I remember my brother's friend was over and we were all in the basement. The friend was older than me by a few years. We were just hanging out and he asked me to lay on top of him. I thought he was cool so I did. I was 8 or 9. He was maybe 12 or 13, but was definitely a bad boy. Nothing else happened, but I remembered it felt so weird, and I remember it like it was yesterday. I didn't tell anyone, and he somehow never came over again. I know my mom was home, maybe she saw it, I don't know. But I do know if he kept coming over, I bet he would have tried more.
Post by lexxasaurus on Feb 28, 2015 1:08:38 GMT -5
@utahlove13 I justified a LOT of actions in my manipulative whirlwind fling because "I went along with it". That doesn't make it okay, and I'm sorry you felt forced into things you weren't comfortable with. There were a few times I told him no, a couple times I pushed him off me, but then he'd keep trying to persuade me or keep going and I'd just let it happen because... I didn't have any fight left in me? I had just left a physically abusive relationship and I needed love and I felt like I would get it if I just let it happen. I ended up pregnant and alone shortly after that, and terminated the pregnancy. It left me broken for a bit.
My first time was also the "grey area rape". I was drunk and I remember standing in the bathroom, staring into the mirror, and then nothing else til I woke up in his bed. I thought he was a friend, I was hurt when I realized how wrong I was.
My heart goes out to every "yes", to every "SS", to everyone who is telling themselves it "wasn't that bad". I am so, so sorry you were ever put in the situation and that you have to live with this history. (((hugs)))
lexxasaurus I liked your post not because I like that we had similar experiences but because your kind words meant a lot.
I still hold a lot of anger toward that ex. He was my first everything and I was convinced he was 'it'. I was so starved for attention that I took everything else that came along with it because I didn't want to lose him.
I'm sorry you had to go through that too. ((Hugs)) and huge massive creepy internet stranger hugs to everyone else in this thread.
I don't post here often, but I saw this and I wanted to send (((hugs))) to all of you who voted yes or SS. And also to share my story.
I voted SS because I have very little memory of it and only 1 occurrence that I can recall. I was probably about 5 or 6 and my mom's friend's son babysat us occasionally. It was usually one of his sisters but he filled in when they couldn't. He was probably between 15-17. I remember that he and I were alone on the living room and I asked for a snack. He told me I could, but only if I could find his "ticklish spot". Being and innocent child, I went for the obvious places- feet, sides, collar.... He kept saying no and was guiding me towards (I can't even type it- brings tears to my eyes right now just thinking about it). Anyway, I don't remember ever actually "finding" his ticklish spot. ETA: at 5/6yo I knew it was wrong to be touching/touched on our privates, so I don't think I ever actually went there.i think I just gave up and didn't have a snack.
We told our neighbor, who is now my BIL, and he told us to tell out parents. We did tell them we didn't like him to babysit for us, and he never did again after that. My mom never found out the truth behind why until my sister was in high school and had some flashbacks to being alone with him and her footie pajamas were unzipped.
I still see him occasionally as his younger sister is one of my good friends. I always wondered if he did anything to her too. Also, he married (and since divorced) a woman who had a daughter, and then had 2 daughters with her, and my friend has 3 young daughters, and it was always in the back of my mind if he ever abused them as well.
Also, "ticklish spot" is a huge trigger for me. DD2 will occasionally say it and the memory momentarily floods back each time.
I'm so sorry for everyone who has gone through some type of sexual abuse. It breaks my heart to see so many Yes and SS votes.
Mine was my older cousin. He liked playing "doctor" with my other cousin and I. He was 13-14 and I was 5-6. He would touch me when we were supposed to be playing downstairs at my parents' house. He has since served time for statutory rape of his now wife. I never told my parents and probably never will, because it would just rock the boat. We rarely see him anyway