Wedding Gift Question

[wanderingenough]

Do you give/spend less on a gift if you aren't going to the wedding?

[Deleted]

I give an amount based on how well I know the couple generally. If I'm not going to the wedding AND I don't know the couple well, then I'll send less. For instance, we didn't attend the wedding of H's third cousin last summer, and I sent $50. Normally when we attend a wedding we give no less than $100.

[mac08]

I suppose I would give less, but I think I've gone to every wedding I've been invited to.

[wanderingenough]

Yeah, and I guess it should have been worded "do you give differently." Per my google searches some people send a more pricey gift as a consolation for their absence.

[grover]

Depends on who it is for.
In college and immediately out of college, we didn't send gifts if we weren't going and if we weren't super close to the couple.
Now since then, we've attended every wedding, including one that was a 15 hour ride by car that we crammed into a weekend road trip. I think I'd give the same amount to my cousins if I couldn't make it in the future. Friends are mostly local and mostly married off already so I would guess and say we'd give the same.

[HoneySpider]

If I'm not going it probably means that I'm not that close with the person, so I'm likely to give less than normal based on that.

[MrsMB]

Feb 9, 2015 20:44:15 GMT -5 HoneySpider said:

If I'm not going it probably means that I'm not that close with the person, so I'm likely to give less than normal based on that.

This.

[wanderingenough]

I'd call these people good friends, but not close friends, if that makes sense. We keep in touch and make plans to connect when we are in Florida, but y'all know more about my personal life than they do. We were planning to go since it's in Florida and would be nice to see them/other friends, but flights are $450 each + hotel + rental car + food + dress + a day off work + gift. I'd rather spend that much money on a trip somewhere I chose. We aren't thaaaat close

Eta - We were close in college

[HoneySpider]

wanderingenough A few years ago we went to a friend's wedding that cost us a lot of $$$ for the same reason (expensive flights, hotel, car, etc) It was a friend from college who I was still friends with, but not as close to as I used to be. We kept saying how we spent "more than a mortgage payment" to go to this wedding. Honestly, afterwards I kind of wished we hadn't gone and had maybe just sent a little more money as a gift to make up for it.

[wanderingenough]

HoneySpider - That's where we are leaning. At the end of the day, it's going to be a big New York family Italian wedding where aside from the couple we may know 5 people. It just doesn't seem worth it when it's completely likely we wouldn't cross paths with the couple anyhow. I feel bad though!

[Deleted]

I definitely wouldn't attend with the cost being that high. I'd send a card with a heartfelt message and a generous gift, and also call to congratulate them. But spending $1k on flights alone, plus all the rest, would be excessive to me.

[HoneySpider]

Feb 10, 2015 10:02:23 GMT -5 wanderingenough said:

HoneySpider - That's where we are leaning. At the end of the day, it's going to be a big New York family Italian wedding where aside from the couple we may know 5 people. It just doesn't seem worth it when it's completely likely we wouldn't cross paths with the couple anyhow. I feel bad though!

I get you. It's a hard decision - you can't win either way!

[bk1]

We haven't sent anything if we didn't attend. We spend based on how close of a relationship we have with the couple.