S has a half-brother... Updated with sibling photo

[carawestt]

Wow, that is strange! You must be feeling a million emotions. That would be very confusing for Sydney if he was to refer to him as her brother. Hopefully they don't meet for a while and you can find a way to explain things to her. I still can't believe he has another baby.

[lolaburns]

I'm sorry, Steph. What a beautiful baby boy, but I can't imagine the emotions that must come along with this. I hope this doesn't have to be explained to S for a very, very long time or until you are ready to discuss it with her.

[eav2c]

That's a lot to take in. How is T doing with it all? I think meeting a sibling in these circumstances would be confusing for even adults. Do you guys see her birthfather a lot? FWIW, while I don't KNOW you and S, I think you are raising a very smart, bright, and well adjusted little girl and I feel like almost any situation she could take in stride.

[Deleted]

I'm sorry, I can't imagine all the feelings you must have right now.

I know you aren't as close with him as you are with T, when you do see him is it because he wants to? Do you have to/want to keep up a relationship with him?

Hugs!

[steph196]

Feb 26, 2015 0:44:46 GMT -5 eav2c said:

That's a lot to take in. How is T doing with it all? I think meeting a sibling in these circumstances would be confusing for even adults. Do you guys see her birthfather a lot? FWIW, while I don't KNOW you and S, I think you are raising a very smart, bright, and well adjusted little girl and I feel like almost any situation she could take in stride.

Thank you, that means a lot! We are trying to hard to make her situation "normal" for her. I don't want her to think that she is different or was unwanted, but I also don't want to over-emphasize anything about how her situation being different than other children. 

T is doing okay. He will always hold a special place in her heart, since he was her first, but she doesn't have feelings for him (she has a really great boyfriend now!). She doesn't want him to be involved in S's life, and she really doesn't want him to confuse her with this new baby. We see him about 4-5 times a year. Not a ton, but still a good amount.

[steph196]

Feb 26, 2015 0:45:00 GMT -5 ladybug said:

I'm sorry, I can't imagine all the feelings you must have right now.

I know you aren't as close with him as you are with T, when you do see him is it because he wants to? Do you have to/want to keep up a relationship with him?

Hugs!

Our visits are usually prompted by us (Christmas, birthday, when we haven't seen each other in a while, etc.), unless his mom requests a visit (which was every week for a while.). S really enjoys spending time with him, and he is great with her. We want to keep up a relationship, because it is what is best for her, but this new baby adds a different dimension. I think that they will back off now that the baby is here, but who knows.

[carawestt]

You and C handle ever thing so well. S is so, so lucky to have you as her mom and dad. I can't even begin to imagine how I'd do everything you do if I were in your shoes. You're just incredible.

[steph196]

Feb 26, 2015 1:01:59 GMT -5 carawestt said:

You and C handle ever thing so well. S is so, so lucky to have you as her mom and dad. I can't even begin to imagine how I'd do everything you do if I were in your shoes. You're just incredible.

Thanks Cara!  (kiss)  You are so sweet and kind, but there has never been a time when I have felt incredible as a mom. I'm just a mom, who loves her daughter with every ounce of her heart, and feels incredibly lucky to get to be her mom.  (heart) 

Every so often, I think about how the majority of parents don't have to deal with all of the extra people like we do, which makes me a little envious. But at the same time, since this is the only situation we know, it just seems normal to us. I can't imagine having any other child, because S is the perfect fit for us (minus the fact that we are already raising a teenager with an awful attitude!). 

[aubreyann]

Thinking of you! S has a great mom and is so lucky to be with you. I'm sure you will find the best way to handle this. You amaze me.  (star)

[imimahoney]

Wow, what a tough situation. I hope it's as drama free and for S. Hugs.

[shevacc]

I'm sorry you have these additional challenges to deal with but I'm sure you'll navigate the situation really well. You are doing such a great job raising a happy, confident daughter.

[blane12]

He is beautiful, but it defiantly adds another dimension to their relationship. I don't know how old her birth father is now, but they always say that statistically, teen parents have another within a couple years of the first a lot. If/when you do meet baby, I'd see if you can talk with her birth father before and discuss how you guys are going to handle it in the best interest of S. No matter what, I'm sure you will handle it in the best possible way. I know you guys have a unique situation, but love the way that you are all so accepting of all these people who love S.

[silverjm]

You are a great mom, and I am confident you will help S navigate the complexities of her family beautifully.

From my own experience with SS(who now has 7 half siblings), there are so many kids with unique and/or blended families, and kids are amazingly accepting. She may have some interesting questions a bit earlier than you expected, but I'm sure you'll answer them satisfactorily.

[earlybird]

That's a lot to process, but you've handled so many tough situations that I have no doubt you'll find a good way to deal with this one. I'm so impressed with the way you've handled S's complex family relationships.

[raynes]

That is certainly a complicated situation. You guys have handled things so well up until now, I know you'll figure out how to deal with this too.

[claralou]

Steph, I just want to hug you. You do such an incredible job navigating all of these factors and people, and I'm frankly in awe of how beautifully you manage it all. This situation will be no exception.

[laurensmomma]

I see why this is a tough situation. I don't have anything to add that hasn't been said already. Sending big hugs your way.

[Deleted]

That is a lot to handle but she doesn't have to comprehend that yet. You are the best parents for her. I do hope one day maybe when she's a teen or adult she can have a relationship with her brother.

[creamsiclechica]

I love you so much, Steph. I think you are entitled to feel a range of emotions here, and also to be conflicted about how to proceed in the future with this difficult, new dynamic. However, if there is anyone I know who can navigate this with love, grace, and with Sydney's best interest intact, it's you, sweetie. I know you don't feel extraordinary, but you are a very special person that inspires others, as a mom, a teacher, a wife, a friend.

[steph196]

Feb 26, 2015 8:53:22 GMT -5 @destinationunknown said:

Wow. That is a lot to process. Can you talk to them ahead of time and ask for them not to refer to the baby as her brother whenever they do meet? I would think they would be understanding to your hesitation to confuse her. Big hugs, you are such an incredible mama!

I think that's a great idea. I never thought about letting them meet, but asking that they don't refer to him as her brother. I know that they will be excited for the kids to meet, so I don't want to be a stick in the mud, so this seems like a good compromise. Thank you!

[steph196]

Feb 26, 2015 6:54:41 GMT -5 gamecockgirl74 said:

Gosh, steph so many emotions. While S's situation is a lot different from my own, I still feel such a connection to her. It's really eye opening to see all of the decisions the parents of adopted kid have to make. I think you are doing a great job and I admire you so much. I've told you before that my birth mom hasn't told my sister yet that I am her half-sister. So, I know as an adult how I feel about that, but S is so small though. AAH. How hard. You are navigating this beautifully. Love you and admire the hell out of you.

I was thinking about you in this situation last night. I want her to know who he is when the time is right, and I don't want to keep her from him. It's tough to find that happy medium.

[katie]

Feb 26, 2015 8:19:23 GMT -5 claralou said:

Steph, I just want to hug you. You do such an incredible job navigating all of these factors and people, and I'm frankly in awe of how beautifully you manage it all. This situation will be no exception.

Perfectly said, I couldn't like this enough.

[ruby412]

Feb 26, 2015 8:19:23 GMT -5 claralou said:

Steph, I just want to hug you. You do such an incredible job navigating all of these factors and people, and I'm frankly in awe of how beautifully you manage it all. This situation will be no exception.

This says everything I was thinking perfectly. Hugs to you, Steph!

[Regina Philange]

Wow steph, so many emotions.

My H was adopted, and he was talking about finding his birth parents the other day. He might have biological siblings as well. Anyways, i was thinking of you and the dynamic you guys have with S's birth parents, and i think you are a really great mom.

[christidee]

I can't say anything that really hasn't been said already. You do such a great job with S. I can't imagine how many different emotions the birth of her half brother brings up for you (and then later down the road for her), but I know that you will do whatever is best for S and she will be fine. Big hugs.

[Deleted]

I just want to say that you all seem to be handling this very well.

[honeybee503]

Hugs, Steph. I'm sure it's really hard to process all of this. You are such a great mom, and I am sure you will handle this with S in the best way possible.

[formerlyllizzyb]

Gosh everyone has said my thoughts! Such eloquent women here.
Basically, I admire you, and you've got this, Steph!

[kdrake8]

He is so beautiful.

You are such a great mom and you know how much I love you. I am sure you will somehow be able to handle this situation with as much grace and love as you have handled everything else. You are someone that I admire so completely.

This has to be so difficult. I can't even imagine. But I think you've gotten so much wonderful advice above. Xoxoxoxoxo love you my friend.

[careyalis]

Feb 26, 2015 9:12:10 GMT -5 creamsiclechica said:

I love you so much, Steph. I think you are entitled to feel a range of emotions here, and also to be conflicted about how to proceed in the future with this difficult, new dynamic. However, if there is anyone I know who can navigate this with love, grace, and with Sydney's best interest intact, it's you, sweetie. I know you don't feel extraordinary, but you are a very special person that inspires others, as a mom, a teacher, a wife, a friend.

I can't say what I want to say anymore eloquently than this. Cream, once again, hit the nail on the head. You are amazing, Steph! I know that you will make the best choices for S!!