S/o Being 9 yrs old in 5th grade:

[allhis]

Please come in with stories of being really young for your grade and not minding it/achieving great success in life.  I lurk enough to know that Miso is super smart/successful so there's that at least...

My kids are both "summer" birthdays (May 30 and June 14, but both after school lets out) and it freaking stresses me out b/c everyone here seems to redshirt. Gretta is easily the youngest in her 1st grade class, despite the fact that the cut off is Sept. 15th in Iowa, so 1/4 of the class *should* be younger than her. We sent her b/c despite being socially immature, she is really bright and likes school and so far is doing great academically.

I want to send Ingrid this year b/c they are 2 years apart so should be 2 grades imo. The problem is that she is a typical 2nd child and has no desire to please/drive to succeed. She is perhaps the smarter of the 2, but I don't think she'll necessarily thrive at school.  Being a full year behind her peers might not help?

Mainly since I'm pretty sure we will send her, I'm hoping you can make me feel better about the decision, and also I'm hoping to convince my friend to send her summer daughter (Ingrid's BFF) with your stories of success.

[BicycleBride]

My sister always did great. She was generally a year younger than her classmates and will receive her Phd in a medical field in June at 25.5. And that includes taking a semester off in college.

[waffletime]

I had a December birthday and started when I was 3, but that wasn't uncommon; I think they went by calendar year for age requirements instead of school year. I'm smart, I don't feel like my being a year younger really affected me at all academically. I definitely did some of the same stuff jehc did, but that was because all my friends lived in the city and were 2+ years older than me.

[jinkies]

I'm a summer birthday, was usually one of the youngest in my class, and I'm awesome, so....

Seriously, though, this is so dependent on the child. If she doesn't seem ready, I would certainly take that into consideration.

My bias is generally to send kids to school on schedule, though.

[ninjabridemom]

My birthday is in summer. It was fine. I liked being the "right" age for my grade. I had a friend who was very young and it was hard for her (December birthday) until late high school.

I would not want to just decide to keep the boys older. Trend right now is they're younger but that's just the makeup of their class. I think the decision should be based completely on your kid and not based on trends or anything else really. Everyone else be damned, do what's best for your kids.

[Shreddingbetty]

So she would be in K? Can you just start her and see how she does and have her repeat if she just isn't quite cutting it?
I'm an October birthday and started 1st grade at 5. I could already read and I was pretty tall and they didn't even realize that I wasn't technically old enough. I did fine. I did grow up in the Netherlands so the whole driving thing wasn't an issue at all since we can't drive until we're 18. I think it just depends on the kid. My niece is dating an 18 y/o senior who will be 19 the summer after he graduates HS. He acts like a middle school girl. There probably aren't any guarantees either way.

[allhis]

Feb 26, 2015 22:20:52 GMT -5 ste said:

I think it's a little weird that you're so concerned about their grades being X years apart. And also trying to convince someone else to start their kid early.

Idk. Isn't it kid dependent? If you don't think she's going to thrive... don't do it? Why set her up for a bad situation?

Idk, I just don't want them later to be bothered by the fact that I "held one back," and sent the other one, and thus develop some sort of inferiority complex?  Plus they are really close to one another so I think would prefer to be 2 grades apart vs. 3.  Also, we have a really big school district (apx. 1000 kids/grade) so I think that having one another in the same building would provide some sort of comfort in the sea of kids?

FWIW, I actually don't put any pressure on my friend whatsoever to send her kid b/c I definitely don't want to feel responsible for someone else's decision when it's hard enough to make my own.  I *do* think that her daughter is totally ready and I am annoyed that so many parents choose to hold their kid back for no other reason than they just want to do so, and thus make my kids the de facto youngest kids in the class.  But I know that it is a personal decision, i just wish there was more of an expectation that you send your kids if they meet the cut off and have no real reason not to send them, so that my kids didn't have to be the youngest when they should have lots of peers their age.

[dexteroni]

Why are you sending her if you're pretty sure she won't do well? That sounds like a terrible situation for everyone. (ETA: Never mind, you answered that in a followup.)

I have a June birthday, and my parents (really it was my mom's doing, my dad just went along with it) tried to send me to first grade at age 5 instead of kindergarten. I was smart enough, but I wasn't emotionally mature enough. I was miserable and not doing well, and they eventually agreed to just let go to kindergarten instead. Years later my mom would admit how awful she felt pushing me into it. Intelligence is by far not the only factor. I urge you to seriously consider whether you're doing this for your daughter or for yourself.

[penguingrrl]

My oldest has an August 30 birthday and the cut off in our current district (not where she started K) is Sept 1, so she is the youngest in her grade. She is doing very well so far, in 2nd grade. Academically she's solid, socially she's happy. I've had no regrets!

[shopgirl07]

My birthday is in December, so I started first grade when I was 5 and was a full year younger than many of my classmates. I always did well socially and academically. A summer birthday wouldn't faze me unless there were other factors involved with the child.

[stellas]

I wouldn't start dd2 if she isn't ready just to keep the "correct" spacing between the two girls.
If she's ready, then send her. If not, then don't.

[allhis]

I should have been more clear I guess so I didn't look like a bitch who doesn't care about how my kid will fare - Ingrid (the 4 yr old) is smart and when I ask her pre-k teachers if I should send her or not they look at me like I'm crazy b/c "of course" I should send her. Her biggest hang up is that she is TERRIFIED of men, and the gym teacher is male. Like she talks about it every day and how she isn't going to gym. But she is also adamant that she wants to start K next year when most of her friends will start. It is probable that the male fear will dissipate in a year, but I'm not sure that makes a legit reason to hold someone back? And also, I just don't want her to be the youngest like her sister is, but not sure that is a good reason either. I hope they both succeed despite my early decisions for them.

[lime]

I went to an expensive private school in SF as a kid and when we moved to a rural shithole the next school year, ended up being moved up one grade.

My birthday is in the summer, so I graduated from HS at 16 and went to college three weeks after turning 17. (I don't know how my parents weren't terrified by this in retrospect. LOL) I finished my undergrad in engineering at the age of 20.

I am really thankful I had that opportunity.

[Sloane]

I was always the youngest in my grade too, and I have a good education, a successful career and despite today's examples, I'm a good mom. All that said, I hated being the younger side of things, I think socially I was a bit behind and like @jehc I did things like drinking and everything much sooner. Plus, you can legally drink at 18 here and I couldn't go to the bars with my friends in grade 12, I remember this being a huge deal lol.

[KKD]

My older brother and I both have August birthdays and were young for our grades. I've never asked him how he felt about it, but I know he did well academically and socially. It was the same for me; I was always in the top of my class and had plenty of friends. My only complaint back then was that I was one of the last to get my license and turn 21. I do remember I didn't feel ready to start college when I was still 17 (and my parents will probably attest to my immaturity over it), but once I got settled and made friends, I was fine and actually ended up graduating a semester early.

Now, as a mother of an August baby, I hate that parents with late spring and early summer birthdays are holding their kids back. Cut-off dates are becoming meaningless.

[allhis]

Responses like lime are what I'm looking for - just confirm my decision please. ha! I'll admit that the fact that we expect our kids to go to grad school does factor in on the decision now a little bit b/c it might be nice to be done sooner?

Responses are making me realize how differently this subject is approached across the country. Whether to send your kid on time or not is a BIG decision here, where SAHM is the norm (so daycare costs are not consideration) and everyone is an overachiever so wants the same for their kids. May and June birthdays are definitely the months at issue, August and September birthdays are held without question (we don't go by the calendar year so Sept. 15th birthdays don't have a choice but to wait until the following year). I think as an individual, my kid is ready, but I would feel much more confident if others were making the same decision about their kids and not choosing to wait a year to send them, it causes one to question their own decisions...

[kath16]

I was the youngest b I skipped a grade and was right on par with my classmates maturity wise. My brother was somewhat younger bc he had a summer birthday, but he was more advanced than his peers and struggled because of it (he was bored and for in to trouble)

It's always going to be kid dependent.

[allhis]

Feb 26, 2015 22:50:51 GMT -5 ste said:

I'm not trying to be obtuse; my kid is still in diapers, and this isn't something I've faced/thought about much. 

If your kid is ready (socially, educationally, whatever), and is following the district guidelines, what does it matter how old his or her classmates are? Other than being guaranteed they won't have to be the DD?

Well, freakeconomics says that kids who are older than their peers do better in life.    Actually, this has shown to be true when it comes to athletic pursuits which is why basically every summer boy around here is held back (b/c you know, they are all getting college scholarships).  Thankfully, recent studies have shown that kids who were young for their grade have fared better when it comes to academic pursuits b/c they had to work harder when they were younger to keep up and this produced more grit which is beneficial for success, and also forced them to form more brain synapsis during the formative years when also helps later.  But I think that being young might negatively affect their social experience? My kids are both naive and sheltered as it is so being young isn't going to help. I have my mom's issue of over thinking everything and wanting to be sure that nothing I do or do not do will greatly negatively affect my kids life, so thus I obsess about things like this.  I actually just wish that our district was stronger about enforcing the cut off dates so that this issue was out of my control.  

[cville]

Lol. Redshirting is debated on here fortnightly. This is not exclusively an overachieving neighborhood phenomenon.

Personally, I'm sending my kids when they're old enough according to the rules. Walla.

[lpcats]

I'm an August 13 baby, so I was the youngest in my class. I was very smart, so it worked out well. T

[dexteroni]

Oh - I didn't realize she was already in pre-K. If she's doing well in pre-K, I see no reason not to send her to K.

[starlily]

I skipped kindergarten, so I was always the youngest or almost youngest in my class.

It was fine. I was fine. It only really bugged in college when my friends could go to bars before I could.

[Deleted]

I got sent to first grade halfway through kindergarten or some nonsense like that. I'm unclear as to why. I have an April birthday, so I'd turned 17 by the time I graduated high school.

It was not a big deal at all. I was pretty much the same as my classmates.

No maturity issues, although perhaps some on this board may disagree.

My brother didn't skip any grades even though school administration suggested it. He used to be small for his age, so my mom said no.

He ended up leaving high school a year early at age 16 anyway and going straight to college. He has an August birthday.

And he is rather well-adjusted today.

[Deleted]

And I didn't drink until freshman year of college.

[Alex]

I started K at 4 and then skipped a grade. I finished first academically in my graduating class. I'm well adjusted and have a good career

[jellymankelly]

I have an October 11 birthday, and our cut off at the time was October 15. Academically, I was ready, and my parents sent me to school. It worked fine until 6th grade, and then all hell broke loose with my grades. I managed to reel it back in and did great in 7th and 8th. Same thing happened in 9th grade, then again my first year of college. I was just not mature enough for those transitions. Sure, I had friends and all that, and eventually ended up doing well, but I would never do it to my child just for some imaginary rule about how many years and grades are between them.

Oh, and FWIW, when my brother was ready for school, my parents regretted their decision with me enough that they held him back. Nobody noticed or cared.

[starburst604]

I'm a December baby and the cutoff then was just the end of the year. My parents and teachers felt I was ready to start 1st grade and I think it was the right decision. I never had trouble maturity wise and although I was always overwhelmed with math, I was advanced in reading and English. I don't know that I would have been any better with math had I started school later. I started college at 17 and that was fine too.

[thebreakfastclub]

I am an August birthday and I skipped 5th grade. It was the best choice for me. It helped me relax in school and took some pressure off.

I remember getting a C in math the first 9 weeks of 6th but it was OK (for me). The year prior, I was devastated to get a B on a quiz. My parents never pressured me, it was all self inflicted.

I did fine being the youngest. I wish I had skipped an earlier grade to get the transition over sooner.

[shell24]

My birthday is at the end of October, and when I started school the deadline to be five was December 1. So I was 4 for a few months in kindergarten. When I went away to college, I was still 17 years old. I did very well all throughout school and never had any issues, socially or academically.

My oldest DD has a late May bday and the thought of holding her back never even crossed our minds. My DD2's birthday is August 13 and we will be starting her in a two-year-old junior preschool program this fall. She will start regular preschool next year and start kindergarten right after she turns five. We are not wanting to redshirt her either.
My son just turned five a couple weeks ago and will start kindergarten this fall. His emotional and social development seems to be pretty far behind where my oldest daughter's was at that age, so I'm glad that his birthday is so far before the cut off and it's not something that I have to consider. Because I don't know what I would do otherwise.

[stellas]

Expecting them to go to grad school is odd. I mean, it's necessary for many career fields, but totally superfluous for many other "high power" careers. It's not like grad school automatically equals higher earning potential. It depends on what they want to do.