Let's talk friends, shall we?

[doriswe]

I got to spend Saturday night with my bff, which always leaves me longing for more time with her.  We got to talking about relationships and how hard it is as an adult to meet new friends.  My relationships, where I live, have been fizzling out for one reason or another, and while I have friends here, they're not exactly the "I'm here to help you bury the body" sort of friend.

My bff is the peas to my carrots.  Problem is we live in different states, so getting together is always involves a lot of scheduling/planning. This whole thing lead to a lengthy conversation about me moving closer to her, which is something I've considered for a while anyway.  

This has me wondering, how odd or normal am I, when it comes to friends.  How often do you get out and socialize with friends? Are your closest friends close in location? How important are your friends in your day to day life?

[cuddlyevil]

Some of my oldest friends I don't see that often because they live in different states. There are others that I see almost weekly in the warm months, but only randomly in the winter months. The friends I've made locally through gbcn, I typically see once every month or two but we text/email a lot (sometimes daily).

I'm a social creature, so I need to have some sort of social interaction to feel good. Unfortunately, the change in our custody schedule has hampered that a bit but we're working on it Church has been helping too, I've met some really nice people there and their kids seem to like my kids! Win/Win!

That all said, I do like having nights/weekends where I don't see a lot of people. Sometimes it's nice to just have quiet time to yourself.

[doglove]

I have a few close friends that live in the area (a few at work) and a lot of close friends who do not live in the area. Regardless of where they live, I talk to them almost every day. If not, multiple times a week. I try to get together with local friends every weekend or every other weekend. It's hard to find new friends, but I've found good ones through the dog rescue and work.

I honestly don't know what I would do without my friends - wherever they live. They have helped me get through some of the hardest times in my life and keep me sane.

[gault]

I'm the person who needs at least a couple nights a week to myself. But when I need friend time, I NEEEEED IT.

Some of you ladies are my best gal friends, and we all live far away, so that is rough. Even local friends can be busy - one of my oldest and best friends lives an hour away from me (which I don't mind driving), but she is a SAHM with two kids, so we only see each other every few months. Add in a great couple who live in Boston, a couple of good friends in WI, and a few folks back in CA, and it can be difficult.

In short, you're not alone I do have a nice group of theater/choir geeks to hang out with here, but they are not "bury the body" types, to quote doris.

So, hint hint it would be WONDERFUL if you moved closer!

[doglove]

Feb 23, 2015 12:50:37 GMT -5 chalupa said:

doriswe this is the exact problem I have, too. My best friends (friends since 2nd grade!) live in VA and NC, and I'm up in PA. My family is all in VA. I have friends here, sure, but not the "partners in crime" type. And I don't get to see them nearly often enough, because clearing my schedule for a long weekend to see everyone takes a ton of effort on both our parts. We text often, talk when we can, but really only see each other every few months.

I plan to move in a year or two. There are some things I really like about the city I live in, but none of them are fabulous enough to make me want to stay here permanently. I now completely understand why people want to move to be closer to family!

This is why yoooooooooou should come closerrrrrrrrrrrr!

[doriswe]

I wondered if you'd weigh in on the moving, gault

I think I may be going into a minor panic because I realize in 7 years, I'll be kid-free and I'm worried about what in the hell I'm going to do when I'm all by myself.

[cuddlyevil]

Feb 23, 2015 12:56:19 GMT -5 doriswe said:

I wondered if you'd weigh in on the moving, gault

I think I may be going into a minor panic because I realize in 7 years, I'll be kid-free and I'm worried about what in the hell I'm going to do when I'm all by myself.

You do what everyone else does: downsize and/or move somewhere fun

[doriswe]

Feb 23, 2015 12:58:10 GMT -5 cuddlyevil said:

Feb 23, 2015 12:56:19 GMT -5 doriswe said:

I wondered if you'd weigh in on the moving, gault

I think I may be going into a minor panic because I realize in 7 years, I'll be kid-free and I'm worried about what in the hell I'm going to do when I'm all by myself.

You do what everyone else does: downsize and/or move somewhere fun

I keep telling my bff (and her bf) that once my kids are out, I'm moving in with them!

[partiallysunny]

I suck at friends.

I'm drifting away from my BFF from high school. I'm still in touch with some of my old friends from my early 20s, many who would help be bury a body, but we talk infrequently. A couple times a year.

From my friends from my last job, one is casual that I talk to randomly and the other is like a mother to me. Still, we talk maybe once every couple of weeks. I see her ever couple of months.

The only friend I've made at my current job I love. If she lived closer (or even the same side of the city) I'd bet we would be BFFs.

I miss having a friend to do random stuff with. Or just someone to come over and have dinner with and chat. Besides H, who is usually working in the evenings anyway.

[sparksfly]

One of my BFFs lives in DE, but she visits her family here with some regularity, but getting our schedules in line with each other can be tricky. The other BFF lives in VA with her H and 5 year old daughter, and their family is in PA and MD, so that is tough to make plans.

I do have 2 friends local to me. One is work BFF and other is a friend from school, who happens to have 4 kids. I get together with BFF fairly often. And I have another co-worker with whom I am becoming close with, and her H and my H also get along very well.

[SwimDeep]

I've never been good at keeping friends. Something I've recently realized about myself is that I'm not good at putting in the effort it takes to maintain a relationship. I crave solitude, and I like to do things by myself. It doesn't often occur to me to reach out to friends/acquaintances (or even family) to do something together.

I have one good friend, but I haven't talked to her since the holidays. I really need to send her an email just to say hello.

Other than that, I think I get all the socialization I need from work.

[ECB]

Our long time, really close friends are pretty spread out.  Most are probably 45 mins from us or more.  ANd now with kids and what not, we don't see them a lot.  BUt when we do, it's like we see each other just the other day.

DH and I have a good group of friends through other avenues.  A few from work here and there, "odds and ends" we met in our old neighborhood, etc.  THen we have a group of friends from our present  neighborhood.  These are the people we see the most often.  Largely because of our kids.  

While I like to have my me time and I like for us tohave our family time, DH and I (and really, DS too) are social and we like to GTG w/ friends whenever we can.  In a regular week, it probably boils down to getting togehter with people maybe 2 times?  Some weeks we'll have a "when it rains, it pours" thing, but normally - once or two times. I start to get stir crazy if I don't see or talk to people outside of my house!!  

[udscoobychick]

My BFF lives in my hometown, 500 miles from me. I get together with her several times a year when I visit my parents or when she comes down to visit me.

I have a few other friends from college scattered around the East Coast...I see them every few years.

My closest friends here, though (definitely "bury the body" friends), are ones who I met through dance. We get together 1-2 times per week. I think it helps that most of us have minimal family obligations (DH and I are the only ones who are married).

What I'm terrible about is keeping in contact with people. I'm fine to reach out to invite people to come over or to go out, but I NEVER call anyone or email anyone "just to catch up." It's just not me. I don't chat. So, I rely on seeing people in person to stay in contact, which makes it tough when someone moves.

[Emerald1486]

I don't have any close friends that I can say "We've been friends forever!!!!" I have one friend who was my childhood BFF but then we had a falling out in school and are just casual friends now.
I do have one friend who I am really close to (she truly is a bury the body friend). She lives in the same city. We talk maybe once a week, and see each other about once a month. But she is the type I can call and say "Can you come over. I need someone." and she will be there.
My 2 other best friends live out of town, one an hour north and the other 2 hours south. They are ones who have known me since my divorce and when we all get together it's like sisters hanging out.

[doriswe]

I miss having friends, in my area, who don't have to knock when they get to your house, kwim? I have friends at boot camp and I know some people at church, but they're not a "let's go grab a drink" sort of crowd. I have work friends, but most of them are married guys so that's not an option for hanging out.

I need to put myself out there more, but I don't even know where to start! The only Meetups in my area are for "adventures", moms of toddlers and LARPers.

[Chirp]

I also suck at friends.

I still talk to a few old childhood friends, but only online. We're all too busy with our own shit to bother getting together.

I have a couple friends at work. We go to lunch once in awhile but don't really hang out outside of work.

I don't really crave friend time though. If I need some time alone, I'll just take myself out for dinner or go see a movie by myself.

[mags]

I have my bff growing up we were inseparable. We,were each others maid of honors...godmother to our kids who were born 1 day apart in same hospital. We were always together. That is until my divorce and moving 2 hours away. Things got weird between us and we drifted apart. We barely spoke for 5-6 years. When my mom died she showed up and we had a heart to heart. We have much more contact now. It won't ever be the same.

I have a large group of friends about 10 of us who spend a lot of time together. 2 of them I am very close with.

I have very high expectations of my friends. I expect them to support me when I need it just like I do for them. Imo friends always back friends.
It takes work to maintain friends, people have to put effort in. Some people just want the friends without the work.

[motzie]

My two best friends live on the other side of the country, in Seattle and British Columbia. I've flown out there to see them but we usually go a few years in between. We've known each other for 17 years. We all modeled together and I lived with each of them at different times.

I have a few friends from my hometown, one from high school and a few that I worked with or met while I was bartending. There is a small group of us that are very close and meet up a few times a year even though we are spread out now.

I also have my friends from work and my book club girls from my last city. One girl I am closest to and we text/email weekly and she is coming to visit in a few weeks.

My ex-BFF from HS fell off the face of the earth. She got weird when she went to college and then our relationship went downhill from there. She was always very superficial but it got worse and we just didn't connect anymore. I found out she was having twins through my sister, just a few months after she'd written me to say she was sorry she sucked at staying in touch. I wrote to congratulate her and never heard back. Fuck her.

[partiallysunny]

I do talk to margarita a few times a week. I miss her! Though I hope she's having a fabulous vacation.

I think Chirp and I could be wonderful friends.

[starrieskies]

I'm trying to be better at friends, but it's hard. I feel lately like I'm growing apart from some of my closest friends. I crave social activities though. I spend a lot of time alone. Although I've never shied away from doing things by myself and typically I enjoy my alone time, I often find myself thinking that a lot of the things I have been doing lately would be more fun with friends.

I often think that it would be easier to just go and start fresh. New friends, new life, the works. But I know that my nervousness would not diminish in New surroundings.

[tiramisu]

I've struggled with friends since the relational aggression I dealt with in middle school. It's hard for me to trust, but once I do you're in, and if you betray that trust I'm done with you. I'm trying to put more effort into friendships.

My BFF lives in Boston, which is hard, but we'll always be BFFs. Whenever we get together time falls away. My college roommate is "help hide the body" close too and I love that she lives here. I have a couple other close-ish friends, but I know I also need to put effort into maintaining and building friendships.

I wish starrieskies lived near me because I think we could be great friends. Ditto with gault. Actually there are several of you who I consider to be friends and I love the support here.

[bowies]

I'm good at being friends with someone if they live locally, and royally suck at it if they don't. This is especially true right now since my family time demands more of me at the moment. I make it work though because I don't want to go back to where I was a number of years ago when my XH was my only social outlet. I get out and see my local friends about twice a month, sometimes more. I can't do everything with them and they understand that. Most are single and I'm the only one with a kid. I think I've surprised them by not dropping off the face of the earth after having a baby. I have not joined up with any friends-with-kids yet, which I'm kind of sad about. I guess this will come with time?

Ironically, I find it harder to keep in touch with my closest friend because we're both at the same places in our lives. I can juggle my own baby's schedule so I can go out with my local friends, but attempting to do so with hers and mine? That shit is hard. It would probably be easier if she still lived in the area. Between work and family obligations and immediate social functions, everything else gets put on the back burner. If I think about it, I'm a little sad that our relationship is in a holding pattern right now, but I know neither of us is holding a grudge and it'll be there when we can both clear out of the fog a bit. We're lucky to talk once or twice a month. I need to get better about this and carve out some time for chitchat...though again, our schedules are such that we're two ships passing in the night.

My friends have fallen out of my day-to-day life but not to the point that I've dumped anyone. If it's important I make it happen.

[kaneen]

I have two girlfriends that are like my family these days. We live in the same neighborhood and when I say "neighborhood" I mean we practically live together. I look out my front window and can see E's place 20 feet away and A's place is right next to mine. We're all single so we treat each other like significant others in a lot of ways. One of us needs help with someone and another steps in the way a partner would. I feel very very lucky to have these two ladies in my life. I do know that a lot of it is luck though. We didn't know one another before moving here so it's sheer damn good luck that we all live here at the same time and click with one another the way we do.

I also have a BFF who I've been friends with since high school. She's long distance but is someone who will always be in my life and knows me better than any other living soul.

Besides that, I have friends who I do social stuff with randomly.

[partiallysunny]

Oh, kaneen reminded me that I dream of having a younger, friendly neighbor in my hood.

[doriswe]

Feb 24, 2015 12:25:47 GMT -5 partiallysunny said:

Oh, kaneen reminded me that I dream of having a younger, friendly neighbor in my hood.

That would be awesome!! I want a friend next door that can stumble home after we drink by the fire!

[esdreturns]

I suck at making friends and it's even harder as an adult. I have one friend that lives in my state and we hang out sometimes but aren't super close. I do wish I had more friends because I enjoy hanging out.