1. Does your family know you're trying? Why/why Not? - My mom sort of knows. She knows we want kids and we are at the point of wanting them, though I haven't really discussed it with her. She did ask me, "Are you pregnant yet?" about a month ago. ^o) I'd prefer not to discuss it, but my mom and I are close, so she knows we want kids... and also that I'm her only chance for grandchildren because my brother is childfree.
2. Does HIS family know you're trying? Why/Why Not? - No. We don't live near them and I'm not that close to them. Years ago, my MIL said she would be "okay with never being a grandma." Again: ^o) My husband said she's had... struggles with growing older. Well, SIL1 has a 6 month old baby. All throughout her pregnancy, MIL was so nervous. "But she's older! The baby might have a problem!" The baby is perfect and MIL said over Christmas, "You know, I'm not really a baby person, but it's different when it's your own family." So.... yeah. Now she's knitting hats and stuff and hinting that she'll knit things for ALL babies in the family. But my husband's family isn't open about stuff like that. Like they'll ask each other, "Has so-and-so told you if she has a new boyfriend?" Um, she's your daughter/sister/etc. Ask her. Long story short, no, and there's no reason to say we're trying. I'm of the opinion now (we'll see how I feel later) that we'll keep the news of a pregnancy just between us for a while, too.
Post by sometimesrunner on Feb 14, 2015 10:25:54 GMT -5
I'm sure they assume we're trying again, which is true. I had a mc at 9 weeks and we had told them the week before when we heard the heartbeat. Thankfully no one has brought anything up to us. TTC isn't not something I want to discuss with my parents or ILs.
Post by ginkgoleaf on Feb 14, 2015 20:56:53 GMT -5
1. Does your family know you're trying? Why/why Not? My parents know, and my mom told me brother, so he knows just that it's taking longer than we'd like it to. My parents know every detail and have been a great support for me, especially my mom. I didn't want to tell all of our friends, so she's who I can tell everything about this to. They adore DS, their only grandchild, and are super supportive of whatever we have to do to have another one.
2. Does HIS family know you're trying? Why/Why Not? No! MIL made a comment once about how we shouldn't be trying for #2 yet, and it was right around when we had started. We got pg fairly quickly and then had a CP, so thinking about that comment still pisses me off. Plus DS was already 2.5 when we stared trying for #2, it's not like it was going to be Irish twins or something. So they don't know anything about our TTTC now and I want MIL to be the last to know when we do have news... not that I hold grudges or anything. My one SIL knows we were trying about a year ago but doesn't ever ask questions. I assume she still thinks we're trying but she's not the type to be nosy.
1. Does your family know you're trying? Why/why not? My parents both know. I told my mom a year ago. We had just found out my oldest brother M (he's 48) was expecting with his new wife. They apparently got lucky on the first try. Mom was making some comment to me about it would be time for us or something stupid and I kind of snapped and told her it's not as easy for everybody as it apparently is for M. She has since been filled in on all of our appointments and treatments. I didn't tell her I was pregnant (wanted to wait until our first u/s / midwife appointment) but I did tell her when I misscarried. When we found out the waitlist for the public RE was so lobg (we are probably looking at at least 9 months before start of treatments) she must have told my (step-)dad because a few days later he called to "discuss baby making". He had spent a few days researching the options and prices and told me the private RE I went to for testing and Clomid has the best results and he insisted we should stay there and he would pay for any treatments needed. So that's probably what we will do. My dad also knows but not as much details as mom (and step-dad). I told him back in May that we were trying but it wasn't going well and then I told him after our misscarriage. I don't know if either of my brothers know though. I pretty much never speak to them. Don't know if my mom has told them. My other brother and his wife went through years and years of treatments including several IVFs but never got pregnant. You would think this would make them the perfect people to speak to but they were so secretive about their problems I'm not even sure if they know that I know. Like I might not even be supposed to know they've done IVF (I do know, mom told me) so how do I bring it up.
2. Does HIS familyknow you're trying? Why/why not? They all know. We told the Il's back in May that we were trying but had issues. They've also been told about the testing and treatments. MIL then told DH's brother and wife that we were trying. They too have been through years of IF and when I officially got the PCOS diagnosis (had suspected it for years) SIL sent me a long email telling me that was part of their issues to and telling me all about their treatments and just generally were really supportive.
Having experienced IF both as close family and as the IF couple we know that it deeply affects the couple and their interactions with friends and family. Obviously you have to do what feels right to you and deal with it in the best way for you. But from the outside it seems like DH's brother/SIL who were very open about it maybe dealt with it better and came out of it with a less broken relatiobship to their family. Sure they were sad and angry and had moments of being recluse and pulling back from family but it was understandable and so much easier to 'forgive'. With my brother and his wife there was all this anger and reclusiveness and isolating them selves and we didn't know why. Sure we suspected but any attempt to even bring up the subject was met with even more anger. So instead we had them acting seemingly crazy for years and the weird fights they picked that would have been easier to forgive and forget if we knew what they were dealing with have sort of hurt the relationship with the rest of the family. It's only now years later that they have shared even a tiny part with my mom and like I said it still feels like a mine field.
With that in mind it just felt natural for us to be open about It once we knew we had issues. I did feel a little weird about telling people when we first started ttc as at that point it just felt like telling them we were having sex. But once we knew we had fertility problems it was sort of like we moved past the sex. We even joked with BIL and SIL about the awkwardness of FW while staying in the IL's house. Like BIL any romance in this process is long gone