Kids going to college locally or away from home?

[Mimi]

Would you steer your kids to attend college locally?  Or are you open for them to go far away from home?

H and I were discussing college last night.  He really doesn't like the idea of the kids going far for college.  He would want them to attend the local state college.  He was kinda tearing up when he said he just wants to spend as much time with the kids before they are out on their own.

Me on the other hand, I'm open for the kids to move away for college.

Where do you and your spouse stand on this?

[rbp]

We would prefer that M attend college outside of our metro area. Then again, if I am still teaching at this college, he might be able to attend for free (if they don't cut that benefit haha).

I don't like the idea of restricting a kid's growth because you want to spend more time with them. To me, college is almost "out on one's own" (though we plan to pay for as much of it as we can).

[Deleted]

Well I see this on a more practical level. Does he have the grades to get into Expensive Private School Out of State? What does he like about it that he can't get at Reasonably Priced State School Not Too Far Away?

By the time they're college aged I want to trust my kids to make their own choices but if I'm paying for school there will be limits. Emotionally I get sad thinking about them picking a school across the country (especially in California, we are just not Left Coast people) but if that's the best school for them then I won't stand in the way with MY needs.

[sunshine608]

Ideally, far away so he can learn how to manage on his own. However that depends on what kids of person he grows up to be. A local college might be a better fit.

I don't think the parent's wanting to spend to should factor into this decision at all.

[Deleted]

I moved across the country for college and I never went home. I got an internship the summer after freshman year and moved into an apartment, so I really never went back. So I would feel hypocritical telling them they couldn't do the same if they so desired. I will miss them like crazy obviously, but I want them to follow THEIR dreams.

[shamrockshake]

I would prefer they went somewhere within driving distance, for travel/ $$$ reasons and I would like them to be able to come home/ me go to them relatively easily if they wanted/ needed. but that won't be my decision, I will support their choice

I have very strong beliefs about them not living at home though, my parents made me stay at home my first semester, I went to school about 15 minutes away, and I HATED it and really feel like it made me an outsider and I won't do that to my kids. I scrimped and saved every cent to be able to move onto campus after that

[ECB]

I want DS to go to a school that he feels is a good fit for him and offers programs that he is interested in. If this is local, great. If it's not local, great. I'm not going to try to push him one way or another.

I work for our state university so if I'm still here, he'd go for free. But I don't want to limit him.

My dad was ADAMANT about me NOT going to a local school. He did and he lived at home. He REALLY wanted me to live at school. I ended up at a school about 2.5 hours away. It was perfect. Far enough I had to live on campus but close enough that I could come home whenever I needed to.

The only factor that will limit DS is $$. If he wants to go to a school we can't afford, he'll either have to help, get a scholarship, or... go to another school.

But I'm not going to try and make him go local for MY needs. Not fair to him.

[Deleted]

I want my kids to go where the best school for their program is.

If they go to school here (we've got one university and a tech school), they can choose to live at home or in residence. Our financial help will be limited, though. I'm not offering a free ride anywhere with full room and board attached.

I also kind of hope at least one of them goes the tech school route and learns something useful to me.

[penguingrrl]

If H is still teaching where he is now they will have free tuition at a few schools locally, so we will encourage them to take advantage of that. At his current income that will likely be the best/only help we can offer financially.

If he moves to the industrial side of his field it's entirely up to them. While I would love to have them closer than a plane ride away I also respect that this is their life, not mine. I want them to be happy wherever they go.

[pugz]

don't really care that much, but SCHOLARSHIPS kid. Get them, lol.

[scribellesam]

I'd love them to stay local, assuming we still live in the same place, but I'd be open to whatever decision they make. It's their life, after all.

[CrazyLucky]

As much as I complain about schools in NC, the state colleges are really good, and a really good value. If the kids went to State or UNC, they'd be 60-90 minutes away. If we are still in NC when they go to college, I would push for that.

We are saving for both kids, but they will get what they get. It's not like "choose a school and we'll cover all expenses." I hope we have taught them enough about money to make wise choices.

Plus, I don't want my babies far away!!!

[rbp]

Jan 14, 2015 10:49:45 GMT -5 @notquiteblushing said:

Well I see this on a more practical level. Does he have the grades to get into Expensive Private School Out of State? What does he like about it that he can't get at Reasonably Priced State School Not Too Far Away?

By the time they're college aged I want to trust my kids to make their own choices but if I'm paying for school there will be limits. Emotionally I get sad thinking about them picking a school across the country (especially in California, we are just not Left Coast people) but if that's the best school for them then I won't stand in the way with MY needs.

My dad told me I couldn't go to college west of the Mississippi unless it was the Air Force Academy. (Lest that sound really arbitrary, he was a Lieutenant Colonel in the Marine Corps. He pushed the Naval Academy hard, but alas, service academies fit my personality like a square peg in a round hole.)

I really don't think he would have "forbid" me from attending Stanford or something, but as it happened I found a great college within driving distance from home. 

[thebreakfastclub]

I went to school an hour away from home.

It was the most affordable school, no one had extra money for me to fly places, and it was easy for my mom to visit and help me move in/out. I never considered a far away school, for these reasons.

My parents pretty much left me alone and I was able to be independent just fine.

I can afford to fly DS around and go through the extra expense of a far away school. I think I would tell him he has X contribution from us for college each year, and if he spents $2000 flying back and forth, that is $2000 more tuition we could not cover.

[Deleted]

I would not want my child to live at home for most of college if possible, but I'm open otherwise. It would depend on the kid. I was glad to only be 1.5 hours from home.

[rbp]

This might be the first time I've ever liked @booby's post. LOL

[bowies]

I'd like him (them) to be driving distance. But, if it's a school he (they) are dying to go to and we can afford it, then I don't want to dismiss it based on just location.

I was convinced that I would attend a private out of state college but ended up at a state school a couple hours away after my parents bribed me. I think that worked best for my personality and pocketbook. I'm glad they "helped" me be sensible.

ETA: And none of this living at home foolishness if he (they) stay in the same city. My parents kept my brother around way too long and I pushed his liberation to an apartment. He still owes me for that. 

[undecidedowl]

I went to a school about 2 hours from home. I thought it was perfect. I think, when the time comes for my kids, I will try to keep my opinions out of it a bit and encourage them to figure out what feels right for them.

[runblondie26]

I would prefer my kids to go to college away from home. You learn so much being on your own, but still have some level of oversight in the collge setting. A gentle push from the nest.

[egishere]

DH and me both went away for college and loved it so I hope my kids do the same but it really depends on them. A state college would be preferable since we will be paying for three in college at the same time! Or maybe a year or two at community college first. Also it would be great if they wanted to live together-maybe we could just buy a cheap house and save some money that way. I saw an article about Dr Drew and he has triplets and they all go to different colleges-he said it was kind of crazy dropping them off Freshman year.

[Deleted]

My parents put a time/distance limit as well as price limit on me, and while there are a ton of universities in my area, my restrictions eliminated all but 10 of them. Half of those I didn't want to attend for a number of reasons, and I ended up at a good school in terms of rankings that didn't cost a lot but was NOT a good fit for me.
DH's parents didn't put any limits on him, but they also didn't contribute a dime.
I don't think either approach is the best. We plan to pay for all/as much as we can and have few restrictions. I was talking to my cousin about this on Christmas. She has a daughter who is a junior in HS, and they live in Arkansas, so I imagine there aren't a ton of schools there like there are here in the northeast. Her daughter is looking at schools in the 2-5 hour driving distance range and I think that sounds reasonable.

[swarley]

I would probably try to push him toward our alma mater that is in our city. I'm raising him to be a fan of the school, for sure! If he wanted to go away, I would support him when the time comes. We do have a program in our state that will pay for you to attend a state school if you have good grades and the right test scores. My husband and I went to college for free with it! If he were to take advantage of this program I would steer him toward our local school just because it's the best one in our state (IMO.) If he does decide to attend that school with free tuition, I would pay for him to live in a dorm even though it is less than 20 miles away. I think it's important for him to get the full college experience.

[t]

I think it depends on the kid and his/her personality, but I'd encourage going away to college vs staying local. I went away (only two hours) and I thought that was a great distance - far enough from home that I was on my own, but close enough that I could get home fairly easily. My siblings both stayed local as residential students and I don't think they had the same kind of experience, but they are very different than me.

[starlily]

Far enough away to need to live in a dorm or apartment, but close enough to fly or drive for a long weekend. So basically anywhere along the west coast.

[statlerwaldorf]

I want them to find the right fit for them. I made the mistake of choosing a school close to home when it wasn't a good fit for me. That will probably mean away from home since there aren't many options here.

[whereintheworld]

I get a tuition waiver for the University that I work at for my dependents first degree, so you better believe they're going locally

[SJ]

I have absolutely no idea and am not going to begin to place restrictions on college choice for a child who is currently 6 months old.

When the time comes, I will want her to make the best choice for her, weighing all kinds of factors including, but not limited to, price, distance, caliber of institution, size of institution, her personal interests, our opinions, and on and on and on.

[anna7602]

I adore my kids and get a little teary-eyed at the idea of their growing up too fast, but I've always hoped they'll explore the world without me one day. This includes encouraging them to do camp or service projects abroad if they're mature enough for it in high school and letting them view college as the opportunity to go wherever they feel their potential would be best developed, no matter the location. Financially, I would be thrilled if DD used her language skills to go to a heavily subsidized European university.

[h]

As much as a part of me wants them to just grow up and move next door (I could home school them for college, right?), we will strongly encourage them to explore far away options.

I went to college 1200 miles from home (and then moved further way for law school), and it was such a great experience. I want my kids to feel the same way I did at 18--that the world is a big place full of infinite possibility, all theirs to explore. Plus, I want my kids to be able to attend an elite college if they are capable and interested in doing so, and that would require going far away.

[KKD]

Jan 14, 2015 10:52:47 GMT -5 @awinter said:

I moved across the country for college and I never went home.

This would be my fear. I would hope that they'd be able and willing to go to the best school for them, but I hate the thought of them moving away and never returning. I'll admit I'd prefer they stay within driving distance rather than moving across the country, but I wouldn't hold them back as long as we could afford it. We do have several very good to excellent schools in our area, so it's not like their options are limited close to home, and if they did stay local, I agree with others that I would want them to live at school and get the full experience.