Irrationally annoyed with a "women in tech" group @ work.

[Deleted]

Stage a coup.

[Deleted]

Let's support each other. Let's not tear each other down.

LOL.

[Deleted]

In unrelated news, I told my friend Trisha that you guys are meant to be friends.

(She was supposed to go to trivia with you, jigsy, and littleduck recently.)

She was sold immediately upon my telling her about your 501(c)(3) organization.

She used to have her own dog-walking business.

[darkling_glory]

I understand why you would feel the way you do. What about doing something like rotating leadership? Each month a different woman hosts/leads the conversation?

[Deleted]

Well, your hair color and tattoos do not imply that you are relying on your sex appeal to succeed at work. Something about showing your bra and a lot of skin in the workplace makes me think the person doing that is trying to be sexy, which is something that doesn't belong in the workplace at all IMO. Especially not if you're trying to be seen as someone to respect for your talents and intelligence. Even if she's super smart and talented, that's not the first impression she's giving off. So I see where you're coming from.

[Deleted]

Mar 2, 2015 13:56:06 GMT -5 mp said:

miso that made me LOL, though.  I promise I am super supportive in this circle, I am just working through my bias HERE.

Oh, I don't doubt that. This is just what these groups always say. That's all.

[mcc]

I get it. As a woman in tech who want women to be taken seriously and get more jobs in tech, I understand where you're coming from. There is a huge difference between pink hair and short skirts. I doubt anyone would comment that someone got a job because of her Manic Panic skills (I know you don't use that) but there will always the the presumption that women in provocative dress are sleeping their way to the top.

Is it relevant to the fact that she's the head of the group? Probably not, but I would also prefer someone who didn't give people pause.

[jigsy]

Mar 2, 2015 13:55:01 GMT -5 @misoangry said:

In unrelated news, I told my friend Trisha that you guys are meant to be friends.

(She was supposed to go to trivia with you, jigsy, and littleduck recently.)

She was sold immediately upon my telling her about your 501(c)(3) organization.

She used to have her own dog-walking business.

She had to cancel last minute, but I will MAKE her come to a trivia night or something. She will fit so perfectly in our group...plus mp and I could use another single lady in the group...not that we don't love you marrieds!

[jigsy]

As to your issue...I see having edgy hair color far different from dressing inappropriately. Even in a casual work environment, overtly sexual clothes are just not ok. I would not be ok with seeing midriff and bras and shit at work.

[Deleted]

Mar 2, 2015 14:12:40 GMT -5 jigsy said:

Mar 2, 2015 13:55:01 GMT -5 @misoangry said:

In unrelated news, I told my friend Trisha that you guys are meant to be friends.

(She was supposed to go to trivia with you, jigsy, and littleduck recently.)

She was sold immediately upon my telling her about your 501(c)(3) organization.

She used to have her own dog-walking business.

She had to cancel last minute, but I will MAKE her come to a trivia night or something. She will fit so perfectly in our group...plus mp and I could use another single lady in the group...not that we don't love you marrieds!

No, no, I take no offense. She will be a great new addition to your group! She is excited to make new friends, too!

[Deleted]

I would feel the same way. In my circle of executives at my org, there are THREE women. THREE. This org/industry is very conservative and one of the women dresses in a similar fashion as you described above at work. Comments are made by the men and I find myself having to defend her intelligence and work ethic often in group settings (so, like 4-5 times a year). It's frustrating and I have just tried to stay out of it, but at the same time, feel like I'm letting women down when I don't say anything to stand up for her.

HR isn't going to say anything because of the level we are at, which makes this part of it a moot point. I'm over-invested, I know. I just genuinely like and respect her and think she really doesn't know the damage she does to her credibility on this.

[mcc]

Mar 2, 2015 14:32:13 GMT -5 kooshball said:

I think women in tech would be better off focusing on the the problems with the men/companies/systems than themselves. The issue is not the women in tech. There is tons of research suggesting some of the causes so it seems ridiculously to focus on other women.

It's important for women in tech to support each other. It's not just a matter of focusing on the men and the system. If someone is undermining the mission (for lack of a better word) it can present a problem for the group as a whole. One woman showing her midriff at work, if she's the only woman in that department or the only woman with whom others interact, has a huge impact on how people will view women in tech as a whole.

[jigsy]

I kind of want to work in a creative field because I feel like you can pretty much be whoever you want to be without worrying about perception.

But I have very little creative talent.

Fuck.

[jigsy]

Mar 2, 2015 15:56:56 GMT -5 littleduck said:

Mar 2, 2015 14:12:40 GMT -5 jigsy said:

She had to cancel last minute, but I will MAKE her come to a trivia night or something. She will fit so perfectly in our group...plus mp and I could use another single lady in the group...not that we don't love you marrieds!

Is our sitcom called "2 singles and some weird married chick who cringed throughout 50 Shades of Grey"? Lol

It can be subtitled that

[jojoandleo]

See, I'm torn on this:

On one hand, it annoys me that women can't wear whatever the fuck they want without it being, "She WANTS to be a sex object." I hate the emphasis on what women wear and how it comes across TO MEN. Why can't I just dress for me?

On the other hand, what are the men in the office wearing? It does NOT appear to be a very professional way to dress, and it's not a way I would personally dress at the office (I WOULD dress that way on my own time, though. I do what I want!). Sometimes you have to work WITHIN the system first to make those changes, ya know?

Sooooo, I don't know. If it's not against dress code, I kind of feel like she can wear what she wants and SHOULDN'T be assumed she slept the way to the top, DAMN THE MAN! But also, Hey! That's not very professional. Dress for success to make the change you want!

[Deleted]

Mar 2, 2015 15:09:21 GMT -5 jigsy said:

I kind of want to work in a creative field because I feel like you can pretty much be whoever you want to be without worrying about perception.

But I have very little creative talent.

Fuck.

Two words: Arts administration. 

[mcc]

The issue jojoandleo is that we're talking about a field where women are severely underrepresented and clawing our way to C level positions. When less than 20% of the field are women, less even depending on the company, and there are proactive initiatives to attract more women into the field, it matters. Women should be able to dress for themselves and not have people of them based on clothing, but in a field widely criticized as being sexist, it sucks that the poster woman for the committee is a person who struts around like she's in a club and flirts with men. It certainly doesn't help that there is controversy in the industry now because if two extramarital affairs in which, fault aside, one woman has lost her job and is suing and another is subject to public death threats on a daily basis. We are literally fighting against people who are blaming women for things that men are equally to blame for.

I get the frustration that out of all of the women, the one who looks like she's using her body to advance her career is the one in charge of the committee to empower women to get involved in a male dominated field. Hey mp who was in charge of putting her in charge?

Also these aren't client facing roles generally. Tech is mostly online and behind computers. Tshirts and jeans and sneakers are the norm so someone who dresses like that sticks out.

ETA not singling you out, just commenting on your comment about dressing for ourselves