DD buying things for her friends

[Monarch]

DD1 is 6 years old, in grade 1. she gets $4/week for allowance.

Her school has recently started selling treats at lunch. Typically $2 for a big Popsicle. This week, she asked to bring money to school to buy said treat. The problem is, that in 2 days of treats, she has bought Popsicles for 3 of her friends.

I talked to her about how sharing is good, but she shouldn't be buying her friends things, and that she has spent 2 weeks of her allowance in as many days. She burst into tears and said she liked sharing with her friends.

WWYD? Only allow her to bring enough to school for one treat? Or le her waste her allowance as she sees fit? She won't run out of money for a long time because she's been a money hoarder up until this point.

They had popcorn in the winter and DD's friends would share with her. I am not sure if it's the same friends she's buying for now.

[Brie]

I don't see why this is a bad thing at all. I think it's sweet that she's buying things for her friends with her money.

[pugz]

hmm, yeah i would also worry that she is trying to buy their friendship, girls are mean and have weird dynamics.

[nonsenseabound]

I would ask her why she liked to share and go on that route some more. Maybe that will help get to whether it's buying friends or maybe she feels like her friends have bought her things in the past and she wants to share. Who knows.

[vanillacourage]

I might ask the teacher what her feeling is on the dynamic between the girls. If they're just friends, I'd let it go. It's sweet of your DD to want to share and it sounds like they've shared with her in the past. If the teacher says that the other girls are "mean girls" and your DD is a bit on the outside, then you'll know there's more than simple generosity at play and can handle it accordingly.

[keh2oblue]

I get where you'd be concerned about "buying friendships." I'm not sure what I'd do. On the one hand, it's nice that she wants to treat her friends, but it's another if they're taking advantage. Is there a way to ask her if her friends also share their treats with her to see if the "niceness" is reciprocated. Or maybe ask her teacher what the relationship is with the other kids?

[Monarcg]

Thanks. I am not worried about her buying friendships at this point. The 3 kids in question are her real friends. But I also belive that none of them get money for school and don't reciprocate. I worry about other kids asking her as well.

She asked me to stop sending fruit tummies in her lunch because she ended up giving them all away to kids who asked her to share.

[Sxia]

Sounds like she needs to learn about setting boundaries. My daughter is the one who is often on the taking popsicles end. She has gotten headbands from her friends, and has gotten snacks out of the machine from friends. The day I gave her some $$ for the snack machine and told her I expected her to not spend it all (I gave her a $5 and wanted change back.) She of course, bought some for her and some for her friends.

I have gone up to her friends and told her "You don't have to give your headbands to Samantha. You can share and borrow, but I don't want you to get in trouble or your mom to have to keep buying headbands for you when they just go to someone else." Now they will trade headbands and necklaces and gloves in the winter, but I make sure they get them back the next day.

Give her something to say so that she's not being mean for not sharing, but knows how to balance it so she can keep what is hers.