At what point will you stop trying?

[gennyu]

Just curious since I think about this a lot: do you have an "end point" in mind? DH and I are no longer pursuing fertility treatments and, I'll be honest, I have some days when I really just want to throw in the towel and get on BC. My PMS and periods are *horrible* and it feels like insult to injury at this point. BUT - I'm only 32, DS is only 4.5. Even though it's been 3.5 years of TTC, I'm just not ready to give up. How will I know when it's time to truly move on? Any thoughts?

[ginkgoleaf]

Well we've had a failed ivf and 6 failed iuis, but I'm not giving up anytime soon. I think having a kid already makes me realize more what I would be missing by only having one. I have no idea when i would give up, but not yet. We're planning to do our second ivf with a new RE in March.

Don't know how helpful that is. Honestly finances will likely make the decision for us, but we're in a good insurance situation now.

[Mushe]

I'm not sure, to be honest. We're almost 1 year into TTC #2, but we've only just gotten a diagnosis. At this point, I want to give us a year from now, and then have a serious talk about stopping. I'm 36 and H is 40, and we both have demanding careers, so even just having a newborn now versus 3 years ago is going to be tough to juggle. It's only going to get worse. I'm sure this will swing back and forth, but right now, having DS is a huge comfort to me in terms of worry about whether we're successful. I do desperately want another, but I'm mindful that I don't want to not be present for his childhood because I'm worried about TTTC on top of work.

[dellabear]

IVF is the only hope for me and I'm hoping to start in the Fall. A pregnancy in December 2015 would put my kids 5 years apart. If I'm not pregnant by the end of 2015 we will have a serious conversation about whether it is time to stop trying.

[bronxgirl]

After 2 failed IVFs and countless failed IUIs we stopped pursuing tx about a year ago. I still use a CBEFM and make sure we have sex when I'm ovulating, but realistically I don't have a chance. We'll never officially stop trying (well until menopause which I fear isn't too far away) but w/o tx it's probably just a pipe dream. Which sucks donkey balls BTW

[gennyu]

Feb 21, 2015 21:00:32 GMT -5 ginkgoleaf said:

Well we've had a failed ivf and 6 failed iuis, but I'm not giving up anytime soon. I think having a kid already makes me realize more what I would be missing by only having one. I have no idea when i would give up, but not yet. We're planning to do our second ivf with a new RE in March.

Don't know how helpful that is. Honestly finances will likely make the decision for us, but we're in a good insurance situation now.

I get this, totally. I also look at the close relationship I have with my siblings and it makes my heart hurt for DS

[gennyu]

Feb 21, 2015 22:24:53 GMT -5 Mushe said:

I'm not sure, to be honest. We're almost 1 year into TTC #2, but we've only just gotten a diagnosis. At this point, I want to give us a year from now, and then have a serious talk about stopping. I'm 36 and H is 40, and we both have demanding careers, so even just having a newborn now versus 3 years ago is going to be tough to juggle. It's only going to get worse. I'm sure this will swing back and forth, but right now, having DS is a huge comfort to me in terms of worry about whether we're successful. I do desperately want another, but I'm mindful that I don't want to not be present for his childhood because I'm worried about TTTC on top of work.

This is something that I have really focused on the past year or so.  The 18 months we were pursuing treatment were very hard on my marriage and I definitely had days where I was not the mom I want to be.  I am making a point now to embrace the family I have instead of mourning the family I dreamed of. It helps that DS is such a sweetheart. But I still have my moments...

[gennyu]

Feb 22, 2015 0:17:47 GMT -5 bronxgirl said:

After 2 failed IVFs and countless failed IUIs we stopped pursuing tx about a year ago. I still use a CBEFM and make sure we have sex when I'm ovulating, but realistically I don't have a chance. We'll never officially stop trying (well until menopause which I fear isn't too far away) but w/o tx it's probably just a pipe dream. Which sucks donkey balls BTW

Yes, this is very much where I am at in this journey as well.  Still hoping but not optimistic. Its so hard not to just give up.

[kdogg]

We've been trying for 2 years and already done IVF (ended in a miscarriage). We have 11 frozen embryos. If we go through all of those we are for sure done. Maybe sooner if it gets too difficult emotionally. And i agree that it hurts so bad to think about my son being an only. My brother is by far my closest family member and i don't know what i would do without him. We are 8 years apart BTW...so it makes me feel a little better about a large age gap.

[shanwalk]

We aren't even discussing when we will stop. I imagine that eventually it may come down to finances, but we are "only" 11 cycles into ttc #2. I don't know what another year of this will do to us, emotionally.

[mae141]

I'm scared to think of this. I don't even know where we'll start at this point.

[thiswillbe]

I always thought that if we didn't have another kid by the time the twins were 3 years old, I'd let go of the dream of having another. I didn't want them to be too far apart in age. That said, the twins are turning 5 next month and we're still planning to try once we're cleared to try again. I think it'll have to happen pretty quickly after that, though. DW is always looking for "signs" about what is "meant to be", and I think if we're not successful quickly she'll take that as a sign that it isn't meant to be.

Age is a factor for us, too, since I'll be 38 in June and DW is... older.

[jessnpaul]

I've thought about this a lot. I think for me it'll be when insurance runs out. I have 2 rounds left of IVF with insurance. I know I'm lucky to even have that! But I'm going to be 41 in May (how did that happen?!?!). My chances are slim at best at this point.

My heart also hurts for DS. I think he could really benefit from having a sibling, especially since he's pretty shy and has spent a lot of time with doctors/hospitals and was born with some birth defects that will always make him just a little bit "different". I wish he had a built-in BFF... but that just may not happen. I still hope it happens some day, but I also have to be realistic

[satsuma]

We have 4 frozen embryos. Using all of those would cost the same amount as a fresh cycle of IVF. I don't know if we could afford to do both. I do feel differently about it now. Before having DS, there was a sense of "well what else will we be spending our money on?" Now we have someone who uses quite a bit of our financial resources and we'd like to pay for college, etc.

[Elsa]

We've been trying for almost 2 years. Three failed iuis. We are doing one more iui+injects and then I'm done. I'm tired. And I will be sad. But I'm working harder on thinking of reasons to enjoy my family of 3 the way it is.

And....since I already hit my deductible this year due to ovarian cystectomy...if we don't get pg I'm getting a free breast reduction. So there is that to look forward to. Lol

[maryellen]

I'm about there now. I had that awful partial IUI last week and if it doesn't work, I don't think I'm going to pursue treatments anymore.  ETA: I'm also going to be 41 in October. I think my time has run out, unfortunately.  

We have been TTC #2 for a year and I can't take the ups and downs anymore. I have been trying to embrace having one child for a few months now but like a few of you said, my heart hurts for her that she will never have a sibling. Over the past few weeks she has become very interested in babies, too, and is always asking about babies and what they do and why. She doesn't even have any close cousins (BIL\SIL are in TX and my sis is in Oregon, currently TTC#1 - we are in PA).

[ouokie]

I'm not really sure. We have been TTCing for over 2 years. We have had 3 miscarriages and have been using Clomid which has seemed to be affective. All fertility treatments will be OOP for us so I don't know if we will pursue those routes. We have said that if are unable to carry a full term pregnancy then we will consider adoption.