I would like my kids to try and do whatever it is they want to in terms of college.
It's the easiest time of life to try new things and I don't want them to regret not doing something at 42, kwim?
I will of course try to keep them in a basis of reality. Art school in Scandinavia when they're introverts who like to hang in their bedrooms is probably not going to be for them.
Post by lizlemon19 on Jan 14, 2015 11:24:14 GMT -5
I am open, but may try to steer them towards what makes financial sense. They may be able to go to a state university for free due to being adopted from the state, so if that makes sense I may encourage it. It depends what their interests are. I would encourage them to live out of home if possible.
If they wanted to go far, hey , it's a place for us to visit.
I moved across the country for college and I never went home.
This would be my fear. I would hope that they'd be able and willing to go to the best school for them, but I hate the thought of them moving away and never returning. I'll admit I'd prefer they stay within driving distance rather than moving across the country, but I wouldn't hold them back as long as we could afford it. We do have several very good to excellent schools in our area, so it's not like their options are limited close to home, and if they did stay local, I agree with others that I would want them to live at school and get the full experience.
Well, 14 years later and my family has now moved to me my mom and sister moved out here over the last couple of years. My dad probably won't ever move here, but he travels out to visit several times a year. I fully admit, I would hate for my kids toover away and not be close. But I know that I want them to do what is best for them and what they want. That is far more important to me than my feelings on having them close if that makes sense.
Well I'm not going to pay more for an out of state school so they are probably stuck with an in state school. Lucky for them we have two great schools, a great engineering school and several other smaller schools for them to choose from. If they can't make one of those work, they are doing it wrong.
We aren't even planning to pay 100% of the college costs, but we will be discussing who them a lot about how much we can give them and how much they will have to take in loans and what that will mean as far as payments and what those payments will really mean with regards to potential salaries and other goals.
I would be shocked if any of my kids went out of state for college.
But given price difference I might offer to pay for something like a year of study abroad if he went to an in-state public school. I think we'd still come it ahead.
As I was growing up, my parents were pretty strict. But once I turned 18, they lifted all restrictions and allowed me to make my own decisions and become my own person. I really appreciate that, and hope to do the same for my children. I think that's a bigger factor in how close I am to my parents NOW, both emotionally and geographically, than what college I chose to go to. If I had gone to school down the street and they had suffocated me, I may not be as close to them now.
I was in a weird spot when it was time to choose a college because we had just moved to a new state when I was a junior in HS. So I didn't know that much about the state schools, etc... and just kind of chose one randomly. I got lucky, and it was a good fit for me. I was about 4 hours from home, and my student loan debt is minimal. My parents advised us from a financial perspective (we paid for college ourselves, so they didn't impose financial restrictions, just tried to help us understand what we would be getting into), but let us make our own decisions. I'd like to do the same for G and her future sibling(s), though we will probably help out financially. I won't use that as a restriction, just tell them this is what we have for you, it's up to you how you choose to use it, and make up the difference.
I would prefer an in-state school since it would be much cheaper... but if it was DD's dream to attend a college across the country and through finances/scholarships we could afford it then I would definitely be supportive. We live in the metro area of the large university that I attended and would love DD to go there. But unless we were really having a severe hardship with finances I would pay for DD to live on campus even though it is only a 15-20 minute drive away.
Post by badtzmaru22 on Jan 14, 2015 11:32:55 GMT -5
I would LOVE for my kids to go to my alma mater (which is out of state for us now) but there is basically no way we could afford it. Sorry kiddos, your parents are much more poor than grandma and grandpa. I got scholarships and worked, but my college was largely subsidized by the bank of mom and dad.
I don't really have a ton of set opinions yet, but I don't want them to get saddled with a ton of debt, and I'm sorry, not sorry, no majoring in theater like my sister did. If you want to be an actor, go right ahead, but I don't feel the need to pay 40k a year for you to dick around. Also, my sister is not an actor now anyway.
I went to school in the city I grew up in, mostly because of my scholarship, but lived on campus and then got an apartment- it was important for me not to live at home, and the same thing will be true for my kids.
I would LOVE for my kids to go to my alma mater (which is out of state for us now) but there is basically no way we could afford it. Sorry kiddos, your parents are much more poor than grandma and grandpa. I got scholarships and worked, but my college was largely subsidized by the bank of mom and dad.
I don't really have a ton of set opinions yet, but I don't want them to get saddled with a ton of debt, and I'm sorry, not sorry, no majoring in theater like my sister did. If you want to be an actor, go right ahead, but I don't feel the need to pay 40k a year for you to dick around. Also, my sister is not an actor now anyway.
I would LOVE for my kids to go to my alma mater (which is out of state for us now) but there is basically no way we could afford it. Sorry kiddos, your parents are much more poor than grandma and grandpa. I got scholarships and worked, but my college was largely subsidized by the bank of mom and dad.
I don't really have a ton of set opinions yet, but I don't want them to get saddled with a ton of debt, and I'm sorry, not sorry, no majoring in theater like my sister did. If you want to be an actor, go right ahead, but I don't feel the need to pay 40k a year for you to dick around. Also, my sister is not an actor now anyway.
Does your sister have a job?
Yes. I guess she's a good example of the argument that it doesn't matter what your degree is in for you to get a job. There is a lot of backstory drama with me and my sister right now, but she basically picked her college and major to be different than me, and now she works in the same field as me anyway, only with the added bonus of giving my parents panic attacks about her life goals for four years.
I was a communications and English major, so I know, I love the liberal arts myself... But I would just prefer my kids go into a major that has a more defined list of jobs on the other side.
In my 'What would you tell your past self' post, I mentioned I'd tell myself to go away to college. I'm hoping for the same for DS (and future kid(s)). Commuting to college felt like glorified high school. I did not make many friends, participate in any activities or go to parties/events. I really feel like I missed out.
My hope is that kid(s) would stay within driving distance, but live far enough away to feel on their own. I'm not opposed to him (them?) coming home occasionally for a nice meal & clean laundry
I went to university in the city I grew up in, but lived in residence or my own apartment. It was great. Where we live now, there's a university in our city, but also probably 6 or 7 within an hours drive. I'd encourage DSs to find the one that best fits their interests, and encourage them to live on campus rather than be a commuter.
i don't care where he goes, but i do not want him living at home while attending college. living at home while in school is social suicide, not to mention, NO FUN (hello, can't do panty raids and keg stands at mom and dad's house) and you don't get the whole college experience of learning to manage daily life on your own.
This. I learned a lot about myself, when trying to live with others in college. We live in a city with several colleges at different levels. Whether I am comfortable with them going far away will depend on their personalities. If they stay in our city, definitely not living at home!
Mine will be going to the school I teach at because tuition is free (or one of the state schools that gives a tuition break to faculty) or they'll be getting some scholarships/loans/etc. However, they will not live at home
I moved across the country for college and I never went home.
This would be my fear. I would hope that they'd be able and willing to go to the best school for them, but I hate the thought of them moving away and never returning. I'll admit I'd prefer they stay within driving distance rather than moving across the country, but I wouldn't hold them back as long as we could afford it. We do have several very good to excellent schools in our area, so it's not like their options are limited close to home, and if they did stay local, I agree with others that I would want them to live at school and get the full experience.
Anecdote alert! I went to college within a 45-minute driving distance of my parents and then spent my 20s bouncing around various places much further away from them, including a couple of stints abroad. As recently as a year and a half ago, I was living in another country with DH and DD and am very open to doing so again should the right opportunity present itself.
Going to college locally is no guarantee that your kid(s) will stay in their home area long-term.
I hope both my kids want to go to college in a warm state and stay there after so we can all move together!! I'd prefer they go a little further away from home so it's harder to get home and they enjoy the college experience. I went to a suitcase school and was home every weekend and felt I really missed out on the college experience. My husband went to a school 3 hours away and has great memories and still sees his college friends at least once a year.
What I want them to do is very different from what I would make them do. I don't see it as my choice where they go to school or what they major in. How much they listen to my advice may impact how much or how little financial assistance they get, but that's it. And even if I don't like their plans I will support them if they're well researched and based in reality.
I went across the country for school, to a good school. I had a good experience and it played a big role In shaping who I am today. The tuition cost did not "pay off" in terms of my earning potential in my field (not to mention currently SAHing). I will say going away to school also played a big role in the fact I now live across the country from all grandparents. That part is sad.
I hope they stay local. We have a house in the city that we are keeping and would love for them to live there rent free and focus on school. If they went somewhere else we probably wouldn't pay for housing.
Wherever they want and can afford. I will steer them towards what is the best choice in their situation.
It's their choice. I went to a closer college to my parents than my sister and they moved out of state so they were actually closer to my sister. Ha! Shows how much they love me. It didn't bug me too much, since I'm not much of a homebody. I was ready to get out and establish my own life.
It's really not about what I want... It's about what the kid wants.
We've hoping to give DD the same "deal" we got: we'll pay for a full ride at an in state school. Room, board, tuition, fees, etc. She has to buy her books and provide her own spending money. If she wants to go out of state, she has to find a way to pay for the difference.
I found living on campus to be a huge component of my college experience. I also found jointing a solidity to be huge. Both were lifestyle choices that I will steer her toward, but not demand.
But given price difference I might offer to pay for something like a year of study abroad if he went to an in-state public school. I think we'd still come it ahead.
For the record, I went to a state school that my dad was a staff member at. I lived on campus, but my parents lived 10 minutes away. It was awesome to be able to see them when I wanted to or have lunch with my dad. I really appreciated getting to know my parents as adults, rather that authority figures.
Then I moved 2,000 miles away for grad school and that wa stood for me too.
Close to 90% of the students at my alma mater are from out of state, and almost all of my college friends were far away from home. While hardly any of us moved home in the years immediately after college, I am amazed at how many of my college friends have moved home in the intervening 15 years (many after having kids). Lots and lots of people moved away for 15-20 years, then eventually found their way back home at some point in their 30s.
Post by matildasun on Jan 14, 2015 12:30:03 GMT -5
I believe in children going away to college, however, there is a local University that has a program where if you get in on your own merits, are a resident of my city, and graduate from a public school in my city they waive tuition.
If either of my children qualified for that, I would encourage them to attend.
Close to 90% of the students at my alma mater are from out of state, and almost all of my college friends were far away from home. While hardly any of us moved home in the years immediately after college, I am amazed at how many of my college friends have moved home in the intervening 15 years (many after having kids). Lots and lots of people moved away for 15-20 years, then eventually found their way back home at some point in their 30s.
This is very understandable. I have always lived nearby my parents.
Before I had DD it was like "Oh, how nice, I can see them once a month or so."
Now that I have DD, I CANNOT GET ENOUGH of my parents. I want them at my house or (even better) DD at their house as much as humanly possible. I seriously wish they were 5 minutes away instead of 30.
Post by turtlegirl on Jan 14, 2015 12:32:11 GMT -5
Distance has never been a factor in my mind about where my kids will go to college.
I'd love for them to go to my Alma matter just because it's an awesome school! It's about 2 hours away from where we love now.
I will let them know how far any college money we have saved will go at various state school and out of state schools, etc. But I also don't want that to be a limiting factor for them either.
I'm also not 100% pushy about college itself being the only option. I'm the first person in my family to go to college and DH did the military right out of high school and did most of the males in my family. So serving our country is also a big deal and we hope to instill that in our kids.
DH does hope they go to college first and then join as officers though.