NonParticipation

[rootbeerfloat]

I would probably go each week, try to get her out, but be OK if she just ends up watching. I would not be above bribery either.

We've had a few activity fails; sometimes they wound up liking the activity when they were older, sometimes not. 3 is pretty young, so you may need to try again in a year or two.

[kittycatlove]

Is this just ice skating? Are they in hockey gear?

We started DS in skating lessons in November. The first time he went out it was okay, until he fell. Then he refused to go back out. We tried for three more weeks with all sorts of bribes to no avail. I wasn't happy about quitting and the message it was sending, but he was truly miserable.

DH found a new learn to skate program, but it is specifically for hockey (for both boys and girls) and they are in full on hockey gear while learning to skate. We started last week, and though it took a bit to get DS on the ice it was worth it. He loved it, and even when he fell he didn't want to come off the ice. Hopefully this week goes goes well too.

Is there maybe something like this available to you? Or I've heard of some kids having their snow pants on while learning to skate to lessen the blow if they fall?

Good luck!

[kittycatlove]

That's a bummer.

I would try putting her in her snow pants as a cushion for when she falls. I know that is what freaked DS out the most. Maybe once she knows that it won't hurt to fall in her snow pants she'll enjoy it more.

[feistypants]

Could your DH try taking her to the rink during an open skate session? He could go on the ice with her and help make it a little more fun. When I taught figure skating, some of the kids were so freaked out by strangers and learning a new skill and an unfamiliar environment all at the same time that the best thing we could recommend was bringing them at a different time to get used to the setting.

Also, if she doesn't quite get there this year, there's plenty of time. My brother learned to skate at 4 and went on to play hockey until his freshman year of college.

ETA:  Could you get secondhand hockey pants for her?  And maybe biking elbow pads and knee pads?  If they'd let her wear those (and they surely should!), if DH takes her to a public skating session, he can help her fall down a couple of times to realize that she doesn't get hurt when she falls.  Also also, is she using figure skates or hockey skates?  I personally think it's easier to skate in hockey skates.  There's always the possibility that she'll go over the rocker part in the front or the back, but the toepick in the front of figure skates can absolutely screw things up for some kids.

[azurely]

Is she a perfectionist? Is she usually pretty good at things?

I was this way as a kid. Honestly, I still am to an extent :/ I was a smart kid and used to things coming pretty easily to me, so I just gave up when they were hard. Even now, if I'm not really good at something or better at it than most people, I lose interest and give up. It's not something I'm proud of and I'm trying to be less that way, but it's my natural inclination.

I read an article about this a while back actually, and apparently girls are more likely to be this way because they attribute success to natural talent, while boys tend to attribute their success to hard work. The article suggested using specific praise that focuses on effort instead of the outcome, like, "I like how you got up and kept trying on the ice tonight," instead of "you did so well skating tonight!"

[mlt]

I would probably make her go and sit and watch at least. We made DS1 participate in swimming (like physically dragged him into the pool) but that was partly because swimming is life or death and nonnegotiable for me.

[Deleted]

She's 3 right?
I honestly wouldn't push it. She just may not be interested. And if she's not interested/feels scared she might be embarrassed of what the other kids are saying (even though they probably aren't) or have a fear of falling.

Are you also sure she even has the coordination for all of that? DD is super coordinated at 3.5 but even I don't think she could handle skates just yet.

I'd take her back. Give her gentle encouragement. Tell her she can watch other kids from the sidelines to see what they're up to until she's more comfortable.

Is this an overall class of kids her age? If so, she's not the only kid doing this, I promise.

Also, I have never been big on group activities. I feel all awkward and shy. I don't like other people watching me. I feel like I'm letting everyone down all the time. I see a lot of that in DD too, so I'm trying to push her into more independent sports and activities.

[water*drop]

I used to teach Learn to Skate, and this is a super common thing. Does SHE want to learn to skate right now, or does your husband just want her to do it now? If she wants to do it right now, I'd suggest taking her to some public skate sessions (maybe some at off times so they're less crowded) to let her get used to being on the ice with somebody she knows, and I'd maybe see if the rink will let you defer to the next session. If it's just that your husband wants her to learn and figures now is as good a time as any, I'd suggest holding off until she's showing interest - it'll be so much easier when she really wants to do it herself. Along those lines, I'd probably let her pick the skates based on whatever she's interested in (if she loves watching hockey, go with hockey skates; if she loves watching figure skating, go with figure skates). I think it's easier to learn on figure skates, but I've taught kids to skate on both without any problems. I'd just follow her lead because she might be more motivated if she's wearing skates like the people she watches on TV.

[momof2boys]

Both of my boys play hockey and they both had trouble with learn to skate. My oldest son had begged to play hockey for two years before we let him try learn to skate so every time he'd get off the ice I would say, "if you want to play hockey you need to get out there and learn how to skate" and he'd go right back out.
My younger son has an anxiety disorder. He begged to do learn to skate b/c he wanted to play hockey, but just couldn't handle all the other kids and coaches. We tried two years in a row and it wasn't working. He would get upset, lay on the ice, not talk to the coaches etc. We ended up pulling him out both years and I ended up telling him if he really wanted to play hockey (he did) he had to learn to skate. So if he couldn't do a learn to skate class he needed to teach himself (I can't skate) and I would take him to public skating. He taught himself and I signed him up for the next learn to play hockey class. I honestly didn't think he'd get through the class, but he did!

Anyway, maybe your child isn't ready yet. Maybe try again next year ( I know it sucks to be out the money, I can't tell you how many things i've signed my son up for and he hasn't been able to do. I just hate to not give him the chance and sometimes he's surprises me. I just really don't want his anxiety to hold him back so always give him the chance).
I would probably just try going to some public skating or a local pond and get experience that way.

Also, my oldest was a quitter as well (which is why we made him beg for two years before we let him try hockey). Then he discovered hockey and became obsessed, sometimes it just takes awhile to find their passion
How old is your child?

[Redpoppy]

DS started lessons at 4.5. He used skates with no toe pick (adjustable size hockeyish ones). The first few lessons were rough for a lot of kids. Definitely have her wear snow pants. I think we might have put knee pads on him. Are the parents out there? We found it best to stay away. The teachers were a bit "sink or swim" but most kids could get up from falls and at least move by the second or third class.

Going to public skate definitely helps, plus it was nice bonding time for DH and DS (I don't skate). I do think it was easier having him get started in lessons. He also never skated leaning on things. He's 6 now and in a learn to play hockey program. I wasn't thrilled, but he's having blast. No teams yet, I'm not sure how I feel about it. DH wants him to have the skills to play if he wants to when he's older.

DS has gotten used to wearing pads. Last weekend they were skating on the pond without pads and after two falls DS said he wished he was wearing pads and he was definitely bringing them next time.

[stealthmom]

What do the instructors say? I would follow their advice.

[Redpoppy]

Do they offer walk on classes? We skipped the full sign up as walk on was $2 more a class. It meant some weekends we did the class, others free skate, and sometimes both. If DS wasn't in the mood we didn't go and weren't out money. With one instructor that sounds hard. The young class at ours has a few instructors and sometimes did one on one with with kids having a difficult time. The cost was similar $16 or $18 a class in HCOL.

ETA: Timeline-wise, DS wasn't good the first winter.  He could get up when he fell and skate slowly without needed to hold anyone's hand.  Second winter he could skate faster but mostly used one foot, could turn, and didn't fall too much.  This year we did hockey class instead of lessons and he's fast, using two feet, can make tight turns.  He's just starting to get the hand of stopping.

[iheartbanjos]

We had similar issues with our first swimming lesson with DD1.

We did stay to watch the whole class and then for the next class, I brought a wrapped gift with us and left it in the passenger seat in the car (it was a trinket from the dollar section at Target.) I told her that it was for her if she got in and participated through the whole class.

We had no problems after that, but I think I had to keep up the gift thing for maybe 6 classes. That was probably 40+ classes ago.

[minzy]

Signing in mostly to commiserate toriwc.  We just went through this with swimming.  I had my daughter (a few months older than yours, IIRC) signed up for a 5 week class, and she cried at least the last half of the class each time (did not want to put her face in the water).  I tried a few things - we switched to a class with a few other kids (the first one she happened to be alone with the instructor); I tried to encourage her to do really well with other elements of the class (putting her ear in, getting the pool toys, holding her breath) so we at least were getting something for going; I debated doubling down and doing a more intense mini-session (met twice a week for a few weeks instead of weekly), thinking that might get her over the hump.  I took her to the pool during open swim before making that decision, worked with her one on one, and it was clear as a bell to me that there was no way it was happening at this point.  It is frustrating for me because I really want her to know how to swim and I don't give up easily, but the timing isn't right and my kid isn't me.    

So we have decided to table it for now (but will revisit later).  There was one final lesson and she did not want to go, my husband did not think she should have to go, but since the swim lessons had been "my" thing, he deferred to me.  I told her that we had made a commitment and we needed to see if through, but would not sign up for more classes now.  She was okay with that and agreed to go, and we praised her for finishing it.  We have since moved on to karate (which she seems to like), and I don't think she's said the word "swim" since.  

[imojoebunny]

My son started with learn to skate Sam class when he was almost 4. He wasn't a huge fan. We let him take the next time off, then he wanted to do it again. He has been doing every other session ever since.

Honestly, I don't think it is productive to make a 4 year old finish everything, if they hate it and it is is suppose to be fun. It's not like it's a team and they will be down a player.

She might really like it at 6 or 7, but if her memory is horrible, she might not be even willing to try again.

[livinitup]

Is she 3 1/2? That seems young for a sport that does not come naturally or easily. SHe may benefit from waiting a year or two.

Last year, at age 5, I did skate lessons for DD. There was a lot of falling down and a lack of joy. She didn't walk off the ice, but she hugged the wall too much. She really needed an older buddy to hold hands and balance on the ice. I was going to do it, but an older skate-club girl volunteered. That was critical. I also put her in really thick snow pants. That helped keep her warm and helped with the padding. I would go on the ice with your DD before I quit the lessons.