Her more peripheral friends are telling me she's been incredibly self absorbed and entitled for years. I did not see this in her.
I don't doubt this at all. I've seen this happen with a friend of mine, "Sally". Twice now. People who are rude and condescending with quite a few of us, but with Sally- they have her on a pedestal and they treat her differently. Sally clued in with one friend but she's still in the dark with the other and defends her.
People can very much show different sides of themselves as it appeases them.
When she left all her crap in her house that she sold to Bob, did Bob not tell her that kind of sucked? And that he was disposing of it?
When she mentioned her plans of leaving all her crap (or left it all) did no one mention to her that they thought Bob had no intention of holding on to it for her, he was going to either keep it or dispose of it?
Why has no one mentioned/discussed any of this before with her. Her behavior is bizarre to say the least, but it seems like many of the friends/aquaintances are not really giving her any real feedback either.
And re: her wanting to move the party to Bob's/her old house: wouldn't it come up naturally that Bob is not attending the party? And thus unlikely to host it?
I feel like discussing any of these issues in advance of the party might reduce the chances of a major shitshow…
She doesn't really sound mentally ill to me, she sounds like an asshole. SueSue, I think if this were someone else on the board, you would tell them to distance themself from her.
This is where I'm vacillating. It's possible she's both. Either way, I felt like what I was attempting was a more gentle lowering of expectations, but I can see where the best of my intentions may beI'm fucking this up. Sigh.
I agree. You're not helping her.
So are still going ahead with the party without her being there? Or do you think she'll show?
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
Post by Jalapeñomel on Jan 18, 2015 14:56:46 GMT -5
I don't understand moving into a place that was left a mess. What did your friend do about it?
If I buy a home, and the old homeowner leaves all heir stuff in it, it's my responsibility to move it? If not, can I sue the old homeowner for the cost of removal?
So her husband died four months prior? If she has started this 14 months ago and he passes 18 months ago.
Is it possible she kind of snapped after his death? She sounds mentally ill, like she thought she could escape life for awhile and come back to it when she dealt with her life. Not understanding that she can't.
Is she on the spectrum? Has she always been like this?
I swear to god, I thought this the other day. She's not been this way that I have seen. She has been this way with others, I am finding out. Her dh died about 18 months ago, and I am beginning to think he was her social filter/buffer, and now he's gone, people are seeing who she actually is.
I was wondering about this when you made the comment about her making a million different plans that always change. My mom has been kind of like this since my dad died a year ago. A year prior to that, she was forced to retire fully to take care of him full time, and his poor health had been the focus of her life for many years before that. She's a bit like a boat adrift at sea with no anchor now.
The difference is, she kept her work network intact and can go back to picking up work on a contract basis as she wants (even though she's now 73, she's still somewhat in demand in her industry). She kept her social network intact, and even though she knew that she was going to want to downsize the house, she has waited a year before making the first moves to do that. It sounds like your friend made a number of very rash decisions very soon after her husband's death. She's probably going to find it difficult to bounce back from her actions.
I vote it sounds like she has asshole tendencies which are being exacerbated by her grief and fallout from decisions she shouldn't have made when she did. You are a good friend to stick by her as you have.
"You. You and your crazy life. You and your geographic anomaly. You and your drunken lesbianic ways and terrible navigational skills." - ProfArt and her holy baby
When she left all her crap in her house that she sold to Bob, did Bob not tell her that kind of sucked? And that he was disposing of it?
When she mentioned her plans of leaving all her crap (or left it all) did no one mention to her that they thought Bob had no intention of holding on to it for her, he was going to either keep it or dispose of it?
Why has no one mentioned/discussed any of this before with her. Her behavior is bizarre to say the least, but it seems like many of the friends/aquaintances are not really giving her any real feedback either.
And re: her wanting to move the party to Bob's/her old house: wouldn't it come up naturally that Bob is not attending the party? And thus unlikely to host it?
I feel like discussing any of these issues in advance of the party might reduce the chances of a major shitshow…
EIther way: have lots of booze and cake on hand!
to the "before" - Why is it ANYone else's responsbility, though? Plus- she told Bob to do what he wanted. Then SHE went "off the grid" and wasn't in contact for months. Why is it Bob's or anyone else's responsbility to tell her "you sold your house and all the stuff in it. It's not yours anymore"?
I don't disagree, though, that it might be a good idea for someone to tell her "um, bob got rid of most of your stuff" instead of waiting for the drama to happen.
When she left all her crap in her house that she sold to Bob, did Bob not tell her that kind of sucked? And that he was disposing of it?
When she mentioned her plans of leaving all her crap (or left it all) did no one mention to her that they thought Bob had no intention of holding on to it for her, he was going to either keep it or dispose of it?
Why has no one mentioned/discussed any of this before with her. Her behavior is bizarre to say the least, but it seems like many of the friends/aquaintances are not really giving her any real feedback either.
And re: her wanting to move the party to Bob's/her old house: wouldn't it come up naturally that Bob is not attending the party? And thus unlikely to host it?
I feel like discussing any of these issues in advance of the party might reduce the chances of a major shitshow…
EIther way: have lots of booze and cake on hand!
to the "before" - Why is it ANYone else's responsbility, though? Plus- she told Bob to do what he wanted. Then SHE went "off the grid" and wasn't in contact for months. Why is it Bob's or anyone else's responsbility to tell her "you sold your house and all the stuff in it. It's not yours anymore"?
I don't disagree, though, that it might be a good idea for someone to tell her "um, bob got rid of most of your stuff" instead of waiting for the drama to happen.
I think a big part of the falling out before she left was that people, including SueSue, DID tell her, in many ways over and over and she ignored it all, made well informed BAD decisions and is now STILL puttering around clueless.
Post by missmaddie on Jan 18, 2015 17:17:38 GMT -5
Is she financially secure, as you mentioned, as a result of her husband passing, or has she been living in la la land with no responsibilities her whole life? I feel like only Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie on their old show would be clueless enough to expect to go back to their old house and look around their old closets for their items that the new owner was just living around.
[quote author="ECB" source="/post/8417827/thread" to the "before" - Why is it ANYone else's responsbility, though? Plus- she told Bob to do what he wanted. Then SHE went "off the grid" and wasn't in contact for months. Why is it Bob's or anyone else's responsbility to tell her "you sold your house and all the stuff in it. It's not yours anymore"?
I don't disagree, though, that it might be a good idea for someone to tell her "um, bob got rid of most of your stuff" instead of waiting for the drama to happen. [/quote]
Oh, i see your point - i never meant that it was anyone else's responsibility per se - i just find it a bit strange that with all this bananas behaviour, it seems strange that no one is calling her out on it. If I bought a house (from a friend no less) and it was still full of their crap upon getting the deed - I'd confront them about it.
It just sounds like she is going around acting crazy, but no one is telling her and so she continues to be oblivious.
But i might have misunderstood - i didnt realize quite how off the grid she had gone, and that Sue had already confronted her about stuff.
what I think is going to happen is, very few people are going to come. And she's going to be terribly hurt.
SueSue, if you think no one is going to come and she's going to be hurt, why are you throwing this party? I feel like you are enjoying this too much. You are playing at being a good "friend" to her, but I don't think so. I think if you were really a good friend, you'd try to help her rather than watch the train wreck and enjoy the show.
I feel like if anyone else on the board were doing this you'd call them out on it. I think you are lacking self awareness in this situation, you are still pissed at your friend and you can't wait to see her crash and burn.