So angry with DH

[Deleted]

DS is 2 and has been sick for the past three days.  Like fever as high as 104 and never under 100, not eating anything, congested as hell kind of sick.  His fever broke this afternoon, although by bedtime it was back up a couple of degrees.  Still not really eating.

DH and I were able to each only miss a couple of hour of work Monday since we have different schedules.  Tomorrow though, I have lots of big stuff going on, so I took off all day today as my turn.  Now DH is throwing a massive fit since I told him DS isn't going to school tomorrow and he's the one staying home.  Not only does DS need a day to regain his strength, but the daycare knows DS has been sick and won't let him come back tomorrow.  He expects me to flat out lie to the daycare so we can take him back.  He also seems to think I can just miss all the work I want and it's not an issue.  I'm the primary breadwinner.  I know he's also going to be super pissed that we have to pay for a full week of DC even though DS will only go two days this week.

Seriously, the dude needs to grow up and realize he can't just make up whatever rules he wants.  I'm not a big fan of rules myself, but dammit, some of them are there for a reason.

[havarti]

Yeah, he needs to put his family's needs in front of his own. You did your time, it's his turn. Hopefully it's just a hissy fit and he comes to his senses soon. Hope your ds is feeling better tomorrow!

[redheadk]

Punch him in the junk.

Sorry he's being dumb.

[lilac05]

He needs to suck it up. Kids can be a real inconvenience sometimes. The 24 hr fever rule stinks, but it's really in the best interest of all kids. Most kids can benefit from some extra rest, relaxation, and TLC during those 24 hours, even if they appear fine. Plus it reduces risk of others getting sick. You benefit from the rule just as often as you're inconvenienced by it, IMO.

I hope he comes to his senses in the morning & stays home without complaining. If he's really feeling that great, then they should be able to have a fun day together!

[miniroller]

I don't know if logic would even work w/ this ignoramus right now, but if you think it might:
I'd ask him how he'd feel if DS spreads these germs & knocks out 3 kids in daycare, causing 3 other parents to miss a total of 9 days of work?! There is a reason these rules are in place & he needs to knock his anger off long enough for his sane/ rational side to face facts.
(ML non-mom who saw on latest, but was frustrated on your behalf & wanted to throw out a different approach, just in case. NOT that I think he's gonna be all, 'Excellent point! I'll stay home- no problem!' But I was hoping another tactic might help? GL OP!!)

[Gwen]

Sucks for him.

[andthentherewere10]

He and my DH should go sit in a corner and complain about us. My DH works for himself and by himself and for the most part is accountable only to himself. I get 2 personal days/semester and work in a team. For some reason he thinks I should take personal leave next week to take DS to a wellness visit. Ugh, no. I get up 1.5 hours before him, have a 45 minute commute and get limited sick time. He sleeps in, has a commute to the home office, and his work can be done any time day or night for the most part. Plus when he's traveling, which can be frequent, I have to be available for DS' appts. Anyway, sorry to turn this into a saga about me. I swear sometimes men think these babies belong to the wives and they are just there to help out based on their convenience.

[undecidedowl]

I hope you talked about this plan with him in advance. He is being completely irrational about the fact that your DS can't go to daycare but my DH (and me too) would not take too kindly to demands of taking off work with no discussion.

[CrazyLucky]

I agree that you should have agreed to the plan in advance. However, even if there was no taking turns agreement, does that mean everyone thinks it's perfectly acceptable for her H to be acting the way he is?

OP, my daycare has a policy, I don't know if they ever used it, where they can kick you out for repeatedly bringing a sick kid to daycare. If your daycare has that policy, maybe you can bring that up to DH.

[undecidedowl]

Jan 14, 2015 7:13:38 GMT -5 CrazyLucky said:

I agree that you should have agreed to the plan in advance. However, even if there was no taking turns agreement, does that mean everyone thinks it's perfectly acceptable for her H to be acting the way he is?

OP, my daycare has a policy, I don't know if they ever used it, where they can kick you out for repeatedly bringing a sick kid to daycare. If your daycare has that policy, maybe you can bring that up to DH.

Since I'm one of only two people in the thread to respond that way, I'll answer. Obviously, his behavior is irrational as I said in my post, but I might be a little irrational too if someone made plans in their best interest without taking my time into account. Maybe he had a big work day too. Doesn't excuse the behavior, and maybe that's not even what is going on but up front communication can prevent a lot of problems.

[curbsideprophet]

I would not like to be told what to do either, and I agree it should have been discussed. However I don't think OPs DH should just assume she was going to take two days in a row off. Why should she be the default for taking off, especially given the job situation as described?

And LOL at not paying for sick days. Maybe there are some places that cut you a break, but ours certainly does not.

[ECB]

Honestly, what makes me sad about this is that your child has been really sick and your DH wants to ignore that. Even if the fever is gone, your kid probably just needs a day to do NOTHING.

Anyhow- I do see both sides to this. There is NO excuse to your DHs behavior or attitude, and no, you, the wife and mom, shouldn't be the default one to stay home. But yet- your plan of taking turns, was that spelled out to him? Did he have some reason to believe you were going to take both days this week but that he'd cover the NEXT illness?

[cherry1111]

I'm sorry. This has been the biggest point of contention in our marriage since having DS as well. It has gotten a bit better with some major sit down conversations about the issue. Also when DS shows signs of possibly being sick we make a quick plan of who is going to handle what, so that it isn't being done in a rush when we are more likely to bicker about it.

[iheartbanjos]

Have you taken your kid to the doctor to rule out an infection? DD1's sinus infection lingered like that, and she had almost no visible drainage--just the smallest amount of goop in one eye in the morning. Otherwise, just fever, lethargy, no appetite, and sore arms.

Also, maybe it's time to do some care.com interviews for backup daycare. H and I both have demanding careers, and it can be hard to navigate sick days.

[Deleted]

He did know it was his turn, he just assumed it wouldn't actually happen. Once he called his boss it was much better. He just graduated college in December and this is the first professional job he's had. It's also the first job where we work similar hours and even have to worry about child care.

[anna7602]

I know it's too late for this, but for the future, come up with a back-up care plan- someone who can come to your house at a moment's notice so neither of you has to miss work. You could search sitter city or care dot com.