So apparently I have said other stuff too on this board that could cause drama! What else did I say? Ugh, I can't believe no one told me anything before and just ignored my comments! Please tell me! What do you remember me saying? I don't want to be rude, intentional or unintentional. What do you dislike/hate about me being here and about my posts?
Cab, I only noticed in adlove's BIL post which actually was a comment by DH which was not my comment but it was stupid to share his thought.. a thought that was rude and something totally a "dude" would say as Renata said.
Can you link me to your mom being mean thread.. unless its DD'ed. I honestly don't remember what I could have said that could upset you. I remember telling you that you are beautiful and your mom needs new glasses cuz I didn't understand what she was talking about!
Can you link me to your mom being mean thread.. unless its DD'ed. I honestly don't remember what I could have said that could upset you. I remember telling you that you are beautiful and your mom needs new glasses cuz I didn't understand what she was talking about!
I don't think she meant you said something bad in *that* thread.
She's comparing you to her mom as in you think your comments are helpful/constructive, but end up coming off as you have no tact.
Is English your first language? It's not apparent from grammar, but I always kind of assumed it wasn't your first language & that's why you came across a little oddly.
FWIW, perhaps this will help you understand me.. or not. But I am going to try. By no means are the following facts excuses of what I said to Kare and am totally not defending myself but might explain my insensitive comments to others.
I didn't grow up in America. I have learned many things over the years of what not to say to people and I am still learning. I grew up in Bangladesh and in my cultural setting people will flat out tell me I am fat if I actually am fat and it is not an insult. And by telling me fat they are not calling me fat as an insult nor are they trying to hurt my feelings. I learned it's considered rude/insensitive here in America and people are very sensitive about their weight in America. So I make sure not to call anyone fat.
IRL I am actually very nice and I care a lot about others. I know shocking to you. I have a big heart and want to help others as much as I can. I have a huge sense of empathy and I can't stand to watch people in pain. You could take me to any random funeral and I will be crying my eyes out mourning for the dead and for and with the people sufferring their loss. I wear my heart on my sleeves. And I always wish you the best and mean no harm, ever. I am also a people pleaser. I don't ever try to hurt anyone's feelings on purpose. If I can make you smile, it will make my day. While I feel I have so much empathy and also sympathy for others, I am not good at verbalizing how I truly feel. So I am probably not making it clear either when I say that it truly causes me discomfort and makes my cry to know I have hurt some of yours feelings.
and here's my therapy session for the day:
My parents were very protective while growing up. I was 18 when I moved here to the states and in those 18 years of my life I never went anywhere where my parents didn't take me. I was not allowed to date let alone go anywhere by myself. Yeah, they were THAT protective. And that didn't end when I came to the U.S. If I wanted to hang out with friends after school I had to be home by sundown. Social interaction? Who needs that! Obviously my parents didn't think I needed that. I lived with my parents till I was 27 yrs old. So yeah, I never did think before but I do think I am socially awkward as a result because I was not allowed to mingle with anyone. I was expected to live with my parents untill my marriage was arranged. So I didn't have "the college experience" like most of you. As long as I lived in my parents' house I lived by their rules and I got out as fast as I could grow some balls to stand up for myself and afford to support myself as an independent woman.
So call me stupid, dumb, dolt, weirdo, freak, I don't care. As long as you don't hate me it's all good. Feel free to call me out whenever. I welcome the constructive criticism. After all, I always watn to better myself and be socially accepted whether in IRL or the internet.
In the end, I also love puppies, rainbows and lots of !!!!
Post by narockshard on Aug 8, 2012 13:51:23 GMT -5
Thanks House, that clears up a lot, for me anyway. I had been getting annoyed at some of the things you said but then I really started to wonder if it could be cultural or any other number of things--because what do we really know about each other on an internet message board!? While I totally understand some of the others' annoyance and reactions, I think some of the comments said about you were way beyond any rudeness you had shown and that to me is a little hypocritical. But they have their side of the story too and deal with situations their own way, so....
I think it's great you explained yourself and I hope it's received well by others.
Post by vampsterdam on Aug 8, 2012 13:53:50 GMT -5
House, I admire you for at least trying to understand why people are upset. Some people would continue to be oblivious or have the mentality of, "you don't like it? Then screw you."
I do understand the difference in cultures though. My parents are from Eastern Europe and my family can be so blunt. I was meeting one relative for the first time and she said, "How is your mother? Is she finally fat?" I was floored.
Then I had culture shock when I was teaching in Spain. I was constantly telling the kids, "Great job!" and passing out stickers, but then they would ask the teachers who were from Spain, they would say, "uff! Terrible! You're going to have to redo that if you want me to display that!"
I hope you don't think you can't be honest. Like Cab said, people do appreciate honesty
I'm not saying that you said anything mean in that thread, I am saying that you're coming off the same way my mom did when I shared that. I was trying to give an example of how you're saying things without thinking about how it comes off to others, and more importantly, the person you're directing it too.
There is honesty (example, when someone asks if the board likes or does not like an item,) and then there is the unsolicited comments that you give (example, telling a beautiful pregnant woman that, yes, you think she looks like she has a beer belly.) A lot of times, you cross that line, and some of those times, you give these opinions when they're not even asked for.
I am in no way telling you how to post, but you have to know that when you post stuff like that, you're going to get backlash over it.
It's like if you posted an OOTD today, and commented about how you feel ugly, and then someone replying, "You DO look ugly, House!" See what I mean? (No, I am not saying that you called anyone ugly, it's just an example.)
ha! I would probably believe it since no one ever said I was pretty when I was growing up. LOL!
House, you are still my pro boards girl crush Seriously, though, your follow up post explains a lot and I think it's good to know that people should just point it out to you if they find a post rude or offensive.
House, I admire you for at least trying to understand why people are upset. Some people would continue to be oblivious or have the mentality of, "you don't like it? Then screw you."
I needed clarification. I obviously was pissing people of and genuinly wanted to know why and how. Its basically CAPA.. corrective action/preventive action (learned from my job.. haha)
I do understand the difference in cultures though. My parents are from Eastern Europe and my family can be so blunt. I was meeting one relative for the first time and she said, "How is your mother? Is she finally fat?" I was floored.
Ha! wow, yes it's quite shocking! Want to know something funny? In third world country if you are plump at all, people think you are wealthy and are doing well and it's a sign of properity. My cousin who is naturally a little pudgy but not fat or overweight by any means was travelling in rikshaw.. (the cheapest transportation available) and got robbed one time and had to tell us the story how the robbers thought he was rich!
Then I had culture shock when I was teaching in Spain. I was constantly telling the kids, "Great job!" and passing out stickers, but then they would ask the teachers who were from Spain, they would say, "uff! Terrible! You're going to have to redo that if you want me to display that!"
Sadly, the standards of sensitivity aren't the same every where in the world.
I hope you don't think you can't be honest. Like Cab said, people do appreciate honesty
Not always. There's honesty and there's brutal honesty. But it is always good to be cautious of what I say.
Cab, honestly I have only noticed the call out in adlove's post. Once in AngGee's post where Renata called me a clinger, I didn't see the co-relation. I didn't waste my time asking because it didn't make sense to me why asking how one question about how she styled a shirt was inappropriate or rude.. or a sign of a "stage 5 clinger" behavior. And since no one is coming forward to say anything else I have said.. well, how would I know to correct myself? Do you oil a door hinge that doesn't squeek?
ETA: I don't do well with hints. Spell it out. Don't beat around the bush! haha!
House, you are still my pro boards girl crush Seriously, though, your follow up post explains a lot and I think it's good to know that people should just point it out to you if they find a post rude or offensive.
And you know, since I'm such a "mean, hypocritical" person, the stage 5 clinger reference was b/c a lot of times you come across as very intense about things. For example, when I offered to buy cab the dress at Marshalls, you immediately PMed me and wanted me to buy it for you too. Another example, you made strange references to coming to Indianapolis while I was there for work. Another example in AngGee's thread was how you said, "No! You have to take a picture of you wearing it so I can wear it the same way!" But, again, I will give you the benefit of the doubt and accept that it's a cultural difference. And I apologize if the reference hurt your feelings.
I guess there have been so many much worse things people have done on TN/GBCN that all of these seem more like annoyances than serious issues. I have a classmate and she and I just don't communicate well for whatever reason - we get in weird arguments that I've never had with anyone else. It happens.
I don't think there's any point in going on like you don't believe her honest apology and explanation. (How is this helpful? "I just don't see anyone else creating an entire post about how their comments and half-assed apologies should be excused b/c "you don't know my lyfe!"") I don't remember all the things that have happened in the past that seem to annoy several people here, but she's not some malicious AE that's worth holding a grudge against IMO.
ETA: I'm not trying to take sides here, it just seems a *little* ridiculous to stay angry about these things
Imitation is the greatest form of flattery. Renata, I am shocked that you are not flattered for wanting to dress like you. And about AngGee's post: you are misquoting me and just because I wanted to see how she styled it, doesn't mean I was going to style it the same way either. I may or may not have liked what I saw.
I am not even going to discuss hormonal issues. I have been pregnant and I know the deal. I hope you feel better.
Also you are clearly ignoring my statement when I said earlier:
"By no means are the following facts excuses of what I said to Kare and am totally not defending myself but might explain my insensitive comments to others."
And since no one will give me other instances of my so called "rude behavior" comments, I am unable to argue/defend/correct myself due to lack of evidence. Therefore, rest assured I will commit the crime of offending some of you again unintentionally.
And since no one will give me other instances of my so called "rude behavior" comments, I am unable to argue/defend/correct myself due to lack of evidence. Therefore, rest assured I will commit the crime of offending some of you again unintentionally.
What is this, Law & Order: S&B???
We would be one stylish Law & Order! The biggest crime? Not enough baubles!
House I didn't read any past comments you made but in regards to the Kare comment, like quite a few people I didn't see anything wrong with it. What I've learned after many years on the nest is that once you rub someone the wrong way that someone most likely doesn't forget, will pick apart everything you have to say and stay on you like white on rice.
I think you should just stop apologizing now. You can't please everyone and you're just going to drive yourself crazy. As long as you aren't being a bitchy snatchdragon just be you-given you is being considerate of others. Again there is always going to be someone that doesn't like you. The nice thing about the internet is that you don't have to care if it's them in the wrong. Just click the little red x on the right hand side and they don't exist anymore. It's really that easy.
House I didn't read any past comments you made but in regards to the Kare comment, like quite a few people I didn't see anything wrong with it. What I've learned after many years on the nest is that once you rub someone the wrong way that someone most likely doesn't forget, will pick apart everything you have to say and stay on you like white on rice.
I think you should just stop apologizing now. You can't please everyone and you're just going to drive yourself crazy. As long as you aren't being a bitchy snatchdragon just be you-given you is being considerate of others. Again there is always going to be someone that doesn't like you. The nice thing about the internet is that you don't have to care if it's them in the wrong. Just click the little red x on the right hand side and they don't exist anymore. It's really that easy.
What I've learned after many years on the nest is that once you rub someone the wrong way that someone most likely doesn't forget, will pick apart everything you have to say and stay on you like white on rice.
Unfortunately, this is soooo true. And it can go on for years. There are a couple of girls that I finally learned I just have to ignore because no matter what I say or do, we are just not going to get along.
FCG, I admit unsolicited warning. I thought I was being courteous about the product I received and was giving you my assessment of the product. Here are the two emails I sent you. Please point out where I was bashing your friend.
I love you FCG. I really, really do, but I don't see anything wrong with House's messages to you. I think maybe they just rubbed you the wrong way because you were already annoyed with her other comments or something. If I had been the one to sell the necklace, not realizing it was defective, I honestly wouldn't be upset with the way this message is worded.
I truly don't believe that House intends to be rude. I didn't notice any of her rude comments prior to Adlove's post, but I will admit that there were a couple where I was giving her a bit of the side eye, but didn't feel compelled to say anything. House, if I could remember exactly what they were, I would tell you, but I can't. The posts I noticed seemed mostly socially inappropriate or awkward rather than an intentional rudeness or any kind of insensitivity. I wish I could remember what they were. They may have been the posts about visiting Renata in Indy and possibly the one telling someone to post a picture so you could wear it that way, too, but I'm not sure. Since they were just sort of odd but not mean spirited, I just brushed them off and forgot the details of the posts.
Some people are just socially awkward, you know? And some people truly can't help it. That doesn't make them a bad person or mean their heart is in the wrong place. I think that being on a message board probably exacerbates the problem since all we have to go on are words alone without body language or seeing any other behavior.
House, I know it's hard to not get defensive, but I just don't think there is any point in trying to get people to remember every single thing that bothered them and then coming up with some sort of explanation or defense for every single one. Just acknowledge that you hurt feelings or bothered people unintentionally, give a sincere apology (by apologizing for saying the things in the first place rather than saying you are sorry that other people were offended), let's plan to go forward with the understanding that you will try to think more carefully about what you post and that we will call you on any odd or rude posts right away to bring your attention to it, and now let's all move on. Please.
Now let's get back to truly important things. Like glitter.
GoDawgs - I am sorry but I modified your post to delete House's copies of the emails. I have been asked by parties that those emails concerned to remove them.
Now I'm starting to feel like there should be Twilight Zone music playing. I don't get why those messages would be a big deal at all, and seemed far from something that a Mod would need to delete, but whatevs. I believed the guidelines from the Mod board were that posts would not be deleted or modified unless they violated the proboards TOS or gave away personal information (like real names, addresses, employer, etc - not hinted that they are talking about a particular screen name). Not that I really even care all that much, but this is all just starting to get strange.
I think you misunderstood, because my post was not quoting anything by FCG. FCG asked to not be quoted, and I didn't quote her. What I quoted was HOUSE'S post that actually contained House's PM to FCG. None of it was from FCG to House. I just happened to catch it by quoting before House DD'd for some reason.
What I've learned after many years on the nest is that once you rub someone the wrong way that someone most likely doesn't forget, will pick apart everything you have to say and stay on you like white on rice.
This. The one comment that I saw in the OOTD could be taken wrong without the cultural context, but everything else seems like a good old fashioned nestie pile on.
If House wants to REPOST her private messages to FCG, by all means, go ahead.
In case my previous post was unclear, which it very well might be, this is exactly what House did, and that is what I quoted. I think you misunderstood and thought that the post that was quoted was from FCG, but it was not. I was quoting the message from House to FCG.
What I've learned after many years on the nest is that once you rub someone the wrong way that someone most likely doesn't forget, will pick apart everything you have to say and stay on you like white on rice.
This. The one comment that I saw in the OOTD could be taken wrong without the cultural context, but everything else seems like a good old fashioned nestie pile on.
FCG asked to not be quoted, and I did not quote FCG. I think you got confused and thought my quote contained text from FCG's post or maybe a previous message of FCG's or whatever, but it did not. I don't know how else to explain this, but for the third time, what I quoted were House's words TO FCG. None of FCG's words were quoted - not even any response she made to House.
I agree that it's common courtesy to not quote someone who asked to not be quoted, but I did not do this. I also didn't see any information about the third party who sold the stuff. There were even stars in place of her name and no identifying information.
Again, no one is asking that you be replaced as Mod. If the reason you deleted my post is because you thought I quoted FCG, then you jumped the gun when deleting the post, thinking that I had quoted someone who asked to not be quoted, when that was not the case. And if you goofed, whatever, no big deal.
There are posts over on the Mod board that you can check out about when a Mod should modify or delete, and the agreement was that it should only be done in very limited circumstances. I'm not telling you this to be bitchy or accusatory, but truly just as a fyi since it seems you didn't know about them and now you can check them out if you like.
House I didn't read any past comments you made but in regards to the Kare comment, like quite a few people I didn't see anything wrong with it. What I've learned after many years on the nest is that once you rub someone the wrong way that someone most likely doesn't forget, will pick apart everything you have to say and stay on you like white on rice.
I think you should just stop apologizing now. You can't please everyone and you're just going to drive yourself crazy. As long as you aren't being a bitchy snatchdragon just be you-given you is being considerate of others. Again there is always going to be someone that doesn't like you. The nice thing about the internet is that you don't have to care if it's them in the wrong. Just click the little red x on the right hand side and they don't exist anymore. It's really that easy.
House, I read the OOTD post and I agree with the others who said it really wasn't that bad. Kare made a joke, you said she was cute but see what she was saying, and it somehow went downhill from there. Obviously, feelings of some posters based on your past comments must have come in to play. And the pile on began.
Think of it this way: if someone says something even remotely negative about themselves never, ever agree. Just commiserate ("I felt that way too when I was pregnant.") and leave it at that. Or say nothing. Life is easier that way, especially online.