This kind of action - doing something you know will hurt but you have to do it, just to connect to the person you lost - it's such a human thing. I remember reading my Dad's emails after he pass away ... it hurt, but somehow, I think it also helped me grieve in the long run. (Well, it sure didn't feel that way at the time!)
“Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make it so, right in the middle of it lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce.” - Natalie Goldberg