in that case we would move.

[explorer2001]

My current 3 bed 2 bath house could not be shared with my parents. Then again there is almost no amount of space I could share with my parents. They aren't healthy people for me to be around except in very small doses.

Getting them their own place would be cheaper than the therapy bills. Since they have been bragging about being millionaires since I was in HS something drastic would have to change before I'd do that.

[mrshandy]

No, not really. We technically have an extra room, but having another adult living in the house permanently is not an option I would ever entertain.

[ijack]

It's actually the main reason we finished our basement. However if they couldn't do stairs we'd have to reconfigure the bathroom on the main floor to have a shower in it - there is room for it luckily.

[Deleted]

My parents live with us and care for dd. It was hard and there was a lot of fighting at first but we live amicably now. It's the norm in our culture and my parents aren't in a great financial situation. It's nice not having to worry about childcare since my H and I work long hours and weird schedules and I also travel some for work. We have homemade meals every day and never have to do the dishes. We live in a 2600 sqft 3/2.5 ranch. There is enough room for us now but we are looking to upgrade into a larger house with 5 bedrooms and an IL suite on the bottom floor. We will use it as a nursery for the next several years though.

[rootbeerfloat]

We have talked about this a little. ILs are more likely to need it, but they have no interest in moving to where we live. My mom has no desire to live with us, but I could see a scenario where if my dad outlived my mom (unlikely due to health issues, but hypothetically), he would. Unfortunately, our (4) bedrooms are all upstairs, and mobility is an concern. If this situation ever happened, we would likely add on to our existing house.

[msmerymac]

Nope. But it's not out of the realm of possibility that it would be something we'd consider in the future.

If we had kids and my mom had to move here, we'd either get a larger house, preferably with a separate guest house or one-story in law suite, or we'd put her in a condo nearby, depending on the level of attention she needed. My mom is only 60 and she's doing well, but she and my stepfather are thinking about moving close to me... eventually. It might also happen if she outlives her husband. Either they would buy a condo here, or if needed, my husband and I would help get her set up somewhere.

[hurricanedrunk]

We would have the space for our parents to move it but it would not be ideal. 4 bedrooms/2 bath with H &I but the bedrooms are all on the second floor. More than likely my parents would move into a condo closer to one of us kids rather than move it. MIL isn't welcome due to a strained relationship.

[sicilygirl]

We have a 3 bedroom/2 bath one-story house. Right now it's just H and I. So yes, we have the room. I couldn't live with my parents, but I could live with my MIL.

[orangeblossom]

We're in between places, but at the house we're trying to sell, yes, there'd be room for her. We plan to rent for the next two years, but will likely get a place with 4 bedrooms.

Lennar Builders, whom we love, has a newish concept, called the Home within a Home, nextgen.lennar.com/. It has a separate entrance, kitchenette, and some other features to make it pretty private. I'd prefer something like that if MIL had to live with us.