Did my girlfriend write this? Seriously, I feel like she could have written this as she has a boardering on unhealthy obsession with babies. To the point where I think she doedoesn't realize that those babies grow into children, teens, and adults. She has been so focused on having baby after baby that she doesn't see the older children she has or in my opinion enjoy them. She is now pregnsnt with her fourth and last baby and I am interested to see how she does after this.
That said, I can relate to this in the sense that I too love babies. I was the weirdo who wished for 5 or 6 or 7 healthy babies when I grew up every time I blew out my birthday candles. But, I also love watching j grow and develop and I am learning that while baby snuggles and squishes and first xyz are great I actually find raising older kids more fulfilling and fantastic. It's amazing watching experience his firsts and see his personality develop. I also know that H has reached his limit with 3 kids and since he will be there long after the kids are grown, I have to respect that.
I got a little sad when I POAS this time around because I knew it would be the last time I do it. I'm acutely aware of this being my last pregnancy and while I can't say it makes me sad I do feel like this phase of my life went by so fast. I can't wrap my head around the idea that this is the beginning of the end of my childbearing years. I feel like it snuck up on me.
I really do get where both writers are coming from. I had a similar situation after having my third. I was a SAHM. We always thought we wanted more like 5 kids. So, after the third we didn't use any BC and hoped for another quickly because of my age. Year after year, nothing. I had to come to terms with being a mother of 3 and never breastfeeding or holding a chubby hand or meeting them for the first time in the delivery room or seeing their first smile...
There was a grieving process involved. I do enjoy watching them grow and seeing who they become. None of that negated the fact that my child bearing was over and i was sad and didn't want to accept that.
Fast forward to my surprise BFP 1 month before my youngest turned 7. This time, I know it is my last one. I am 41 and the tubes have been tied. I have grieved again. I have cried. I have been angry. I have held my newest DD close and probably will never sleep train her so she can snuggle with me as long as possible.
I adore my 12, 9, and 7 year olds. They are fabulous people. We home school so we spend a lot of time together. I was meant to be their mom. I see the first mom as grieving what she knows need to be over.
Post by whitepicketfence on Jan 14, 2015 13:05:58 GMT -5
I really dislike how she makes her husband out to be a selfish meanie because, after 6 years and 3 kids, he's ready to make some time for himself and pursue his own interests. As someone who's been there, 3 kids in that amount of time is HARD. There will always be someone whose needs will have to come before your own and finding time for yourself can be especially difficult. It's perfectly normal to reach a point where enough is enough and you find that you want to rediscover a part of yourself. It's as if she's blaming him for her feelings and that's rubbing me the wrong way.
With that said, I can relate to her feelings to an extent. There are times when I look at DD3 and realize just how fast the time is going. I love the baby stage and no matter how many kids we have, I know I'll be sad when we decide to be done. I'm really cherishing each stage with DD3 as there is always the chance that baby #4 might not ever happen. Even so, I'm really looking forward to all the new experiences that await us with older kids, too. Watching DD1 become a young girl rather than a toddler has been such a beautiful process to watch. Everyday she amazes me with new things she's learned or even with her general knowledge of things. It's been a blast to experience "big kid" activities with her, too. While I'll always be nostalgic of my children as babies, I'll still be nostalgic of every phase that follows babyhood as well.
This is really me. I only had 2 because I know what I can handle, but I love newborns so incredibly much. Like so freaking much. IMO there is nothing better in the world than snuggling a newborn. If I could I would have a newborn baby all the freaking time.
I understand where she is coming from, to a point. I LOVE babies! I love the newborn stage and DS2 is already 12 weeks. I miss the newborn stage. That's me. I know this about me.
DH and I are trying to figure out if we should have a third. I can't ask myself do I want another baby, the answer will always be yes. I have to ask myself do I want to potty train, feed, cloth and pay for college for another. That changes it for me, I think. At least it's given me more to think about.
But I think she's an extreme.
This is what I needed to do - "do I want another baby? yes!!! do I want another child?? no!!!!"
Post by juliette21 on Jan 14, 2015 15:22:18 GMT -5
I feel like it's unhealthy to focus so much on what you're losing. I read these types of articles all the time, with the author/blogger lamenting about losing "the dimpled elbows, chubby cheeks," or whatever and it's becoming so cliched. Yes, you are losing something (their babyhood) but gaining so much at the same time. I will sometimes myself get trapped in these feelings, especially when I have to donate clothes my boys have grown out of or see pictures of them when they were babies, but then I realize that I am missing moments right now while I wallow in those sad thoughts. It's looking back when I should be looking forward.
I also wonder about how this author treats her older children. Kids are smart and pick up on so much more than we think. If she's always busy drinking in the deliciousness of a baby, does that mean she's not spending much time with her older kids? Does she talk about always wanting another baby in front of them? How awful for them if so.
As my kids get older, I really feel that my job as a mom gets even more important. Now I'm really shaping who they will become as people, not just giving a baby a bottle or whatever. What I do now has meaning, and my boys will remember our times together and what I was like as a mom. It's really exciting to think about, and helps me to get over being sad that they aren't baaaabies anymore.
I got a little sad when I POAS this time around because I knew it would be the last time I do it. I'm acutely aware of this being my last pregnancy and while I can't say it makes me sad I do feel like this phase of my life went by so fast. I can't wrap my head around the idea that this is the beginning of the end of my childbearing years. I feel like it snuck up on me.
Your childbearing years are the same regardless of how many children you bear, if any.
Yes, I understand that literally, that is true. I'm talking about the years I am actually bearing children.
Post by penguingrrl on Jan 14, 2015 17:35:18 GMT -5
I'll admit that I can't relate at all. I love my three and loved them as babies, but with each new thing my son does independently I feel more like my old self than I have since having kids. I love standing on the sidelines of the soccer field and basketball court and look forward to the day I can do it without chasing a toddler and missing half the game.
And I love the relationships I'm developing with them as they grow older and understand more. I definitely think I'm more cut out for older kids.