See my kid isn't above trash picking. Even ripping a bag open outside. She'll do well post-apocalypse.
I just shut down everything until she starts doing the picking up. No TV, can't leave the room, can't play, can't have/do/go etc. and I just sit there until shes like "omg" and then I say "well if you clean up *these parts* (define specifically as possible) then we can go watch [insert favorite TV show].
DH has a different tactic that is more successful in getting her started but it usually ends up in her just throwing stuff wherever and I want to encourage her to put things BACK where they were not just out of the way.
BBT turned three and immediately turned into this unbelievably defiant child. "Time to pick up your toys" "no I don't want to" "You played with them and now it's time to pick up." "No I'm not going to."
Nothing seems to work. She will gladly go to her room. She will go without dessert or treats. She doesn't care about stuff getting taken away. She doesn't respond even to raising my voice (or H raising his voice, which stuns me because *I* get scared when he raises his voice because his voice is super deep and loud).
SST was never like this and I am at a loss.
I had to start throwing toys away to get the message across. DD didn't care about toys being taken away, because she knew she would get them back eventually. Trash can was what finally got through. Three was way worse than two for us.
I tried this too and my honey badger of a child would remind me to take the toys to the outside garbage because he, "doesn't like that toy anyway." We only have success removing him from everyone, usually to the hallway, and we all have to ignore him. That seems to be his only currency.
B is struggling with giving gifts and not receiving one. So, for example, we had a birthday party to go to this past weekend and the whole process of buying, wrapping and giving a gift just set him off with "I want one!" the whole time.
He's 4. I get it. It's hard. No emotional filter. No sense of delayed gratification. But, at the same time, I have had enough of this behavior. This child wants for nothing. I am THIIIIIIIIIIIIS CLOSE that the next time he pulls this nonsense that I am packing up every single toy they own and donating it all to Goodwill. Because I don't know what else to do but if I hear "I want it!" one more time I am going to snap.
We instituted allowance at that age. Spending of allowance happens only once a month. So our answer is: do you have money and is it allowance spending weekend?
B is struggling with giving gifts and not receiving one. So, for example, we had a birthday party to go to this past weekend and the whole process of buying, wrapping and giving a gift just set him off with "I want one!" the whole time.
He's 4. I get it. It's hard. No emotional filter. No sense of delayed gratification. But, at the same time, I have had enough of this behavior. This child wants for nothing. I am THIIIIIIIIIIIIS CLOSE that the next time he pulls this nonsense that I am packing up every single toy they own and donating it all to Goodwill. Because I don't know what else to do but if I hear "I want it!" one more time I am going to snap.
DS is 4 and we are struggling with the same thing. "NO, MOOOOOOOMMY. I NEED all the Transformers!!" Stomping feet and all. Painful.
SallyJ - He has his birthday money that he is allowed to spend. We don't have an allowance. I haven't wrapped my head around how to implement that yet. But it is an idea...
ringstrue - his response to the whole "For your birthday is" "When is my birthday?" and then, when informed in December, "I want it to be my birthday NOW."
omgzombies - that's our M.O. as well. It's marginally successful... when I'm not being undercut by "sympathetic" parents. We were at the party this weekend and he was being pushy about W opening his present so he (B) could play with it. So I gave him a warning. He ignored it. So I said "We're leaving." and he started to lose his mind and crying "NO!". And the mom was like "LET'S DO CAKE! B do you want cake?!" And of course he stopped, because cake! But I'm like "GODDAMMIT, No. Don't do this to me!" And then I'm like "But... he did stop. So...do I let this go? Or do I stick to my guns?" UGH.
It took forever for my milk to dry up with shorti. I'd massage those areas in the shower just in case to try and break stuff up, but try not to express anything. Expressing will just prolong the process.
That's what I thought. But there's this one spot where I always would get blockages that was feeling... bad. So I expressed a bit from that duct.
UGH. SO annoying.
Have you tried sudafed? The good stuff that you need an ID for. That shit dries up everything.
SallyJ - He has his birthday money that he is allowed to spend. We don't have an allowance. I haven't wrapped my head around how to implement that yet. But it is an idea...
ringstrue - his response to the whole "For your birthday is" "When is my birthday?" and then, when informed in December, "I want it to be my birthday NOW."
omgzombies - that's our M.O. as well. It's marginally successful... when I'm not being undercut by "sympathetic" parents. We were at the party this weekend and he was being pushy about W opening his present so he (B) could play with it. So I gave him a warning. He ignored it. So I said "We're leaving." and he started to lose his mind and crying "NO!". And the mom was like "LET'S DO CAKE! B do you want cake?!" And of course he stopped, because cake! But I'm like "GODDAMMIT, No. Don't do this to me!" And then I'm like "But... he did stop. So...do I let this go? Or do I stick to my guns?" UGH.
Ugh, that's hard. I'm a mean mom though, and I would have left. Once the words "we're leaving" come out of my mouth, we're done. But man, even when you know you need to be hauling that child out of there, you feel like such an awful human being, and you will be judged no matter what course of action you take. It's a lose, lose situation.
Oh, we also employ the "oh, wouldn't that be fun" approach to the gimmes. DD says I want my birthday to be now, and my response will be "Oh, yeah, that would be fun! We could have balloons. What color balloons would you have? What kind of cake? It's fun to imagine isn't it?" or "Oh, yeah that would be fun! I would love to have a rocket ship to go into outer space." Then she'll list some more things that would be fun to do or have. Usually this helps get her into a different mindset about the whole thing, and while she still may end the conversation, with a sullen "but I wish it was now", it's not nearly as bad as it could be, and then I can usually shift into pretending about other things.
DS fell asleep in the car for 20 minutes while I was dropping DD off at preschool. He's now refusing to take his nap. I can hear him upstairs going "Jump! Jump! Jump!" in his crib. He needs this nap! I need this nap! Please go to sleep child. I know it would be wrong to slip him some benadryl, but sometimes it's just so tempting.
B is struggling with giving gifts and not receiving one. So, for example, we had a birthday party to go to this past weekend and the whole process of buying, wrapping and giving a gift just set him off with "I want one!" the whole time.
He's 4. I get it. It's hard. No emotional filter. No sense of delayed gratification. But, at the same time, I have had enough of this behavior. This child wants for nothing. I am THIIIIIIIIIIIIS CLOSE that the next time he pulls this nonsense that I am packing up every single toy they own and donating it all to Goodwill. Because I don't know what else to do but if I hear "I want it!" one more time I am going to snap.
We instituted allowance at that age. Spending of allowance happens only once a month. So our answer is: do you have money and is it allowance spending weekend?
My kid is not interested in earning an allowance. Every time he wants something I remind him that he has no money and that we could set up allowance for chores. He always declines. Here's the crazy part: he already does all the chores I'd put on a list for free!
SallyJ - He has his birthday money that he is allowed to spend. We don't have an allowance. I haven't wrapped my head around how to implement that yet. But it is an idea...
ringstrue - his response to the whole "For your birthday is" "When is my birthday?" and then, when informed in December, "I want it to be my birthday NOW."
omgzombies - that's our M.O. as well. It's marginally successful... when I'm not being undercut by "sympathetic" parents. We were at the party this weekend and he was being pushy about W opening his present so he (B) could play with it. So I gave him a warning. He ignored it. So I said "We're leaving." and he started to lose his mind and crying "NO!". And the mom was like "LET'S DO CAKE! B do you want cake?!" And of course he stopped, because cake! But I'm like "GODDAMMIT, No. Don't do this to me!" And then I'm like "But... he did stop. So...do I let this go? Or do I stick to my guns?" UGH.
We started allowance because we want them to learn how to manage money very early and couldn't think of another way to do it. We also thought it seemed unfair for them not to know when they were going to be able to buy things, especially because they still couldn't wrap their heads around bithday/easter/xmas being months away. That's an eternity to them. So we thought structure and regular intervals would help.
We set up specific chores they had to do: feed the dogs, put their dishes in the sink after dinner, help put clean dishes away, put away their laundry, put outer clothes and shoes away when coming home, pick up playroom once a week. We paid them 50c a day at first, but paid them in marbles. Then they exchanged marbles for money before shopping every month.
It taught them the beginnings of saving money as well as budgeting since they couldn't afford much. The best part is I don't have to worry about making decisions to buy or not and they don't whine either.
As they've gotten older they have more chores, we don't remind them to do them anymore, and we pay them weekly in cash. We are getting ready to add high avalue optional chores where they can choose to earn more money. The next step is to have them save to give to charity, and save money that we match in a savings account so they learn about 401k planning.
We instituted allowance at that age. Spending of allowance happens only once a month. So our answer is: do you have money and is it allowance spending weekend?
My kid is not interested in earning an allowance. Every time he wants something I remind him that he has no money and that we could set up allowance for chores. He always declines. Here's the crazy part: he already does all the chores I'd put on a list for free!
So, I was listening to NPR and they had a person on talking about kids and money and they said that they don't recommend tying an allowance to chores for this exact reason. That chores are just part of living in this house and being a member of the family.
Which is why we haven't instituted one yet. Because I haven't figured out what the allowance should be for, beyond an allowance for the sake of one. I never had an allowance. But I also would have gotten spanked for behaving like this. :S
*deep breaths* I thought this was supposed to get easier as they got older.
My kid is not interested in earning an allowance. Every time he wants something I remind him that he has no money and that we could set up allowance for chores. He always declines. Here's the crazy part: he already does all the chores I'd put on a list for free!
So, I was listening to NPR and they had a person on talking about kids and money and they said that they don't recommend tying an allowance to chores for this exact reason. That chores are just part of living in this house and being a member of the family.
Which is why we haven't instituted one yet. Because I haven't figured out what the allowance should be for, beyond an allowance for the sake of one. I never had an allowance. But I also would have gotten spanked for behaving like this. :S
*deep breaths* I thought this was supposed to get easier as they got older.
I've never heard that, but that's our approach. When Ben complains about me asking him to set the table, I tell him he is part of the family and everyone has a responsibility to help out. I thought maybe an allowance would eliminate the complaining, though.
My kid tries to earn money by selling drawings. I admire his entrepreneurial spirit, but DH and I won't buy just any pencil scribble. We make him earn that dollar.
We have the chores that are "you are part of the family, we all pitch in" but our parents were all shitty at money mgmt and it took us way too many years to figure it out ourselves. So money management moved to the top in terms of raising our kids. Before they can get a job, I want them to be in habit of managing money. I'm glad it works for our kids. I don't know that it does for every kid or family.
Can you find a toy that is just hers that you know she won't pick up and make an example out of that one? The trash thing was effective enough that we only had to do it once.
This is a great idea thanks.
or what if she loses the privledge of playing with thise toys? I bet seeing sister playing with somethjng and bejng told 'I'm sorry last time you played with that You didn't pick it up, maybe once you show me you can pick up you can try again.' would get to her.