This is amazing and awful at the same time. I am sorry it went so awful, but it is amazing how you are a united front with your dad.
I was taught at a young age that just because they are your relatives, doesn't make them family and just because they aren't related to you, doesn't mean they cannot be your family.
Those people you call your brothers can go fuck themselves right off with a quickness. Hoo lee shit.
When your father (who sounds lovely and a good dad to you, BTW) does change his will, see if he will give you a copy of it. I don't trust those shitslices you call brothers not to try to get their hands on it after he dies and try to destroy it.
You are a good person, I'm sorry you had to deal with that!
I don't know too much about this, I know he has a personal lawyer who he said will only work on his behalf and not for us kids as the executor? And his husband and I are his medical powers of attorney already.
I would like to have a copy of his will, and know where his life insurance details and other accounts are, because it seems important to know. I am sure, however, his husband has this information so I am not sure if I should ask for it. My dad is so well organised though I would be surprised if he didn't offer the it voluntarily.
Might be worth it to ask your dad and see what he thinks, given the language barrier with the husband
I would definitely ask to have a copy of the will, and life insurance details. Especially due to the language barrier with his husband. Things will be even more ugly (I am assuming) and you need to be prepared to handle your father's final wishes. And to make sure his H isn't taken advantage of by other family members.
I would definitely ask to have a copy of the will, and life insurance details. Especially due to the language barrier with his husband. Things will be even more ugly (I am assuming) and you need to be prepared to handle your father's final wishes. And to make sure his H isn't taken advantage of by other family members.
Yes, you want to have your ducks in a row prior to his passing. There's nothing worse than not knowing what to do after the end comes. It's heartbreaking.
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
Wow. How awful for your Dad to have his children treat him that way- I'm glad he has your support. I can't even touch the "she's not even blood comment"- just that I'm sorry they were so shitty to you.
Post by MixedBerryJam on Jan 26, 2015 15:58:56 GMT -5
This sounds almost like it couldn't have gone worse for you or your father. I'm so, so sorry your brothers and their spouses are POSs. I'm glad your father has you and his husband.
My heart hurts for your niece(s) and nephew(s), too. What a loss all around. I'm sorry it didn't go the way your dad hoped it would; maybe your brothers will come around someday, before it's too late for them to apologize.
The meeting went kind of like you anticipated, didn't it? I'm sorry your brothers and especially your sil were such jerks!
Just want to add that your dad is so fortunate to have you as a daughter. Your love and concern about his welfare shines through. The rest of his "family" must be a huge sadness for him. Glad he has you and his husband.
Thanks for the support everyone. My brothers are assholes, but I feel sorry for them. They missed the last years of my mothers life (she had leukemia for years) with their selfish attitudes, and now they will miss dads.
Is it ironic that I am the only adopted child? They brought that up a lot. She's not even blood! Why should SHE get anything??
Ugh, Ridiculous.
I would kill.
My sister (the Christian school-teacher one, mind you) tried to have my brother's three adopted children not counted in the will. "Well, they weren't named in the will." Well dear, neither were yours. So I guess mine get the majority of the loot, right? When she realized that she backtracked because she had no leg to stand on. This was after she and my other sister (the Christian nurse one) tried to have the money split by number of grandchildren (us) rather than number of greats (the kids) which would have given them twice as much as mine and three times as much as my brothers' kids. I shut that down just as fast. I wish I could have shut down the jewelry thing as easily.
My grandson is adopted (the girls have an older brother) and anyone that tells me he is not my grandson has a furious me to deal with. My aunt left him out of the memorial for my uncle (not the one that died recently but the other uncle) saying "well, he was adopted so he's not family any more." It was a good thing that it was her husband that had passed so I could let it go. That was the only time that I've let an "adopted isn't family" get away with it.
Love and caring is stronger than blood. You and your brothers prove that point. You deserve it all, despite your lack of blood, and they deserve nothing because they are his blood and still repudiate him. They are lucky he is their father and loves them despite their lack of care for him.
Talk to your dad. See if he can leave a copy of the will with his attorney, as well as other relevant documentation in a safety deposit box to hold important information (will, finances, POA, etc.) and a key with his husband or with you. Nothing at the house for brothers to find.
Didn't anyone teach those mother fuckers that you get more flies with honey than shit? Their behavior is ridiculous and uncalled for. Sorry you are dealing with all of this.
Post by sapphireblue on Jan 26, 2015 20:50:50 GMT -5
They sound like terrible people. In a twisted way I am glad that they so clearly showed how awful they are. I mean, I wish it hadn't gone so badly but....I hope my sentiment makes sense. I hope your father leaves everything to his H and then to you and nothing to them.
My heart hurts for you with that not even blood comment. I am also adopted. A comment like that would cut me to the core. I gasped out loud when I read that.
Post by missmaddie on Jan 26, 2015 22:14:29 GMT -5
Ugh. I am so sorry this is going on and they are auxh raging assholes. I think it was smart of your dad to tackle now though.
I know it's going to be ugly when my parents pass, and my dad has made sure my step-brothers (my "step-dad", Dad to me, adopted me at 5 when my parents married) don't get as much as they expect. My dad is adamant none of it go to their mom via them, and their wives treat my mom and I like shit, so they have put copies of letters and emails SIL wrote with the will at their lawyer's. I am sure my mom's and my status in the family will come up though (even though they've already been married 25+ years). And I am dreading being the one to deal with all of them when I am otherwise busy grieving and making arrangements.
So yeah, not to make it about me, but I get how hurtful family can be, I'm outraged about their adopted comment, and I hope your dad being so proactive is helpful for you and his husband down the road.