nailbiter's post was about her crisis of faith when her husband died unexpectedly, leaving behind a wife, a 4yo, and a 7 week old. scar's response was, "You don't know what depression feels like until your husband finds you on your knees wishing you were dead." Worse that not being helpful, her response was hurtful. She did go through something major, and I'll even go so far at as to say that the experience likely permanently changed her. I wish her the best, too, but really, I think she needs resources she cannot find here.
Maybe. I'm not really upset about this. I just read it with a lot less annoyance, that's all. I know that different personalities/responses are going to affect people differently.
Also, she had reached out to me in a pm, because she felt sad the other day about how she is perceived. It's obvious she's struggling. I hope you feel better, Scar.
I have my stuff that annoys me here, I get it. No big whoop.
I don't really think it was a difference of personality. It was a consistent lack of self awareness and responsibility. The "I know you went through this, but mine was worse" thing was a constant with her and it was exhausting.
THIS. It was pretty clear that she was just using the thread to post a general PSA to ML about how we don't know her lyfe. As if no one else has gone through depression or debilitating medical conditions. It just pisses me off that she couldn't stop herself for a second to see how heartbroken the OP was. That kind of self-centered behaviour blows my mind.
And this might be flameful, but in my experience, people who have that kind of lack of perspective have it in good health or not.
I agree. And sadly a byproduct of this tendency is the inevitable "boy who cried wolf" type scenario even when the person legitimately could use the support and understanding/compassion of those around them. Exhausting people exhaust their friends and family, unfortunately to their own detriment.
I can't even begin to imagine how she must feel and I truly hope she finds a good support system. A message board, while potentially supportive, cannot be the only source of said support.
Eta: like @scottydeux, I feel for her, but I think it's probably time for her to take a step back from the board. She's obviously not getting what she needs here so hopefully a break will do her some good.
I don't really think it was a difference of personality. It was a consistent lack of self awareness and responsibility. The "I know you went through this, but mine was worse" thing was a constant with her and it was exhausting.
So maybe it was a personality thing.
Girl, you just made me feel like I'm a little bit drunk.
Post by usuallylurking on Jan 27, 2015 17:48:28 GMT -5
Let's not forget that just a few days ago she was asking for details about "what other people thought" in regards to the fire in Connecticut. She has a serious lack of self awareness, which I don't think comes solely from brain surgery. She also seems fairly unable to express sincere empathy, and when she has the chance to do so she instead turns to "I didn't mean to be so daft, nobody knows what I've gone through, etc etc." I think this is a personality deficiency, not a brain surgery side effect.
That's as close to actually being nice as we have in these parts!
Ha, that is true. That is why I can't stop dramatically leaving and returning. ML is like that gooey s'more that you accidentally dropped in the campfire ash. You have to eat it anyway.
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
I've always steered clear of her posts, before and after Timmy but my issue is that she felt the need to put a disclaimer on her post which meant that she read it and realized that it might be in poor taste. If you reply to a post about such a sensitive subject and feel the need to have a disclaimer you should re think posting.
"You. You and your crazy life. You and your geographic anomaly. You and your drunken lesbianic ways and terrible navigational skills." - ProfArt and her holy baby
I'll be honest, I don't understand the hate. I haven't read many of her posts--she seems like someone who is going through something pretty major. This may not be the best place for her, but I hope she stands her ground and posts here if she wants to/when she feels better.
nailbiter's post was about her crisis of faith when her husband died unexpectedly, leaving behind a wife, a 4yo, and a 7 week old. scar's response was, "You don't know what depression feels like until your husband finds you on your knees wishing you were dead." Worse that not being helpful, her response was hurtful. She did go through something major, and I'll even go so far at as to say that the experience likely permanently changed her. I wish her the best, too, but really, I think she needs resources she cannot find here.
I couldn't agree with this more.
At the same time, I wonder if her inappropriate posts are a symptoms of the tumor/surgery. Weird things can happen to a person's personality and ability to act appropriately in society when major changes are made to the brain, and a lot of the way the brain works is as of now not yet understood.
ETA: I realize some people have expressed their doubt, but I know from working with clients who have had traumatic brain injuries that they can vary so much. Every part of the brain is responsible for unique processes and controls different functions. I'm not convinced that one tumor survivor can be compared to another.
Man, Scaronabreak has done some fucked up shit. Including leaving her dogs behind when her husband's job relocated them. But this . . . She should take a break. If you're impaired to the point that you think a post about a deceased husband is an appropriate place to extol your own sadness, time to shut the fuck up and take some time for reflection.
...Weird things can happen to a person's personality and ability to act appropriately in society when major changes are made to the brain, and a lot of the way the brain works is as of now not yet understood.
... Every part of the brain is responsible for unique processes and controls different functions. I'm not convinced that one tumor survivor can be compared to another.
Absolutely. My h had brain tumors, and it was crazy, the changes we saw in him. One of his tumors was in the part of the brain that controlled impulses, and sometimes I had to keep an eye on him like he was a toddler. Heck, I had bells on the doorknobs so I could keep him inside.. A friend of ours with a similar tumor but in a different spot was able to continue teaching high school for months, and only needed a cane to help him walk. Similar brain tumors can present completely differently in two people.
I only for through a few pages but I'm pretty firm in the "she really needs some serious help" camp. She shouldn't come back if this place isn't healthy for her, for whatever reason. Something about her posts make me uneasy...like you can feel the depression.
I'm here and I was about to type this when she was still around yesterday but got sidetracked. It really bothered me the fact that her state affected other hurting people and I can't deny I gasped. But really, GO GET HELP! You need it!
Post by gretchenindisguise on Jan 28, 2015 9:25:28 GMT -5
Didn't she have her frontal lobes impacted by the surgery? I think people are really underestimating how important those are in regulating all of the things people are upset with her about.
That said, I think due to that, a break from here is probably the most healthy thing she can do for herself.