I was one of the youngest. It sucked when everyone else was turning 16 and driving and I wasn't but fantastic when everyone was turning 30 and I was still 29 lol.
I didn't do well in school but I don't think that was necessarily my age.
My brother and I are 13 months apart (both summer birthdays). I went to K early but my mom waited on my brother so we are two years apart in school. It was never a big deal so I wouldn't make any choices based on that.
I'm from India, so our school system is a bit different. I started kinder at 2 3/4 years. The normal was 3-4 in my state. I was always the youngest and it didn't bother me. I did very well academically. Socially, I don't think much could be done for my introvertedness. My teachers tried to get me to repeat a year and it would have happened if I failed any classes but I was pretty much straight A, so I'm glad that didn't happen. It would have been humiliating. I didn't mind being the youngest at all. I was really small and skinny when I was younger, so some of the boys in my class were intimidating, especially the ones who were almost two years older than me. It didn't matter except in sports which I gave up on pretty early.
The only thing I can focus on is that she is the typical second child and has no motivation or drive to please...
Maybe don't say that ever, around her or her sister. Im the second child, of two girls two years apart, and my drive and motivation to please are no less than my sister. We are different with different strengths when it comes to school and learning but.. Man. The inferiority complex that statement could cause is unecessary.
Send her if she is ready, don't if she isn't. All the rest of the keeping up with the joneses you're talking about shouldn't matter, do what is truly best for your daughter and screw what anyone else thinks.
Sorry to have offended! What I should have said is that she's not your typical first born, not that IS a typical 2nd born bc I'm not so sure there is a type. Basically my first kid has all the positives (wants to please always in every way) and negatives (super anal and sees a psych already for anxiety) of a typical 1st born. She does and probably will always do well in school. My 2nd kid doesn't give a shit what people think and isn't driven to impress. But I love her for it and predict she will have great success at some point in life in a very different sort of career path. She's quite smart, but more of a "street smart" if such a thing exists for 4 yr olds?? Like she can manipulate the crap out of her sister. We never discuss their differences in their presence and get upset when family members do so.
Expecting them to go to grad school is odd. I mean, it's necessary for many career fields, but totally superfluous for many other "high power" careers. It's not like grad school automatically equals higher earning potential. It depends on what they want to do.
It was said tongue in cheek but didn't come out that way online. In truth, nearly everyone in our families have advanced degrees and education is really really important to us (hence why I'm obsessing about giving her the best start) and something we will encourage and pay for if they want to continue. It isn't about the career potential to me, but the experience. I don't regret my law degree one bit though I'll likely never use it, it was still an influential life experience.
I was one of the youngest in my class and I think I ended up OK. No maturity issues that I know of but I was always a bit of a PITA. ETA: I have a mid-November birthday and the cut off was the end of Nov. back when I started in K.
My brother is 3.5 years younger than I am but 5 grades behind because he started later due to maturity issues. TBH, I think being one of the oldest was actually a detriment to him, especially in HS. He felt like he was too old to be hanging out with kids in his grade, especially after he got his license, so was hanging out with the older kids and getting into more trouble. Maybe this would have happened if he was in with his age peers, too. Who knows.
My mom held me back and I am so glad she did, I probably would've been OK but was glad that I was in the same developmental stage as my friends and not at the tail end or struggling to 'keep up'. My brother on the other hand would've crashed and burned BAD if my Mom had sent him on time (Bday the day before the cut off) he is chronically immature and by holding him back he was more in line with the expectations of his grade and was able to be more successful then if he had been trailing behind. I would not push another Mom to send her kid if she isn't comfortable with it. If you think Ingrid is ready then by all means send her but just because she's ready doesn't mean her friend is. This is SOOO kid dependent
My mom held me back and I am so glad she did, I probably would've been OK but was glad that I was in the same developmental stage as my friends and not at the tail end or struggling to 'keep up'. My brother on the other hand would've crashed and burned BAD if my Mom had sent him on time (Bday the day before the cut off) he is chronically immature and by holding him back he was more in line with the expectations of his grade and was able to be more successful then if he had been trailing behind. I would not push another Mom to send her kid if she isn't comfortable with it. If you think Ingrid is ready then by all means send her but just because she's ready doesn't mean her friend is. This is SOOO kid dependent
I'm not for real trying to convince the other mom. I'm coming off as much bitchier in this thread than i am IRL (I hope?). The other mom is my BFF too so we talk about these types of things all the time, but not in a pressure sort of way at all, I know everyone has to make their own decision. Fwiw, her kid is ready so wouldn't be encouraging sending to be my kids friend at school, but I have maintained neutrality bc I don't want to her to feel addl pressure from me.
I was a May 29 birthday. I was always young. I'm the 2nd girl. My sister did better academically (like 4.0 valedictorian in HS). But I did very well also. I had no issues or problems.
Post by themysteriouswife on Feb 27, 2015 9:03:23 GMT -5
My DD started K at 4 due to her Aug. birthday. She was the youngest in the school. She is 7 in 2nd and most of. Her peers are 8/9. She is doing fine academically. Socially she has always been awkward. Even as a toddler she would play alone or try to find older kids. Now she rather hang out with the teachers. If you are following the district guidelines why does it matter?
Post by MixedBerryJam on Feb 27, 2015 9:08:29 GMT -5
My son started 5th grade at 9; he was always the youngest in his class and is certainly the youngest of his group of friends, but by the same token he was always pretty mature for his age and is scary smart. The plan was to start K at 4 and, as we were planning to move during K, have him repeat K in the new city, but he was just too smart to repeat, and he would have been bored to tears.
I won't lie - there were some struggles. A couple of times he asked to be held back so he wasn't always the youngest, but that wasn't a very realistic plan, and sending him off to college at 17 was terrifying. I have drilled into him over the years the stuff we hear about brain development and how even though he's as smart as or smarter than his peers, by virtue of being a year younger his brain and judgment skills just might not be the same.
I'm pretty ambivalent about the issue, to be honest. If I could do it again, I probably would still send him early and have him be the youngest. But if there were a way to have kept him home for a year and sent him to college at 18, I would have liked that. A lot.
I don't think there's really a wrong or right answer. Only you know your kid, and so much of parenting is a frigging crap shoot anyway. Good luck!
My DD started K at 4 due to her Aug. birthday. She was the youngest in the school. She is 7 in 2nd and most of. Her peers are 8/9. She is doing fine academically. Socially she has always been awkward. Even as a toddler she would play alone or try to find older kids. Now she rather hang out with the teachers. If you are following the district guidelines why does it matter?
This is why my Mom who taught 4th grade for 20+yrs then was a school counselor is pro-redshirting. being younger then the typical kid in class can cause social issues especially around years where there are social development leaps and can lead to kids being ostracized or acting out (class clown or otherwise) and in her experience kids did better socially if they were redshirted so they were more in line with the other kids in the class.
As she put it in all her years she never had a parent regret redshirting but had more then a few parents who admitted regretting not redshirting and asked about retaining their child for a year.
If you are following the district guidelines why does it matter?
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It matters bc very few other parents around here follow the guidelines so Im just looking for Internet support that by me doing so my kids will be ok through stories of other young kids turning out just fine
I didn't skip a grade but at the time the cutoff was August 31 and my birthday is the 13. My brother is 15 months older and had to repeat kindergarten so we were in the same grade growing up.
I did fine in school, I always had good grades, I won the reading challenge (beat the teacher by the way!), I placed in all honors classes, made honor roll every semester and got a letter in academics. I graduated 5th in my class (only 50 kids though and I probably could have placed higher but I got a little lazy).
Since all my friends and brother had their licenses I ended up getting mine at 17. Our school didn't do drivers ed so we had to take it privately which was a hassle and I wasn't in a rush. I didn't date or party in high school so...I can't relate to those elements of high school.
My brother got Bs and Cs even though he was one of the oldest. He excelled in sports and music and was popular, everyone loved my brother. I helped him with his homework once we got to high school.
I skipped a grade and was always the youngest in my class. H skipped a grade too, and was the youngest.
Both of us did extremely well in school. Academically it was a breeze. Socially I never had problems. The only thing that sucked was getting my license a year after everyone else. lol.
Same here. My parents were very cool with adjusting my curfews and things to mirror my friends, so being younger wasn't a super big deal except for the legal stuff that everyone obviously did a year ahead of me.
And I moved away to college when I was still 17, so not being able to go out with friends did kind of suck for the first semester (but I wouldn't plan your child's education around whether she can get into clubs her freshman year of college I was also an art major who couldn't buy her own spray paint or a few other art supplies since I wasn't 18, so that got some laughs, but overall I had no issues. I was an overachieving, straight A, suck up kind of student from day one of first grade though. I just liked school and being at the top of the class.
This is why my Mom who taught 4th grade for 20+yrs then was a school counselor is pro-redshirting. being younger then the typical kid in class can cause social issues especially around years where there are social development leaps and can lead to kids being ostracized or acting out (class clown or otherwise) and in her experience kids did better socially if they were redshirted so they were more in line with the other kids in the class.
As she put it in all her years she never had a parent regret redshirting but had more then a few parents who admitted regretting not redshirting and asked about retaining their child for a year.
I feel like this is a bit unfair. Whether or not to redshirt is an extremely individualized decision, and I question the hell out of your mother's judgment if she advocates it all the time for everyone. Recent studies suggest that redshirting doesn't necessarily have any advantages.
Yes, I skipped a grade and graduated at 17. My parents redshirted my younger brother who graduated high school right before his 19th birthday. We both graduated in the top 5 in our class, got scholarships, did will in college, had good social lives, etc. Every kid needs something different. I'm glad my parents were wise enough to do what each of us needed.
Listen, I was one of the oldest kids in my class because my birthday was literally two days after the cut off. My husband was very young for his grade because he skipped 1st and his mother did NOT allow him to be skipped again because he was not mature enough (4th grade).
Guess what? WE'RE BOTH JUST FINE. Hell, he had to pay taxes earlier than I did and had to bum rides off of friends for longer. But I am denied the pleasure of touting from the rooftops for the rest of my life the achievement of graduating high school at 16/17 and college at 20/21. OH WELL.
So, in conclusion, whether or not you live in an enclave of high-achieving exclusivity populated by power-SAHMs who redshirt their kids for kicks or a normal suburban neighborhood of people who by and large follow the cut off guidelines for the school system, there is a 75-99% likelihood that your kids will be A-OKAY. You cannot make a really wrong decision, and no decision is final. It's the kids in poor neighborhoods with shitty schools further eviscerated by charters that won't teach evolution who we have to worry THE MOST about.
[Fine Print: This post sponsored by Wasting Time (TM) and Vacation is Coming (R) and is not solely, or even mostly, related to the OP]
To tell you the truth, I am more interested in helping my kids develop traits like perseverance and determination than sheltering them their whole lives. The latter is not going to help them as adults.
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This is also something I need to hear. I know in my head this is the case, I just need to execute. I'm not a typical helicopter parent in that I never defend my kids to teachers, etc. but I am extremely guilty of sheltering them. I hate to see my kids struggle in anyway. I know it is going to be so difficult for me to watch them go through inevitable struggles at school and wonder whether it is bc of something I have done, but hopefully ill be able to convince myself the trials will make them stronger in the long run
This is why my Mom who taught 4th grade for 20+yrs then was a school counselor is pro-redshirting. being younger then the typical kid in class can cause social issues especially around years where there are social development leaps and can lead to kids being ostracized or acting out (class clown or otherwise) and in her experience kids did better socially if they were redshirted so they were more in line with the other kids in the class.
As she put it in all her years she never had a parent regret redshirting but had more then a few parents who admitted regretting not redshirting and asked about retaining their child for a year.
I feel like this is a bit unfair. Whether or not to redshirt is an extremely individualized decision, and I question the hell out of your mother's judgment if she advocates it all the time for everyone. Recent studies suggest that redshirting doesn't necessarily have any advantages.
I should've clarified In cases where a parent is considering it and isn't sure the kid is socially ready she is pro-redshirting, since parents know their kid best. Definitely not all kids all the time.
Post by marshmallowmars on Feb 27, 2015 9:42:01 GMT -5
I have an August birthday with a 9/1 cutoff so I was the youngest. I did great in school both academically, socially and athletically. DS is also an August birthday and DD is July. I plan on sending both on time, with DS starting 4K this September. I know he will be the youngest in his class and if he has to repeat 4K or kindy, so be it. But I will still send him on time because someone has to be the youngest. It pisses me off that people with May/June birthdays are considering redshirting. So your kid would be 14-15 months older than my son. I would start both of your kids on time and if they are struggling then you can reassess. But to hold them back now before they even get a chance is stupid.
My husband and I were in the same class in high school but he was almost the very oldest kid and I was the very youngest. We are two full years apart in age. We are both similarly successful in our lives, careers, maturity, etc. In high school we both succeeded socially and athletically. I am the oldest child in my family and he is a middle (second) child.
Sooooooo studies don't matter if the decision is right for YOUR child. That's really what it comes down to.
I feel the need to add that my parents redshirted me because of my size. And I have a Feb. Bday so I was WAY old. It was awesome. Lol. Being the oldest in the class is fun. I finally "caught up" by getting my B.S. In 3 years.
For my son, I just followed the district guidelines where the cutoff was actually just one week after his birthday. His preschool was $1750 a month and he went to public kindergarten so that made my decision easier! But honestly I wouldn't change a thing if cost wasn't a factor. He a very tall child so keeping him back a year he would be significantly taller than his classmates. So we moved to another state when he had already started first grade and here the cutoff is earlier so they tried to put him in kindergarten based on his age! So he really is the youngest (and still tallest!)
I was the youngest in my class, I graduated at 17 went to college and have a successful career. I never really thought about being the youngest, maybe because I was always the tallest too! My brother is almost exactly 2 years younger than me (but I'm Nov birthday and he is Dec and the cutoff was Nov 30) but he was 3 years behind me in school. Honestly I never even thought about it or even realized it until this post. So I really don't think that matters at all.
I'd say unless you have a real reason (not based on some study) to not follow the guidelines, I'd just follow them. I'd also stop "typing" your kids as the "typical oldest child". That's bullshit and it really pisses me off when my siblings say stuff to me (about being the middle child)
My sister skipped the 2nd grade because my parents moved in the middle of the school year. She started in the 2nd grade but when they moved, she was placed in 3rd grade. This was the '70's and well before the fad of holding kids back - and little old fashioned in skipping grades. She had a winter birthday and was always the youngest - by far. She was an excellent student, high achiever with lots of friends. Being skipped and the youngest was NEVER an issue. Not even a little.
If you are following the district guidelines why does it matter?
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It matters bc very few other parents around here follow the guidelines so Im just looking for Internet support that by me doing so my kids will be ok through stories of other young kids turning out just fine
Our district has a 5 by 9/1 cut off for k. If someone wants to keep then in pre k when they should, age wise, be in k, it requires many meetings, and letters from pediatrician, or therapist of some sort, stating legit reasons why keeping them back is socially or academically better. It's not just up to the parents. An expert of sorts has to validate it.
I wouldn't keep them back unless a doctor or someone similar suggested it.
Especially since full day kindergarten is free and part time preschool runs me $1200/month.
It matters bc very few other parents around here follow the guidelines so Im just looking for Internet support that by me doing so my kids will be ok through stories of other young kids turning out just fine
Our district has a 5 by 9/1 cut off for k. If someone wants to keep then in pre k when they should, age wise, be in k, it requires many meetings, and letters from pediatrician, or therapist of some sort, stating legit reasons why keeping them back is socially or academically better. It's not just up to the parents. An expert of sorts has to validate it.
I wouldn't keep them back unless a doctor or someone similar suggested it.
Especially since full day kindergarten is free and part time preschool runs me $1200/month.
I wish our district was similar thus removing the pressure to decide from me and helpingy kids to have in their same boat
We have a summer birthday with our 2nd. Thankfully from observing my older son's class I can see most send their kids on time. Maybe in the suburbs it is different, but in our district I am happy to see there isn't much debate. I am also in Iowa, but not in the same city as you.
I plan to send him on time. He is physically little though so that is my only reservation. I don't want him to be this little shrimp when everyone else is redshirting. Thankfully since it doesn't seem to be happening much I probably won't need to worry.
Post by karinothing on Feb 27, 2015 11:10:44 GMT -5
Wait, how would you be 9 in 5th grade, even with summer birthdays (well 9 for most of the year anyway). My bday is in August. I started kinder after just turning 5 so ...
1st 6 (just turned) 2nd 7 3rd 8 4th 9 5th 10
I don't know how you would be 9 in 5th (for a long period anyway) unless you started K at 4 and remained 4 yrs for most of K. Which shouldn't be happening? Is there something I am missing? I am bad at math lol.
Anyway, I was fine being one of the youngest. I was and always have been super social. Never had an issues with academics.
ETA: Our district requires you to be 5 to start by 9/30, so you would only be 4 for like 2-3 weeks).
I was just about the oldest in my class. I was also the shortest. Sometimes the blackest. Always the worst behaved. Definitely the funniest. Didn't pay attention. Bad at sports, but delusional enough that I didn't notice and wouldn't have believed anyone who told me otherwise. Now I have two doctoral degrees, a Honda Accord, and disturbingly flat feet.