I kinda feel like a dick.

[1confused1]

Feb 23, 2015 17:58:56 GMT -5 mp said:

But then I also feel like "OMGAH I don't want another guy who follows me just because he likes me, instead of because it's the right thing to do." (This was my exH, in everything. He later told me he went along with whatever I did, even though while we were married he would have spoken with conviction about it all.)

This is what I was thinking when he all of the sudden changed his mind the next day.  I would just move on and not worry about this guy.

You're not a dick.

[winecat]

Feb 23, 2015 18:52:25 GMT -5 1confused1 said:

Feb 23, 2015 17:58:56 GMT -5 mp said:

But then I also feel like "OMGAH I don't want another guy who follows me just because he likes me, instead of because it's the right thing to do." (This was my exH, in everything. He later told me he went along with whatever I did, even though while we were married he would have spoken with conviction about it all.)

This is what I was thinking when he all of the sudden changed his mind the next day.  I would just move on and not worry about this guy.

You're not a dick.

Second Indian.  

[redredwine]

It's one of the issue your are most passionate about. I don't care if the guy is Bradley Cooper, if he can't stand with you on that, then he's not the right dude for you.

I had a similar issue with a guy I went on a few dates iwth that was against gay marriage. It wasn't that he "was against gay people, but he didn't feel they should have the title of marriage".

Nope. Next, please.

[redredwine]

Feb 23, 2015 19:13:37 GMT -5 mp said:

Feb 23, 2015 19:07:24 GMT -5 redredwine said:

It's one of the issue your are most passionate about. I don't care if the guy is Bradley Cooper, if he can't stand with you on that, then he's not the right dude for you.

I had a similar issue with a guy I went on a few dates iwth that was against gay marriage. It wasn't that he "was against gay people, but he didn't feel they should have the title of marriage".

Nope. Next, please.

That's the thing, there are few things that I feel MORE passionate about than this. There are tons of things I could agree to disagree on, but definitely not animals.

I just feel like a dick because what if he really did think about it as much as he says he did? I mean, I DID make a compelling argument. But the nagging in the back of my head wondering if he REALLY believes it would probably drive me nuts.

Eh, in my opinion if it's already this complicated on date 2 and you're questioning things (right fully so) then I'd still move on, especially because you're not sure if there was anything there chemistry wise, etc. 

[Wanderista]

I don't think you need to justify not wanting to date him.

[bl]

I think this is one of those things that the other person needs to be on board with because its truly how they believe. Its so important to you that they shouldn't need convincing with a compelling argument.

[calle28]

I'd always wonder in the back of my mind if he really changed his mind or was just patronizing me. Some things are so important to each of us that it's fair to want a partner to feel the same way, you don't want to have to convince them.

[idahome]

I think calle28 said it well.

Verdict: not a dick.

[lexxasaurus]

I think if you were crazy into him, and this was where you clashed, that I might take him up on the volunteering or put more effort into it. It sounds like he is more into you and you just thought it was a decent enough date. You're not a jerk, it's one of the most important things in your life. You guys don't share an opinion on it, so don't feel bad and move on.

[Wrath0fKuus]

Even if he did think about it and genuinely changed his mind, you still don't have to date him.

[lookingup]

I agree with the previous posters. I would consider this a fundamental incompatibility, and I'd be too turned off to even consider a second date with him.

[becwheat]

Yeah, nope! Next.

[Deleted]

Healthy adults don't usually dig their heels about an issue and suddenly change their mind overnight. He is mirroring you and telling you what he thinks you want to hear. And he also comes off a tad desperate with the "name the place and time" line.

[MyName]

I don't know, man. This is something you're super passionate about, so I think your ideal is to just click on this subject with someone. Maybe he thought it was flirty to argue with you (or maybe that just says something about my personality, lol), and hadn't really considered all the information you provided. He's willing to go volunteer with you - maybe you changed his mind! Isn't believing you CAN change people's minds about this the foundation of your organization?

I will also say that I am not a pet/animal person. I don't spend a lot of time thinking about their issues, to be honest. BUT, there is a pet store in my neighborhood, with puppies in the window and everything like an 80's mall store, and every time I walk by it, I think of GBCN, because I cannot believe it's still in business!! And the only reason I feel that way is because of posts on here.

[katietornado]

I don't know. There are plenty of things that I care about a great deal that my H didn't understand or know about before me. I think you know that vegetarianism is one of my core things, along with rescue. H ate meat for the first several months we were dating, but eventually came around to understanding my feelings on it (and legit agreeing with me) after less than a year. He hasn't had meat in 9 years now.

So...if he's willing to volunteer at a shelter with you, and he's cute and he likes you, and you could possibly like him...I feel like do it.

I remember a date with a guy where we argued about something that in retrospect made me look like a vapid, uninformed idiot. I have no doubt it's part of the reason I didn't see him after that. Getting to know people is weird. There are bumps in the road.

[dirtyred]

You're not a dick if you don't want to date him anymore (for either the dog thing or the no chemistry thing, or both), but I will say that it took me 5 dates with my now DH to say yeah, I like this guy.  Something could happen here.  I used to be a "no chemistry, move on" person, and it wasn't working for me, so I changed it up a little.  And it worked.