Daycare moms: Would this bother you?

[Blue Moon]

So I have two questions. I'm trying to decide if I'm being unreasonable as a first time mom, or if this is something to be legitimately concerned about.

1. One of the women who works in the infant room with my daughter is a smoker. I saw her smoking in her car this morning before coming in to work. When I handed my daughter to her, she smelled of smoke. Of course I'd prefer my daughter not smell of smoke, but I don't know if I should bring this up to the director or not. I don't want to 'tattle' on the worker, but I really don't think a woman who works with infants all day should be smoking. Can the director even ask her not to smoke? WWYD?

2. I posted before about Brooke's struggle with napping, and it's even worse at daycare. I know it takes time to adjust as it's only been a little less than a month so I'm trying to be patient. However, I left instructions for her to nap in her crib, in the sleepsack I provided. Several times I've picked her up and she's been asleep in either a swing, or bouncer in the middle of the chaos. (The cribs are in a separate area that's more conducive to napping.) She's not been in her sleepsack and has had a pacifier in her mouth, which we do not use for sleeping. I feel like it's going to be even harder for her to nap if she's just allowed to fall asleep wherever she is. How should I address this?

[mlt]

1. YES. It would bother me so much I would be looking elsewhere. I wouldn't let my own cousin hold my babies because he smokes. No way am I paying someone to care for them while covered in smoke.

2. That would bother me less. She might just be totally worn out and fell asleep in the middle of playing. I wouldn't expect them to try to keep her awake during the chaos that is pick up time.

[Deleted]

With number 1, I don't think there is a whole lot you can do. I know at H's school, they ask if the teachers are going smoke, they where thick jackets and take them off before they enter the building. But it would definitely bother me too.

With number 2, I would just keep reminding them. At 4 months, DS still just fell asleep a lot of different places, so even if he took designated naps in his crib, if they put him in a swing for a couple of minutes he would just fall asleep. I would just be honest. Tell them you are struggling with her napping, and you would prefer her on the floor playing or in her crib. If you don't mention it, they're going to take it as you're okay with it.

[chickens987]

1) yes, this would bother me.

2) would not bother me at all. babies get tired and they fall asleep. I actually think it's good for her to be able to sleep in different situations.

[djc315]

1 would be an issue that I would bring up.

2 - eh, unless it has some negative effect on her napping at home, I would let it go

[boxerdog]

1. HELL yes I would bring that up. At a minimum she needs to change clothes and wash her hands. I would hope that they could tell her to not smoke on the premises (incl. in the car). I can't imagine any of the other parents would be ok with this either.

2. Using a paci that I didn't bring would bother me, but not the rest of it. Sometimes I don't even want to put DS in a sleep sack when he is tired/asleep because I don't want to disturb him. My DS also had a hard time sleeping in the crib at daycare, and slept in the swing for a long time. It did not bother me.

[pinotgrig]

1. This would bother me immensely. I'm the least confrontational person ever and I would have talked to the director immediately.

2. This would bother me less but I would still try to remind them about your wishes. Ask questions every day about how they dealt with naps that day. I find that G does things at daycare sleep wise he never does for me at home, so I try to keep that in mind, too.

[ECB]

1- yes, this would bother me.

2- You have to let this one go. Kids act differently at daycare than they do at home often times. But past that- they may very well be trying to abide by your wishes, but if there is a set nap time and if your DD isn't sleeping then, they may have no choice but to let her crash later. meaning- if the cribs are in a different area, there may be an actual teacher to child ratio problem where ONE teacher can't leave to be with your DD and leave the other teacher alone w/ the rest of the kids.

[Deleted]

1 would bother me, but there are likely limits to what they can force an employee to do/not do when she's not on the clock. I would speak to her or the director about washing hands/changing clothes. It's a drawback of a centre - you don't choose the specific person caring for your kid.

2 wouldn't bother me, really.

[gerberdaisy]

1) This would really bother me. I have a hard enough time with family members that smoke and want to hold her, I do not want to pay someone who smells like smoke. I'd probably ask the director what their policy is on teachers who smoke and see what they can do. Wash hands, have a jacket or something they take off outside of the room. I hate to say this because it seems like something that is said too often, but this could be a dealbreaker for me with the daycare.

2)Napping is tough, the first month of daycare is really tough. We had something similar how when we would go to pick her up she was always in a bouncer. after being all worried that was what she did all day and us complaining to eachother (not to daycare), turns out it was just the transition period and now she is much better about napping in the crib and playing on the floor.

I'd ask them questions when you pick her up about how she did napping in the crib and see how they respond.

[h]

1) Yes, and I would raise hell about it and leave over it if necessary.

2) No.

[glitzy07]

1. Absolutely would raise hell about it. It was one of the very first questions I asked our daycare provider when we interviewed her. I didn't want anyone in the household to be a smoker and it would have been a deal breaker for me for sure.

2. Agree with others that this is less of a worry, but I totally understand caring about it as a FTM because I would have too. I think I would remind them what you would prefer and keep doing so in hopes that it sticks.

[zarapipe]

1- yes. I would speak to the director.

2- with DD1 yes it would bother me. Now with dd2- nope. I just let it go. Some babies are crappy sleepers at DC and that's just how it is. With dd2 I don't even ask how she naps because I know it probably isn't good. They are trying to transition her to the crib to the swing. If the teacher brings up that she napped a lot or was a good sleeper that day I'll talk about it but otherwise I don't even pay attention to how she naps.

[spk926]

Jan 28, 2015 9:09:29 GMT -5 deej said:

I would not leave my child with a smoker. We are asked every doctor appointment if he's around smokers because it's that big of a deal under a year. Casual contact with a relative he doesn't see often bothers me, but someone who takes care of him for hours a day would be a dealbreaker. I should probably add that he has some lingering lung issues from his prematurity.

Yep, this. And my child doesn't even have any lingering lung issues.

I would raise hell over it. Not okay!

[Deleted]

No need to address issue 2 because I would find a new center immediately due to issue number 1. Smoking is a total deal breaker.

[Deleted]

Infants need to be held more than the older kids. A smoker in the infant room is absolutely a huge deal to me, a smoker elsewhere would still bother me enough to say something.

So yes, raise hell.

(I have no input on napping).

[Deleted]

1. I would wage a war. And I'm not much of a war rager when it comes to daycare. I'd be upset.
2. I'd let go. My kids do the complete opposite things at daycare in regard to sleep than they do at home. You just have to learn that what works in one place doesn't work in another. I trust my DCP to do what she can, that she's doing the best she can and realize I need to cut her some slack because my kids aren't the only ones who need her attention. Your DCP is not you so things will be different.

[bowies]

As others have said, the first would bother me and I would address it with the director. If they knowingly hired a smoker to be in the infant room then I would seriously wonder about their judgment and look for a new place.

The second wouldn't bother me. DS was a crappy napper at 4 months no matter where he was. Things started to gel closer to 6 months and he's banging out 2-3 hour naps in the crib at daycare. Give this one some time.

[dottyblue]

1. This would be a deal-breaker for me if the director is not responsive. I would take it to the director and if there is no change in the next week I would be looking for a new daycare.

2. Kids nap completely differently at daycare than they do at home. This wouldn't bother me at all as long as my LO was getting sleep.

[BAMFMrsB]

Jan 28, 2015 9:47:05 GMT -5 freshsqueezed said:

No need to address issue 2 because I would find a new center immediately due to issue number 1. Smoking is a total deal breaker.

agreed. It's called "Third-hand smoke" and it is a real danger to children:

www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/adult-health/expert-answers/third-hand-smoke/faq-20057791

Thirdhand smoke is generally considered to be residual nicotine and other chemicals left on a variety of indoor surfaces by tobacco smoke. This residue is thought to react with common indoor pollutants to create a toxic mix. This toxic mix of thirdhand smoke contains cancer-causing substances, posing a potential health hazard to nonsmokers who are exposed to it, especially children.

Studies show that thirdhand smoke clings to hair, skin, clothes, furniture, drapes, walls, bedding, carpets, dust, vehicles and other surfaces, even long after smoking has stopped. Infants, children and nonsmoking adults may be at risk of tobacco-related health problems when they inhale, ingest or touch substances containing thirdhand smoke. Thirdhand smoke is a relatively new concept, and researchers are still studying its possible dangers.

Thirdhand smoke residue builds up on surfaces over time and resists normal cleaning. Thirdhand smoke can't be eliminated by airing out rooms, opening windows, using fans or air conditioners, or confining smoking to only certain areas of a home. In contrast, secondhand smoke is the smoke and other airborne products that come from being close to burning tobacco products, such as cigarettes.

The only way to protect nonsmokers from thirdhand smoke is to create a smoke-free environment, whether that's your private home or vehicle, or in public places, such as hotels and restaurants.

[Blue Moon]

Ugh, ok thanks for the confirmation that I'm not being unreasonable about number 1. I hate confrontation but it's clear I need to address this. FWIW, DD has been there for ~a month with this same woman and I never noticed DD smelling like smoke before. The worker must have been changing clothes or not smoking before work if she hasn't smelled before this morning, I don't know. I will talk to the director at pick up.

[londoncalling]

The smoking would be a huge, huge issue to me. HUGE.

Our daycare does a pretty good job of moving the babies relatively soon if they fall asleep in a bouncer, swing, or the highchair. I'd be most concerned about not being in the crib than the sleepsack or the pacifier. In fact, the pacifier may help ease the transition into the crib while she's asleep.

[catsarecute]

I would NOT be okay with a smoker working closely with my baby. I don't want my kid to smell like cigarette smoke at the end of the day. Not cool. Not sure how to bring this up but it would make me very upset.

As for the naps, its a tough one. DD has been sucking at daycare naps lately. One of the other girls her same age was sleeping sitting up in the teachers arms yesterday. LOL. I think they are just going to pass out when they are asleep even if the location isn't ideal.

[gingerjar]

Yes, it would bother me. The smoking/ third hand smoke exposure is a deal breaker for me and I would ask to be switched to a class with a different teacher. If this was not possible, I would find alternate care.

[magpie]

Number 1 would bother me. My daycare has fired someone for being a smoker.

Number 2 would not bother me.

[ssmjlm]

Smoking would bother me.

Not napping wouldn't bother me, but the fact that they aren't even working on having her nap in the crib would be something I would discuss. I know my center isn't big on sleep sacks and they actually have an age they can't use them per state regs (I overheard a convo with another parent, so not totally clear).

E's napping was a crapshoot at daycare until age 1 when she moved rooms and they all napped together. At home she wouldn't nap in her crib until we did nap training at 7.5m. There's just a lot going on in the infant room and my kid wanted in on all the action.

[kdubs923]

Jan 28, 2015 10:02:39 GMT -5 @fivedogs said:

I would leave over the smoking if it wasn't resolved (either by transferring to another room or whatever).

I do not want my kid sleeping in anything except a crib at daycare. First, our state requires that if a kid falls asleep, they have to be moved to a crib immediately. There is a center safe sleep policy that we had to sign, and that is one of the first things on the list. Second, I personally am not comfortable with naps in bouncers because the fabric seat/back allow the kid to slump (which can cause airway issues), which is why they are not supposed to be used for sleep. I don't love naps in swings either because they (at least the one we were given) tend to have too much plush up near their face.

If the cribs are in another area and it is a ratio problem that they can't have a teacher in there, that is their problem to solve, not mine to be flexible over.

I wouldn't care so much about the pacifier or sleepsack because those are things that will change over time anyway.

Yeah, the smoking would be something I would bring up. I'm not sure the director can tell employees not to smoke, but I think the director should not have them with infants.

The first daycare DS went to, they had babies sleep in anything. I don't think DS ever used the crib there. We moved centers around 9 months old. When I mentioned to the new center that DS only slept in swings, they let me know it was against the state regulations as mentioned above and they could only sleep in cribs. He adjusted, but it took a while.

[litasail]

Jan 28, 2015 9:01:54 GMT -5 @this said:

1. It would bother me enough to raise hell and/or find another center.

2. No, not at all. I'd prefer that she slept in her crib, but at 4mos babies just crash. I'd rather them let her sleep than wake her up to move her.

I agree with @this, exactly.

[bullsgirl]

1. This would bother me. I agree with talking with the director, politely, and would consider changing centers if nothing can be done.

2. I am in the minority here, but this would also bother me. Maybe because I am so strict about sleep and DD hadn't slept anywhere except her crib with a sleep sack since she was 3mos. She has also STTN since then so I guess I am just terrified of anything impacting that. I would probably politely ask about what is preventing that from happening. If they just forgot, that is different then her happening to fall asleep somewhere. As long as it didn't Impact sleep at home I probably would not make a big deal of it.

[Poppy]

I agree with PPs on #1.

I am in the minority on #2 but we are strict followers of the SIDs safe sleep guidelines and so napping in a swing/bouncer is a problem for us. The center we chose actually doesn't use containment devices at all so we do not have to worry about that. Those guidelines say that paci use is actually protective so personally, we will encourage paci use, but in your shoes it would bother me that they weren't following my preferences.

But I am a FTM-POOPCUP and we haven't started daycare yet so take that FWIW.