Did I just sexually harass my coworker?

[newgirl412]

I would say it depends on how close you are to the pregnant coworker. A line like that would have been taken with a grain of salt at my office but that is because all of us are pretty close/have a good sense of humor.

[jessnpaul]

Psssh... you should hear the conversations that go on in my office! A zillion times worse than that!

But again, it depends on your relationship with your coworkers. I find it funny!

[Deleted]

That would have been a laughable moment on my team as well. I work with all guys though, so my secure harassment detection meter is all fucked up.

[satsuma]

That hardly seems bawdy even for a 1950s sitcom. Except maybe they would use the term "in the family way."

[VillainV]

I wouldn't take it as such, but she clearly did. Probably wouldn't hurt to go apologize.

[dancingirl21]

Lol. I would not be offended by that. I would laugh. Sounds like maybe she took it as such, though. I'd probably go apologize to smooth things over.

[Deleted]

LOL - if i was her my reaction would "i know, right?!! hahahaha".

Most of my jobs I've worked with almost all men. My sexual harassment meter is broken.

[shelbyann]

Technically, probably yes? But I agree that it depends on your relationship and the general vibe of banter in your office. That probably wouldn't even register on most peoples' scale of what is offensive, but it sounds like she didn't find it funny. Make a mental note of it and move on.

[bowies]

Feb 4, 2015 12:44:03 GMT -5 gravytrain225 said:

Any clue how to apologize? I don't really know what to say without maybe making her feel more awkward?

"Sorry about my foot-in-mouth disease a few minutes ago. Guess my dreams of being a comedy writer for Modern Family have gone up in flames."

[shelbyann]

"Hey, I'm sorry for my comment earlier. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

Smile and walk away or change the subject so that she doesn't feel the need to respond or open a conversation about it.

[bearbaby]

I would have found that funny and way tame for the workplace friends I hang with, so I'm at a loss for how to apologize...

[spk926]

If someone said it to you instead of you being the one to say it the replies in this thread would be very different!

Yes, I think it was uncalled for and clearly made her feel uncomfortable. I would apologize and hope nothing further comes of it.

[satsuma]

Feb 4, 2015 12:43:20 GMT -5 shelbyann said:

Technically, probably yes? But I agree that it depends on your relationship and the general vibe of banter in your office. That probably wouldn't even register on most peoples' scale of what is offensive, but it sounds like she didn't find it funny. Make a mental note of it and move on.

It doesn't technically meet the definition of sexual harassment. Now, if you continued to make these kinds of jokes with her knowing that they made her uncomfortable, then there would be a problem. I don't think we've met hostile work environment threshold yet. A one time incident of a mild joke typically doesn't fall in that realm. 

[cjeanette]

She sounds like someone who wouldn't last 2 seconds at my company.

[Deleted]

That would not meet our definition of either harassment or sexual harassment because the joke was (arguably) not about her status as a protected classmember and was not intended to interfere with her work. But tread carefully with this stuff at work!

[Deleted]

Feb 4, 2015 13:22:54 GMT -5 @applesauce said:

Feb 4, 2015 13:17:59 GMT -5 @notquiteblushing said:

That would not meet our definition of either harassment or sexual harassment because the joke was (arguably) not about her status as a protected classmember and was not intended to interfere with her work. But tread carefully with this stuff at work!

Wait, who is the "our" here? I am bewildered that for something to be considered sexual harassment, it has to occur with the intention of interfering with one's work. 

ETA: To be clear, I do not think of this as sexual harassment unless gravy were to now make more jokes of a similar nature in the presence of or about this co-worker.

I just looked at my employee policy. I assumed gravy wasn't asking for sexual favors so I omitted that part. Here it is:

Sexual Harassment means any unwelcome sexual advances.

Requests for sexual favors and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature constitute
sexual harassment when:

1. Submission to such conduct is made either explicitly or implicitly a term or condition of an individual's employment, or
2. Submission to or rejection of such conduct by an individual is used as the basis for employment decisions affecting such individual, or
3. Such conduct has the purpose or effect of substantially interfering with an individual's work performance by creating an intimidating, hostile or offensive work environment.

Actual harassment is separate from sexual harassment at my workplace and that definition is:

Harassment means:

1. Words, signs, jokes, pranks, intimidation or physical violence that is directed at an employee
because of his or her membership in any protected class, or perceived class, or
2. Workplace behavior that is offensive and based on stereotypes about a particular protected
group, or
3. Workplace behavior intended to cause discomfort or humiliation on the basis of protected
class membership.
Harassment is unlawful when it becomes severe or frequent enough to alter the terms or
conditions of an individual’s employment.

NOTE: Normal workplace supervision, such as enforcing productivity requirements,
requiring competent job performance or issuing disciplinary warnings, is not harassment.

[halfpint]

No, I don't think you're at any risk of losing a sexual harassment suit.
Perhaps inappropriate for the workplace. I think a simple, sincere apology would go a long way.

[InBetweenDays]

This wouldn't bother *me* but that isn't the point. Sounds like it bothered her and I do think it would be nice to apologize. I would maybe say something along the lines of "I really apologize if my comment earlier made you uncomfortable. That was not at all my intention."

[mellimel19]

Sounds like the type of comment I'd hear in my office, but we are a small, tight-knit group. But it sounds like she was offended, so I'd probably apologize.

[lillaguma]

Being pregnant myself right now I think I'd probably be annoyed if someone said it to me, but I'm in third trimester and have days where I find everything irritating. I also dislike comments about my sex life made in front of other people though - I think I would just have felt uncomfortable all around. This of course depends on how well I knew the coworker...I'm picturing it being said by one of the two coworkers I work closely with and I would not like it.

I think it wouldn't hurt to just say you're sorry you made her feel uncomfortable and then just move on.

[satsuma]

Feb 4, 2015 13:22:54 GMT -5 @applesauce said:

Feb 4, 2015 13:17:59 GMT -5 @notquiteblushing said:

That would not meet our definition of either harassment or sexual harassment because the joke was (arguably) not about her status as a protected classmember and was not intended to interfere with her work. But tread carefully with this stuff at work!

Wait, who is the "our" here? I am bewildered that for something to be considered sexual harassment, it has to occur with the intention of interfering with one's work. 

ETA: To be clear, I do not think of this as sexual harassment unless gravy were to now make more jokes of a similar nature in the presence of or about this co-worker.

No, when it comes to harassment, impact matters, not intent.