Hax: Kids weren’t invited to the wedding? Don't bring them

[pixy0stix]

Everyone is a special snowflake who wants an exception.

[IIOY]

I'm confused. We're the nephews invited to the ceremony but not the reception? Or were they invited to neither but plan to show up for the ceremony anyway and now want in to the reception as well?

[Velar Fricative]

Yes, I'm sure the bride and groom will just be thrilled to see uninvited guests to their wedding!

If they're excited about the trip the family can still travel out and arrange babysitting for the wedding or something. Win-win. I was always bored to tears at weddings during elementary school anyway.

[Velar Fricative]

Feb 6, 2015 16:23:54 GMT -5 IIOY said:

I'm confused. We're the nephews invited to the ceremony but not the reception? Or were they invited to neither but plan to show up for the ceremony anyway and now want in to the reception as well?

Good question. In my experience at church weddings they're pretty much open to anyone so I know people had the no-kids rule just for the reception. But maybe this woman wants to be a hosebeast and tell her sister to bring her kids to the ceremony where they're not allowed.

[pixy0stix]

Feb 6, 2015 16:24:28 GMT -5 Velar Fricative said:

Yes, I'm sure the bride and groom will just be thrilled to see uninvited guests to their wedding!

If they're excited about the trip the family can still travel out and arrange babysitting for the wedding or something. Win-win. I was always bored to tears at weddings during elementary school anyway.

That's the other thing I was thinking. They can make a family trip out there where the cousin's can see each other, and get a sitter for the actual wedding.

It's not this hard, people.

[mbcdefg]

I had a special snowflake family at my wedding. We didn't invite any kids at all, because in our family they're all second cousins and we had almost 20 between the two of us. Someone asked me at the bridal shower if her two young grandkids could come and I said we weren't inviting any. Lo and behold, a day or two before the wedding they called us up crying that they had no sitter, and FIL put the pressure on us to let them come. I really can't complain, because the kids were good as gold, but it's the principle of the thing.

[IIOY]

Feb 6, 2015 16:25:51 GMT -5 Velar Fricative said:

Feb 6, 2015 16:23:54 GMT -5 IIOY said:

I'm confused. We're the nephews invited to the ceremony but not the reception? Or were they invited to neither but plan to show up for the ceremony anyway and now want in to the reception as well?

Good question. In my experience at church weddings they're pretty much open to anyone so I know people had the no-kids rule just for the reception.

That's my experience as well.

A coworker of mine whom I adored announced at one point during my planning that she wanted to bring her child to my wedding because it would be "interesting" to her. Weddings bring out the weird.

[ttt]

How do you find a sitter in a state where you don't even live?? I have a hard enough time finding a sitter in my own area.

I would probably just not go. But you don't get to bring kids who are explicitly unwelcome.

[tacosforlife]

Feb 6, 2015 16:34:52 GMT -5 ttt said:

How do you find a sitter in a state where you don't even live?? I have a hard enough time finding a sitter in my own area.

You ask the bride and groom for help finding someone?

This was a non-issue at my wedding, but if anyone had needed help lining up a sitter, I am sure I could have asked around and gotten some names.

[Deleted]

If you don't invite kids, you accept that some people with kids will opt not to come. That's probably what these people should do. Take a vacation where ever you want, and don't worry about a wedding being part of it.

[heyjude]

Well I think my thoughts on "kid free" weddings are well documented. That said, no, you can't bring people who are not invited.

[ttt]

Also, if they're invited to the ceremony and not the reception, that is really shitty of the bride and groom. You don't do that to anyone, child or adult. 

If they're crashing the ceremony, that is really shitty of this woman. Although I kind of don't think this is the case, because why would they be OK with crashing the ceremony but have to ask about the reception?

[eclaires]

Feb 6, 2015 16:34:52 GMT -5 ttt said:

How do you find a sitter in a state where you don't even live?? I have a hard enough time finding a sitter in my own area.

I would probably just not go. But you don't get to bring kids who are explicitly unwelcome.

My parents used to bring a sitter with us. She was college aged I think.

We've done that in the past or brought a family member from the other side with us. Not ideal, and difficult/expensive if you are traveling cross country.

[Deleted]

Feb 6, 2015 16:34:52 GMT -5 ttt said:

How do you find a sitter in a state where you don't even live?? I have a hard enough time finding a sitter in my own area.

I would probably just not go. But you don't get to bring kids who are explicitly unwelcome.

All of the fiancee's family lives there. Surely they know someone. References can be checked out ahead of time. Some hotels offer sitting services as well. And honestly, depending on how old they are and if I'm staying in the same hotel where the reception will be, I have no issues leaving elementary school children in a hotel room while I'm downstairs.

[omgzombies]

This is my flameful, but I feel like if you have a lot of family with kids, specifically from out of town, and you want a "no kids" event, part of being a good host is arranging for a group sitter(s) with pizza, some movies, and games etc. It also negates any excuses of "well we couldn't find a sitter... so we just brought little Johnny". It may not help everyone, people who are nursing, or children so small that they aren't really ready to leave them for longer periods of time, but it helps quite a bit.

[ESF]

Why did the son's fiancee tell the son's family who could and could not come?

[ttt]

Feb 6, 2015 16:44:30 GMT -5 @helenabonhamcarter said:

Feb 6, 2015 16:34:52 GMT -5 ttt said:

How do you find a sitter in a state where you don't even live?? I have a hard enough time finding a sitter in my own area.

I would probably just not go. But you don't get to bring kids who are explicitly unwelcome.

All of the fiancee's family lives there. Surely they know someone. References can be checked out ahead of time. Some hotels offer sitting services as well. And honestly, depending on how old they are and if I'm staying in the same hotel where the reception will be, I have no issues leaving elementary school children in a hotel room while I'm downstairs.

True. This is so dependent on the circumstances, you know? If they're staying at the same hotel, how old the kids are, how well-behaved/trustworthy the kids are, whether the fiancee can help them find a sitter. I could see it working out easily, or not working out well at all. 

I'm still stuck on the "ceremony but not the reception" thing though. 

[heyjude]

$100 says her family will have kids there.

Fucking Californians.

[Deleted]

Feb 6, 2015 16:52:17 GMT -5 Scout'sHonor said:

One of the reasons two of my bffs aren't friends with each other anymore is one told other children were not to be at the ceremony, that there'd be a church member watching them. Other bff was not comfortable with a stranger watching them and didn't bring the kids. Then there ended up being 4-5 kids in the chapel during the service, so other bff was justifiably pissed.

One of your bffs sounds like an asshole and it's not the one who got married.

[ttt]

Feb 6, 2015 16:51:27 GMT -5 heyjude said:

$100 says her family will have kids there.

Fucking Californians.

I really wish all of these letters had follow ups, because I am dying to know how this wedding goes. 

[josieposy]

I don't get what the problem is with having them at the ceremony. They have said the kids won't be at the reception. It sounds to me like this is a non-issue.

[Deleted]

Feb 6, 2015 17:01:13 GMT -5 josieposy said:

I don't get what the problem is with having them at the ceremony. They have said the kids won't be at the reception. It sounds to me like this is a non-issue.

They might somehow ruin the Special Day. Kids are unpredictable.

[Velar Fricative]

Feb 6, 2015 16:55:50 GMT -5 @helenabonhamcarter said:

Feb 6, 2015 16:52:17 GMT -5 Scout'sHonor said:

One of the reasons two of my bffs aren't friends with each other anymore is one told other children were not to be at the ceremony, that there'd be a church member watching them. Other bff was not comfortable with a stranger watching them and didn't bring the kids. Then there ended up being 4-5 kids in the chapel during the service, so other bff was justifiably pissed.

One of your bffs sounds like an asshole and it's not the one who got married.

My ASSumption would have been that those parents were all like "Well, if we just bring the kids anyway it's not like they'll kick us out!" and that the couple was quietly seething to avoid confrontation for obvious reasons.

Clearly I have little faith in people actually following directions.

[heyjude]

I really should have said "no one over 40 allowed" at our wedding.

[sparrowsong]

I struggle to believe three grade school boys give one iota about attending a wedding.

[sparkythelawyer]

Feb 6, 2015 16:45:08 GMT -5 omgzombies said:

This is my flameful, but I feel like if you have a lot of family with kids, specifically from out of town, and you want a "no kids" event, part of being a good host is arranging for a group sitter(s) with pizza, some movies, and games etc. It also negates any excuses of "well we couldn't find a sitter... so we just brought little Johnny". It may not help everyone, people who are nursing, or children so small that they aren't really ready to leave them for longer periods of time, but it helps quite a bit.

This is precisely what we did.  If I had let all of the potential kids show up at my reception, I would have had something like 25 kids under the age of 12.  NO THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

So we rented a room in the hotel where the reception was, hired three of my sister's graduate students to be childcare, and threw a kids party, with kid food, goody bags for each kid, kid friendly movies and activities, etc.  AND, we sent each kid his or her own invitation to the kid party so the parents couldn't try any funny stuff.  Many of the parents were extremely happy they could drop off their kid and then go have fun.

I bent the rule for ONE person - the 6 week old newborn son of one of our groomsmen.  Mom was still nursing and six weeks, shit even I'm not that heartless.  I stuck her by the door so she could get out if she needed to.  And even they managed to leave their other two kids home with the grandparents.

[msmerymac]

My brother had a kid-free wedding. His wife's cousin showed up with her 3 kids for the ceremony. I had to go break the news to her because my brother didn't want her to see the kids and flip out (internally of course) while walking down the aisle.

The best part was that this cousin had RSVPed no. So the bride and groom thought they now had 5 extra people, including 3 uninvited kids, show up. They left after the ceremony, though, because "the kids just wanted to see you in your dress!"

So yeah, don't randomly show up for someone's ceremony.

[Deleted]

I would rather take my kids to a reception than a wedding ceremony. It's supposed to be all quiet and solemn at some points, so you can hear the ceremony. That's a long time for some kids to sit still in their good clothes, with nothing to dance too, no food, no fun. Just watching a bunch of mostly overdressed people sit in a pew.

At least with a reception I can distract them with food and they're allowed to get up and move. I can also cart them out halfway through the reception without having missed much.

[Deleted]

Feb 6, 2015 17:03:55 GMT -5 Velar Fricative said:

Feb 6, 2015 16:55:50 GMT -5 @helenabonhamcarter said:

One of your bffs sounds like an asshole and it's not the one who got married.

My ASSumption would have been that those parents were all like "Well, if we just bring the kids anyway it's not like they'll kick us out!" and that the couple was quietly seething to avoid confrontation for obvious reasons.

Clearly I have little faith in people actually following directions.

Yup. But apparently the bride was supposed to stop the ceremony and kick out the little shits.

[msmerymac]

Feb 6, 2015 17:05:17 GMT -5 sparrowsong said:

I struggle to believe three grade school boys give one iota about attending a wedding.

They just want to go to Disneyland. 

Hope they're vaccinated.