Having friends over & them leaving

[vanillacourage]

When you have friends over, or are the friends at someone's house, what cues do you take as when you should head out?

On the spur of the moment some friends came over last night for pizza and playing cards. I thought it would be a quick visit, they treated it like it was a Friday or Saturday. Personally I was surprised as if it were me at a friend's house on a weeknight and they started putting their kids to bed, doing laundry for the next day, making bottles for daycare, etc I would take it as my cue to leave. Maybe I am being weird?

[thedash]

Yes those are all good signs that it's time to go!

[315bride]

It depends on how close I am with the friends. I have several friends who use this time to chat with me. So, they'll need to get a few things done but want me to stay a bit longer just to chat. In some cases, I stay even after all the other guests leave if there were other people over too.

But I mostly keep friends who would have no problem telling me that I have to go and vice versa.

[HoneySpider]

I think for some people, no matter how many cues you give, they just don't get it. We had a friend who used to come over and it was so hard to get him to leave - we'd be doing other things, if it was late I'd actually go to bed, stuff like that. We liked hanging out with him, but also hated it for this reason.

I definitely think that if the hosts are doing stuff other than hanging out with the guests, it's a definite sign to leave.

[noodleoo]

That's annoying! I don't know, but I am *horrible* at leaving places. I don't know what it is, but I am always the last one to stay even thought sometimes I *want* to leave. I like feel guilty or something about leaving and I can never figure out when a good break in conversation or activity is to leave. I have told my friends to just be blunt and tell me bc otherwise, I'm afraid I'll offend them by seeming like I want to leave too early.

I know it is weird. I have put H in charge of figuring this out for me because I just suck at it.

[bliss]

I think it depends on the level of friend. Some friends I would have left. Other friends would have put me to work, or used that time to talk or whatever.

I typically don't have people over unless they are really good friends. Not that many of my friends know where I live.

[winnied]

I don't have kids but I don't usually kick people out until I'm tired or it's really late. I think your cues were appropriate/clear enough, though.

[LauraMoser]

One of FIL's favorite quotes is "Well, D, let's go to bed so these folks can go home!"

[rex]

When it's anyone with kids, I go by the kid's cues. For example, when I hang out with my nieces, I leave when they need to go down for a nap or go to bed.

Other than that I just look for lulls and leave. I never want to be that annoying person that stays when it's time to go. Most of my friends are also good at this.

[raangoli]

Aug 6, 2012 15:24:35 GMT -5 noodleoo said:

That's annoying! I don't know, but I am *horrible* at leaving places. I don't know what it is, but I am always the last one to stay even thought sometimes I *want* to leave. I like feel guilty or something about leaving and I can never figure out when a good break in conversation or activity is to leave. I have told my friends to just be blunt and tell me bc otherwise, I'm afraid I'll offend them by seeming like I want to leave too early.

I know it is weird. I have put H in charge of figuring this out for me because I just suck at it.

Haha, I thought I was the only one this happened to! Although, if I put MH in charge, we'd never actually go anywhere. Or we'd leave 5 minutes after we got there.

For parties and the like, I usually wait for someone else to go, then I take the opportunity to say that I/we are going to head out, too. I still have to figure out a good way to leave a friend's house when it's just us. But if I can see they are doing other things, then I would definitely take the cue and leave.

[mbcdefg]

We have the same two couples over all the time (or we visit them), and we're all really close so nobody's shy about saying that they want to wrap things up.

But, yes, if they started getting ready for the next day or getting ready for bed, then I'd absolutely leave at that point.

[Ashley&Scott]

Those are all cues to head home in my book.

[Deleted]

I actually told my fil I would call the cops if he didn't get out of my house once. So yeah I here ya.

[Deleted]

When I really want someone to leave I say something like "well, I better get ready for bed!" or something like that.

[Deleted]

If it is my friend, I expect him or her just to tell me to go home. Some people get tired of company after an hour, some it takes all night.

If I want people to go, I'm just straightforward.

[BNL2]

I am so bad about figuring this out. My friends aren't too great at it either. Usually, I tell my friends that I'm really tired in hopes that they'll get the hint. It typically works.

[sept508]

When I was pregnant, H often had a few friends over who had no idea when to leave. I'd pick up from our meal and activities, set out my things for the morning, put on pj's, etc and they'd still be there. I often went to bed with them still there. The really awkward part - our only bathroom access was through the bedroom so I'd have to do a last call for the bathroom when I was ready to crash. Seriously, what isn't a better clue?

[macmars45]

I just tell my friends I'm kicking them out because I'm going to bed. Only once did I go to bed and H stayed up hanging out with them. Never again because they were so loud I couldn't sleep (small apartment, party of one here).

[explorer2001]

If I ever have to press, as host I'll say something like its getting late. Usually that is clue enough. If not, I follow with I really should be getting to bed I have to be at work early. I've had people hang out while I do dishes but usually they get it and leave when I'm done.

[sporky]

we very rarely get together with friends on a weekday evening, so i guess that's doesn't really come up. but personally, i would never stay past 9:30 or so and i don't think most of my friends would either.

[aspentosh]

If it were me, I would have taken those as a serious cue to go home.

It depends on the friends, but most of the time we are on the same page and "it's about time to go" or "we should put DD to bed" is all it takes.

[Wines Not Whines]

We had some friends over a few weeks ago, and it got to the point where DH was upstairs putting our son to bed, I was in the kitchen cleaning up, and our friends were still hanging out. Then I finished cleaning and went upstairs to check on DH. He was in bed, asleep. I came downstairs to try to usher our friends out the door. They kept saying they were on their way out, but they just wouldn't leave. I was tempted to change into my PJs and tell them I was going to bed and they could lock up on their way out.

[mrssavy42112]

Like others have said, it depends on the person. Those that I’m super close to, I usually stay later & may even help with some of those chores. Then again, I am also better at gauging their reactions & can tell when they want us to leave. For those I don’t know well, I try to base it off what others do.

[Deleted]

Those are all cues for me to leave. But my sis comes over on Sunday nights all the time and stays forever even if I put the baby to bed and start making bottles for tomorrow.

The last time she did it two weeks ago. I said I am going upstairs to bed and I left her watching tv downstairs. She let herself out abotu 20 mins later.

She mentioned something about wanting to watch the end of the show. I was pissed!

[beaver12]

Ugh. My SIL and her family are awful about this. They stayed until 11pm the night we came home from the hospital with DS. I wanted to kill them.