Have we discussed...8 questions to ask before a playdate

[lurknomore]

I didn't see a thread, so here's one.  From CNN today (I summarized since it is a slideshow, the link has more info on each question)

www.cnn.com/2015/02/03/living/feat-8-playdate-questions/index.html

8 questions to ask before a playdate

1.  Is your child vaccinated?
2.  Do you have guns?  If so, are they secured?
3.  Does your child have any allergies or dietary restrictions?
4.  Want to know about our recent bout with lice?
5.  Are non G-rated tv shows and video games ok in your house?
6.  Do you smoke cigarettes or marijuana?
7.  Will a parent be supervising tweens and teens onsite?
8.  Is alcohol kept within kids' reach in the home?  Do you drink while watching the kids?

DISCUSS!

[MadamePresident]

Honestly, I probably wouldn't ask most of these. I'd actually be kind of offended if someone asked if I was going to use drugs while watching their kids.

[gibbinator]

Those are all valid concerns, but I can't really see myself ever asking the parents of a teen anything except whether an adult will be there

[anna7602]

Do Tweens and teens really call them "play dates"? Some of the questions seem beyond the age range of play dates. I consider them "ask your teen where he/she is hanging out after school and make sure you have the drugs/alcohol talk with him/her."

Re: lice and vaccinations, if my elementary-age kid knows this person from school, she has already been exposed to their lice and/or measles And the school has probably already alerted me to either crisis. (FTR, we got plenty of info about Ebola earlier this school year, so I imagine that if anyone came down with measles, all parents would be notified in 2 seconds.)

[lmb5109]

kittycatlove do you want me to answer these for Saturday? ;-)

[madringal]

I wouldn't leave my child alone for a playdate unless I knew parents well enough to already know those answers from normal conversation.

[lurknomore]

I will say that most of those questions would totally offend me and I would never ever ask them of another parent. I do always ask about food allergies and while I wonder about guns, I have focused on teaching DD1 (the only one really old enough for playdates) to leave the room right away and find an adult. The rest of it...I just can't....

[lurknomore]

Feb 3, 2015 13:02:57 GMT -5 gravytrain225 said:

I regularly ask other parents if they smoke marijuana.

Only so they'll share? 

Hell, half my playdates involve wine for me and the other mom.  Of course she drinks while supervising my kid!!!

[rbp]

9. Are you packing heat while wearing your baby?

[ginkgoleaf]

We went to a playdate from hell last week. I wish I had asked a similar question to #2 - they had toy guns and the other boy was playing like he was shooting everyone, so of course DS started up with it too. Luckily it hasn't carried over to home, but I was so uncomfortable with it (and a couple other things that happened), that I cried to DH later that night. I'd met the mom several times through a mom's group and was just so surprised by the toy guns that I didn't even know what to say or how to approach it.

They're supposed to come to our house later this week for a playdate and I'm planning to feign illness to get out of it.

[lurknomore]

Feb 3, 2015 12:57:06 GMT -5 madringal said:

I wouldn't leave my child alone for a playdate unless I knew parents well enough to already know those answers from normal conversation.

How old are your kid(s) again?  Because while I would have said this a few years ago, it is a lot harder now that DD1 is in school.  I don't know the parents of many of her school friends and she's definitely had playdates at our house where the parents don't know us.  I'm not trying to be snarky...I'm genuinely curious whether you know school aged parents (and if so, what I'm doing wrong!)

[londoncalling]

I ask about guns and pets.

DD1 used to be terrified of dogs, so I made sure to ask them so that I could prep her for there being an animal in the house.

I've surprisingly had a lot more yeses to the gun question than I ever anticipated.

[jeaniebueller]

I don't think I would consider dropping my kid off at a house where I would need to ask those questions. 

[jeaniebueller]

Feb 3, 2015 13:08:28 GMT -5 lurknomore said:

Feb 3, 2015 12:57:06 GMT -5 madringal said:

I wouldn't leave my child alone for a playdate unless I knew parents well enough to already know those answers from normal conversation.

How old are your kid(s) again?  Because while I would have said this a few years ago, it is a lot harder now that DD1 is in school.  I don't know the parents of many of her school friends and she's definitely had playdates at our house where the parents don't know us.  I'm not trying to be snarky...I'm genuinely curious whether you know school aged parents (and if so, what I'm doing wrong!)

One of the few good things about living in a small town....eh, I have a good handle on DS's friends. I don't know how people in larger communities do it.

[hermione]

My niece is in kindergarten. At pick up one day a mom approached my SIL and said her daughter wanted to invite my niece for a play date. The mom then said something like, "I never know how to do this since we don't know each other but our kids do so I'll just say, I don't mind if you want to drop off or stay, Ellie is vaccinated, we don't own a gun, I do allow my kids to watch television and our play room is always a mess. Please feel free to ask me anything else I may have missed."

It was said in a joking manner but SIL said she really appreciated the approach. The two girls have a weekly play date now rotating between their houses.

[madringal]

Feb 3, 2015 13:08:28 GMT -5 lurknomore said:

Feb 3, 2015 12:57:06 GMT -5 madringal said:

I wouldn't leave my child alone for a playdate unless I knew parents well enough to already know those answers from normal conversation.

How old are your kid(s) again?  Because while I would have said this a few years ago, it is a lot harder now that DD1 is in school.  I don't know the parents of many of her school friends and she's definitely had playdates at our house where the parents don't know us.  I'm not trying to be snarky...I'm genuinely curious whether you know school aged parents (and if so, what I'm doing wrong!)

DD1 is 6, almost 7, and in first grade.  DD2 is 3.  I understand others are comfortable with this, but I am not and I don't see this changing anytime soon. 

[annieh22]

I can see why you might ask these, but we haven't done dropoffs play dates yet. I guess I should maybe ask some of these even if I am there.
I tend to be naive about a lot of this and assume people are responsible.

[madringal]

Feb 3, 2015 13:18:58 GMT -5 @bluesky said:

Feb 3, 2015 12:57:06 GMT -5 madringal said:

I wouldn't leave my child alone for a playdate unless I knew parents well enough to already know those answers from normal conversation.

Forever?  Or until what age?

IDK.  I try not to make these hard a fast rules when I have never experienced something before.  Maybe 2nd grade, maybe 6th? I am making decisions today based on the kid I have today and what feels right for us.

[Deleted]

I don't care if people smoke or what they smoke, as long as they aren't stoned or blowing smoke on my kid. I do care about guns and do want to know if their kid has allergies, but usually their parents would offer the allergy information, I would assume. DD isn't old enough for me to ask about parent supervision, it is a given that a parent must be there at her age. Also, I couldn't care less if the parents are having a drink while DD is over there. If they aren't drunk, then I don't see the problem. Then again, if it is a 10am playdate, I might side-eye the drinking.

[drloretta]

I will admit, I have never thought about any of these

[madringal]

Feb 3, 2015 13:20:28 GMT -5 @mrswindycity said:

Feb 3, 2015 12:57:06 GMT -5 madringal said:

I wouldn't leave my child alone for a playdate unless I knew parents well enough to already know those answers from normal conversation.

Honest question - how would you know the answers to those questions? If someone never brought up guns, would you just assume they didn't have them? I guess I don't see "I have a gun and we keep it in a safe" coming up in normal conversation. 

IDK, I guess I just do.  Most of the people we have play dates with are neighbors and church friends. We are with the families often. 

ETA -Being Fb friends with her friends parents also helps weed out the anti vaxxers and racists from our playdate circles

[karinothing]

IO think it is easy to think you know parents well enough to know the answers to these questions now, when most of our kids are young. Teenagers? My parents had no clue who the parents of my teenage friends were. I am not even sure they knew the parents of my friends when I was in the middle school

[redheadbaker]

After watching the 20/20 special, I will definitely be asking about guns in the home. While I will tell DS to not touch a gun and to get an adult if he finds one, I will definitely NOT be relying on that alone to keep him safe.

[kdubs923]

Feb 3, 2015 13:20:28 GMT -5 @mrswindycity said:

Feb 3, 2015 12:57:06 GMT -5 madringal said:

I wouldn't leave my child alone for a playdate unless I knew parents well enough to already know those answers from normal conversation.

Honest question - how would you know the answers to those questions? If someone never brought up guns, would you just assume they didn't have them? I guess I don't see "I have a gun and we keep it in a safe" coming up in normal conversation. 

I'm here. A friend that I've known for 8 years mentioned her gun safe the other day and I nearly fell out of my chair. It truly hadn't come up in casual conversation in all this time.

While not BFF talk everyday close, it's someone I'd trust to have my son in their home for several hours. It's not like every gun owner has NRA stickers all over their cars.

[simpsongal]

We have a lot of firefighters in the family dating back generations, including my dad (volunteer).

He wouldn't let us go anywhere until he confirmed that there were sufficient smoke detectors and they were in proper working order. It was the most involved he ever got in parenting and I really respect him for it now.

[lizlemon19]

Feb 3, 2015 13:16:47 GMT -5 hermione said:

My niece is in kindergarten. At pick up one day a mom approached my SIL and said her daughter wanted to invite my niece for a play date. The mom then said something like, "I never know how to do this since we don't know each other but our kids do so I'll just say, I don't mind if you want to drop off or stay, Ellie is vaccinated, we don't own a gun, I do allow my kids to watch television and our play room is always a mess. Please feel free to ask me anything else I may have missed."

It was said in a joking manner but SIL said she really appreciated the approach. The two girls have a weekly play date now rotating between their houses.

lol I love this.

I went to a private middle school for a year. One girl had a mom who had a typed letter from her mother (a psychologist) about how an adult will be home, no guns, and they don't use drugs or alcohol. My parents liked it but I would have been mortified.

My kid's 1st play date where I dropped him off was my co-soccer coach so I knew he had been background checked and I stayed a little while.

[spankswife]

#2 rrally touched home.

DD's friend (3yo) accidently shot and killed herself last year. Good family. Similar values. The dad and mom worked opposite schedules, and the dad was showering for work, and she found his gun.

Granted it could have been secured better, but you never know when you bring your kid to someone's house unless you ask and look. Then it's akward.

We aren't up to drop offs yet. Idk what I'm going to do.

[rugbywife]

Feb 3, 2015 13:22:43 GMT -5 @vicmo said:

Feb 3, 2015 13:02:57 GMT -5 gravytrain225 said:

I regularly ask other parents if they smoke marijuana.

rugbywife - anything to clear up before March?

lololololol.

Nope, we don't.  My husband really likes craft beer though. 

[CrazyLucky]

We're just entering the playdate age. I don't think I would ask most of these, but I have every intention of asking about guns. We live in an area where just about everyone has a gun, and a too many people have the attitude that their son would never touch it because he's been told not to.

Presumably, my kids plays with the kid on a regular basis anyway, so I don't see the point of the vaccination question.

[chickens987]

Feb 3, 2015 13:35:12 GMT -5 @bunnybean said:

OMG, chickens987. Were there marijuana guns in your house?! I FORGOT TO ASK!

Seriously, I think it's okay to ask about guns and vaccines. I might offer the info first. Or even have the first play date.

Asking about dietary stuff just seems considerate.

Well, some of us failed #8